if mariotti chose integrity, he'd no longer be appearing in print OR on television.

So, is Brian Roberts a fraud who poops his pants?

I choose integrity.

I choose the potato!

(those with toddlers who watch the Disney channel will understand).

Hopefully the Cubs will trade for Roberts and Mariotti will never, ever again write about baseball.

Only once, of course.

I wonder how many of these self-righteous columnists "only once" did something illegal when they were young, foolish, desperate or curious?

Just come clean they say and all will be forgiven. With comments like these it's no wonder players practice omerta.

I choose integrity.

Since when, Jay?

With apologies to Gary Larson, this is how I read the column:

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah juicer blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah juice blah blah blah blah steroids blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah integrity blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah poop blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah poopies.

blah blah blah blah blah blah. blah blah blah blah.

blah blah blah blah blah blah integrity.

Ok look, a Maridiot quiz.

Is it possible a man can use steroids only once?

Yes.

Does he feel a needle pierce the hide of his buttocks and realize, right then and there, that he has violated his conscience and made a grievous mistake?

everybody's butt is built different.

What is more important: (a) trying to win your first World Series in 100 years by acquiring an elite leadoff hitter and second baseman, which would let Lou Piniella drop Alfonso Soriano to third in the batting order and create a powerful lineup; or (b) maintaining integrity as an organization during a scandalous period in baseball history?

Win

Won't another leadoff hitter be on the market eventually?

Yes

Isn't Mark DeRosa a solid second baseman for now?

Meh!

Why sacrifice your soul for a .377 on-base percentage?

Depends whose soul we have to give. Thats a very nice OBP. Mind if I start the nomination process?

Do the Cubs really want their newly acquired steroids guy to be a national story line in Arizona?

well, you are pretty much the only guy, 'outraged' .. so I doubt it will be National Headlines. Lord knows you will try though.

Do they want their moral code and value system questioned?

If you are the only one questioning it, I think they will be ok. Just a hunch. bear.chit.woods

How do the prospective new owners feel about inheriting one of Mitchell's poster boys?

My guess is you are asking because they refuse to return your call. Or is that next weeks piece.

Anybody have the answer's i want to see how i did.

"Sacrifice your soul." Uh-huh.

Honest question: Did Mariottti blather like this when the Cubs drafted Ben Christiansen? Because THAT, to me, was offensive on an ethical level. He's the one Cub draft pick I was GLAD to see crash and burn.

The funny thing is that Roberts could have just kept his mouth shut. No one was claiming to have seen or sold him steroids, and in fact, lots of folks were railing about the unfairness of him being included in the Mitchell report. So maybe his claims are a bit more credible than the other "juicers".

Does he feel a needle pierce the hide of his buttocks and realize, right then and there, that he has violated his conscience and made a grievous mistake?

everybody's butt is built different.

Roberts could certainly be lying. OTOH, to me it's entirely plausible for a guy to be hiding in some corner of the clubhouse, his pants around his ankles while a teammate surreptitiously injects a needle into his butt, and suddenly thinking, "What the hell am I doing?"

(those with toddlers who watch the Disney channel will understand).

I HATE Captain Carlos and all he stands for

I HATE Captain Carlos and all he stands for

He may not be good for you/but he sure looks like fun!

I choose integrity.

It's easy to choose integrity for someone else. Where was your integrity when you were taking a paycheck from Conrad Black?

It's easy to choose integrity for someone else. Where was your integrity when you were taking a paycheck from Conrad Black?

Oooo. Burn!

"He's the one Cub draft pick I was GLAD to see crash and burn."

Honestly, crashing and burning isn't enough to satisfy my sense of mob justice there. I hope he also contracts an unpleasant venereal disease.

Cancer would also work. Or maybe a wrongful imprisonment.

Christiansen is the kid who drilled a guy in the on deck circle for watching him warm up?

Christiansen is the kid who drilled a guy in the on deck circle for watching him warm up?

Yes

In case there's anybody here who doesn't remember the Christensen thing, a refresher.

"He's the one Cub draft pick I was GLAD to see crash and burn."

Honestly, crashing and burning isn't enough to satisfy my sense of mob justice there.

Well, I didn't say crashing and burning was *all* I wished on him.

As expected, there is some debate on this topic:

Should I purchase a new juicer?

Stankus, the post-Christmas sales at Target are all over by now. Now's clearly a bad time to acquire a juicer.

Damn. What will I do with all this wheatgrass?

Ah, Jay Mariotti, you never fail to get a response with your bloviating.

Meh, there are already too many Molinas playing baseball.

As expected, there is some debate on this topic:

Should I purchase a new juicer?

Wow. You have no integrity.

Wow. You have no integrity.

Stankus clearly has no respect for the non-union labor that manufacturers those juicers. I'm appalled.

As for the wheatgrass, I hear it's good in salads.

Regarding Captain Carlos, is sister Maria the equivalent of Kim Basinger in "The Natural" or even Jessica Simpson to Tony Romo? She's bad news. "They might not be good for you but they sure look like fun!"