Well, there goes his Hall chances.

Which Tiger slipped him the pill?

Finally! Proof that PEDs do not work in baseball!

That was the same sarcastic thing I was thinking. Of course one could also say that this is proof positive that speed doesn't work like steroids.

This makes no sense. If he was doing illicit drugs, he should have been playing as well as Bonds. I may have to rethink my views!

The only thing funnier would be if Jason Tyner were to get caught using steroids.

It's official: the best player on every team ever managed by Dusty Baker was on PEDs.

This is the real secret to why he's exactly 1000th on the all-time HR/AB list.

C'mon guys, this is serious. Be serious!

Which Tiger slipped him the pill?

That's what I was wondering. I wish someone had slipped some pre-urine test HGH into his Gatorade while he was with the Cubs.

Well, there goes his Hall chances.

A mere bump in the road on his way to the HOF...as Neifi's two most similar batters are priddy lumpe.

Which Tiger slipped him the pill?

Sheffield.

IT'S A CONSPIRACY!

On a SLIGHTLY more serious note, does this suspension mean that the Tigers have to play with 24 players (instead of 25) for 25 games?

Don't believe so. Money is on Ryan Raburn to take his place - he's a former 2B/3B (bad at both), turned outfielder (looks fine in left, I don't like him in CF, where he plays now) who does a little bit of everything offensively.

Well, there goes his Hall chances.

I guess two wrongs don't make a right.

Well, that explains this.

Although I enjoy goofing on Neifi "The Human Out" Perez as much as anyone, I'd like to point out that according to this story Neifi was taking a stimulant, not a steroid. Uppers, I'm guessing.

No, he was taking a "Stimulant." The capitalization must mean it's a brand name.

I got nuthin' - which is a shame because this is as if the baseball gods decided to toss BTF a Friday treat.

I got nuthin' - which is a shame because this is as if the baseball gods decided to toss BTF a Friday treat.

Neifi on crystal meth?

I've got nothing either. I'm going for volume today anyway.

#17 - Rusty:

Are you goofing on me now, or is that actually the case? (For all I know there's a certain convention to these MLB announcements that I haven't twigged onto yet.)

(calling back a primer thread from his KC days under Tony Muser)

He must've been taken PEDs to help his butt wiggle so much when he came to the plate.

Although I enjoy goofing on Neifi "The Human Out" Perez as much as anyone, I'd like to point out that according to this story Neifi was taking a stimulant, not a steroid. Uppers, I'm guessing.

Well, we don't know whether the stimulant was intended for performance enhancement or for "recreation," do we? Interestingly, at first the rotoworld blurb on it had something about PEDs. Looks like they changed it to reflect the MLB press release.

According to mlb.com it will be Raburn that comes up. All in all a significant improvement to the major league squad.

I'm guessing this is something ephedra-related?

So Infante as the backup at SS, 3B, and 2B, Thames as a 1B platoon... Raburn gets a chance in LF and Craig to the bench?
I might be too optimistic...

Doesn't this mean that Neifi has tested positive twice?

I thought teams were supposed to be punished when one of their players was caught cheating?

Folks, don't muddy the waters with a search for "facts" "details" or "ramifications". Just focus on how damn funny this is.

Doesn't this mean that Neifi has tested positive twice?

As a matter of fact, it does.

I really hate that "first strike" amphetamines loophole by the way. It means that there could be dozens of players who have gotten nailed once already that we don't know about.

This makes no sense. If he was doing illicit drugs, he should have been playing as well as Bonds. I may have to rethink my views!

Since it's a stimulant, JC, apparently you (or one of your ilk) were right about steroids being a whole different breed from greenies.

I really hate that "first strike" amphetamines loophole by the way. It means that there could be dozens of players who have gotten nailed once already that we don't know about.

True. You might be rooting for someone who isn't a saint. Scary thought.

Since it's a stimulant, JC, apparently you (or one of your ilk) were right about steroids being a whole different breed from greenies.

Vindicated! For the 1st time in his career, Perez comes through in the clutch.

I really hate that "first strike" amphetamines loophole by the way. It means that there could be dozens of players who have gotten nailed once already that we don't know about.

Yeah! #### all those stupid union loopholes like grievance processes, safe working conditions, the right to an advocate in the workplace...

