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Thursday, May 07, 2009

(LAT) Manny Ramirez suspended 50 games.

Just Manny being Manny?

Wanting to give the young kids a chance to produce on the Dodgers?  Get A-Rod off the back pages? Or a condemnation of the Red Sox world series victories? 

Who will think of the children?

Manny Ramirez has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs and will be suspended 50 games starting today, The Times has learned.

bob gaj Posted: May 07, 2009 at 11:49 AM | 594 comment(s)
  Related News: General

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   301. bunyon  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:23 PM (#3169197)
"unnamed sources"

I've never liked this term, regardless of how credible they are. The source has a name, the reporter simply won't reveal it. I think it should always be referred to as a source unwilling to be identified. That makes it more clear that the source won't go fully on the record and lets a person judge whether or not that is justified (there are going to be whistle-blower cases where this is necessary, no matter how it comes off).
   302. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:24 PM (#3169198)
No weed, no amphetimenes, no PED. What's left?

1. Spider bite
2. Adamantium
3. The One Ring
4. Midichlorians
5. Father killed by a bad guy in the alley behind a theater
6. Born on Krypton

Illegally obtained pineal juice to keep him young?


Gamma Rays




The blood of a Mongoose.
   303. Francoeur's Delta Farce (Frent)  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:24 PM (#3169199)
A wizard did it.
   304. RayDiPerna  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:24 PM (#3169200)
It is free. I don't have a subscription, so I went there to check it out. Thus I don't know how quoting a free page on that site is any different than quoting from the LA Times or ESPN or some random blog.


It's different because people are quoting every word of his reporting here, without having the courtesy to either selectively quote or to just summarize it to avoid copying.
   305. Pat Rapper's Delight  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:25 PM (#3169202)
Anyone ready to hear the one word that will make this go bigger? Novitzky.

How does the Dallas Mavericks' star player having a convicted felon/whore on the lam busted at his house tie into this?
   306. zonk  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:25 PM (#3169203)
No weed, no amphetimenes, no PED. What's left?

1. Spider bite
2. Adamantium
3. The One Ring
4. Midichlorians
5. Father killed by a bad guy in the alley behind a theater
6. Born on Krypton

Illegally obtained pineal juice to keep him young?


Gamma Rays





The blood of a Mongoose.


Tomacco
   307. Francoeur's Delta Farce (Frent)  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:25 PM (#3169204)
Given how short Carroll's updates are on this thing, it'd be difficult to summarize it more than he has already.
   308. Mike Webber  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:25 PM (#3169205)
No weed, no amphetimenes, no PED. What's left?

1. Spider bite
2. Adamantium
3. The One Ring
4. Midichlorians
5. Father killed by a bad guy in the alley behind a theater
6. Born on Krypton


7. Cosmic Rays
8. Hit by truck carrying chemicals
9. Gamma Ray Bomb test accident
10. Secret Super Soldier Serum
11. Called to be herald of Galactus
   309. Herschel Pinkus Yerucham Shmoikel Krustofsky  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:25 PM (#3169206)

It is clearly Viagra prescribed for his severe erectile dysfunction.

I trust the statement of Scott Boras and now let us pray that Manny at least puts his suspension to use with some good lovin.

-The RBI King


We've come so very far from the days of Raffy Palmeiro pitching Viagra and Willie Mays' Red Juice for Kidz.
   310. ghost of perros  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:25 PM (#3169207)
Picture of Manny obtained by the Commissioners office during preseason negotiations with the Dodgers.
   311. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:26 PM (#3169209)
How does the Dallas Mavericks' star player having a convicted felon/whore on the lam busted at his house tie into this?

I heard Rob Schneider pays immigrants to choke him in the shower.
   312. Elisabeth Röhm and Walter Haas  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:26 PM (#3169210)
1. Spider bite
2. Adamantium
3. The One Ring
4. Midichlorians
5. Father killed by a bad guy in the alley behind a theater
6. Born on Krypton

jason gimabi's rainbow pee juice
   313. BeanoCook  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:27 PM (#3169211)
(Frank Thomas is still retired, right?)


