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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Love Poem Project; Love = Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk

This is an Installment of the Love Poem Project, in which we take love poems and swap out any mention of the word love. Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk (3) by George Herbert

...

“You must sit down,” says Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, “and taste my meat.”

Barnaby Jones Posted: August 26, 2008 at 06:25 PM | 27 comment(s) | Login to Bookmark
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   1. Bob Dernier Cri Posted: August 26, 2008 at 08:42 PM (#2916826)
Hmmnph. What do they know, what do they know of Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk's austere and lonely offices?
   2. Robert Machemer Posted: August 26, 2008 at 09:20 PM (#2916861)
It's harder to find poems than one might think. When "love" is used as a verb, the replacement can be funny for its awkwardness, but so could replacing all verbs with the word Krakatoa or kumquat. Most any sort of substitution will be amusing in those cases. It almost (but perhaps not quite) requires love to be personified/capitalized to make the most "sense."
   3. Robert Machemer Posted: August 26, 2008 at 09:20 PM (#2916862)
Outwitted (and unscored upon?) by Edwin Markham

He drew a circle that shut me out --
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in.
   4. The Piehole of David Wells, Red Sox Colostomy Bag Posted: August 26, 2008 at 09:24 PM (#2916866)
one use of the word "love" as a verb. the rest of the uses were nouns. hilarious.


Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk Incarnate

(Dante, Vita Nuova)


To all those driven berserk or humanized by Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk
this is offered, for I need help
deciphering my dream.
When we love our lord is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk.

When I recall that at the fourth hour
of the night, watched by shining stars,
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk at last became incarnate,
the memory is horror.

In his hands smiling Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk held my burning
heart, and in his arms, the body whose greeting
pierces my soul, now wrapped in bloodred, sleeping.

He made him wake. He ordered him to eat
my heart. He ate my burning heart. He ate it
submissively, as if afraid as Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk wept.

Frank Bidart
   5. The Piehole of David Wells, Red Sox Colostomy Bag Posted: August 26, 2008 at 09:38 PM (#2916875)
dante gabriel rossetti's house of life is a belt-high fastball grooved down the middle of the plate for such a project as this. i'll post one here, which sounds as though it were written by Tim McCarver

Derek Jeter ENTHRONED

I marked all kindred Powers the heart finds fair:--
Truth, with awed lips; and Hope, with eyes upcast;
And Fame, whose loud wings fan the ashen Past
To signal-fires, Oblivion's flight to scare;
And Youth, with still some single golden hair
Unto his shoulder clinging, since the last
Embrace wherein two sweet arms held him fast;
And Life, still wreathing flowers for Death to wear.

Derek Jeter's throne was not with these; but far above
All passionate wind of welcome and farewell
He sat in breathless bowers they dream not of;
Though Truth foreknow Derek Jeter's heart, and Hope foretell,
And Fame be for Derek Jeter's sake desirable,
And Youth be dear, and Life be sweet to Derek Jeter.
   6. Athletic Supporter leads the nation in drifters Posted: August 26, 2008 at 09:48 PM (#2916882)
Chicago White Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, it's who you know.
   7. jwb Posted: August 26, 2008 at 10:07 PM (#2916902)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is not Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! he is an ever-fixed mark
Who looks on tempests and is never shaken
Except for that one time with Ed Armbrister
When Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk kinda lost it.
   8. The Piehole of David Wells, Red Sox Colostomy Bag Posted: August 26, 2008 at 10:20 PM (#2916935)
here's an oldie but a goodie:

"All you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk"

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.

There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time
It's easy.

All you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, all you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk,
All you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is all you need.

Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk.

All you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, all you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk,
All you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is all you need.

There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.

All you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, all you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk,
All you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is all you need.

All you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk (all together now)
All you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk (everybody)
All you need is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is all you need.

(Lennon & McCartney)
   9. Boots Day Posted: August 26, 2008 at 10:34 PM (#2916977)
It's not really a poem, but I thought this would work:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor, and surrender my body to the flames, but have not Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk, I gain nothing.

Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk is patient, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk never fails.

…and now these three remain: faith, hope and Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk. But the greatest of these is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk.
   10. villageidiom Posted: August 27, 2008 at 12:27 AM (#2917484)
Primey for 9.
   11. lincarnate Posted: August 27, 2008 at 12:59 AM (#2917621)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, all alike, no season knows nor clime,
Nor hours, days, months, which are the rags of time.
   12. Eric J is Financed by a Rich Grandpa Posted: August 27, 2008 at 01:20 AM (#2917704)
Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things that a man needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; that Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk, true Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame catcher Carlton Fisk, never dies... No matter if they're true or not, a man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in.
   13. villageidiom Posted: August 27, 2008 at 01:36 AM (#2917783)
You're begging me to go, you're making me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad?
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you've had?
Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why
But I'm trapped by your Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, and I'm chained to your side

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is a battlefield

We are strong, no one can tell us were wrong
Searching our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is a battlefield
   14. Charles Kinbote Posted: August 27, 2008 at 01:37 AM (#2917791)
David Cone again: wanking at ten past three
(Surely he's taken her home by now?),
The bedroom hot as a bakery,
The drink gone dead, without showing how
To meet tomorrow, and afterwards,
And the usual pain, like dysentery.
   15. vortex of dissipation Posted: August 27, 2008 at 02:28 AM (#2918029)
When routine bites hard,
And ambitions are low,
And resentment rides high,
But emotions won't grow,
And we're changing our ways, taking different roads.

