Didn't read the article. I vote Rays Republic.

GO PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF ORIOLES!

In the 70s and 80s it was Orioles Earldom.

Atlanta Confederacy?

I liked the "Affleck-free since 1998" line.

Orioles Oligarchy, surely.

I hear PM Don Zimmer is a riot at Question Time.

Twins Territory!

The Orioles base is sadly split amongst several factions in a 10+ year civil war. There is, of course, the Orioles Earldom, made up of those that remember the glory days and believe that the way to success is still pitching, hitting and three run homers, sadly, the Orioles have had either one of those or none of those for quite some time. Then there is the People's Republic of Orioles, a pseudo-communist society that hopes for one thing: the end of Peter Angelos. There is the Orioles Oligarchy (operating under the pseudoname of "Birdland"), currently the ruling class, that consists of Peter Angelos and his inner circle of EEEEEVVVVILLL. Finally, there are the Neo-Ripkenphates, who aspire that, like a grand messiah, the great Ripken will return to save us all.

The final player is the recent intrusion of the National Society of Nationals, who have a ridiculous name.

Mariners Armada....oh wait the most famous one sunk. Sorry.

I'm rooting for the Rays for the same reason I rooted for the Sox in 2004, the underdog taking on the evil empire.

Mariners Armada....oh wait the most famous one sunk. Sorry.

And that's not fitting how?

Other countries in the Major League of Nations:

Mets Monarchy (you should see their royal executions, they put Prince willie in the Guillotine at three in the morning!)

Cardinals Kingdom

Communist State of Reds (like it could be anything else?)

Theocratic Mission of the Padres

I see the Rays this year as being very much like the Brewers of a year ago - not quite ready to close the deal. I HOPE they do, mind you; I just don't think they will.

-- MWE

I liked the "Affleck-free since 1998" line.

Yeah. The "your captain hasn't had a multi-hit game since May" line was a nice one too.

Cardinals Kingdom

It should be Royals Kingdom, since that fits the moniker well. Cards fans simply go by "Best Fans in Baseball."

Yeah. The "your captain hasn't had a multi-hit game since May" line was a nice one too.

Varitek's two ABs last night are two of the WORST at bats you will ever see.

Cards fans simply go by "Best Fans in Baseball."

Then they chant "Let's go Cardinals" during Royals Hall of Fame inductions

Varitek's two ABs last night are two of the WORST at bats you will ever see.

No way, I'm a Braves fan. I get four Francoeur ABs daily.

No way, I'm a Braves fan. I get four Francoeur ABs daily.

Francoeur isn't toast like Varitek is. I bet he can at least catch up to a fastball.

But seriously, if you can watch the two Tek ABs last night, I think my point will be proven. It was impressve in a sad way.

Francoeur isn't toast like Varitek is. I bet he can at least catch up to a fastball.

I am already depressed by the 3 year deal Boston inevitably gives Varitek in the offseason. Man I hope I'm wrong.

I don't know how Varitek has been successful in MLB. He's somehow been a good hitter for most of his career, but he's always looked bad up there to me. Nobody looks good when they're striking out, but Varitek's strikeouts are somehow among the most pathetic and clueless looking in baseball. He flails around tentatively like he's never seen major league pitching before, and seems completely baffled by even the most middling breaking pitch. Even when he gets a rare hit it looks like he should have struck out.

I'm a firm believer in Oriole Jesus. his day approaches.

I don't know how Varitek has been successful in MLB. He's somehow been a good hitter for most of his career, but he's always looked bad up there to me. Nobody looks good when they're striking out, but Varitek's strikeouts are somehow among the most pathetic and clueless looking in baseball. He flails around tentatively like he's never seen major league pitching before, and seems completely baffled by even the most middling breaking pitch. Even when he gets a rare hit it looks like he should have struck out.

He saves it all for clutch moments. That's how you get to be captain.

Nobody looks good when they're striking out, but Varitek's strikeouts are somehow among the most pathetic and clueless looking in baseball. He flails around tentatively like he's never seen major league pitching before, and seems completely baffled by even the most middling breaking pitch. Even when he gets a rare hit it looks like he should have struck out.

