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Thursday, May 07, 2009

(LAT) Manny Ramirez suspended 50 games.

Just Manny being Manny?

Wanting to give the young kids a chance to produce on the Dodgers?  Get A-Rod off the back pages? Or a condemnation of the Red Sox world series victories? 

Who will think of the children?

Manny Ramirez has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs and will be suspended 50 games starting today, The Times has learned.

bob gaj Posted: May 07, 2009 at 02:49 PM | 594 comment(s) | Login to Bookmark
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Page 4 of 7 pages  < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 > 
   301. Who Swished In Your Cornflakes? Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:24 PM (#3169199)
A wizard did it.
   302. RayDiPerna Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:24 PM (#3169200)
It is free. I don't have a subscription, so I went there to check it out. Thus I don't know how quoting a free page on that site is any different than quoting from the LA Times or ESPN or some random blog.


It's different because people are quoting every word of his reporting here, without having the courtesy to either selectively quote or to just summarize it to avoid copying.
   303. Pat Rapper's Delight Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:25 PM (#3169202)
Anyone ready to hear the one word that will make this go bigger? Novitzky.

How does the Dallas Mavericks' star player having a convicted felon/whore on the lam busted at his house tie into this?
   304. zonk Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:25 PM (#3169203)
No weed, no amphetimenes, no PED. What's left?

1. Spider bite
2. Adamantium
3. The One Ring
4. Midichlorians
5. Father killed by a bad guy in the alley behind a theater
6. Born on Krypton

Illegally obtained pineal juice to keep him young?


Gamma Rays





The blood of a Mongoose.


Tomacco
   305. Who Swished In Your Cornflakes? Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:25 PM (#3169204)
Given how short Carroll's updates are on this thing, it'd be difficult to summarize it more than he has already.
   306. Mike Webber Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:25 PM (#3169205)
No weed, no amphetimenes, no PED. What's left?

1. Spider bite
2. Adamantium
3. The One Ring
4. Midichlorians
5. Father killed by a bad guy in the alley behind a theater
6. Born on Krypton


7. Cosmic Rays
8. Hit by truck carrying chemicals
9. Gamma Ray Bomb test accident
10. Secret Super Soldier Serum
11. Called to be herald of Galactus
   307. Heinie Mantush (Krusty) Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:25 PM (#3169206)

It is clearly Viagra prescribed for his severe erectile dysfunction.

I trust the statement of Scott Boras and now let us pray that Manny at least puts his suspension to use with some good lovin.

-The RBI King


We've come so very far from the days of Raffy Palmeiro pitching Viagra and Willie Mays' Red Juice for Kidz.
   308. Perros Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:25 PM (#3169207)
Picture of Manny obtained by the Commissioners office during preseason negotiations with the Dodgers.
   309. Shooty: Applying to be Fearless Leader Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:26 PM (#3169209)
How does the Dallas Mavericks' star player having a convicted felon/whore on the lam busted at his house tie into this?

I heard Rob Schneider pays immigrants to choke him in the shower.
   310. The importance of being Ernest Riles Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:26 PM (#3169210)
1. Spider bite
2. Adamantium
3. The One Ring
4. Midichlorians
5. Father killed by a bad guy in the alley behind a theater
6. Born on Krypton

jason gimabi's rainbow pee juice
   311. BeanoCook Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:27 PM (#3169211)
(Frank Thomas is still retired, right?)


I saw Frank Thomas boarding a flight to Las Vegas in O'Hare a week before the Winter Meetings last year. Presumably to beg for a job. Amazing L Overbay is still playing 1B in the Majors.
   312. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:27 PM (#3169212)
I think only one person will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way. You know who it is.
   313. Gambling Rent Czar Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:27 PM (#3169213)
apparently plaschke will be the one writing the next book. seems like he can't stand the guy
   314. BrendanInAmherst Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:28 PM (#3169214)
Bob Costas is "Disappointed."
   315. Swoboda is freedom Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:28 PM (#3169215)
1. Spider bite
2. Adamantium
3. The One Ring
4. Midichlorians
5. Father killed by a bad guy in the alley behind a theater
6. Born on Krypton

Hillbilly heroin?
Drinking shoe polish?
   316. Jimmy P Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:28 PM (#3169216)
1. Spider bite
2. Adamantium
3. The One Ring
4. Midichlorians
5. Father killed by a bad guy in the alley behind a theater
6. Born on Krypton


SHAZAM!
Chemical spill in crime lab.
Ruler of Atlantis
He's from Mars (this one's actually believable)
   317. SoSH U at work Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:28 PM (#3169217)
I saw Frank Thomas boarding a flight to Las Vegas in O'Hare a week before the Winter Meetings last year.


