He was probably referring to punching the buttons on the phone. . . right? My second thought was, "Bud Selig has a wife?"

F'real. Guy with all that skrilla should be ballin' with all types of hos.

At least Brett Myers has a job waiting in the MLB front office after he retires.

Give me a frickin' break, that's worth reporting on? "Punching out"?

Wait Selig said something lame and stupid?

My second thought was, "Bud Selig has a wife?"

Simple life forms often procreate by simple cellular fission. The Bud Selig we see in press conferences is one of millions now alive.

Holy mackarel!

Holy mackarel!

No, all the while Selig has been saying "Holy smackarel!...we've just misheard him.

Bud was just reenacting Rudy Guiliani's shtick of taking cellphone calls from his wife during campaign appearances -- and seeing how incredibly successful Rudy's doing in the primaries, why NOT copy him?

He was probably referring to punching the buttons on the phone. . . right?

He had already turned off the phone when he said it.

I'll take "Who Cares" for $1000, Alex.

Bud Selig just recently became aware that he had been habitually beating his wife since the 1980s. If only someone had told him about it sooner.

I'll take "Who Cares" for $1000, Alex.

Congratulations! You've found our Daily Double!

When one of my daughters was seven years old (or so) we went to a 'campground' (their word--not mine). This campground had a pool and one evening she was acting up. We gave her one final chance to behave and when she didn't listen we went back to our site.

It was getting dark and we sent her to the tent to get changed into her clothes. She was being unusually quiet (when she's around, folks within a 10-mile radius were generally aware of it) so my wife checked the tent and she was gone (leaving the tent door open to make mosquito feeding that much more convenient).

We looked for her, called for her--nothing.

We notified camp security and they announced over the loud speaker to alert everybody about a missing child--nothing.

They called the police in and we had not one, but several squad cars show up to aid in the search.

Finally she came out of hiding. She was teaching us 'a lesson.' One of the policemen took her aside and asked her why she didn't respond when so many people were looking for her. She said she was afraid of being punished again (she looked to me like she was trying to keep from laughing).

This policeman took me aside and asked (he apologized for the question telling me it was mandatory in situations involving kids) if I had ever abused my children. I replied: "Not yet."

He laughed and relaxed telling me that an abusive parent wouldn't dare to answer the question in that manner (turns out he was a father with children about the same age as mine).

FWIW ... YMMV.

Best Regards

John

We lost my cousin once at Turkey Run. We were on one of the trails and we thought our parents were up ahead so we started running up to them. Rather quickly I figured they probably were not up ahead so I stopped and went back. Sure enough they were behind us not in front of us. But alas my cousin and his friend never figured this out and they were long gone.

We searched for many hours but never found them. Finally after about 4 hours of looking we headed over to the ranger station to report missing children. I went out to the swinging bridge while they were doing this and sure enough I spotted them.

No real point to the story.

And just to illustrate that what's culturally acceptable as humor changes over time:

"One of these days, Alice. One of these days . . . Pow! Right on the kisser! TO THE MOON!"

Couldn't do that today. Nor would you want to.

John Brattain has procreated?

John Brattain has procreated?

I had no choice--carpal tunnel syndrome.

Best Regards

John

This policeman took me aside and asked (he apologized for the question telling me it was mandatory in situations involving kids) if I had ever abused my children. I replied: "Not yet."

He laughed and relaxed telling me that an abusive parent wouldn't dare to answer the question in that manner (turns out he was a father with children about the same age as mine).

Nice work, John--you've just told every child abuser here how they can continue to get away with it.

Fortunately for humanity John didn't spill the beans before the father who duct taped the Packers jersey to his kid last week.

Nice work, John--you've just told every child abuser here how they can continue to get away with it.

I'm going to hit my kids because John made a funny.

I don't have kids, but I'll find some and throw them down the stairs. I don't have stairs either, but I'll find some.

Nice work, John--you've just told every child abuser here how they can continue to get away with it.

How? They've all been taken away already.

Best Regards

John

"One of these days, Alice. One of these days . . . Pow! Right on the kisser! TO THE MOON!"

A. Nicely satirzed on "That's My Bush".

B. "Amos and Andy" used to be the height of humor as well. Bonus: on radio they were voiced by white guys.