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Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Mariotti: Twins Deserve to Party, Miguel Cabrera Does Not

The player that could only be made in South America, where life is cheap.

As Twins fans chanted “al-co-hol-ic!” before his at-bats, Cabrera came out smoking. He doubled to deep center in his first trip, then ripped a two-run homer off Scott Baker in the third to boost Porcello to a 3-0 lead. But as the game went on, it was clear the other Cabrera would have more impact. Not only did Orlando Cabrera hit the two-run homer, he started a sensational double play that ended a late Tigers threat and sprinted off the field like a crazed chicken.

The Good Cabrera is hitting over .400 with 21 runs and 16 RBI since Morneau was injured. The Good Cabrera, though he led all major league shortstops this season in errors, was a sweet July acquisition for the Twins, who gave up a prospect and cash considerations. The Good Cabrera is October gold, having helped the Red Sox to a World Series title in 2004. The best thing that happened to him was getting out of Chicago, where he feuded with White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen and once called the press box in an attempt to have errors overturned in his favor. He signed a one-year, $4 million deal with Oakland, then was traded to paradise.

“This is the most fun I’ve ever had,” he said. “I want to be here forever. I want this moment to never end.”

Chances are, it will in a few days. Until then, we’ll all be drinking the Minnesota bubbly, admiring the Twins Way. This while The Bad Cabrera hopefully looks in the mirror, realizes he let down a devastated city that needs a sports championship more than most—and maybe gets some help for his problems before it’s too late. He celebrated a little too soon, a risk seized by a smarter, worthier and more sober group of champs.

Repoz Posted: October 07, 2009 at 11:30 AM | 39 comment(s) | Login to Bookmark
  Related News: GeneralDetroitMinnesota

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   1. sunnyday2 Posted: October 07, 2009 at 12:13 PM (#3343435)
Did you see the post-game interview with Good Cabrera? Crazed chicken indeed. I've never seen a guy quite that wired up.
   2. bunyon Posted: October 07, 2009 at 12:15 PM (#3343441)
I thought good Cabrera was going to commit murder less than an hour before.
   3. A One-Shoed Craig K Posted: October 07, 2009 at 12:19 PM (#3343449)
The Good Cabrera ... The Bad Cabrera

#### you, you sanctimonious prick.
   4. Not The Real Fausto Carmona (Dan Lee) Posted: October 07, 2009 at 12:28 PM (#3343461)
The Good Cabrera ... The Bad Cabrera

Which reminds me - three teams in the AL Central this season had Cabrerae. Has there ever been a surname represented by every team in a division in a season?
   5. Craig Calcaterra Posted: October 07, 2009 at 12:29 PM (#3343465)
Not since Buddy Biancalana retired.
   6. John DiFool2 Posted: October 07, 2009 at 12:35 PM (#3343470)
Good, bad, Orlando's the guy with the division title.
   7. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: October 07, 2009 at 12:46 PM (#3343488)
Has there ever been a surname represented by every team in a division in a season?

Andy Rooney thinks every team in baseball has a Rodriguez.
   8. Best Regards, Larry Mahnken (Dewey is a slacker) Posted: October 07, 2009 at 12:52 PM (#3343497)
I was listening to sports radio yesterday... for some reason... and the host was going on and on about how disgraceful it was that Cabrera hadn't been suspended.

Yeah, guess what, it's a business. They're not there to groom young men into model citizens, they're there to play and win baseball games. They're paying him to hit home runs, not to be a role model.
   9. cee lo ortiz Posted: October 07, 2009 at 01:04 PM (#3343521)
Has there ever been a surname represented by every team in a division in a season?

This year is close with the Cabreras, only the NL central has been Cabrera-less all year. Racists.
AL EAST Melky (NYY), Fernando (BOS)
AL CENTRAL Asdrubal (CLE), Miguel (DET), Orlando (MIN)
AL WEST Orlando (OAK)
NL EAST Daniel (WAS)
NL CENTRAL
NL WEST Daniel (ARI), Everth (SDP)
   10. Buttjustice Posted: October 07, 2009 at 01:06 PM (#3343526)
This article is a simple morality tale. There's a Good Cabrera and a Bad Cabrera, whom he confronts at the end. In between, the Good Cabrera has a love interest or a child he has to protect. Bill would usually make the Good Cabrera a backwoods type, or a convict. And sometimes, instead of a waif, he'd have the Good Cabrera protecting an idiot manchild (Nick Punto). The front office always hated that. Oh, Mariotti, some of your scripts are so . . . spirited!
   11. cee lo ortiz Posted: October 07, 2009 at 01:27 PM (#3343563)
Sorry, having fun here. Here's a few more from this year. AL Central letting me down this time.

