Mariotti: Ozzie talks about quitting? Crybaby can’t take the heat

YESTERDAY a teenage rebel! TODAY a mad-dog slayer! TOMORROW a bloodthirsty zombie badmouther! SEE “CRY BABY KILLER”...TODAY!

Like the spitball-shooting, booger-nosed jerk in junior high, Ozzie Guillen can dish out the abuse but can’t take it. It was easy enough last week, in all his First Amendment glory, to fire a new load of F-bombs at his targets. Oh, how good he felt when he zinged White Sox fans for their demanding standards, the Chicago media for supposedly adoring the Cubs and Lou Piniella—I still can’t get over this one—for being “[bleeped] up.”

Yet when it was time for his targets to react—Sox fans pleading for silence, clear-thinking media urging him to get a life, even his national defenders voicing disgust about Ozzie Fatigue—the poor babe huddled with his wife on the phone and talked about taking his official MLB-licensed straitjacket and going home.

“I’m done with this job after this season,” Guillen said to himself.

What the man-child wants, apparently, is a one-sided dialogue with the world. He’d like a system in which he speaks his mind rudely and crudely while the rest of us nod our heads and accept his every perverse, idiotic comment as gospel. Needless to say, if civilization began and ended with Guillen, you’d basically have what Will Smith found in “I Am Legend.” Except Ozzie, after badmouthing the bloodthirsty zombies, would start running when they attacked him.