Please tell me it was a Delta flight.
   318. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:28 PM (#3169218)
I've got it: Romulans went back in time and changed history for Manny to test positive.
   319. andrewberg Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:29 PM (#3169220)
John Farrell won't forget this!
   320. Mike Green Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:29 PM (#3169222)
"I think only one person will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way. You know who it is."

Walter Cronkite?
   321. Who Swished In Your Cornflakes? Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:30 PM (#3169223)
Maybe there's a button behind Manny's left ear that opens up his skull, revealing a tiny alien inside.
   322. Zac Schmitt Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:30 PM (#3169224)
"I think only one person will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way. You know who it is."

Walter Cronkite?


edward r. murrow?
   323. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:30 PM (#3169225)
Oh, and I have proof for the Romulan theory: They left Mike Tyson behind.
   324. The elusive Robert Denby Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:30 PM (#3169226)
When can we expect a detailed report on the presence, or lack thereof, of backne?
   325. SoSH U at work Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:30 PM (#3169227)
"I think only one person will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way. You know who it is."


Frank Stallone?
   326. aleskel Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:31 PM (#3169228)
He's from Mars (this one's actually believable)

Maybe there's a button behind Manny's left ear that opens up his skull, revealing a tiny alien inside.

"WELCOME TO EARF"
[punch]
   327. Who Swished In Your Cornflakes? Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:31 PM (#3169230)
When can we expect a detailed report on the presence, or lack thereof, of backne?

It'll be explained away as "acne being acne."
   328. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:31 PM (#3169231)
Oh, and the one person who will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way is, of course, Vin Scully.
   329. Shooty: Applying to be Fearless Leader Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:32 PM (#3169233)
When can we expect a detailed report on the presence, or lack thereof, of backne?

I've personally never seen Manny in a Proactiv ad. I'm just saying.
   330. Lassus: Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:32 PM (#3169234)
Anyone ready to hear the one word that will make this go bigger? Novitzky.


Take it to the NBA thread.

EDIT: Beaten by 2000. Stupid post office trip!
   331. bunyon Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:33 PM (#3169235)
I think we're losing steam guys.
   332. BeanoCook Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:34 PM (#3169238)
Please tell me it was a Delta flight.


I guess I don't get this. I was flying American down the concourse, I assume it was also American.
   333. zonk Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:34 PM (#3169239)
I think we're losing steam guys.


Well, it is on the list of banned substances
   334. The Buddy Biancalana Hit Counter Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:34 PM (#3169241)
A wizard did it.

Behold!
   335. Who Swished In Your Cornflakes? Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:34 PM (#3169242)
Sideswipe at Francoeur.
   336. gef the talking mongoose Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:34 PM (#3169243)
The blood of a Mongoose.


You're getting a little personal there, don't you think?
   337. Fat Al Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:34 PM (#3169244)
I think we're losing steam guys.


Has Will Carroll stopped twittering? For Christ's sake, we need some good speculation.
   338. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:35 PM (#3169245)
I think we're losing steam guys.


You are correct, I need to eat something, get more energy. Or something.
   339. Dewey, Steven Wright Wannabe and Soupuss Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:35 PM (#3169246)
I guess I don't get this.

It's a reference to Jeff Francoeur's "blog", in which he pitches for Delta, among other products.
   340. BeanoCook Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:35 PM (#3169247)
Only 57 more to pass the NBA thread that started 4 days ago.
   341. Dave Spiwak Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:35 PM (#3169248)
I think only one person will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way. You know who it is.


Jeff Francoeur's blog?

