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Saturday, November 07, 2009

Deadspin: Fu*k Your Parade, Yankees

Big Daddy Balls goes up to 11.

#### you, Jay Z. The #### are you doing on the float? You didn’t do ####. And #### A-Rod’s hat. #### Billy Crystal. #### Joe DiMaggio and Mickey Mantle, and the astonishing number of Yankees Hall of Famers who were drunks, wife beaters, and obnoxious pricks. #### the fans who happily overlook the massive character flaws of said heroes because they themselves possess similar attributes. #### George Steinbrenner. YOU’RE DYING, AND NOTHING CAN STOP IT NOW. Why don’t you go play another game of chess against a roll of scotch tape, you senile old prick?

#### New York City bus drivers. Will you please, for once, stop right where all of us are standing, instead of pulling thirty yards further down the curb to accommodate some ghost bus behind you that never arrives? DICKS. #### Mike Francesca. #### the real estate brokers in your town. THOSE PEOPLE ARE SATAN’S LAMBS. #### the subway, especially the 4 train to Yankee Stadium, which ####### blows. And double #### that piece of #### stadium, and the way you raped an entire city to get it. #### the smug investment bankers and lawyers who are the only people who can afford to go and love that fact. And #### the old Yankee Stadium too. That place was a toilet.

#### your secret love for the Red Sox. Why don’t you two go hump in an alley and get it over with? #### AJ Burnett’s stupid necklace. #### JackO. #### Jeter. #### Michael Kay. #### Suzyn Waldman. #### Bob Sheppard. #### the whole of you. When I saw that Al Gore movie and he showed downtown Manhattan flooded by polar ice caps, I ####### applauded.

And #### your championship. Congrats. You bored us for an incredible 27th time. Take your ugly-ass rings and stick them in the Canyon of Heroes residing between your legs.

Gamingboy Posted: November 07, 2009 at 12:50 PM | 29 comment(s) | Login to Bookmark
  Related News: GeneralNY Yankees

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Page 1 of 1 pages
   1. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: November 07, 2009 at 01:07 PM (#3381806)
#### Bob Sheppard.


Okay, now he has gone too far.
   2. Yankee Redneck is a Pinhead. Posted: November 07, 2009 at 01:12 PM (#3381808)
#### George Steinbrenner. YOU’RE DYING, AND NOTHING CAN STOP IT NOW. Why don’t you go play another game of chess against a roll of scotch tape, you senile old prick?


"Contact information for this author is not available"

Probably a smart move. Jerk.
   3. Gamingboy Posted: November 07, 2009 at 01:13 PM (#3381809)
Yeah, seriously, going after Bob Sheppard is too much. I mean, seriously! And "you're dying and nothing can stop it"? Seriously, we all are gonna die in the end (except Julio Franco), but to go like that is low.

Let it never be said I am the most anti-Yankee man on the internet, although BDB (Drew Magary), his entire shtick is sort of like this, so who the heck knows if he means it. But yeesh.
   4. Avoid running at all times.-S. Paige Posted: November 07, 2009 at 01:21 PM (#3381813)
The speech in 25th Hour is much better. Overall, there is maybe a good line or two, but I think it lacked creativity and was lazy, when the subject is so rich. I'm a Yanks fan and this seemed like the work of an amateur Yankee Hater. But Deadspin really is weak when it comes to New York based work. It's clear the writers are non-New Yorkers who do not know the Yankees and their fans intimately.
   5. Gamingboy Posted: November 07, 2009 at 01:26 PM (#3381815)
I know that Daulerio is from Philly, and former editor Will Leitch is infamously a Mattoon-born St. Louis Sports Fan who lives in NY. I can't remember where Magary is from.
   6. Sox Machine Posted: November 07, 2009 at 01:29 PM (#3381816)
I do like the new twist on "Canyon of Heroes." That's about it. I guess I don't like the F-word enough.
   7. Jolly Old St. Neck Wound, Moral Idiot Posted: November 07, 2009 at 01:45 PM (#3381819)
Why don’t you go play another game of chess against a roll of scotch tape,\

Okay, that line was worth a grin. Too bad Larry David probably won't work it into CYE.
   8. Cowboy Popup Posted: November 07, 2009 at 02:31 PM (#3381834)
I like the 4 train. I mean, sure, its way overcrowded during rush hour, but the cars are new.
   9. Shalimar Posted: November 07, 2009 at 02:46 PM (#3381839)
It's clear the writers are non-New Yorkers who do not know the Yankees and their fans intimately.


Not sure why not, since this writer is so obsessed with f*cking everything that moves. And even some things that don't, though I'm not sure which hole you would pick at Yankee Stadium. He should know the entire city intimately with that attitude.
   10. pthomas Posted: November 07, 2009 at 02:49 PM (#3381842)
Wow...I didn't even know Deadspin was still being published.
   11. RJ in TO Posted: November 07, 2009 at 02:57 PM (#3381845)
Then you don't come here enough. They're linked at least once a week, and were a huge source of comedy during the recent round of Steve Phillips wackiness.
   12. Young Blasarius yonder Posted: November 07, 2009 at 03:11 PM (#3381851)
This was the best shirt I saw yesterday at the parade. Jews for Jeter.
   13. TerpNats Posted: November 07, 2009 at 03:18 PM (#3381854)
#### your secret love for the Red Sox.
It's not an either-or situation; you are allowed to hate both of them.

