Murray Chass has some really weird sexual fantasies.

I always took the veto to stem from the Times ultra conservative ways....

Because when one thinks of the New York Times, the phrase "ultra conservative" immediately springs to mind.

The same ultra-conservative Times that Seth Mnookin showed, several times, to have violated their own dictum concerning quoting unnamed sources, when Murray was screeching about those Red Sox-Drew tampering rumors that only he knew about?

You have to admit there was some hanky panky going on with the Red Sox and J.D. Drew.

J**** f****** c*****.

My neck, my back.

I was wondering how long it'd take these guys to find Mike Piazza again. Yuck.

Ewww. Just, ewwww.

I wanted to write about Piazza’s acne-covered back.

And we wanted to read about it Murray. Desperately.

But two or three times my editors at The New York Times would not allow it. Piazza, they said, had never been accused of using steroids so I couldn’t write about it.

But wait, I said, if I write about it, I will in effect be accusing Piazza of using steroids and then someone will have accused him of using steroids. No can do, I was told. I always took the veto to stem from the Times ultra conservative ways, but I also wondered if it maybe was the baseball editor, a big Mets’ fan, protecting the Mets.

It's a shame that a man with this much integrity isn't writing for a major news organization anymore.

I guess Murray was bored of his BLOG (it's a blog, Murray! BLOG BLOG BLOG!!!!) being ignored by everyone besides Repoz.

Circumstantial evidence against Piazza is almost as strong as it is against Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens and Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa

This is just a crazy statement. Bonds and Clemens have extraordinarily longevity with historically late peaks, and much more importantly, witnesses testifying against them. That is actual circumstantial evidence (regardless of how much credibility you give it.) Even with McGwire, you could cobble the fact he was taking other questionably-baseball-legal substances, the fact (IIRC) that he went from injury-prone to not (until his knee died, that is), the late peak, and his brother's and Canseco's book into a Frankenstein monster that could perhaps be charitably called circumstantial evidence. The case against Piazza doesn't even get that far. As for Sosa, well, that's probably true, there's as much evidence against Piazza as there is against Sosa... but I wouldn't take that the way Murray does.

Coincidentally, while I was writing this column, I heard a radio commercial for a product called Proactiv (cq) Solution. I went to its Web site and found all sorts of celebrities who say they used it for their acne: Jessica Simpson, Alyssa Milano, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Vanessa Williams, Ryan Scheckler, Serena Williams, among others.

Piazza’s name was not on the list and his picture was missing from the group of pictures that adorned the site.

Well, that proves it then; if there isn't Proactive Solution, there must be retribution. I will briefly think about rubbing oil on these women (I don't even know who Ryan Scheckler is, so I can skip that one easily) and then move on.

But the method Piazza used became apparent to me. It wasn’t medicine or any substance; it was abstinence.

I guess I could buy that. I mean, abstinence made George Costanza a genius! ("Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant.")

By far the most incriminating thing in this article is the picture of Piazza seemingly voluntarily touching Tommy Lasorda.

Piazza’s name was not on the list and his picture was missing from the group of pictures that adorned the site.

This is some batshit crazy thinking. I mean, wow.

Wait -- was the notion that MurrayChass.com was a parody site ever disproven?

My neck, my back.

My neck and my back!

When I was a kid--from late teens until well into my twenties I had horrendous acne on my back; still have scars from it more than 30 years later. Never had anything approaching that type of problem with facial zits. Received medication for the problem briefly when in my early twenties, helped a lot, but stopped too soon to clear it entirely.

My point being that "He has backne!" really does not equal "ROIDER!" Nor does the "sudden" clearing of the problem mean "EXROIDER!"

Piazza’s name was not on the list and his picture was missing from the group of pictures that adorned the site.

This is some batshit crazy thinking. I mean, wow.

I know. It's absolutely stunning. Since a guy wasn't listed as a celebrity endorser of a specific acne medication, he must be a steroid user? Jesus, that's the craziest statement I've seen about steroids yet, and we've seen quite a few high-quality examples of lunacy.

"He has backne!"

"backne" is one of my favourite combined words.

Others include "shiggles" (s hits and giggles) and "dryballs" (dry eyeballs).

I'm trying to coin the word 'chuggler' to mean a binge drinker who goes through one type of alcohol after another in a give night. So far, no luck.

I'm trying to coin the word 'chuggler' to mean a binge drinker who goes through one type of alcohol after another in a give night. So far, no luck.

Too bad you weren't at the University of Regina's pop-culture conference last weekend. Due to changing venues I successively went through a Rickard's White phase, followed by Rochefort, and finally, the disaster that was $3.25 Caesars. Had I been coherent enough to form a word by the end of it, that word very well may have been "chuggler".

the disaster that was $3.25 Caesars.

Wow. That just screams hangover, doesn't it?

Had I been coherent enough to form a word by the end of it, that word very well may have been "chuggler".

We are building up the google hits! Speaking of which, I better make sure it hasn't already been coined...

edit: Well #### it all. Nevermind.