"It's a shame about Manny. Especially since he's been such a great customer of Crenshaw Holistic Caregivers for all these years. Just about any night of the week since he's been in LA, you could see Manny at Crenshaw Holistic Caregivers -- definitely a place to see and be seen! It's located downtown on Crenshaw -- you'll see a massive Chik-Fil-A cow on the billboard across the street. Just thinking about that Chik-fil-A billboard makes me hungry for a Chik-fil-A Chargrilled Chicken Club Sandwich!"
   342. Gambling Rent Czar Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:35 PM (#3169249)
wouldn't it be easier to get a list of banned substances, and work backwards
   343. Nasty Nate Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:36 PM (#3169250)
Manny is innocent. Obviously if he wanted to put a banned substance into his body, he would aim behind his body, not directly into it, like Clemens throwing a beanball.
   344. winnipegwhip Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:36 PM (#3169252)
Manny knew a test was coming up so he called ARod and asked him for a sample.

"hey Arod. This is Manny. You took the test before. Do you have samples to help me pass?"
   345. Swoboda is freedom Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:36 PM (#3169253)
The blood of a Mongoose.


You're getting a little personal there, don't you think?

His parents were killed by Rikki Tikki Tavi.
   346. BrendanInAmherst Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:36 PM (#3169254)
My first though after hearing this?
Manny's altercation with Red Sox Traveling Sec John McCormack? 'Roid rage.
Now? I guess it was just "other substance" rage.
   347. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:36 PM (#3169255)
The blood of a Mongoose.


You're getting a little personal there, don't you think?


Sorry Gef. But don't blame me, blame Marvel Comics.
   348. tribefan Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:37 PM (#3169256)
I think we're losing steam guys.
The Yahoo thread is up to 700 posts already, they are sheer brilliance too, every single one.
   349. BeanoCook Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:37 PM (#3169258)
you'll see a massive Chik-Fil-A cow on the billboard across the street. Just thinking about that Chik-fil-A billboard makes me hungry for a Chik-fil-A Chargrilled Chicken Club Sandwich!"


I see, funny stuff.
   350. NotLikely20 Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:38 PM (#3169259)
Another greedy bastard's legacy bites the dust. Should have listened the Big Hurt years ago...
   351. pokey1228 Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:38 PM (#3169260)
"WELCOME TO EARF"
punch


I'm glad someone else likes this line from Independence Day.
   352. bunyon Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:38 PM (#3169261)
346 is pretty funny.


Or this: Manny, nervous about his "PED test" because, well, he doesn't have any. So, the night before the big test he goes to Juan Pierre's locker and takes a whole bunch so he'll pass.
   353. Gambling Rent Czar Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:39 PM (#3169262)
anybody catch the Plaschke rant?

"Kick him off the team!"
"Kick him out of the league!"
"I can't stand this guy!"
   354. Shooty: Applying to be Fearless Leader Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:39 PM (#3169263)
Oof. That Yahoo thread is an example of what keeps me hanging around here.
   355. Dave Spiwak Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:39 PM (#3169264)
Jinx I owe like 10 people Cokes for beating me to Francouer.

Instead of a Coke, would you accept a licensed product from the company Upper Deck -- the trading card company Jeff Francouer has a relationship with?
   356. Al Kaline Trio Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:39 PM (#3169265)
Soul Glow?
   357. RJ in TO Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:40 PM (#3169266)
Manny is innocent. Obviously if he wanted to put a banned substance into his body, he would aim behind his body, not directly into it, like Clemens throwing a beanball.


I find this far funnier than I should.
   358. gay guy in cut-offs smoking the objective pipe Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:40 PM (#3169267)
Or this: Manny, nervous about his "PED test" because, well, he doesn't have any. So, the night before the big test he goes to Juan Pierre's locker and takes a whole bunch so he'll pass.

