The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

I'd like to take that diary and shove it up Eric Gagne's ass.

Bill Simmons is next though.

Has Manny gone home yet, or is he still standing there admiring his home run while his team is getting drubbed?

With nobody on, two outs in the fourth and an automatic out on deck (in this case, Crisp), you can always count on Drew to get on base (he just singled to right). That's one of the things that makes him so special.

Yeah, why didn't he just forfeit his at-bat and start throwing hundred dollar bills into the crowd as penance for Scott Boras getting him a major deal? Damn JD Drew and his trying to get on base to help the baseball club of which he is a member!

Boy am I glad I defended Simmons in the last Simmons thread. This diary really left me cold.

Not the best piece of work by Mr. Simmons....

Well, it was one of the "true" Sox fans in chatter last night who moaned about a worthless HR from Youk last night, so I can't complain about Simmons here.

Grady Sizemore reads Cleveland's lineup with the same look on his face that Brody Jenner has every time he's hitting on LC in "The Hills."

honestly, what does this mean?

honestly, what does this mean?

It means Simmons has jumped the shark (assuming he was ever on the jumping side).

honestly, what does this mean?

It means your not hip. Now, granted, I'm 21-years-old and watch a good deal of MTV and I don't know what it means either.

This series turned when the Fenway crowd mailed in Game 2 in the late innings and didn't even muster enough spirit to stand in the 10th for Big Papi or start a "Manny!" chant.

I mean, wow. This is the first baseball column I have read by him in a long time. But does he really think the fans are the reason Manny and Ortiz are great?

One of the challenges of a writer who uses pop culture as a base for his/her writing is maintaining relevance. Simmons is now approaching 40, has a family and his focus/interests are almost certainly changing.

Aaron Gleeman mocks a writer at the Star-Tribune for his "lame" pop culture remarks in the writer's column yet clearly adores Simmons. In five years if Simmons has been unable to make a transition will Gleeman still be complimentary?

I get the sense that Simmons understands the challenge he faces. But altering a writing style while keeping one's readership is a difficult thing to accomplish. He may have to exchange one audience for another to keep his overall "share" of the reading public. There is no "Baby Boom" sized swath that can sustain a performer as he or she ages such as one sees with aged rock stars and other older entertainers which keeps said entertainer from ever really having to change one's approach.

It should be interesting to watch.

-I don't think Simmons knows what lipitor is.

-Simmons does believe what he wrote about the Fenway crowd in 10.

-And it's delicious of someone who fled to freaking Southern California to rag on people watching a baseball game in 40 degree weather.

honestly, what does this mean?

It means the dude can't just say, "he looks like he's about to hit on this disinterested girl for the umpteenth time" (I'm guessing) like any other writer with an ounce of self-awareness would. He has to 1) show off that he actually watches crap MTV reality shows, 2) beat his played-out schtick into the ground, and 3) needs an editor like Theo Huxtable needs a bacon burger dog.

Someone edit that & send me a Lipitor, please.

Pretty sure you meant 'uninterested girl', Essex.

I personally agree with 90% of the negative things that were written about Simmons in the last few threads and that will be written about him in this thread. Having said that, he's still a must read for me after all these years. If you're my age and a sports fan and didn't laugh at the back to back entries about the Mitchell Fantasy League and the Chevy commercial Stockholm Syndrome, I think you're just trying not to laugh because Simmons wrote it.

This series turned when the Fenway crowd mailed in Game 2 in the late innings and didn't even muster enough spirit to stand in the 10th for Big Papi or start a "Manny!" chant.

Yeah, right. Lack of fan spirit was the turning point in the series.

"The Nation" wasn't up to spurring their heroes on as they have so many times before. Unlike mere mortal franchises whose players often fail in the late innings, Red Sox players have the spirit of "The Nation" behind them and overcome.

That's it.

I think a girl being hit on by Grady Sizemore has quite a bit less chance of being dis/uninterested than a girl being hit on by the dork Simmons mentions.

One of the challenges of a writer who uses pop culture as a base for his/her writing is maintaining relevance. Simmons is now approaching 40, has a family and his focus/interests are almost certainly changing.

This is a problem that I had with some of the BPro player comments. Yet, I drop alot of 80s pop culture references. I am also a hypocrite.

I imagine this doesn't apply to classic movies like Citizen Kane, Casablanca, or Roadhouse.

The first thing I thought was "wow, the Mitchell Fantasy League is a great idea. Is somebody doing that?"

There were a few amusing one liners in there, but it was generally pretty weak. Not his best work.

I read that bit about Grady Sizemore again, and I can't even figure out what he's talking about from the context.

This series turned when the Fenway crowd mailed in Game 2 in the late innings and didn't even muster enough spirit to stand in the 10th for Big Papi or start a "Manny!" chant.

