White Sox Weekend Recap

Mea ####-ing Culpa: Ozzie apologized to ARod, ARod’s family, ARod’s friends, ARod’s employer, ARod’s home state, ARod’s country of nationality, ARod’s dog, ARod’s high school English teacher, that fat kid that used to hang out with ARod in junior high . . . . “I’ve been in a lot of controversial things before,” said Guillen, but this is “the first time I was ever embarrassed by myself.” Guillen claims that all he intended to say was that Rodriguez was trying to please everyone during his indecisions about the WBC and that ARod shouldn’t worry about such things.  According to mlb.com reporter Jesse Sanchez, Sox GM Ken Williams chatted with Guillen about the situation and “the chat included a discussion on practicing “no comment” by Guillen in the future. It’s a practice Guillen is against.” “Well practice the ‘no bleeping comment’ in case [Guillen] feels more comfortable,” said Williams to the Tribune. Not good enough, says Yankees’ Fuhrer George Steinbrenner.

The Gospel According to Ozzie:

‘’Are you going to heaven, are you going to hell? We don’t know,’’ the former altar boy said. ‘’All I know is they put you in the ground and cover your ass with dirt. . . . ‘Who came up with heaven and hell?’ Somebody just made that up. ‘’You look it up in the dictionary. What do they say? ‘Hell: We don’t know what the hell it is. Heaven: We don’t know what the hell it is.’ . . . ‘’To me, heaven is coconut water and a little Scotch in my bowl, and blue water all around me,’’ he said. ‘’Hell is waking up in the morning and turning on the radio in Chicago.”

I know what you mean, Oz. If I have to listen to Eric and Kathy one more day . . .

On Friday, the White Sox announced that they have decided to shuffle their coaching assignments for the 2006 season.  Tim Raines, last year’s first base coach, will trade roles with Harold Baines, the Sox bench coach in 2004 and 2005.  “Tim Raines can help the guys more on the bench, talking to them on the bench,” Guillen said. “… I think Harold wants to be on the field. I think Harold should be on the field.”

Jose Contreras will venture on in 2006 without his close friend and confidant Orlando Hernandez, who was traded to Arizona in the Vazquez deal.  Will Contreras be traded before the season? “I don’t think we need that much,” Guillen said. “We need him more than we need something else.”

The White Sox have named Mark Buehrle as their Opening Day starter.  It will be Buehrle’s fifth straight start. Beat reporter Scott Merkin gives us a completely useless stat as a means of perspective (Buehrle ties the record of Wilbur Wood with the most consecutive Opening Day starts by a left-hander since 1976) but does not tell us who hold the all-time record for consecutive Opening Day starts.  I assume the record is held by Ted Lyons with something like fifteen consecutive.  How many did Pierce have?  Or Faber?  Or Walsh?

Bobby “Jumbo” Jenks will be the Sox closer at the start of the new season.  Jenks has missed several scheduled appearances this off-season, including the annual SoxFest and two events this past week. 

Apparently, the Sox are committed to carrying twelve pitchers again this year.  Using marvelous jumps in logic, pitching coach Don Cooper reasons that they 12-man staff is good because a) it helps keep pitchers healthy b) it contributed to the Sox playoff pitching depth c) it gave them a chance to keep their bullpen in order and use people where they wanted to d) it allows an extra day of rest for a frequently used starter. Why is all this possible?  Rob Mackoviak, of course.  Mark Buehrle: “I don’t like it.  I want to be out there as much as I can every five days.” A twelve-man staff does not guarantee that the team will carry a second lefty, however. 

Cooper also believes that the Sox avoided injuries and remained sharp last season because of their five man rotation in which no one had a turn skipped because of an off day.  “When a guy says, ‘Gee, I haven’t pitched in a while,’ then there’s doubt. A lot of our guys are good and have the ability to get up on Christmas morning and get someone out.” Was it really a good thing that El Duque was taking starts from the other four last year? 

Brandon McCarthy freaked out several of his teammates this week when news leaked out that he keeps a Teddy bear with him at all times. 

“He’s got a Teddy bear named ‘Mr. B’?’’ a somewhat shocked A.J. Pierzynski asked, when told of McCarthy’s longtime travel buddy. “I didn’t know that—and I wish I still didn’t. Well, we each have our own little things. . . . but it’s not as bad as a Teddy bear,’’ Pierzynski said. “If that makes him feel comfortable—wow. I guess it’s just one of those things.’’

McCarthy realized that word of “Mr. B’’ could start spreading, now that Pierzynski had that information.”Oh, I’m ######,’’ McCarthy said. “I’m so ######.’’ McCarthy will serve the team from the bullpen this season, while making occasional spot starts. 

Reliever Dustin Hermanson’s back feels good after an off-season of physical therapy.  Every Chicago outlet notes that injury prevented Hermanson from even picking up his his baby daughter (16 pounds) by the end of last season.

Starter Freddy Garcia’s car has been stolen in Florida, pushing back his arrival to spring training. 

From the Gee-I-Didn’t-See-That-One-Coming File: The drunken idiot who attacked (with his teenage son) a KC Royals’ first base coach Ted Gamboa on the field during a 2002 game, William Ligue (who probably goes by Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy) has been returned to jail following a probation violation. Ligue is being held on a $400,000 bond after burglarizing a car in south-suburban Harvey.  “All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die,” said Ligue out of nowhere as he lit every match in an oversized pack; letting each one burn down to his thick fingers before blowing and cursing them out.

Tribune columnist Phil Rogers pines for an El train series and suggests that the Tigers may be for real this year.