Funny, today I was trying to remember how the Mike Piazza is gay rumors got started, & this article pops up. Maybe the original theory was whispered by Chass in some back room a long time ago. I always worry about guys that need to qualifiy themselves when talking about other men 'Not that I spend time staring at men's backs', that they probably do. As an aside, I know lots of guys that have backne & don't take steroids. I just look around at the other engineers in the locker room at work.

I better make sure it hasn't already been coined...

I find this variant slightly confusing.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Noodle+Chuggler

When steroids became a daily subject in newspaper articles I wanted to write about Piazza’s acne-covered back. I was prepared to describe it in disgusting living color. But two or three times my editors at The New York Times would not allow it.

Also, he ought to thank his editor from saving him from making a fool out of himself. Jesus, Murray.

Too bad you weren't at the University of Regina's pop-culture conference last weekend.

I still enjoy running into a fellow Queen City resident on this site. Did you see the story about Sask on cnn.com today?

I was trying to remember how the Mike Piazza is gay rumors got started

I think it was mostly a blind item from Neil Travis in the Post.

Or am I confusing that with a Sandy Koufax rumor?

No I hadn't seen it...thanks for the tip
Always nice to see Saskwatchewan get some props. Go Potash!!

I still enjoy running into a fellow Queen City resident on this site. Did you see the story about Sask on cnn.com today?

I'm not from the Queen City, but I saw that article earlier. How the hell did you guys get all the jobs?

Two words my friend
Pot and Ash

oh...and oil too I suppose

I'm trying to coin the word 'chuggler' to mean a binge drinker who goes through one type of alcohol after another in a give night. So far, no luck.

Mine is "testiculacking" and I've used it in a few columns--another; although it's more of a euphemism is: "phallucranial."

Best Regards

John

A friend of mine once tried to coin the word "bongo" as a replacement for "cool".

It never really took off, in no small part because he wasn't very bongo himself.

My other word is grotox, meaning any kind of elective plastic surgery that makes the patient look worse afterwards. See; Ryan, Meg.

See; Ryan, Meg.

And Cox, Nikki

These days, I think the oil is what's keeping the job market hopping.

The number of oil operations at work in the southeast part of the province is amazing.

Here's some information on the Bakken Formation, the geological term for "a whole lot of reachable oil in and around Saskatchewan".

Making portmanteau words is one of Posnanski's favorite pastimes; read up.

A friend of mine once tried to coin the word "bongo" as a replacement for "cool".

A series of misunderstandings convinced my aunt once that "packed" now meant "cool." I still think this could work.

If the Piazza rumor question is serious, it came from an Out magazine article where the writer claimed to be involved with (paraphrasing) "a prominent East Coast baseball player", and from Piazza's semi-mentor Bobby Valentine saying that he thought that -- prepare yourself for a statement so absolutely shocking that it surely must have had some ulterior motive!!!! -- most players would be ok with a gay teammate.

"Find-a the pizza on-a the Piazza!"

"My other word is grotox, meaning any kind of elective plastic surgery that makes the patient look worse afterwards."

Respectful nod from Tara Reid's mutant nipple.

Also, since when is it news that a greasy Italian has backne?

15. Hysterical & Useless Posted: March 04, 2009 at 02:37 PM (#3092582)

When I was a kid--from late teens until well into my twenties I had horrendous acne on my back; still have scars from it more than 30 years later. Never had anything approaching that type of problem with facial zits. Received medication for the problem briefly when in my early twenties, helped a lot, but stopped too soon to clear it entirely.

Hysterical & Useless is Piazza?

Also, since when is it news that a greasy Italian has backne?

i was going to say something like this, but thought better of it ...

btw, bukowski writes about his teenage acne problems in 'ham on rye' at length. its pretty hard to stomach.

the backne = roid user is too effing stoopid to believe.

too bad there is no such thing as libel because if this was any other country, piazza would sue. i guess that ex-reporter has now become the kind of blogger that bissinger was screeching at will leitch about

i would luuuvvvv to see how ol murr would explain why females (not athletes, not roid users) have backne.

maybe piazza doesn't got backne no more because he now has a wife to run the acne medicine on his back

This article is useless without pictures

</barf>

This article is useless without pictures

</barf>


I thought Mike Piazza is supposed to be heterosexual.

Anyway, what's the point of releasing this now? A late run of trying to block Pizzia's hall of fame bid?

but I also wondered if it maybe was the baseball editor, a big Mets’ fan, protecting the Mets.

This is when you feel for someone in the baseball editor's position. Murray pitches this horseshit to the guy and he has to tactfully turn down the story idea. "Murray, I see where you're going with this, but do you have anything else? Anything?"

And Murray's take is that the guy wouldn't let him run a story because of his rooting interests.

This is why bloggers have no credibility.

You have to admit there was some hanky panky going on with the Red Sox and J.D. Drew.

Why? People who say this imply some sort of tampering or something to explain Drew opting out. Why? The Red Sox had a right fielder, Trot Nixon, whose career was falling off a cliff. Drew was exactly the type of high obp player the Sox valued. Why do people think it was so mysterious, only explicable by dark conspiracies and tampering that Drew's agent, Scott Boras, would realize that the Red Sox would be very interested?

