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Thursday, July 17, 2008

Desipio: An open letter to ESPN The Magazine

My mailman is not a weightlifter.

This is the actual e-mail that I sent to ESPN The Magazine in regards to my subscription to their publication.

Dear ESPN The Magazine Overlord,

I am currently a subscriber to your magazine, even though I never actually subscribed to your magazine. I pay the monthly fee to be an ESPN Insider, mainly so I can read Buster Olney’s baseball blog, and to check and see just how irrelevant Peter Gammons’ columns continue to become.

As a “benefit” you send me issues of your bi-monthly magazine. However, it’s obvious that you use a rather optimistic definition of the word “benefit.”

I am requesting that you stop sending me the magazine. It was brought to my attention by my wife that when the magazine comes to our house it never leaves the kitchen. It just kind of sits there, waiting to be thrown away…unopened.

Repoz Posted: July 17, 2008 at 02:27 AM | 54 comment(s) | Login to Bookmark
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1. Kurt Posted: July 17, 2008 at 02:58 AM (#2861937)

If this guy thinks he gets a lot of unwanted crap in the mail from ESPN now, just wait until his subscription runs out.

2. Hello Rusty Kuntz, Goodbye Rusty Cars Posted: July 17, 2008 at 02:59 AM (#2861938)

I subscribed when the magazine started, but I canceled after my six months or year was up. They offered me the magazine for free and I got it for about the next five years without paying for it or for any other ESPN product. I still didn't read it.

3. Cooper Nielson Posted: July 17, 2008 at 04:16 AM (#2861959)

ESPN The Magazine is the most content-free, substance-free magazine I've ever read, and I've read magazines with titles like "Name Brand Goods."

Also, this was a pretty funny column/letter/post. I tried not to laugh out loud, but couldn't help it. Kudos to Andy Dolan.

4. JoeHova Posted: July 17, 2008 at 05:18 AM (#2861973)

I've read one good article ever in ESPN: the magazine, which was a dan lebatard profile of Vlad Guerrero. The fact that Rick Reilly works for it now does not make me more likely to want to check back in on it and see if it has improved.

that said, the author of this email/critique is a real idiot. apparently anything he isn't interested in (cycling, women's sports, euro basketball, racing) should not be written about. there is something to be said for not covering things like the 24 hours of le mans, cliff-diving in mexico, or big-game hunting in africa (all things SI covered when it was getting started) in an American sports magazine, but an occasional article about a less than mainstream sport is hardly a legit reason to condemn a sports mag, imo.

5. Argu!!!! SATAN!!!! (Sessile Fielder) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 05:25 AM (#2861976)

He sure knows a lot about it given that he doesn't open it.

6. RayDiPerna

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 05:48 AM (#2861982)

I've been getting ESPN The Magazine for a few years now, and I've never understood why until this very moment. (I'd have canceled already, but there is nothing to cancel, since they aren't charging me.) I subscribe to ESPN Insider for one reason and one reason only: to read Rob Neyer's column (er, blog).

I have never read a single page of ESPN The Magazine. The closest I came was that I almost read a Barry Bonds story, but after it sat on my table for 3 months and I still hadn't read it, I decided I must not really want to read the story, and so I chucked the magazine.

So many private businesses in this country are Going Green now, like the lemmings that people are. Well, if people are truly concerned about the environment, they'll boycott ESPN until it stops wasting reams of paper by sending people unwanted issues of this magazine.

7. RayDiPerna

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 05:50 AM (#2861983)

Then, do Mike and Mike really need a freaking page in your magazine? Is the world not tired of their “he’s fat and he’s a sissy” schtick? Oh, and they always discuss such pertinent things. In this last week’s issue we learned that Golic doesn’t think Batman’s a real superhero, that Tiger apparently won a tournament with a bad knee and they wrote about the Tour de France. The Tour de France? Tremendous.

He's right about this. I stopped listening to M&M because they bog down half the show with such nonsense as the above. Their commentary on sports is fine (when they bother to talk about sports), but this other stuff gets really old, really fast.

Granted not as fast as Stuart Scott's schtick got old, which I think was after about 12 seconds.

8. RayDiPerna

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 05:53 AM (#2861985)

that said, the author of this email/critique is a real idiot. apparently anything he isn't interested in (cycling, women's sports, euro basketball, racing) should not be written about.

