Wow...

It's one thing to have legitimate criticisms, but the author doesn't understand the game. My favorite line:

It’s no wonder steroids are such a problem in the league today. Why work out when all you have to do is shoot up?

I love how people think steroids = Popeye's spinach. You still have to work out if you take steroids.

Sniff... sniff... I smell Pulitzer!

I respectfully disagree with the author's sentiments.

It's funny how this guy acts like he's part of a tortured minority because he likes football more than baseball -- isn't that most U.S. males? (They're WRONG, but there's a lot of 'em.)

Evoke God in public schools, at any bar, or even on national television and you’re likely to be shown the door.

Gee, I never would've pegged him for a conservative.

8 Reasons Baseball is Lame and Boring
By J-Mo

That headline and byline broke my suckmeter.

why I’m writing this article under a pseudonym

Great nom de guerre: Lenin... Che... LeClerc... J-Mo.

J-Mo? Jack Morris really must be bitter over his Hall of Fame vote totals.

One hundred and sixty two games in a regular season is 142 too many. Come on. By the time July rolls around, a game-winning home run or strike out in the bottom of the ninth doesn’t mean squat, except that it’s finally time to go to bed. Knock the schedule down to one game a week

"Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.
P.S. I am not a crackpot."

Only 8 reasons? And none of them are Steve Trachsel???

This article by some high school sophomore handing in his assignment he got to at the last minute was worth posting?

The comments here are nineteen thousand three hundred and twenty-two times more enlightening than the article.

I will say this: each one of his "reasons" included at least one sentence that I agree with 100%.

After reading J-Mo's piece I suddenly have greater respect for the restraint of Buzz Bissinger.

#9: Walks: And get this, one thing that can happen in a game is if the batter walks. Yup, he just gets to walk to first. There's no walking in track and field! What's next, a bus to take guys to the next base?

#10: Belts: Baseball players wear belts! How would you like to see LeBron James wear a belt on the court? Would that be lame! A belt is something I only wear to job interviews. News flash, Johan Santana: you already have a job!

They teach math to people walking through the halls of MIT?

They teach math to people walking through the halls of MIT?

Didn't you see "Good Will Hunting?" They conduct their tests on dry erase boards. Duh.

Baseball is a year-round sport and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Between charity events, trades, management shake-ups, and stadium upgrades, teams and the media make it painfully clear: You will think about baseball 360 days a year—OR ELSE!

Yup. I definitely want more NFL Draft coverage to balance it out.

Wait, he complains about steroids in baseball and his favorite sport is football?!

Mr. Pot, meet Mr. Kettle.

Just about all of his complaints work as much, if not more, for football.

2. Physical Fitness - See offensive linemen.
4. Statistics - QB rating, yards per carry, passing yardage, time of possession; football is chock full of stats.
5. Going the distance - Hell, no one plays ironman football anymore! At least 99% of baseball players play both offense and defense.
6. Superstitions - The Immaculate Reception
7. Off-season Shenanigans - Find someone on the street and say, "off-season shenanigans" and the sport they will think of will be "professional football."
8. Fantasty teams - What, he's never heard of fantasy football? I've seen frickin' commercials for it!

1. and 3., they certainly don't apply to football. They're not reasons that baseball is lame by any means, but certainly they don't apply to football.

#20- re point 5: what about Troy Brown!?

Wait, this is from the MSN Lifestyle page?

And this guy is saying baseball is unmanly?

This article reminds me of what my wife says when she complains about all the sports I follow.

Alan Greenspan might enjoy crunching the numbers, but for those of us who’d rather leave our brains at work

Eh, after reading this, I don't think J-Mo brings his brain to work either.

You know, I'm really starting to get annoyed with all the people who keep complaining that following sports is getting too difficult because it's getting more technical and multi-faceted, with the using of computers and instant internet access and empirical analysis.

For those of you out there making these complaints, I have this to say to you:

"We understand you are intellectually limited. That is not our problem. It's your problem. So stop bothering us with your wimpy complaints that the earth is turning too quickly on its axis. Either find a way to catch up so at least you understand why the world is trending away from you or get off the bus completely."

You will think about baseball 360 days a year—OR ELSE!

What about the other 5?

Didn't you see "Good Will Hunting?

No. Movies which use the main character's name in the title in a "clever" way are lame and boring.

Movies which use the main character's name in the title in a "clever" way are lame and boring.

Take that, Titanic!

What about the other 5?

Scientology classes.

They teach math to people walking through the halls of MIT?

MIT Professor #1: Say, did you know that for any real number x, e to the power of i times x equals the cosine of x plus i plus the sine x?

MIT Professor #2: And that the series 1 minus 1/3 plus 1/5 minus 1/7 plus 1/9, et cetera, converges on pi over four?

Passerby: (plugging ears with fingers) Shut up, shut up! I don't want to know this! I just came in here to use the bathroom!

No. Movies which use the main character's name in the title in a "clever" way are lame and boring.

So what's your opinion of "Bull Durham?"

Look at this as a positive - on what other topic does the BBTF community almost universally agree upon?

on what other topic does the BBTF community almost universally agree upon?