Looking at his comps, I see Tito Fuentes. That guy actually got MVP votes one year!?!??!? Someone else was on recreational drugs too I see....

Yeah! #### all those stupid union loopholes like grievance processes, safe working conditions, the right to an advocate in the workplace...

Oh please, just get over yourself already.

But the fact that MLB management explicitly signed off on the loophole kind of makes me suspect that they knew how big a problem amphetamine use in the game was going in. It's a pretty convenient way for them to both crack down on the problem while hiding a substantial amount of the abuse at the same time.

But the fact that MLB management explicitly signed off on the loophole kind of makes me suspect that they knew how big a problem amphetamine use in the game was going in. It's a pretty convenient way for them to both crack down on the problem while hiding a substantial amount of the abuse at the same time.

Oh please, just get over yourself already.

It's equally as likely that they agreed to this "loophole" in order to actually allow the problem to be addressed, rather than just making it all a PR stunt.

I am guessing it wasn't diet pills

Vindicated! For the 1st time in his career, Perez comes through in the clutch.

He had a walk off grand slam against the Cardinals in 2005, so it's the second.

Just to be nitpicky, it was a game-winning grand slam, but it wasn't a walkoff.

How many games will the Tigers have to forfeit?

How many games will the Tigers have to forfeit?

They simulate the games as if Neifi wasn't on the team to determine how mnay games they should have lost by not having him around. So, the Tigers will pick up three wins.

They simulate the games as if Neifi wasn't on the team to determine how mnay games they should have lost by not having him around. So, the Tigers will pick up three wins.

So can we retroactively award the Cubs a Pennant for 2005?

Folks, don't muddy the waters with a search for "facts" "details" or "ramifications". Just focus on how damn funny this is.

If any post in the history of Primer ever deserved a hearty "well said" it's the one quoted.

Best Regards

John

As there isn't a soul in MLB who personifies the silliness of likening stimulants to steroids more than Neifi Perez, he represents the perfect poster boy for first MLBer suspended for stimulants.

Hilarious.

From another site:

"Neifi Perez should have been suspended a long time ago for not using steroids! .172!?!?!"

As there isn't a soul in MLB who personifies the silliness of likening stimulants to steroids more than Neifi Perez, he represents the perfect poster boy for first MLBer suspended for stimulants.

If Neifi Perez personifies the silliness of comparing the different substances, Alex Sanchez is still a big WTF? data point in the other direction.

What I want to know is how he got into Mark Sweeney's locker...

I thought for steroids, a first offense was kept private and a second offense was a minimum 50-game suspension. If this was steroids wouldn't he be getting 50 games?

Neifi speaks:

"I say to my fans that I am not stupid," Perez told the Dominican radio program Impacto Deportivo in his homeland, according to The Associated Press. "I know the difference between good and bad and there are things that are going to be known going forward, but my lawyer has advised me not to talk for now."

"I say to my fans that I am not stupid,"

The first part of this clause directly contradictions this assertion.

As there isn't a soul in MLB who personifies the silliness of likening stimulants to steroids more than Neifi Perez, he represents the perfect poster boy for first MLBer suspended for stimulants.

Hilarious.

You had better re-check the list of players who have actually tested positive for steroids.

"I know the difference between good and bad and there are things that are going to be known going forward, but my lawyer has advised me not to talk for now

I'm guessing he's going to whip out the ol' "my trainer gave me a substance and didn't tell me what it was!" line.

I love it. The day I come back to this site, Neifi Perez is one of the top stories. I don't know how more perfect that can get. I forgot how much I loved baseball.

Well, I've been calling for Raburn to get a call up for two months now, so not only is Neifi gone for a while, but I get my wish. Infante/Raburn as the backups pleases me much more than Perez/Infante. I guess we may get a chance to see if Leyland has been right to avoid playing Omar at short at all for the last two years; I remember him as being all right over there.

Baseball's War On Drugs is all about nailing a marginal player like Perez.

You had better re-check the list of players who have actually tested positive for steroids.

Juan Rincon was the first actual real player to be suspended.

Btw, is it just me, or is the busted listed really really minority dominant? Other than Giambi and Grimsley, I haven't heard of any other White players busted.