I only skimmed his critique, since it's overly long (hey, let's critique the critique!), but I don't think his point is that these things shouldn't be written about; his point seems to be that since he's not interested in these things, he doesn't want to receive a magazine that writes about them.

9. Dan Posted: July 17, 2008 at 05:55 AM (#2861986)

I read a good article about Ryan Howard in ESPN magazine while I was in a waiting room at a doctor's office a few years ago.

10. Los Angeles ALBERT F. PUJOLS of Anaheim

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 06:02 AM (#2861988)

I actually cancelled my ESPN Insider subscription because I was so tired of getting The Magazine. Honest. I split an Insider account with my brother now using his address. He doesn't read it either.

11. RMc's grumbling has gone far enough Posted: July 17, 2008 at 09:53 AM (#2862002)

I got a free issue of ESPN, the very first one, for buying some online ofer. I then proceeded to get the mag for free for about five years or so, until they finally stopped it. Then my brother bought me a subscription, which apparently he keps renewing because I'm still getting it. In short, I've never paid a dime for the ESPN Magazine.

Yeah, I read it. It takes me about twenty minutes to get through it; there's maybe one interesting article per issue. And the picture on the last page is sometimes funny.

12. Craig Calcaterra Posted: July 17, 2008 at 10:44 AM (#2862010)

It comes to my house, gets thrown on the mail pile on the kitchen counter and sits there. Two or three days later my wife says "you gonna read this?" I say no, and it goes into the recycling bin. Every two weeks for years, the same ritual.

But hey, at least they get to brag about their circulation numbers!

13. Steve Parris, Je t'aime (M. Valentin) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 11:00 AM (#2862013)

Be green, subscribers! I still pay the Insider fee (for Neyer, Law, Olney, and the basketball guys) and told ESPN to stop sending me the magazine, which they did.

14. Don't want the truth; just wanna see some dingers Posted: July 17, 2008 at 11:21 AM (#2862023)

Wow, and to think I actually paid for a subscription to the magazine a few years ago. There were a couple good articles I remember reading (one about Josh Hamilton, one about the Phoenix Suns offense), but it was pretty fluffy. Lots of "so-and-so has a bad rep, but is really a decent guy" stuff.

I still wear the fleece though.

15. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 11:40 AM (#2862032)

But hey, at least they get to brag about their circulation numbers!

Wonder how the ABC rates them. Mags like People get read like 10 times for every sub...ESPN the Magazine might rate less than one per sub from what I'm seeing here.

16. Jeff K. Posted: July 17, 2008 at 11:42 AM (#2862033)

ESPN the Magazine might rate less than one per sub from what I'm seeing here.

No way. It's the staple sports magazine for doctor's offices and hair cutters (I guess because it's apparently basically free.)

17. Shooty: Applying to be Fearless Leader

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 11:54 AM (#2862035)

So many private businesses in this country are Going Green now, like the lemmings that people are. Well, if people are truly concerned about the environment, they'll boycott ESPN until it stops wasting reams of paper by sending people unwanted issues of this magazine.

Yeah, it's awful that people don't want to be wasteful anymore. Not me, though. I just three rolls of toilet paper to wipe my arse when I only needed two. #### you Earth!

My girl and I try hard to get off these catalog lists and, ironically, the mailing lists of environmental groups. I gave money to Farm Sanctuary and Defenders of Wildlife and now I get crap from everyone from the RNC to PETA to some Minnesota Angler's Association I've never heard of. These modern times are insane people.

18. Big Train Posted: July 17, 2008 at 12:04 PM (#2862043)

Remember when they had Edgerrin James write a "street article." They didn't correct any spelling or grammar?

I bet U of M was very proud.

19. RJ not in TO

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 12:07 PM (#2862046)

I also got an ESPN the Magazine sub solely for access to ESPN Insider(mostly for Neyer and Law). This was maybe 3 years ago, I paid like $4 for the sub and it was supposed to be for 6 months(I think). When I moved about 10 months ago, I was still receiving the magazine, even though I never paid anything more than the original $4 and they never sent me a renewal notice or bill or anything. I don't think I ever actually opened the magazine and it is still being sent to my former address. At least, I assume it is. Frankly, I don't care as long as I still have Insider access.