I saw Frank Thomas boarding a flight to Las Vegas in O'Hare a week before the Winter Meetings last year. Presumably to beg for a job. Amazing L Overbay is still playing 1B in the Majors.
   314. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:27 PM (#3169212)
I think only one person will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way. You know who it is.
   315. Gambling Rent Czar  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:27 PM (#3169213)
apparently plaschke will be the one writing the next book. seems like he can't stand the guy
   316. BrendanInAmherst  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:28 PM (#3169214)
Bob Costas is "Disappointed."
   317. Swoboda is freedom  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:28 PM (#3169215)
1. Spider bite
2. Adamantium
3. The One Ring
4. Midichlorians
5. Father killed by a bad guy in the alley behind a theater
6. Born on Krypton

Hillbilly heroin?
Drinking shoe polish?
   318. Jimmy P  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:28 PM (#3169216)
1. Spider bite
2. Adamantium
3. The One Ring
4. Midichlorians
5. Father killed by a bad guy in the alley behind a theater
6. Born on Krypton


SHAZAM!
Chemical spill in crime lab.
Ruler of Atlantis
He's from Mars (this one's actually believable)
   319. SoSH U at work  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:28 PM (#3169217)
I saw Frank Thomas boarding a flight to Las Vegas in O'Hare a week before the Winter Meetings last year.


Please tell me it was a Delta flight.
   320. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:28 PM (#3169218)
I've got it: Romulans went back in time and changed history for Manny to test positive.
   321. andrewberg  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:29 PM (#3169220)
John Farrell won't forget this!
   322. Mike Green  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:29 PM (#3169222)
"I think only one person will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way. You know who it is."

Walter Cronkite?
   323. Francoeur's Delta Farce (Frent)  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:30 PM (#3169223)
Maybe there's a button behind Manny's left ear that opens up his skull, revealing a tiny alien inside.
   324. Zac Schmitt  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:30 PM (#3169224)
"I think only one person will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way. You know who it is."

Walter Cronkite?


edward r. murrow?
   325. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:30 PM (#3169225)
Oh, and I have proof for the Romulan theory: They left Mike Tyson behind.
   326. The elusive Robert Denby  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:30 PM (#3169226)
When can we expect a detailed report on the presence, or lack thereof, of backne?
   327. SoSH U at work  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:30 PM (#3169227)
"I think only one person will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way. You know who it is."


Frank Stallone?
   328. aleskel  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:31 PM (#3169228)
He's from Mars (this one's actually believable)

Maybe there's a button behind Manny's left ear that opens up his skull, revealing a tiny alien inside.

"WELCOME TO EARF"
[punch]
   329. Francoeur's Delta Farce (Frent)  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:31 PM (#3169230)
When can we expect a detailed report on the presence, or lack thereof, of backne?

It'll be explained away as "acne being acne."
   330. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:31 PM (#3169231)
Oh, and the one person who will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way is, of course, Vin Scully.
   331. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:32 PM (#3169233)
When can we expect a detailed report on the presence, or lack thereof, of backne?

I've personally never seen Manny in a Proactiv ad. I'm just saying.
   332. Lassus  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:32 PM (#3169234)
Anyone ready to hear the one word that will make this go bigger? Novitzky.


Take it to the NBA thread.

EDIT: Beaten by 2000. Stupid post office trip!
   333. bunyon  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:33 PM (#3169235)
I think we're losing steam guys.
   334. BeanoCook  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:34 PM (#3169238)
Please tell me it was a Delta flight.


I guess I don't get this. I was flying American down the concourse, I assume it was also American.
   335. zonk  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:34 PM (#3169239)
I think we're losing steam guys.


Well, it is on the list of banned substances
   336. The Buddy Biancalana Hit Counter  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:34 PM (#3169241)
A wizard did it.

Behold!
   337. Francoeur's Delta Farce (Frent)  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:34 PM (#3169242)
Sideswipe at Francoeur.
   338. gef the talking mongoose  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:34 PM (#3169243)
The blood of a Mongoose.


You're getting a little personal there, don't you think?
   339. Fat Al  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:34 PM (#3169244)
I think we're losing steam guys.


Has Will Carroll stopped twittering? For Christ's sake, we need some good speculation.
   340. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:35 PM (#3169245)
I think we're losing steam guys.


You are correct, I need to eat something, get more energy. Or something.
   341. Dewey, Local Boy and Soupuss  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:35 PM (#3169246)
I guess I don't get this.

