Madden: 2006 World Series champion Cardinals appear on the verge of collapse

Hey, Bill…just zip them over a care package of your zestastic Provigil-fueled porridge! That’ll perk ‘em up!

All you need to know about how far the St. Louis Cardinals have fallen since their improbable world championship in 2006 is that Juan (Gone) Gonzalez is probably going to be a regular in their outfield and that one of the principals in their continuing “double leadoff” scheme has a career on-base percentage of .295.

These are the sorts of ominous (desperate?) options Tony La Russa has pondered as he tries to reconstruct a perennial NL Central power that shed two key veterans - shortstop David Eckstein and center fielder Jim Edmonds - over the winter and is banking on two other wounded veterans, Chris Carpenter (Tommy John surgery) and Mark Mulder (second rotator cuff surgery in two years) coming back sometime before the All-Star break to assume roles at the top of the rotation.

It’s a tall task for the 62-year-old La Russa, who was slow to accept a two-year, $8.5 million deal to return as Cards manager after ownership fired his cohort and the man who brought him to St. Louis, GM Walt Jocketty. The move was a response to the team’s disastrous 78-84 ‘07 season marked by tragedy (reliever Josh Hancock’s drunk driving death), scandal (La Russa’s own spring training DUI) and controversy (feel-good story Rick Ankiel’s reported involvement with HGH).