20. SoSHially Unacceptable Posted: July 17, 2008 at 12:11 PM (#2862049)

As much as I like Rob, Keith and even Peter, I can't imagine voluntarily giving ESPN any money for anything. That would feel like I'm encouraging them, which I most definitely don't want to do.

21. Designated Sitter (GGC) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 12:25 PM (#2862062)

I read a good article about Ryan Howard in ESPN magazine while I was in a waiting room at a doctor's office a few years ago.

My boss used to give me his copy. There was an article a few years back about a guy who was trying to be a walker for the US Olympic team that was very good. Was the Devern Hansack article in the magazine or was it just online?

Wrt ESPN Insider, I once signed up for a free trial, but couldn't find out how to access it on that monstrous homepage. I haven't been back to their website since then (about a year ago.)

22. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 12:37 PM (#2862068)

No way. It's the staple sports magazine for doctor's offices and hair cutters (I guess because it's apparently basically free.)

I'll take my ignorance as displayed, although I have to say I have literally never seen one in anybody's waiting room. SI, yeah, but that's it.

23. winnipegwhip Posted: July 17, 2008 at 12:37 PM (#2862069)

I have tried to subscribe to "The Insider" but failed because I didn't have an American mailing address for them to send the magazine to (which I didn't care for anyway). After several attempts over different time periods, I gave up on giving them some of my money. Way to shoot yourself in the foot ESPN.

24. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 12:40 PM (#2862071)

I found this. Is this the one, sj? It looks like Lebatard fixed it for him. It's still pretty bad though:

Makes my eyes hurt, dawg, straight up, knaamean?

What I find interesting is he thoughtfully provides the apostrophes for all his dropped gees.

25. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 12:41 PM (#2862072)

Desipio? Good lord...these guys still exist?

Any of the old Rob Neyer Message Board posters remember how these guys would come by and troll? What a bunch of sucks. Okay, to be fair, John McDo seemed like a decent guy, but this Dolan guy was a d-bag if I remember correctly.

Their site was occasionally funny, but the world doesn't need a less funny, less mature version of Bill Simmons. At least, that was their schtick 5 years ago.

26. RJ not in TO

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 12:42 PM (#2862074)

27. John DiFool2 Posted: July 17, 2008 at 12:56 PM (#2862087)

What's odd is that there likely is a market for a sports magazine which is hardcore for the hardcore. But it's like Esspin the Magazine wants to be Maxim with a sports angle, and that simply won't generate the rabid fanbase they could create if they provided real content. But if it makes money, then what I say doesn't matter.

28. Elston Gunn Posted: July 17, 2008 at 01:47 PM (#2862128)

All you people who don't read the magazine are crazy! You're missing Stuart Scott's Two-Way!!

(Remember when he said that Roy Campanella was the best catcher ever because he's an old school kind of guy? That was great.)

29. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 02:46 PM (#2862180)

That was Lebatard.

The missed point being: why not just type a gee if you're going to type an apostrophe? It's pretentious, even if that's how you talk.

30. tribefan Posted: July 17, 2008 at 03:30 PM (#2862224)

Esspin the Magazine wants to be Maxim with a sports angle,

Well at least they're consistent with ESPN the TV Channel.

31. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 03:31 PM (#2862225)

Try again and just use this address:

19 E. 34th Street
New York, NY 10016

Empire State Bldg?

32. RJ not in TO

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 03:37 PM (#2862231)

Empire State Bldg?

Close, it's like a block away. That's the address for ESPN the Magazine's offices.

33. bbc is prejudice bout men Posted: July 17, 2008 at 03:41 PM (#2862234)

amusement

it would, of course, be appropriate for mr. james to speak like a white professor of english literature to explain why he finds altering his behaviour and appearance abhorrent when discussing his history and profession with the children on the streets from whence he sprung.

34. Shooty: Applying to be Fearless Leader

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 03:51 PM (#2862245)

35. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 03:58 PM (#2862255)

ESPN is the Poochie of magazines.

36. Hang down your head, Tom Foley Posted: July 17, 2008 at 04:03 PM (#2862259)

ESPN The Magazine is dumber than ten Tommy Lasordas.

37. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 04:08 PM (#2862267)

it would, of course, be appropriate for mr. james to speak like a white professor of english literature to explain why he finds altering his behaviour and appearance abhorrent when discussing his history and profession with the children on the streets from whence he sprung.

