Dodgers close to deal with Mark Sweeney

The Los Angeles Dodgers, fulfilling manager Joe Torre’s desire for a veteran hitter off the bench, are nearing agreement on a one-year major league contract with free agent Mark Sweeney.

“It’s not a done deal, but we’re moving in the right direction,’’ said Sweeney’s agent, Barry Axelrod.

...The Dodgers expect Sweeney to pinch hit and log some at-bats as a reserve at first base and the outfield.

That sucking sound you just heard was the sweet coronary sulcustard pie being ripped from Matt Kemp’s AB’s.