Rob Base

Wait, this is from the MSN Lifestyle page?

And this guy is saying baseball is unmanly?

You beat me to it, Kevin. All that was missing was the "men's cologne" (AKA perfume) ads.

You beat me to it, Kevin. All that was missing was the "men's cologne" (AKA perfume) ads.

Huh? When I scratch my monitor it smells like "Driven." Are you saying that's only on my monitor?

Weird.

All that was missing was the "men's cologne" (AKA perfume) ads.

You mean like this:


www.avon.com/derekjeter ?

What about the other 5?

I wasn't ready for baseball talk when it began to creep up on me this winter.

Of course there are very few times of the year the NFL isn't being discussed, maybe from about the Pro Bowl to Opening Day/end of March Madness, when all the draft stuff really starts up.

this guy is a total maroon

and a whiner too. AND he can't write worth spit neither

uck

it isn't unmanly to have no interest in sports. it is the silly petulance - it is soooooooo boring. if he wants to read shakespeare, go for long walks, watch dancing with the stars/the view/american idol/oprah/football (you talk about B O R I N G) or jump in the charles river, he should just have at it.

any man who makes himself sound like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum because he didn't get his way and besides he needs a nap is a disgrace to men

Ah, what the hell. The Sox aren't on until tonight. Let's deconstruct the whole article:

In just about every U.S. city, if you’re not a fan of baseball, you might as well not be American. Harboring an aversion to the sport is equivalent to burning Old Glory—especially here in Boston, where I live.

Well said.

What? You don’t know Big Papi’s slugging percentage? That’s an immediate flogging.

As well it should be.

Tell anyone you’d rather walk along the Charles River than spend an afternoon at Fenway Park? You’re looking at five years in Guantanamo Bay, pal.

Or Provincetown. Either one.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not some kind of a namby-pamby anti-sports guy. Football is a part of my DNA and most of my shirts growing up were the color of blood.

Am I supposed to be impressed with that? You like football and wore red shirts when you were a kid so hat makes you a tough guy? Whoaaa, every molecule in my body is shivering.

But let's face it: Baseball is lame and boring.

No, let's not. And no, it isn't, except for the intellectually shallow.

At the risk of being cuffed and detained by Homeland Security (which, by the way, is why I’m writing this article under a pseudonym), here are eight reasons why.

Someone here likes to indulge in bondage and discipline fantasies and I know it's not me.

Schedule
Can we agree on this? One hundred and sixty two games in a regular season is 142 too many.

No. And you're a ####### idiot to even suggest it. As a fan, why would anyone want to see the schedule cut by 85%, just to be more like football?

Come on. By the time July rolls around, a game-winning home run or strike out in the bottom of the ninth doesn’t mean squat, except that it’s finally time to go to bed. Knock the schedule down to one game a week and then we might have something to look forward to, just as long as we don’t have to endure pregame interviews and press conferences all week long. Ugh.

Actually it means quite a bit more than squat. It means you have won a game. And if you don't like the weeklong pregame interviews, then why on god's green earth would you like football? The NFL invented, then perfected, that ####.

Physical Fitness
It’s no shocker that you don’t have to be Mr. Universe to play baseball, but some guys look like they’ve been chewing on North Carolina pulled pork in the dugout instead of tobacco.

The bondage and discipline thing again. Seriously, the average lineman in the NFL is a fat slob who weighs over 300 lbs and is destined for a pine box before the age of 55.

Take a look back a few years and it’s even worse. Milwaukee tumors were as commonplace a generation ago as Camaros with T-tops. It’s no wonder steroids are such a problem in the league today. Why work out when all you have to do is shoot up?

He'd kidding, right? He's favorably comparing football to baseball based on the level of PED abuse? Criminy.

Fair-Weather Sport
Ask any football, soccer, rugby, or lacrosse player what they think about rain delays in baseball and they’ll likely give you an answer we can’t print here. What they’ll imply is that baseball players are a little less manly than other athletes simply because they won’t play in the rain. What’s the worst that could happen? Slower pitching? More runs scored? A few extra scratches and bruises? (Boo-hoo.) Stealing second means sliding into left field? Sounds like we have a way to make baseball less lame and boring.

Well, when field conditions suck, the play deteriorates to the point where it's not worth watching, and baseball is the only sport mentioned here that is taking that into consideration. It doesn't have anything to do with the willingness of the players to play. But let's not spoil a mindless complaint with an inconvenient and obvious fact.

And less runs are likely to be scored, as the ball will become quickly waterlogged and difficult to drive, so the "writer" is analyzing the question from a position of naivety/ignorance in the first place.

Statistics
If I want a lesson in mathematics, I’ll walk through the halls of MIT, not the turnstiles of Yawkey Way. We’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves, aren’t we? On-base percentages, opponent on-base plus slugging percentages, sabermetrics … Alan Greenspan might enjoy crunching the numbers, but for those of us who’d rather leave our brains at work, the cold-beverage-intake-to-bladder-outflow ratio makes a whole lot more sense.