On the streets, talking to people, it can be "hangin' out" if you adjudge the vernacular to be appropriate. In a magazine article, you write "hanging out." To do otherwise is pretentious; to suggest James is incapable of this would be condescending.

Edit: I know you yourself write in different styles for different audiences, so I'm not sure why you of all people felt the need to snark at--what, my Eurocentric elitism or something. As an example of non-condescension in this mode, I would hold up Chuck Berry's autobiography as a model. Clumsily written IMO, but he didn't in any case crap it up with gratuitous alternative spellings.

38. rfloh Posted: July 17, 2008 at 04:12 PM (#2862271)

Now the Asian professors of English Lit are funny because you can take the L off their keyboard and they don't even notice!

No, no, no. The East Asian professors of English Lit are funny because you can interchange the L and R on their keyboard and they wouldn't even notice.

39. Shooty: Applying to be Fearless Leader

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 04:14 PM (#2862274)

Now the Asian professors of English Lit are funny because you can take the L off their keyboard and they don't even notice!

No, no, no. The East Asian professors of English Lit are funny because you can interchange the L and R on their keyboard and they wouldn't even notice.

Yes. I never get that one right.

40. Sexy Lizard Posted: July 17, 2008 at 04:39 PM (#2862307)

As an example of non-condescension in this mode, I would hold up Chuck Berry's autobiography as a model. Clumsily written IMO, but he didn't in any case crap it up with gratuitous alternative spellings.

Given Chuck's alleged fondness for crap, I find this rather surprising.

41. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: July 17, 2008 at 05:11 PM (#2862347)

Given Chuck's alleged fondness for crap, I find this rather surprising.

Heh. I don't recall that coming up in the book.

It was an interesting book. Basically it seems he doesn't care about his recordings, he pretty much just considers himself an entertainer.

42. Dock Ellis on Acid

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 05:12 PM (#2862350)

I don't pay for Insider but I pay for BPro. My cousin has Insider but does not pay for BPro. We use each other's user names and passwords to access them.

43. Van Lingle Mungo Jerry Posted: July 17, 2008 at 05:30 PM (#2862368)

Yes. I never get that one light.

Fixed.

44. Vaux, A.B.D. Posted: July 17, 2008 at 05:57 PM (#2862409)

It seems to me that "hangin'" is the same word as "hanging," the former merely representing phonetically a vernacular method of pronunciation. That sort of spelling is more appropriate for dialog in fiction than for a magazine article.

45. Shooty: Applying to be Fearless Leader

Posted: July 17, 2008 at 06:00 PM (#2862415)

Yes. I never get that one light.

Fixed.

Checkmate!

BTW, Faulkner would have just spelled it 'hangin'. All that extra punctuation looks ugly on the page.

46. paytonrules Posted: July 17, 2008 at 06:55 PM (#2862498)

It's spelled DESIPIO. not disipio.

47. Srul Itza Posted: July 17, 2008 at 07:42 PM (#2862575)

Any of the old Rob Neyer Message Board posters remember how these guys would come by and troll?

Thanks, Dave, I was trying to remember where I knew that name from, and why I had an negative reaction to it. Now that you have dredged up the memory, I recall this jerkwad very well.

Note to Repoz: No need to link to him. Ever.

I did like the following "response" in the comments "from" ESPN

Our mission statement here at ESPN, is to strive to meet and exceed the expectations of drooling, half-wit, high school dropouts with really nice tooth, (you may commonly refer to them as ‘teeth’). Secretly, they are referred to as “Cardinal Fans” around our headquarters, but, because of legal issues and other ‘political correctness’ that those liberal, tree-hugging, bleeding-heart, Nancy-boy, ########## in Washington (don’t get us started) hold us accountable for, our marketing department refers to them as our “target audience.”

48. Dr Love Posted: July 18, 2008 at 12:45 AM (#2863096)

The Blanton trade on ESPN's ticker reminds me of something that annoys me with ESPN and ESPN the Magazine: having their on-air personalities be "from" the magazine. "Reports ESPN the Magazine's Buster Olney." He's not exclusive to the magazine. They did this a lot early in it's history.

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Desipio: An open letter to ESPN The Magazine

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