I find this scenario shockingly plausible.
   359. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:40 PM (#3169268)
Ross Newhan? David Newhan's pop?
   360. Jimenez > Soriano Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:41 PM (#3169270)
I give it a 50/50 chance you've seen Manny's last at bat. I could see him just walking away from baseball now.
   361. Who Swished In Your Cornflakes? Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:41 PM (#3169271)
Gammons says Manny's situation is "somewhat the same" when compared to J.C. Romero's situation. Also says he's been told Manny is absolutely devastated and that an anonymous Red Sox F.O. guy did not believe the allegations for a second. Move along, nothing to see here.
   362. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:42 PM (#3169272)
I give it a 50/50 chance you've seen Manny's last at bat. I could see him just walking away from baseball now.


What would he do? Go on a walkabout? Hitchike across America? Get high?
   363. Gambling Rent Czar Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:42 PM (#3169274)
I give it a 50/50 chance you've seen Manny's last at bat. I could see him just walking away from baseball now.
no way!
he has 2 more contracts in his bat, easily.
   364. Nasty Nate Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:44 PM (#3169277)
he has 2 more contracts in his bat


Someone should give him a file cabinet
   365. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:45 PM (#3169278)
Jose Canseco was right again, by the way. Damn him, he's even right when he spitballs stuff!
   366. Gambling Rent Czar Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:45 PM (#3169279)
Lucky for the nation, he is not in Boston anymore. The emergency rooms would have been packed by now.
   367. Heinie Mantush (Krusty) Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:47 PM (#3169280)
367. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 01:45 PM (#3169278)
Jose Canseco was right again, by the way. Damn him, he's even right when he spitballs stuff!


Canseco... steroid Oracle?
   368. Lassus: Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:48 PM (#3169282)
Jose Canseco was right again, by the way. Damn him, he's even right when he spitballs stuff!

Really, GB? Without any more info? You're normally not so knee-jerk with this stuff.

(I mean, it may end up true.)
   369. winnipegwhip Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:48 PM (#3169284)
"Up Yours Jaboo!"

-M Ramirez.
   370. Posada Posse Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:49 PM (#3169288)
According to Yahoo!:

A source close to Manny Ramirez said Thursday that the illegal substance for which the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger tested positive was not “an agent customarily used for performance enhancing.”

At least not on the baseball diamond. The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the substance is supposed to boost sex drive. It is not Viagra, but a substance that treats the cause rather providing a temporary boost in sexual performance, the source said.


http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AhQuZSdKSpYP5VtymGdwOys5nYcB?slug=ys-ramirezsuspension050709&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
   371. Repoz Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:50 PM (#3169290)
Oof. That Yahoo thread is an example of what keeps me hanging around here.

But that's where Bizz Buzzinger gets all his intercoiled info from!
   372. SouthSideRyan Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:50 PM (#3169291)
I don't believe that excerpt in 372 for a second.
   373. Heinie Mantush (Krusty) Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:50 PM (#3169292)
372. Correction: RBI King, PED Oracle.
   374. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:51 PM (#3169293)
Dear god. Manny will have nothing to do for 50 days. Hide all the children and pets.


I expect this will give Manny time to visit each and every LA Suburb so we can get the full treatment on how they compare with Cleveland.
   375. Who Swished In Your Cornflakes? Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:51 PM (#3169294)
Tiger balm.
   376. Dewey, Steven Wright Wannabe and Soupuss Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:51 PM (#3169296)
A source close to Manny Ramirez

An unnamed source?
   377. Gambling Rent Czar Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:51 PM (#3169297)
At least not on the baseball diamond. The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the substance is supposed to boost sex drive. It is not Viagra, but a substance that treats the cause rather providing a temporary boost in sexual performance, the source said.
that's hilarious if true!

He'll make billions pimping this stuff to hollywood for the next 10 years.
   378. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:51 PM (#3169298)
Really, GB? Without any more info? You're normally not so knee-jerk with this stuff.

(I mean, it may end up true.)


Okay, no matter what happens the thing is that Manny is out for a drug test. He said that there was a 90% chance of Manny being on "the list" (which we still don't know about).


TOMMY LASORDA IS ON MLB NETWORK!!! AHHH
   379. Nasty Nate Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:51 PM (#3169299)
Dr. Mannyheimer's Boner Juice
   380. J. Michael Neal Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:52 PM (#3169300)
Based on #372, my guess is the speculation that Manny wants to keep it a secret is correct, but also that there's no chance in hell we don't learn all the details. He may as well fight it.
   381. Dr Love Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:53 PM (#3169301)
Sex Panther.
   382. Jimenez > Soriano Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:53 PM (#3169302)
no way!
he has 2 more contracts in his bat, easily.