I mean, wow. This is the first baseball column I have read by him in a long time. But does he really think the fans are the reason Manny and Ortiz are great?

Hey, haven't you heard? Red Sox fans are special -- Simmons says so. And he thinks Yankees fans are arrogant?

Hey, haven't you heard? Red Sox fans are special -- Simmons says so. And he thinks Yankees fans are arrogant?

If Yankee fans are arrogant, it's about their team, not about themselves.

Dammit, why isn't he writing about basketball? This column is nonsensical.

Also, I can't stand all these people in the media industry who watch stupid reality shows just to make references to them later. The shows are made for idiots to watch. If you're not an idiot, don't watch. College students won't be impressed.

I think its funny that when a team is struggling, a manager should change the lineup to "shake things up", but if he does that, that means he's "pushed the panic button."

Gotta love post-season psuedomicroanalysis!

I did chuckle at this:

For some reason, I'm thinking about these elaborate home run handshakes that have become all the rage (we even saw some in Game 4). Here are my questions:

Question No. 1: Does someone like Lofton go up to Martinez during batting practice before Game 2 and say, "I thought up a six-part celebration in case either one of us hits a homer, do you have time to rehearse it later?" Is that how it works?

Question No. 2: If you're Ortiz and you have to memorize multiple handshakes for different teammates, does it eventually affect your preparation for the game?

Question No. 3: What happens if you're Drew and nobody asks you to create an elaborate home run handshake with them? Do you feel like a loser?

Maybe the panic button's connected to a paint mixer?

You people are too nice to Simmons

In Simmons' defense, this was a liveblog of a game that ended a little over ten hours ago (and the piece has been up for a couple of hours itself). I've toyed with liveblogging myself. It may or may not be a worthless exercise (I've yet to make my mind up about it) but it's not the easist thing in the world, and it certainly doesn't lend itself to reasoned analysis. The purpose is to dump some id and, less high-mindedly, provide some much hungered-for content from a writer whose fans apparantly get irate if he doesn't post three or four times a week.

So, is it good analysis? No. Is it good writing? It has its moments. Does it accomplish what he set out to do? Yeah, I think it does, so I'm inclined to go easy on him.

When does Peoria get his slappy nickname? That's what I want to know.

If Yankee fans are arrogant, it's about their team, not about themselves.

Wow. Talk about splitting hairs...nice nickname, though, SugarBear. I knew the 'real' Larvell 'Sugar Bear' Blanks when he was playing for the Richmond Braves and I was a part-time marketer for the club. A good guy.

So this is like deconstructing a Game Chatter, Craig?

For some reason, I'm thinking about these elaborate home run handshakes that have become all the rage (we even saw some in Game 4).

God, he really is Andy Rooney, isn't he? I can't wait for him to notice that some dudes in baseball are wearing baggy uniforms and chewing smokeless tobacco.

I used to be a big Simmons fan, and I still read his pieces with some frequency, but my affection is declining with a quickness. He's still good for a joke or two, but every piece basically hinges on lame VH-1 level pop culture references and how great the Celtics were in the 80s. Its gotten old.

Actually, I liked Robo's report. He was enthusiastic, informative, authoritative...possibly even correct, who knows?

And if your audience is there only for the hipster pop-culture references, you're not a writer, you're a hack.

That son of Simmons site is hilarious. "Red Sox Gaytion" is juvenile but pleasurably snark-o-rific.

Pam Oliver looks like a whale with her melon organ.

From Billy's diary:

9:30: Has anyone ever kept track of the number of times Fox is running a taped in-game interview with a manager right as something exciting is happening in the game? I swear, it has gotten to the point where you're terrified if they interview the manager when the other team is up. Anyway, it just happened again -- they were interviewing Francona as Jhonny Peralta slammed a double off the left-field wall. (Ending the no-hitter that I was refusing to mention, by the way.) Fortunately, Cool Papa Lofton grounded out to end the inning.

I watched the game with a friend last night and we were talking about the same thing; why is a manager taking time to talk about the game when he should be managing? Then we realized that the segments were probably taped in-between innings and shown afterwards. Mere seconds after the interviews with Wedge and Francona, the camera shows them already settled on the bench in the dugout, engrossed in the game. My friend and I don't think there was enough time for Francona to speak, take off his headphones and park himself at the other end of the dugout between the time we saw him in the interview and the time the camera spots him on the bench, so we concluded that those segments couldn't possibly be in real time.

Ditto Wedge.

"Red Sox Gaytion" is juvenile but pretty snark-o-rific

Really, that does it for you? As a Sox fan, I've grown monumentally tired of the whole Nation thing, but a lame homo joke is the best they could come up with?

case in point: Cool Papa Lofton is funny, but he made that joke three years ago.

case in point: Cool Papa Lofton is funny, but he made that joke three years ago.

To be fair, he admits that very fact in his column.