It's a reference to Jeff Francoeur's "blog", in which he pitches for Delta, among other products.
   342. BeanoCook  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:35 PM (#3169247)
Only 57 more to pass the NBA thread that started 4 days ago.
   343. Dave Spiwak  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:35 PM (#3169248)
I think only one person will be able to cover this story in a completely dignified way. You know who it is.


Jeff Francoeur's blog?

"It's a shame about Manny. Especially since he's been such a great customer of Crenshaw Holistic Caregivers for all these years. Just about any night of the week since he's been in LA, you could see Manny at Crenshaw Holistic Caregivers -- definitely a place to see and be seen! It's located downtown on Crenshaw -- you'll see a massive Chik-Fil-A cow on the billboard across the street. Just thinking about that Chik-fil-A billboard makes me hungry for a Chik-fil-A Chargrilled Chicken Club Sandwich!"
   344. Gambling Rent Czar  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:35 PM (#3169249)
wouldn't it be easier to get a list of banned substances, and work backwards
   345. Nasty Nate  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:36 PM (#3169250)
Manny is innocent. Obviously if he wanted to put a banned substance into his body, he would aim behind his body, not directly into it, like Clemens throwing a beanball.
   346. winnipegwhip  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:36 PM (#3169252)
Manny knew a test was coming up so he called ARod and asked him for a sample.

"hey Arod. This is Manny. You took the test before. Do you have samples to help me pass?"
   347. Swoboda is freedom  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:36 PM (#3169253)
The blood of a Mongoose.


You're getting a little personal there, don't you think?

His parents were killed by Rikki Tikki Tavi.
   348. BrendanInAmherst  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:36 PM (#3169254)
My first though after hearing this?
Manny's altercation with Red Sox Traveling Sec John McCormack? 'Roid rage.
Now? I guess it was just "other substance" rage.
   349. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:36 PM (#3169255)
The blood of a Mongoose.


You're getting a little personal there, don't you think?


Sorry Gef. But don't blame me, blame Marvel Comics.
   350. tribefan  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:37 PM (#3169256)
I think we're losing steam guys.
The Yahoo thread is up to 700 posts already, they are sheer brilliance too, every single one.
   351. BeanoCook  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:37 PM (#3169258)
you'll see a massive Chik-Fil-A cow on the billboard across the street. Just thinking about that Chik-fil-A billboard makes me hungry for a Chik-fil-A Chargrilled Chicken Club Sandwich!"


I see, funny stuff.
   352. NotLikely20  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:38 PM (#3169259)
Another greedy bastard's legacy bites the dust. Should have listened the Big Hurt years ago...
   353. pokey1228  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:38 PM (#3169260)
"WELCOME TO EARF"
punch


I'm glad someone else likes this line from Independence Day.
   354. bunyon  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:38 PM (#3169261)
346 is pretty funny.


Or this: Manny, nervous about his "PED test" because, well, he doesn't have any. So, the night before the big test he goes to Juan Pierre's locker and takes a whole bunch so he'll pass.
   355. Gambling Rent Czar  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:39 PM (#3169262)
anybody catch the Plaschke rant?

"Kick him off the team!"
"Kick him out of the league!"
"I can't stand this guy!"
   356. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:39 PM (#3169263)
Oof. That Yahoo thread is an example of what keeps me hanging around here.
   357. Dave Spiwak  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:39 PM (#3169264)
Jinx I owe like 10 people Cokes for beating me to Francouer.

Instead of a Coke, would you accept a licensed product from the company Upper Deck -- the trading card company Jeff Francouer has a relationship with?
   358. Al Kaline Trio  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:39 PM (#3169265)
Soul Glow?
   359. Ryan Jones  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:40 PM (#3169266)
Manny is innocent. Obviously if he wanted to put a banned substance into his body, he would aim behind his body, not directly into it, like Clemens throwing a beanball.


I find this far funnier than I should.
   360. gay guy in cut-offs riding a stegosaurus (MH#1F)  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:40 PM (#3169267)
Or this: Manny, nervous about his "PED test" because, well, he doesn't have any. So, the night before the big test he goes to Juan Pierre's locker and takes a whole bunch so he'll pass.