I second this observation. It has caught me offguard every time I've seen him get a hit since, oh, 2005. He really just looks so bad up there sometimes.

I am already depressed by the 3 year deal Boston inevitably gives Varitek in the offseason. Man I hope I'm wrong.

If Varitek isn't hitting significantly better than his current .220/.302/.370 line, there's no way he's back on more than a 1-year deal, if at all. He's already gotten his "sentiental fan favorite/one year too long" contract from the Red Sox, and this front office has generally been pretty good at cutting bait in situations like this.

I'd be fine with Varitek back on a 1 year deal (or 1 + team option) if he can manage to hit in the .260/.350/.420 range the rest of the season. That seems pretty unlikely the way he has looked lately, though.

Now, if your team has a veteran-happy GM and deserately needs a catcher...well, I can see someone throwing an ill-advised 2 or 3 year deal at him; I just don't think it will be the Red Sox.

#21 - maybe its an AL East Catcher thing, but I'm not certain a professional athlete looks worse than when jorge posada guesses wrong on a good changeup.

He's already gotten his "sentiental fan favorite/one year too long" contract from the Red Sox, and this front office has generally been pretty good at cutting bait in situations like this.

I hope you're right, and the Nomar/Lowe/Pedro/Damon situations are certainly promising. I just worry that he's the captain, his defensive value has always been exaggerated to an absurd degree, etc.

Sure, they can swallow some money, but the way Tampa is going Lowell/Lugo/Drew/Varitek would just be a brutal collection of contracts 2 years from now.

Praises to the Holy and Apostolic See of St. Louis Cardinals!!!

I see the Rays this year as being very much like the Brewers of a year ago - not quite ready to close the deal. I HOPE they do, mind you; I just don't think they will.

I was thinking the same thing as I was reading today's Lies, Damned Lies. For the rest of this season, I see their offense performing at about the same level, but some regression from the pitching (particularly their bullpen) and defense (its good, but I just see it falling off a bit). They do have the payroll flexibility and the prospects to go out and do something to offset that, though.

Everything is falling together nicely for a multi-year run, but teams that perform well with almost exclusively young talent rarely work out quite as well as you'd hope. Assuming a low to mid nineties win season this year, I see them taking a mild step backwards next season, too. Just because a team is young doesn't mean they're immune to the plexiglass principle. This upcoming offseason, I'd like to see them make a reasonable big money move via trade or free agency to give them a solid #2/3 pitcher (a Ted Lilly type signing or Eric Bedard trade, if anything like that is available).

He saves it all for clutch moments. That's how you get to be captain.

Well, that and catching four no-hitters. And starting a fight with A-Rod, helping to turn around a 2004 season that was shaping up to be a major disappointment. The five year run as a .280/.360/.470 hitter with very good D at C doesn't hurt either.

Edit: I know the fight with A-Rod didn't really turn things around in 2004, but it's still fun to talk about.

Sure, they can swallow some money, but the way Tampa is going Lowell/Lugo/Drew/Varitek would just be a brutal collection of contracts 2 years from now.

Why Drew? He's still pretty young.

... and to the infallible representative of Our Lord on this earth, his Holiness Pope Tony. Kiss the Ringzzz!

Varitek is a corpse at the plate right now and has been useless for a month (.122/.205/.176). This is officially the worst stretch of his entire career.

I second this observation. It has caught me offguard every time I've seen him get a hit since, oh, 2005. He really just looks so bad up there sometimes.

When Varitek used to get into one of his patented 2 week stretches of ice-cold play, it always looked like he had never swung a bat before, or to quote Bill James, he looked like a man chasing butterflies with a machete. Then he'd snap out of it and get red hot for a couple of weeks. Rinse and repeat all season, and you'd arrive at his usual end-of-year numbers.

Now he just looks dead up there. For most other players this slump would be career-endangering. He needs to seriously consider giving up the switch hitting and start batting exclusively from the right side.

When it was first signed, I think we all (and possibly even Theo Epstein himself) figured Year 4 of the 'Tek deal was going to be fail. (Well, using "fail" as a gerund wasn't common internet parlance in 2004, but whatever.)