Rodriguez'
AL EAST Alex (NYY), Guillermo (BAL)
AL CENTRAL
AL WEST Henry (OAK), Fernando (LAA), Ivan (TEX), Rafael (LAA), Sean (LAA)
NL EAST Francisco (NYM)
NL CENTRAL Ivan (HOU), Wandy (HOU)
NL WEST Luis (SDP)

Gonzalez'
AL EAST Alex (BOS), Enrique (BOS)
AL CENTRAL
AL WEST Edgar (OAK), Gio (OAK)
NL EAST Alberto (WAS), Andy (FLA), Mike (ATL)
NL CENTRAL Alex (CIN)
NL WEST Adrian (SDP), Carlos (COL), Edgar (SDP)
   12. Hang down your head, Tom Foley Posted: October 07, 2009 at 01:45 PM (#3343583)
I'm sending Miguel Cabrera a case of tequila, an exploding cell phone, and directions to Mariotti's house.
   13. Crispix Attacks Posted: October 07, 2009 at 01:48 PM (#3343586)
Did you see the post-game interview with Good Cabrera? Crazed chicken indeed. I've never seen a guy quite that wired up.


Red Bull and vodka.
   14. bads85 Posted: October 07, 2009 at 02:08 PM (#3343625)
Yeah, guess what, it's a business. They're not there to groom young men into model citizens, they're there to play and win baseball games.


Sports radio is a business also. The hosts aren't there to utter sensible and logically sound conclusions; they are there to take outlandish stands to ensure a great deal of people listen to them.
   15. Clemenza Posted: October 07, 2009 at 02:30 PM (#3343668)
And anyone with half a brain would prefer to have the Bad Cabrera on their team.
   16. Ron Johnson Posted: October 07, 2009 at 02:34 PM (#3343672)
#15 -- Though it would be fun to watch Bad Cabrera play shortstop.
   17. CrosbyBird Posted: October 07, 2009 at 02:59 PM (#3343712)
I would guess that Hernandez and Martinez do pretty well in terms of representation on teams. Between Hernandez, Martinez, Gonzalez, and Rodriguez, there's probably at least one of those guys on every team.
   18. McCoy Posted: October 07, 2009 at 03:03 PM (#3343715)
For a while there Kingman was a pretty common name in baseball as well. It seems every year every division would have a player named Kingman in it.
   19. BringBackTimTeufel Posted: October 07, 2009 at 03:07 PM (#3343723)
Not on los Mets!
   20. SoSH U at work Posted: October 07, 2009 at 03:09 PM (#3343728)
I believe the original question whether a last name was found on every team in a single division. The AL West had 3/4 Rodriguez representation this year, with the Mariners failing to qualify. With only four teams, that would be the easiest to find a sweep.
   21. Swedish Chef Posted: October 07, 2009 at 03:15 PM (#3343738)
Yeah, guess what, it's a business. They're not there to groom young men into model citizens, they're there to play and win baseball games. They're paying him to hit home runs, not to be a role model.

Well, some would say that drinking oneself senseless is not good preparation for hitting homeruns the day after.
   22. bfan Posted: October 07, 2009 at 03:18 PM (#3343739)
Well, some would say that drinking oneself senseless is not good preparation for hitting homeruns the day after.
Page 1 of 1 pages


As does the next days performance by the Tigers' Cabrera show, pretty clearly. A .26?? Really disgraceful...
   23. karkovice squad (0OPS) Posted: October 07, 2009 at 04:30 PM (#3343821)
Well, some would say that drinking oneself senseless is not good preparation for hitting homeruns the day after.


Unless it's Babe Ruth, Hack Wilson, Mickey Mantle or my softball team, I'm going to go ahead and agree with you here.
   24. CWS Keith plans to boo your show at the Apollo Posted: October 07, 2009 at 04:47 PM (#3343855)
Every Chicago-associated sports writer seemingly loves to bash Cabrera's one year stint with the White Sox. Funny how none (at least none that I know of) have been able to look at it objectively and say:

- Cabrera was a pretty integral part of a division championship team, particularly on defense (13.1/150 UZR. Not quite sure I believe he was that good, but he was certainly above average out there).

- Cabrera netted the Sox two top-75 draft picks because he retained type-A status. The guy they traded him for, Jon Garland, was only a type-B.

It was an excellent trade from the Sox' perspective. I guess OC just "knows how to win."
   25. Replacement-Level Primate Posted: October 07, 2009 at 05:56 PM (#3343956)
You're welcome for today's "WAKE UP DEADSPIN" picture.

