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Friday, May 16, 2008

BDD: Baer: How the Phillies Can Fix the Brett Myers Situation

“RUSSIAN OMELET - Cross enemy’s legs. Fold enemy by pinning his shoulders to ground upside-down and placing his legs above him. Sit on his legs, folding the bass of the spine. Fatal.”

Lastly, there is still the thought that the first quarter of the season still represents a small sample size. However, Myers hasn’t shown any sign that he’s improving or that he is going to improve any time soon. Sometimes, you just have to nip a problem in the bud, and such is the case with Myers as the Phillies can’t afford to have their starters hemorrhage wins this season, not with an offense that isn’t as good as expected and with a bullpen that is finally solid after years of dealing with journeymen and castaways like Jose Mesa and Antonio Alfonseca.

The Phillies’ front office has made a name for itself by sitting on their collective hands, hoping for the best, and taking nothing but the safest bets. It is why, until last season, the Phillies were the best team since 2001 to not make the playoffs (they won at least 80 games each season). They finally got off to a good start this season and were five games above .500 going into last night’s game. The Phillies didn’t reach five games above .500 until July 28 last season. The Phillies, along with the Colorado Rockies and San Diego Padres of last season, know exactly how much one game can mean, so they can’t afford to let the Brett Myers issue fester.

Repoz Posted: May 16, 2008 at 09:21 AM | 17 comment(s)
  Related News: GeneralPhiladelphia

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   1. Cooperstown Schtick Posted: May 16, 2008 at 09:32 AM (#2782998)
Sit on his legs, folding the bass of the spine.

So it's a seafood omelet?
   2. bunyon Posted: May 16, 2008 at 09:36 AM (#2783003)
My back hurts this morning. I wonder if it's my bass?
   3. Edmundo, more Jules than Jim Posted: May 16, 2008 at 09:42 AM (#2783007)
bass of the spine
I can picture a Ray Harryhausen stop-motion sequence with a skeleton band. One of the skeletons could pluck the spine of one of his mates.
   4. Shooty Is A One Man Legion Posted: May 16, 2008 at 09:45 AM (#2783012)
so they can’t afford to let the Brett Myers issue fester.

They should knock some sense into him? Are we still making these kind of jokes?

I can picture a Ray Harryhausen stop-motion sequence with a skeleton band. One of the skeletons could pluck the spine of one of his mates.

Excellent. We need more Ray Harryhausen allusions around here. Harryhausen freakin rules.
   5. retro-shiite Posted: May 16, 2008 at 09:48 AM (#2783015)
They should knock some sense into him? Are we still making these kind of jokes?

Yes. Dogging wifebeaters is never inappropriate.

I was just gonna say, "Just smack him around a little, til he accepts his proper role."
   6. Shooty Is A One Man Legion Posted: May 16, 2008 at 09:59 AM (#2783037)
I was just gonna say, "Just smack him around a little, til he accepts his proper role."

Charlie Manuel: Hey Brett, how many pitchers does it take to throw a strike?

Myers: I dunno? How many?

Charlie Manuel: One, if he know what's good for him.
   7. andrewberg of udub law Posted: May 16, 2008 at 10:23 AM (#2783061)
Are we inching closer to calling Myers a, "retard who doesn't know #### about baseball?"
   8. SouthSideRyan Posted: May 16, 2008 at 10:35 AM (#2783076)
I'm disappointed I didn't get to make the first wife-beating joke.

Then again, I'd be very disappointed in the community if this story was up for an hour without one.
   9. rlc Posted: May 16, 2008 at 10:47 AM (#2783082)
The Phillies’ front office has made a name for itself by sitting on their collective hands

Yep, that's why Gillick's nickname is "Sit-on-his-collective-hands Pat".
   10. Al Kaline Trio Posted: May 16, 2008 at 10:57 AM (#2783088)
I thought Gillick's nickname was Stand Pat
   11. rlc Posted: May 16, 2008 at 11:02 AM (#2783096)
When his hemorrhoids act up.

Which brings the topic back to Myers.
   12. Crashburn Alley Posted: May 16, 2008 at 12:52 PM (#2783244)
Yep, that's why Gillick's nickname is "Sit-on-his-collective-hands Pat".


Pat "Does Everything He Can to Put A World Series-caliber Baseball Team on the Field" Gillick.
   13. Prostetnic Vogon Steve Jeltz (Dan Lee) Posted: May 16, 2008 at 12:56 PM (#2783245)
They could always option him. It would be entirely appropriate for Myers to play for the Pigs.
   14. Hysterical & Useless Posted: May 16, 2008 at 04:27 PM (#2783488)
Joe Table & AA were castOFFs, not castaways. Neither was ever marooned on a desert island, much as Phillie fans might have wished for it.
   15. aljunquin Posted: May 16, 2008 at 09:00 PM (#2783805)
yea that Myers is eatoning this team's playoff chances off the table...better do somethin about it
   16. phatj Posted: May 16, 2008 at 09:54 PM (#2783841)
When his hemorrhoids act up.

Which brings the topic back to Myers.

Rhoid rage?
   17. Chase Utley, America's Favorite Robot (Joey Belle) Posted: May 16, 2008 at 11:21 PM (#2783888)
yea that Myers is eatoning this team's playoff chances off the table...better do somethin about it


Eatoning is the greatest verb in the history of man. Kudos.

Myers has been eatoning my fantasy teams chances this year, enough so that I have dropped him in every pool.
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