I find this scenario shockingly plausible.
   361. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:40 PM (#3169268)
Ross Newhan? David Newhan's pop?
   362. Jimenez > Soriano  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:41 PM (#3169270)
I give it a 50/50 chance you've seen Manny's last at bat. I could see him just walking away from baseball now.
   363. Francoeur's Delta Farce (Frent)  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:41 PM (#3169271)
Gammons says Manny's situation is "somewhat the same" when compared to J.C. Romero's situation. Also says he's been told Manny is absolutely devastated and that an anonymous Red Sox F.O. guy did not believe the allegations for a second. Move along, nothing to see here.
   364. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:42 PM (#3169272)
I give it a 50/50 chance you've seen Manny's last at bat. I could see him just walking away from baseball now.


What would he do? Go on a walkabout? Hitchike across America? Get high?
   365. Gambling Rent Czar  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:42 PM (#3169274)
I give it a 50/50 chance you've seen Manny's last at bat. I could see him just walking away from baseball now.
no way!
he has 2 more contracts in his bat, easily.
   366. Nasty Nate  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:44 PM (#3169277)
he has 2 more contracts in his bat


Someone should give him a file cabinet
   367. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:45 PM (#3169278)
Jose Canseco was right again, by the way. Damn him, he's even right when he spitballs stuff!
   368. Gambling Rent Czar  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:45 PM (#3169279)
Lucky for the nation, he is not in Boston anymore. The emergency rooms would have been packed by now.
   369. Herschel Pinkus Yerucham Shmoikel Krustofsky  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:47 PM (#3169280)
367. Gamingboy Posted: May 07, 2009 at 01:45 PM (#3169278)
Jose Canseco was right again, by the way. Damn him, he's even right when he spitballs stuff!


Canseco... steroid Oracle?
   370. Lassus  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:48 PM (#3169282)
Jose Canseco was right again, by the way. Damn him, he's even right when he spitballs stuff!

Really, GB? Without any more info? You're normally not so knee-jerk with this stuff.

(I mean, it may end up true.)
   371. winnipegwhip  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:48 PM (#3169284)
"Up Yours Jaboo!"

-M Ramirez.
   372. Posada Posse  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:49 PM (#3169288)
According to Yahoo!:

A source close to Manny Ramirez said Thursday that the illegal substance for which the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger tested positive was not “an agent customarily used for performance enhancing.â€

At least not on the baseball diamond. The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the substance is supposed to boost sex drive. It is not Viagra, but a substance that treats the cause rather providing a temporary boost in sexual performance, the source said.


http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AhQuZSdKSpYP5VtymGdwOys5nYcB?slug=ys-ramirezsuspension050709&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
   373. Repoz  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:50 PM (#3169290)
Oof. That Yahoo thread is an example of what keeps me hanging around here.

But that's where Bizz Buzzinger gets all his intercoiled info from!
   374. SouthSideRyan  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:50 PM (#3169291)
I don't believe that excerpt in 372 for a second.
   375. Herschel Pinkus Yerucham Shmoikel Krustofsky  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:50 PM (#3169292)
372. Correction: RBI King, PED Oracle.
   376. mrams  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:51 PM (#3169293)
Dear god. Manny will have nothing to do for 50 days. Hide all the children and pets.


I expect this will give Manny time to visit each and every LA Suburb so we can get the full treatment on how they compare with Cleveland.
   377. Francoeur's Delta Farce (Frent)  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:51 PM (#3169294)
Tiger balm.
   378. Dewey, Local Boy and Soupuss  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:51 PM (#3169296)
A source close to Manny Ramirez

An unnamed source?
   379. Gambling Rent Czar  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:51 PM (#3169297)
At least not on the baseball diamond. The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the substance is supposed to boost sex drive. It is not Viagra, but a substance that treats the cause rather providing a temporary boost in sexual performance, the source said.
that's hilarious if true!

He'll make billions pimping this stuff to hollywood for the next 10 years.
   380. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:51 PM (#3169298)
Really, GB? Without any more info? You're normally not so knee-jerk with this stuff.

(I mean, it may end up true.)


Okay, no matter what happens the thing is that Manny is out for a drug test. He said that there was a 90% chance of Manny being on "the list" (which we still don't know about).