It's not an issue of performance. I could see him feeling insulted/discusted/slighted or whatever by baseball and calling it a career.
   383. Who Swished In Your Cornflakes? Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:53 PM (#3169303)
Coincides with the recent christening of Mannywood, too.
   384. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:54 PM (#3169304)
Really, GB? Without any more info? You're normally not so knee-jerk with this stuff.

(I mean, it may end up true.)
371. winnipegwhip Posted: May 07, 2009 at

The fact that Manny is not fighting a 50 game suspension is pretty good evidence that he's guilty.

I mean, when a guy pleas to manslaughter, you usually don't doubt that he killed someone.
   385. Dewey, Steven Wright Wannabe and Soupuss Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:54 PM (#3169305)
# 372 is just plausible enough to be a good smokescreen. A little bit embarrassing, so people will laugh it off.

I don't believe it for a second, though.
   386. SoSH U at work Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:54 PM (#3169306)
And the increased size, well that was OK too.
   387. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:55 PM (#3169307)
Hey, ESPN is talking about Brett Favre and Manny Ramirez. And only those two people.

Deja Vu.
   388. Lassus: Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:55 PM (#3169308)
If #372 is true, MLB is going to look like more of a laughingstock than Manny, I think.
   389. aleskel Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:56 PM (#3169309)
I thought they took that "natural male enhancement" stuff off the market
   390. Gambling Rent Czar Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:56 PM (#3169310)
Dr. Mannyheimer's Boner Juice


"Mannywood"
   391. Jimmy P Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:56 PM (#3169311)
Hey, ESPN is talking about Brett Favre and Manny Ramirez. And only those two people.

ESPN has survived for 10 years on Bonds, Manny, Favre, and TO. When those guys are gone in about 5 years, what is ESPN going to do?
   392. Fat Al Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:56 PM (#3169312)
If #372 is true, MLB is going to look like more of a laughingstock than Manny, I think.


If MLB isn't allowed to comment, it's easy for the player to have someone leak out a relatively innocuous "excuse" that nobody is in a position to rebut.
   393. Dewey, Steven Wright Wannabe and Soupuss Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:57 PM (#3169313)
Why is ESPN talking about Brett Favre? Is he talking about coming out of retirement for the umpteenth time? How is that news?
   394. Zac Schmitt Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:57 PM (#3169314)
ESPN has survived for 10 years on Bonds, Manny, Favre, and TO. When those guys are gone in about 5 years, what is ESPN going to do?


a-rod?
   395. Jimmy P Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:58 PM (#3169315)
Why is ESPN talking about Brett Favre? Is he talking about coming out of retirement for the umpteenth time? How is that news?


Yes, he is. It's not news. Who didn't see this coming?
   396. Heinie Mantush (Krusty) Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:58 PM (#3169316)


ESPN has survived for 10 years on Bonds, Manny, Favre, and TO. When those guys are gone in about 5 years, what is ESPN going to do?


A-Rod, Vick, Vince Young, and Mystery Option D.

EDIT: I owe zac a Coke.
   397. BeanoCook Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:58 PM (#3169317)
Tim Brown and Steve Henson of Yahoo say Manny tested positive for...drumroll...a sexual enhancer (not Viagra). Ramirez tested positive in Spring Training, and then again recently. Manny did not test positive for a steroid or human growth hormone.
   398. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:58 PM (#3169318)
DEADSPIN has a possible story here. The Case of Manny Not Being Manny
Just started reading it, so who the hell knows it's truth quotiet.
   399. deb Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:58 PM (#3169319)
Believe it or not, as much as I hate the Dodgers, I don't think he did this on purpose. Manny has never struck me a dumb.
   400. BrendanInAmherst Posted: May 07, 2009 at 04:59 PM (#3169320)
I thought they took that "natural male enhancement" stuff off the market

Not according to my late night television viewing.
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