So this is like deconstructing a Game Chatter, Craig?

Well, he obviously inteded to publish it after an edit as opposed to real time, so it should be held to a higher standard than Game Chatter, but it is analagous in my mind. His primary schtick is being "one of the fans" and his secondary schtick is being that surrogate buddy with whom you watch a game, drink beers, and crack wise (note the March Madness columns from last spring when this was explicit). As inane as some of the jokes and references can be, that's exactly what a piece like this delivers, and in a higher quality than the jokes and references of the buddies I tend to watch games with.

I think Pam Oliver is a hottie, but I can't believe someone is actually complaining about having an informative sideline reporter as opposed to eye candy (which in fairness to Pam Oliver, she is actually good at her job in contrast to say, Jill Arrington).

Rosenthal broke the Bill Stoneman story mid-game, which I actually appreciated. Its much better than the fluff they usually give us about how Casey Blake overcame a childhood obstacle, or how they were told an amusing story by Terry Francona about spring training.

Another challenge for Simmons is that he seems to have created a select group of readers who can reach him via e-mail. It is natural to interact with folks of a similar mindset, views, etc. Doing so almost guarantees becoming less relevant to a larger audience. Or newer audience.

These are dangerous times for Simmons. It will be interesting to see if he has sufficient self-awareness to keep from becoming "dated".

I used to be a big Simmons fan, and I still read his pieces with some frequency, but my affection is declining with a quickness. He's still good for a joke or two, but every piece basically hinges on lame VH-1 level pop culture references and how great the Celtics were in the 80s. Its gotten old.

Agreed. I've moved on, and I'm sure he would do the some thing in my place. Give me the funny, or the info, or get out of my way.

That said, I read when it's posted here because I assume there's something to take note of. That's not true anymore either.

Give me the funny, or the info, or get out of my way.

You must have about 75% of us on "ignore user" in that case, including me, which means I doubt you are reading this.

Hmm, no responses. Disappointing.

Seriously though, BTF doesn't count.

I missed the Mitchell Fantasy League entry in the column, so I Googled it. This thread was the only thing that came up for the phrase "Mitchell Fantasy League." I just wanted to point out that we've made history and that Google's fast.

I'm confused about the Mitchell Fantasy League. Is this a league of players who formerly sucked, but will be good once all the all-stars are suspended for juicing?

Or a league in which one tries to pick the juicers, which would just be a normal fantasy league...

Hmm, no responses. Disappointing.

Seriously though, BTF doesn't count.

Simmons?

I never really got into him. I read him maybe a handful of times a year. I discovered underground sports coverage on the net because I ran into Jim Furtado back in '01. Well, there was some guy named Paul Izzo who did some sabermetric coverage of the Red Sox on Masslive before that.

I guess Simmons is almost as old as me, but I think that he aimed for a younger audience.

Hey, Game Chatters are better quality than this!

We had Larry King visit us last night

We had Larry King visit us last night

I never check out the Game Chatters, so could someone please tell me if Beeah Guy is still around?

/old-timer

I'm confused about the Mitchell Fantasy League.

I took it as a league where you try to draft players most likely to be named in the report, and get points if they are mentioned. Something like a death pool. Not a true fantasy league where you keep track of stats.

I can only hope that Ortiz is soon revealed as former steroid abuser David Ortiz, leaving this sad ####### to ignore baseball entirely and devote more of his attention to verbally fellating Tom Brady.

I watched the game with a friend last night and we were talking about the same thing; why is a manager taking time to talk about the game when he should be managing? Then we realized that the segments were probably taped in-between innings and shown afterwards.

During last night's broadcast, Buck actually alluded to the fact that those exchanges are taped between innings. It'd be great if they were live so we could hear Tito drop an F-bomb as Peralta hammers one off the LF wall against Wake, though.

On topic: Simmons gets held to an awfully high standard around here, especially given that (a) Primates are definitely not his target audience and (b) he's not being paid to do what a lot of Primates seem to want him to do or think he should be doing.

I never check out the Game Chatters, so could someone please tell me if Beeah Guy is still around?

Nope but I know where you can find him.

Not the best piece of work by Mr. Simmons....

Whenever his subject his the Red Sox or the Patriots, all you're going to get out of Simmons is ####. He can't write even a bit objectively about them, and no one outside of Boston enjoys them. Typical arrogant ####.

Just write about the NBA, Bill.

During last night's broadcast, Buck actually alluded to the fact that those exchanges are taped between innings.

Buck's never been the greatest, but he really seems like he's mailing it in this year.

During last night's broadcast, Buck actually alluded to the fact that those exchanges are taped between innings.

I'm not sure it counts as allusion when he says something like "We spoke to Francona between innings"

I'm not sure it counts as allusion when he says something like "We spoke to Francona between innings"

Ah, but does he say when they were taped? Subtle, subtle! 8-)