Some of us had gotten our hopes up based on how good Year 3 ended up - perhaps mediocre by Varitek's standards, but quite a bit better than we had a right to expect consider how lousy and injury-riddled his 2006 season turned out.

Part of me hopes he retires, but my guess is that someone might be willing to give him 2 years, though probably not at $10M per.

Then there's the matter of where the Sox are going to get a new catcher.

Now he just looks dead up there. For most other players this slump would be career-endangering. He needs to seriously consider giving up the switch hitting and start batting exclusively from the right side.

At least they have a career .180/.239/.277 hitter to spell him against tough righties.

CRY.

DRINK.

Hmm...a quick perusal of Varitek's stat line suggests nearly all the decline is concentrated in batting average. Isolated power, walk rate, strikeout rate are all pretty much in line with last year and with general late-career norms. Is he just unusually unlucky? I know he looks bad when he whiffs, but he's always had stretches like that and never looks good when he fans.

Then there's the matter of where the Sox are going to get a new catcher.

Johjima can probably be had for nothing, although I realize his offensive numbers are even worse than Varitek's this year. But he's 4 years younger than Tek and was a pretty good hitter in 06-07. If Tek continues to suck out loud than it might be worth taking a flyer on Johjima to see if he can find himself at the plate.

Is he just unusually unlucky? I know he looks bad when he whiffs, but he's always had stretches like that and never looks good when he fans.

His swing has gotten longer than the Newport Bridge. He's totally lost at the plate and his pitch recognition skills seem to have regressed. The last pitch he swung at last night was up around his eyeballs. It was pathetic.

Johjima can probably be had for nothing

I thought Seattle's ownership group loved Johjima. It'd be unusual to re-up him the way they just did and then turn around and trade him.

They may love him, but they're the worst team in baseball and Clement is up to stay. He's expendable.

His swing has gotten longer than the Newport Bridge. He's totally lost at the plate and his pitch recognition skills seem to have regressed. The last pitch he swung at last night was up around his eyeballs. It was pathetic.

Varitek is 1. A catcher, 2. Relatively old, and 3. Not a great hitter. So yeah, he could be toast. But pretty much every ML hitter other than maybe Ichiro has ABs where they look completely helpless. Even A-Rod, with his 170 OPS+ over the past two seasons, will have 4 or 5 ABs/month where he'll placidly watch strike 1 down the middle, then wave feebly at 2 breaking balls a foot off the plate.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if Varitek has a hot streak in him and finishes the season in the ballpark of adequacy.

Johjima can probably be had for nothing

Probably not. Seattle is IMO going to look for ways to use both Johjima and Clement in the same lineup rather than trading one or t'other.

-- MWE

They may love him, but they're the worst team in baseball and Clement is up to stay. He's expendable.

Unless Johjima renounces his Japanese citizenship, the Seattle ownership group won't allow him to be traded.

"Comedic homer"? Eh, I dunno. #9 was funnier than TFA.

Somehow this thread made me think of collective nouns, like "leap of leopards", "pride of lions", and so on.

In that spirit -- and trying for new, original collective nouns (though 'a murder of O's' is quite tempting) -- let me submit the following (for the AL East):

a bedevilment of Rays
a pilgrimage of Red Sox
a stripe of Yankees
a sky of Blue Jays
a brownout of Orioles.

EDIT: maybe that should be 'an exhibition of Blue Jays' ...

following the theme I just used, I see other potential collective nouns, like a gang of Cardinals, a swarm of Dodgers, an orangery of Mets ... YMMV.

It'll be tough to decide when Varitek is done because of the streakiness described above. But I have never seen him look as bad as he did last night. It was quite ridiculous.

ACTUALLY, IT USED TO BE CARDINAL NATION, BUT THAT WAS BEFORE 2004...

I always referred to Cardinals fans as the "Sea of Red", based on a long-standing joke between me and my father that anyone who wants to be seen on TV during a nationally televised game in St. Louis is to just NOT WEAR RED. You will stick out like a sore thumb.

O.K., #44, you've inspired me. Or not so much, you be the judge.

a drawerful of White Sox
a bracing of Twins
a carton of Tigers
a rez of Indians
a steaming heap of Royals (thank you, "Red Dwarf")