Well, I think you left your brain on the T before you wrote this stinker. I'm also unaware that Fenway Park has imposed a math test on the customers after they enter.

Going the Distance
If a quarterback can get nearly knocked unconscious multiple times by 300-pound defensive ends for four full quarters, then why shouldn’t a pitcher have to throw a ball 60 feet for a full nine innings-especially if that pitcher is making millions of dollars a year??

Good lord, is this guy really that stupid? How about, he has lost his effectiveness and the manager still wants to win the game? And I think the "knocked unconscious multiple times" thing is a bit of an exaggeration. Most plays, the QB is never touched. He often does nothing but hand the ball to someone else, or make a short lob of a pass that requires almost no physical effort.

Instead he gets pulled before things can go from bad to worse, and fans go nutty when the song they voted for plays over the loudspeakers and their star closer comes out of the bullpen like Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn in Major League. Don’t even get me started on “The Papelbon.”

Don't even get me started with Mark Gastineau.

Superstitions
Evoke God in public schools, at any bar, or even on national television and you’re likely to be shown the door. Yet baseball fans collectively acknowledge a higher power that influences their favorite teams and players. A seemingly innocuous trade of a pudgy pitcher in 1920 by the Red Sox to the Yankees? Yup, that was a curse. Winning two World Series titles in three years? Fate. A Red Sox shirt buried in concrete at the new Yankees Stadium? Bad vibes, dig it up! A hawk that recently attacked a teenage girl named Alexandra Rodriguez (A-Rod, as in Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez) at Fenway Park? You guessed it, an omen. And we wonder why the Pope won’t visit our city.

I've got to go, Rock. It's all right. I'm not afraid. Some time, Rock, when the team is up against it, when things are wrong and the breaks are beating the boys, ask them to go in there with all they've got and win just one for the Gipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Rock. But I'll know about it, and I'll be happy.

Off-Season Shenanigans
Baseball is a year-round sport and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Between charity events, trades, management shake-ups, and stadium upgrades, teams and the media make it painfully clear: You will think about baseball 360 days a year—OR ELSE! But the league occasionally throws us a bone with some quality off-season entertainment like a six-hour Senate hearing. Now that’s excitement!

The NFL is trying hard to catch up, though- with off-season criminal trials of drive-by shootings, extortions, drug busts and mob hits.

Fantasy Teams
Enough with the fantasy teams, already! You know who you are. You’re the guy who screams and moans about Derek Jeter blowing a play last night because now your stats are screwed up, but fortunately you have five other fantasy teams and you just traded Daisuke Matsuzaka for 10 starting pitchers, seven first-round draft picks, and three players to be named later. There is nothing as boring as getting stuck in the middle of a baseball fantasy league conversation. Usually the only way out is to start coughing uncontrollably or pretend to answer a cell phone call. If you can actually make yourself vomit, you’re golden.

Oy. The NFL has an ESPN 2-hour pre-game show on football fantasy teams every Sunday. Good god, is this guy clueless.

kevin Posted: May 11, 2008 at 01:05 PM (#2776656)


Someone here likes to indulge in bondage and discipline fantasies and I know it's not me.

- looks like ima hafta go get out my big black boots and give you a GOOD spankin

The bondage and discipline thing again.

Nah. If he's that interested in his jocks looking like "Mr. Universe," it does not necessarily mean he's into B&D;.

It might mean that he's gay.

Not to mention that Mr. Universe is probably up to his chemcially-enhanced eyeballs in PEDs, but whatever.

I was referring to the "pulled pork" line, AG.

No. 6 is the worst coming from a football fan. His is a sport where members of opposing teams gather at midfield after a game to pray. Hell, in the final minutes of close games, you'll see players on one knee exhorting the Lord, "Please, merciful and kind God, help their field goal kicker choke here. Amen."

Most plays, the QB is never touched. He often does nothing but hand the ball to someone else, or make a short lob of a pass that requires almost no physical effort.

I'm guessing you watch a lot of Tom Brady.

on what other topic does the BBTF community almost universally agree upon?

The indomitable fabulousness that is Liza Minnelli?

Ask any football, soccer, rugby, or lacrosse player what they think about rain delays in baseball and they’ll likely give you an answer we can’t print here.

J-Mo must have loved

If I want a lesson in mathematics, I’ll walk through the halls of MIT, not the turnstiles of Yawkey Way.

NFL Quarterback Rating Formula

a = (((Comp/Att) * 100) -30) / 20
b = ((TDs/Att) * 100) / 5
c = (9.5 - ((Int/Att) * 100)) / 4
d = ((Yards/Att) - 3) / 4

a, b, c and d can not be greater than 2.375 or less than zero.

QB Rating = (a + b + c + d) / .06

Thank God there's no math in other sports.
And while I'm on the subject, why isn't Johnny Unitas complaining about how these new-fangled ways to objectively measure QBs are killing the enjoyment of the game?* Back in the fifties all you needed to know was if your guy could hit a receiver on a 40-yard fade while head-butting the defensive end, all with a cigar clenched between his teeth.

* Aside from his somewhat-recently reduced oxygen consumption