I used to play a mean backup left field but logged a lot more playing time as the bullpen catcher. I compensated for my inability to hit with a weak throwing arm and a lack of foot speed. As a player, however, the game passed me by at 14. It was around then that I realized that girls and were much cooler than sports. From that point forward, my liesure time was much more enjoyable.

I spent seven years in college, only to find out afterwards that I could have avoided the draft much more cheaply by becoming a Quaker. Live and learn.

These days I work for The Man, but I choose to think that I’m bringing him down from the inside.