Now that we know Neifi Perez was popping greenies, we may logically assume that without amphetamines, Pete Rose would have gotten 6,000 hits.

Now that we have a player suspended for taking greenies, how long until people question the stats put up in the 60's?
(/kidding)

Does Mitchell want to talk to Perez? Want to hold someone hostage, why not Perez? He got caught. Who is his supplier? what has he seen around the club house? name names, etc.

He played on several different teams, so he must have all sorts of beans to spill.

Btw, is it just me, or is the busted listed really really minority dominant.

Don't know how up-to-date this, but here ya go.


Alex Sánchez Tampa Bay Devil Rays April 3, 2005 Ten days OF [2]
Jorge Piedra Colorado Rockies April 11, 2005 Ten days OF [3]
Agustín Montero Texas Rangers April 20, 2005 Ten days P [4]
Jamal Strong Seattle Mariners April 26, 2005 Ten days OF [5]
Juan Rincón Minnesota Twins May 2, 2005 Ten days P [6]
Rafael Betancourt Cleveland Indians July 8, 2005 Ten days P [7]
Rafael Palmeiro Baltimore Orioles August 1, 2005 Ten days 1B/DH [8]
Ryan Franklin Seattle Mariners August 2, 2005 Ten days P [9]
Mike Morse Seattle Mariners September 7, 2005 Ten days SS [10]
Carlos Almanzar Texas Rangers October 4, 2005 Ten days P [11]
Félix Heredia New York Mets October 18, 2005 Ten days P [12]
Matt Lawton New York Yankees November 2, 2005 Ten days OF [13]
Yusaku Iriki New York Mets April 28, 2006 Fifty games P [14]
Jason Grimsley Arizona Diamondbacks June 12, 2006 Fifty games P [15]
Guillermo Mota New York Mets November 1, 2006 Fifty games P [16]
Juan Salas Tampa Bay Devil Rays May 7, 2007 Fifty games P [17]


Players with major league experience suspended for violating minor league rules

Damian Moss Seattle Mariners April 4, 2005 Fifteen games [18]
Robert Machado Texas Rangers April 4, 2005 Fifteen games [19]
Clay Hensley San Diego Padres April 4, 2005 Fifteen games [20]
Brian Mallette Pittsburgh Pirates April 6, 2005 Thirty games (second violation) [21]
Jon Nunnally Pittsburgh Pirates April 6, 2005 Fifteen games [22]
Tom Evans Pittsburgh Pirates April 6, 2005 Fifteen games [23]
Grant Roberts New York Mets April 22, 2005 Fifteen games [24]
Darnell McDonald Cleveland Indians May 6, 2005 Fifteen games [25]
Steve Smyth Chicago Cubs May 12, 2005 Fifteen games [26]
Christian Parker Colorado Rockies May 12, 2005 Fifteen games [27]
Luis Ugueto Kansas City Royals May 13, 2005 Fifteen games [28]
Wilson Delgado Florida Marlins May 13, 2005 Fifteen games [29]
Ramón A. Castro Washington Nationals July 1, 2005 105 games (two violations) [30]
Matt Whiteside Toronto Blue Jays July 15, 2005 Fifteen games [31]
Wilson Delgado Florida Marlins August 12, 2005 Thirty games (second violation) [32]
Luis Ugueto Kansas City Royals August 16, 2005 Thirty games (second violation) [33]
Nerio Rodríguez Pittsburgh Pirates May 19, 2006 Fifty games [34]
Abraham Núñez San Francisco Giants May 24, 2006 Fifty games [35]
Yamid Haad San Francisco Giants May 31, 2006 Fifty games [36]

I'd forgotten all about a lot of those guys getting suspended. I remember Sanchez because he was the first, and Palmeiro because he's the only all-star, but none of the others.

We need more threads condemning them as cheaters so I'll remember when to spit.

Vindicated! For the 1st time in his career, Perez comes through in the clutch.

AActually, I think this implicates someone in the Union as doping Perez. I suggest it was Kevin. He slips him a greenie, then yells, "See they don't help!" when he's busted. Kevin would have gotten away with it except that it is too perfect.

does this suspension mean that the Tigers have to play with 24 players (instead of 25) for 25 games?

no, this means that the Tigers get to play with 25 players instead of 24 players for 25 games