#### Michael Kay. #### Suzyn Waldman. #### Bob Sheppard.
Substitute John Sterling for Sheppard, and this argument would have made a lot more sense.
   14. The Buddy Biancalana Hit Counter Posted: November 07, 2009 at 03:28 PM (#3381856)
Granted it's been at least a quarter-century since the Royals and Yankees were rivals and the past 15 years of Royals baseball have dulled my fan's passion to some degree, but I've come to dislike Yankee-haters more than I dislike the Yankees themselves.
   15. sunnyday2 Posted: November 07, 2009 at 03:59 PM (#3381867)
've come to dislike Yankee-haters more than I dislike the Yankees themselves.


That's exactly how it is with Minnesota and Wisconsin. Packers are fine. Being a Packer fan is fine. But why do Packer fans hate everything and everybody else so much. Penis envy?
   16. robinred Posted: November 07, 2009 at 04:18 PM (#3381869)
Drink it in, Yankee fans. Like I have said to the Red Sox fans, stuff like this appearing means one thing: your team is on top.
   17. NJ is feeling better Posted: November 07, 2009 at 04:44 PM (#3381882)
   18. Mr. J. Penny Smoltzuzaka Posted: November 07, 2009 at 06:56 PM (#3381950)
This is a good display that the excessive use of f-bombs leads to desensitization of the reader to the shock value of the word. And thus after reading a couple paragraphs of this blather, I ceased to care anymore - it bored me.

Edit: And that wasn't a very nice thing to say about Bob Sheppard.
   19. Jay Z Posted: November 07, 2009 at 07:38 PM (#3381978)
Say it ain't so, Deadspin. #### me?

Clearly they meant me, and not the Rap artist born Shawn Corey Carter, since they didn't use the dash... don't hate.
   20. JoeHova Posted: November 07, 2009 at 07:48 PM (#3381985)
That's exactly how it is with Minnesota and Wisconsin. Packers are fine. Being a Packer fan is fine. But why do Packer fans hate everything and everybody else so much.

If anything, I find the opposite to be the case. You dumb-ass Minnesota hicks have a big-time inferiority complex because your team has never won, is not even the Packers' biggest rival, has a small fan base, and is on the verge of leaving the state. As for penis envy, why don't you blow me and then give me your opinion vis-à-vis relative size?
   21. Joe Bivens, Schmoo from Massachoosetts Posted: November 07, 2009 at 08:38 PM (#3382022)
Small market fan fight!! (pass the popcorn!)
   22. rLr Is King Of The Romans And Above Grammar Posted: November 07, 2009 at 09:07 PM (#3382035)
Small market fan fight!! (pass the popcorn!)

Almost as delicious as Mizzou-KU bickering in the Lounge. The lowest of stakes.
   23. robinred Posted: November 07, 2009 at 09:19 PM (#3382039)
why don't you blow me


Srul told cfb "suck my dikc" on another thread, so this is kind of a motif for today.
   24. JoeHova Posted: November 07, 2009 at 09:44 PM (#3382053)
Almost as delicious as Mizzou-KU bickering in the Lounge. The lowest of stakes.

To be fair, small market is not nearly as relevant in the NFL as it is in MLB. Also, what is at stake in the New York/Boston rivalry anyway?
   25. rLr Is King Of The Romans And Above Grammar Posted: November 07, 2009 at 09:56 PM (#3382058)
Also, what is at stake in the New York/Boston rivalry anyway?

Silencing people who speak with a New England accent, those baboons.
   26. Argu!!!! SATAN!!!! (Sessile Fielder) Posted: November 07, 2009 at 10:44 PM (#3382073)
That's exactly how it is with Minnesota and Wisconsin. Packers are fine. Being a Packer fan is fine. But why do Packer fans hate everything and everybody else so much. Penis envy?

That doesn't really make sense. You (Vikings fans) are the "Yankee-haters" in this analogy.
   27. The Buddy Biancalana Hit Counter Posted: November 07, 2009 at 11:35 PM (#3382085)
Almost as delicious as Mizzou-KU bickering in the Lounge. The lowest of stakes.


There's Mizzou/KU bickering in the lounge? Why didn't anyone tell me.
   28. Tuque Posted: November 08, 2009 at 01:08 AM (#3382112)
As for penis envy, why don't you blow me and then give me your opinion vis-à-vis relative size?

This is pretty crass, but also, I have to say, pretty awesome.
   29. TerpNats Posted: November 08, 2009 at 03:52 AM (#3382161)
There's Mizzou/KU bickering in the lounge?
It would make more sense if KU bickered with KSU and Missouri bickered with ISU.
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