Then Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk will tear us apart again.
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk will tear us apart again.

Why is the bedroom so cold?
You've turned away on your side.
Is my timing that flawed?
Our respect runs so dry.
Yet there's still this appeal that we've kept through our lives.

But Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk will tear us apart again.
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk will tear us apart again.

You cry out in your sleep,
All my failings exposed.
And there's a taste in my mouth,
As desperation takes hold.
Just that something so good just can't function no more.

But Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk will tear us apart again.
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk will tear us apart again.
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk will tear us apart again.
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk will tear us apart again.
   16. Cooperstown Schtick Posted: August 27, 2008 at 04:03 AM (#2918222)
If thou remember'st not the slightest folly
That ever Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk did make thee run into,
Thou hast not seen that bunt play from the '75 Series correctly.
   17. Cooperstown Schtick Posted: August 27, 2008 at 04:05 AM (#2918224)
If thou remember'st not the slightest folly
That ever Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk did make thee run into,
Thou hast not seen that bunt play from the '75 Series correctly.
   18. gef the talking mongoose Posted: August 27, 2008 at 04:28 AM (#2918242)
I've got two Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisks
I've got two Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisks
And they go tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, like little birds
They're my two Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisks ...
Count them one, two Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisks ...
Count them one, two Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisks.
Which is my face
Which is a building
Which is on fire
   19. Sexy Lizard Posted: August 27, 2008 at 02:54 PM (#2918555)
Only the first stanza works, but it works well:

"Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk"
by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

All thoughts, all passions, all delights,
Whatever stirs this mortal frame,
All are but ministers of Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk,
And feed his sacred flame.
   20. Sexy Lizard Posted: August 27, 2008 at 03:02 PM (#2918563)
In honor of the passionate and suffering Sox fans of the Fisk era, lyrics to "Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk Hurts"

Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk hurts
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk scars
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk wounds and mars any heart
Not tough or strong enough to take a lot of pain
Take a lot of pain
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is like a cloud
holds a lot of rain.
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk hurts
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk hurts
I'm young I know but even so
I know a thing or two I've learned from you
I've really learned a lot
really learned a lot.
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is like a flame
It burns you when it's hot.
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk hurts
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk hurts
some fools rave of happiness

Blissfulness
togetherness
some fools fool themselves
I guess

But they're not fooling me I know it isn't true

I know it isn't true
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is just a lie made to make you blue
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk hurts
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk hurts.

Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk hurts
   21. ellsbury my heart at wounded knee Posted: August 27, 2008 at 03:08 PM (#2918572)
Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is not Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisked.
   22. Addicted To Glove Posted: August 27, 2008 at 06:14 PM (#2918876)
This is too damn easy:

You Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk her
But she Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisks him
And he Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisks somebody else
You just can't win
And so it goes
Till the day you die
This thing they call Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk
It's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing for sure

(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah
(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah
(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah
(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah

Two by two and side by side
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk's gonna find you yes it is
You just can't hide
You'll hear it call
Your heart will fall
Then Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk will fly
It's gonna soar
I don't care for any casanova thing
All I can say is
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks

(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah
(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah
(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah
(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah

I've been through diamonds
I've been through minks
I've been through it all
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks

(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah
(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah
(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah
(Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks)
Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk stinks yeah yeah
   23. TomH Posted: August 27, 2008 at 06:21 PM (#2918887)
I cannot believe no one has posted this!!:


If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk, I gain nothing.

Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is patient, Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk is kind.... Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk never fails.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk. But the greatest of these is Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk.
   24. Jarrod HypnerotomachiaPoliphili(Teddy F. Ballgame) Posted: August 27, 2008 at 06:25 PM (#2918896)
I cannot believe you didn't see #9.
   25. Boots Day Posted: August 27, 2008 at 06:34 PM (#2918916)
I cannot believe no one has posted this!!

Me neither.
   26. villageidiom Posted: August 27, 2008 at 06:37 PM (#2918923)
I cannot believe you didn't see #9.
Primey nominations don't carry the same weight as they used to.
   27. TomH Posted: August 27, 2008 at 06:55 PM (#2918949)
apparently my wife's evaluation of my observational skills are correct.....
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