I'm not the guy with the sign, but I'm the guy who suggested to the guy with the sign that Dave Dombrowski (who was sitting in the first row, 30 feet from where Cabrera was trying to play first base) might want to get a look at his sign and maybe take a picture with it. He did not. He also declined a request to autograph said sign.

I did feel bad for Dombrowski after the game. He spent about 15 or 20 minutes in his seat and looked like he had been crying. What did he have to gain by sitting near the field rather than in a suite somewhere?
   26. hokieneer Posted: October 07, 2009 at 06:03 PM (#3343970)
#15 -- Though it would be fun to watch Bad Cabrera play shortstop.


The Bad Cabrera was signed as a SS at 16.
   27. Craig in MN Posted: October 07, 2009 at 06:07 PM (#3343975)
I did feel bad for Dombrowski after the game. He spent about 15 or 20 minutes in his seat and looked like he had been crying. What did he have to gain by sitting near the field rather than in a suite somewhere?

Maybe he was trying to keep Cabrera away from Wally the beerman?
   28. RJ not in TO Posted: October 07, 2009 at 06:07 PM (#3343976)
The Bad Cabrera was signed as a SS at 16.


Name any MLB position player and chances are, when they were 16, they were playing SS.
   29. Harry Balsagne's transparent jealousy Posted: October 07, 2009 at 06:08 PM (#3343977)
This article is a simple morality tale. There's a Good Cabrera and a Bad Cabrera, whom he confronts at the end. In between, the Good Cabrera has a love interest or a child he has to protect. Bill would usually make the Good Cabrera a backwoods type, or a convict. And sometimes, instead of a waif, he'd have the Good Cabrera protecting an idiot manchild (Nick Punto). The front office always hated that. Oh, Mariotti, some of your scripts are so . . . spirited!

I love you.
   30. hokieneer Posted: October 07, 2009 at 06:14 PM (#3343987)
Name any MLB position player and chances are, when they were 16, they were playing SS.


I would say in 90% or more cases, yeah that's true. Miggy has put on a few since then
   31. andrewberg Posted: October 07, 2009 at 06:17 PM (#3343990)
This article is a simple morality tale. There's a Good Cabrera and a Bad Cabrera, whom he confronts at the end. In between, the Good Cabrera has a love interest or a child he has to protect. Bill would usually make the Good Cabrera a backwoods type, or a convict. And sometimes, instead of a waif, he'd have the Good Cabrera protecting an idiot manchild (Nick Punto). The front office always hated that. Oh, Mariotti, some of your scripts are so . . . spirited!


Barton Fink?

I'm not the guy with the sign, but I'm the guy who suggested to the guy with the sign that Dave Dombrowski (who was sitting in the first row, 30 feet from where Cabrera was trying to play first base) might want to get a look at his sign and maybe take a picture with it. He did not. He also declined a request to autograph said sign.


That's my friend Seth! I'd plug his restaurant, but he sold his stake a month ago...
   32. akrasian Posted: October 07, 2009 at 06:21 PM (#3344001)
Name any MLB position player and chances are, when they were 16, they were playing SS.

At least if they throw right handed.
   33. Joe Bivens, Schmoo from Massachoosetts Posted: October 07, 2009 at 06:43 PM (#3344049)
Yeah, it was Barton Fink...Bill wrote wrestling movies....now WHERE'S MY SUGAR?
   34. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 07, 2009 at 06:49 PM (#3344061)
So we've got Good, and we've got Bad... Which one's Ugly Cabrera? Jolbert?
   35. hokieneer Posted: October 07, 2009 at 07:00 PM (#3344084)
Name any MLB position player and chances are, when they were 16, they were playing SS.

At least if they throw right handed.


Somehow I think Frank Thomas or Albert Belle might go against this theory.
   36. sunnyday2 Posted: October 07, 2009 at 07:00 PM (#3344086)
Asdrubal? Melky?
   37. Ron Johnson Posted: October 07, 2009 at 07:02 PM (#3344088)
#34 I don't think Miggy could carry off the Lee Van Cleef outfit.
   38. AJM Posted: October 07, 2009 at 07:48 PM (#3344184)
I was listening to sports radio yesterday... for some reason... and the host was going on and on about how disgraceful it was that Cabrera hadn't been suspended.

If you suspended every player who got drunk no games would ever be played.
   39. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: October 08, 2009 at 04:00 PM (#3345037)
"Somehow I think Frank Thomas or Albert Belle might go against this theory."

I posted an article a few months ago about how everybody on the Nationals was a shorstop in high school. Including not only Adam Dunn, but the newspaper guy writing the article (at which point Dunn noted that the newspaper guy's team probably sucked).
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