TOMMY LASORDA IS ON MLB NETWORK!!! AHHH
   381. Nasty Nate  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:51 PM (#3169299)
Dr. Mannyheimer's Boner Juice
   382. JMN Is Convinced He Has H1N1 Every Time He Coughs  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:52 PM (#3169300)
Based on #372, my guess is the speculation that Manny wants to keep it a secret is correct, but also that there's no chance in hell we don't learn all the details. He may as well fight it.
   383. Dr Love  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:53 PM (#3169301)
Sex Panther.
   384. Jimenez > Soriano  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:53 PM (#3169302)
no way!
he has 2 more contracts in his bat, easily.


It's not an issue of performance. I could see him feeling insulted/discusted/slighted or whatever by baseball and calling it a career.
   385. Francoeur's Delta Farce (Frent)  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:53 PM (#3169303)
Coincides with the recent christening of Mannywood, too.
   386. snapper  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:54 PM (#3169304)
Really, GB? Without any more info? You're normally not so knee-jerk with this stuff.

(I mean, it may end up true.)
371. winnipegwhip Posted: May 07, 2009 at

The fact that Manny is not fighting a 50 game suspension is pretty good evidence that he's guilty.

I mean, when a guy pleas to manslaughter, you usually don't doubt that he killed someone.
   387. Dewey, Local Boy and Soupuss  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:54 PM (#3169305)
# 372 is just plausible enough to be a good smokescreen. A little bit embarrassing, so people will laugh it off.

I don't believe it for a second, though.
   388. SoSH U at work  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:54 PM (#3169306)
And the increased size, well that was OK too.
   389. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:55 PM (#3169307)
Hey, ESPN is talking about Brett Favre and Manny Ramirez. And only those two people.

Deja Vu.
   390. Lassus  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:55 PM (#3169308)
If #372 is true, MLB is going to look like more of a laughingstock than Manny, I think.
   391. aleskel  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:56 PM (#3169309)
I thought they took that "natural male enhancement" stuff off the market
   392. Gambling Rent Czar  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:56 PM (#3169310)
Dr. Mannyheimer's Boner Juice


"Mannywood"
   393. Jimmy P  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:56 PM (#3169311)
Hey, ESPN is talking about Brett Favre and Manny Ramirez. And only those two people.

ESPN has survived for 10 years on Bonds, Manny, Favre, and TO. When those guys are gone in about 5 years, what is ESPN going to do?
   394. Fat Al  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:56 PM (#3169312)
If #372 is true, MLB is going to look like more of a laughingstock than Manny, I think.


If MLB isn't allowed to comment, it's easy for the player to have someone leak out a relatively innocuous "excuse" that nobody is in a position to rebut.
   395. Dewey, Local Boy and Soupuss  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:57 PM (#3169313)
Why is ESPN talking about Brett Favre? Is he talking about coming out of retirement for the umpteenth time? How is that news?
   396. Zac Schmitt  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:57 PM (#3169314)
ESPN has survived for 10 years on Bonds, Manny, Favre, and TO. When those guys are gone in about 5 years, what is ESPN going to do?


a-rod?
   397. Jimmy P  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:58 PM (#3169315)
Why is ESPN talking about Brett Favre? Is he talking about coming out of retirement for the umpteenth time? How is that news?


Yes, he is. It's not news. Who didn't see this coming?
   398. Herschel Pinkus Yerucham Shmoikel Krustofsky  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:58 PM (#3169316)


ESPN has survived for 10 years on Bonds, Manny, Favre, and TO. When those guys are gone in about 5 years, what is ESPN going to do?


A-Rod, Vick, Vince Young, and Mystery Option D.

EDIT: I owe zac a Coke.
   399. BeanoCook  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:58 PM (#3169317)
Tim Brown and Steve Henson of Yahoo say Manny tested positive for...drumroll...a sexual enhancer (not Viagra). Ramirez tested positive in Spring Training, and then again recently. Manny did not test positive for a steroid or human growth hormone.
   400. Gamingboy  Posted: May 07, 2009 at 12:58 PM (#3169318)
DEADSPIN has a possible story here. The Case of Manny Not Being Manny
Just started reading it, so who the hell knows it's truth quotiet.
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Baseball Bats

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