Yes, Drew said to some media in LA that he was going to stay. What the hell was he supposed to say? You lala land people make me sick. I'm outta here. He avoided a conflict and then his agent painted an accurate picture of the market. Oh my god! It must've been Sam Giancana and Clay Shaw who made J.D. Drew opt out!!

Are conspiracy explanations that much more appealing than straitforward explanations that they should be preferred by so many people even when an explanation involving honest conduct is perfectly reasonable?

A late run of trying to block Piazza's hall of fame bid?

I do think that Piazza could be an insightful HOF case in the sense that, if the BBWAA doesn't vote Mike Piazza into the HOF on the basis of #### like this and the column last week from the guy who asked Piazza if he ever used steroids and then wrote a column saying that he didn't believe Piazza when he said "No", then there's a decent chance that the BBWAA will just decide to elect nobody who peaked during the "steroid era" (except for Greg Maddux), which could leave years between BBWAA electees.

The Red Sox had a right fielder, Trot Nixon, whose career was falling off a cliff.

Not to mention that he was an impending free agent himself.

I think it's more plausible that Chass made up the Drew/Sox tampering thing, because he could see no other rational reason why a player like Drew, with an agent like Boras, would opt out of a contract despite claiming beforehand he wouldn't, and to go to a team obviously having the budget, the vacancy, and the track record of desire for the skills he possessed.

My neck, my back
Lick Mike Piazza and his bat

As an aside, I know lots of guys that have backne & don't take steroids. I just look around at the other engineers in the locker room at work.

Good thing you only looked around when they're backs were turned!

No way to avoid the fact that the locker room is a homosexual atmosphere, especially the professional lockerroom.

But wait, I said, if I write about it, I will in effect be accusing Piazza of using steroids and then someone will have accused him of using steroids.

My god, does he not understand how ridiculous this sounds? Is he that clueless as to what journalism is supposed to be?

This is embarrassing to Chass. His editor saved him from looking like a fool, but Chass had to get this out so that, in addition to looking like a fool, he'd also be able to take a cheap shot at the editor, thus looking petty as well.

He wanted to do story about the acne on a player's back? In addition to being completely bogus as evidence, doesn't this seem awfully invasive? Isn't there an implied agreement that the writers will not use their access to naked players to their benefit? It seems to me that what Chass wanted to do was somewhat akin to taking video of the undressed players and publishing it or describing their anatomical dimensions in a column. The writers are given that access so that they can talk to the players about the game, not scrutinize their bodies.

This is when you feel for someone in the baseball editor's position. Murray pitches this horseshit to the guy and he has to tactfully turn down the story idea. "Murray, I see where you're going with this, but do you have anything else? Anything?"

I was thinking that myself. Borrowing as must as possible from the above excerpt, I imagined the conversation was something along the lines of:

Murray: I want to write about Piazza’s acne-covered back.

Editor: ???

Murray: I'm prepared to describe it in disgusting living color.

Editor: Ummmm.......

Murray: The one thing I know is that the use of steroids supposedly causes the user to have acne on his back.

Editor: O.K., lemme get this straight: you want to do a story accusing Piazza of using steroids. And the basis of your accusation is that he has acne on his back?

Murray: As I said, Piazza had plenty of acne on his back.

Editor: Alright; other than his acne, what other proof do you have?

Murray: ????

Editor: Yeah, that's what I thought. You know that Piazza has never been accused of using steroids, right?

Murray: But wait; if I write about it, I will in effect be accusing Piazza of using steroids and then someone will have accused him of using steroids.

Editor: Look, Murray, here's what you do: go get some proof that Piazza used the stuff. Do a little of what we around here all investigative journalism. Until then, no can do.

Murray: You're just vetoing my story because you're a big Mets’ fan!

Editor: Sigh.

Editor: Have you asked him whether he used?

Murray: Dear god, no. That would be uncomfortable. And he'd just say "no" anyway.

Joel Sherman, busting in the door: But him saying "no" could be considered evidence that he did it!

Murray: Brilliant! What do you say, boss?

Editor: Murray, get the #### out of my office. Joel, that crap doesn't fly here. Take it to the Post.

"backne" is one of my favourite combined words.

Others include "shiggles" (s hits and giggles) and "dryballs" (dry eyeballs).

Shart.

Yeah, you know what it means.

I'm with Rough on the Drew thing. I just don't see a need for tampering. Why assume it happened without any evidence?

In the next edition of "Murray Chass"- Murray's breathless description of Piazza's scrotum!

Shart' no good because it's in the wrong order.

[46] Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're telling me that Drew would have opted out independently of any Red Sox decision that off season in 2006? Especially when the Dodgers contract was considered one of the more expensive ones at the time?

Drew was making 3/33 and the contracts that off-season went through the roof. It didn't take much to figure out that he had a chance to cash in there.

And Cox, Nikki

Ryan, please tell me that one of the sexiest women who has ever lived did not feel the need to tamper with her physical features......

Sorry. She had some weird lip thing done, and the results have been somewhat unique in nature.

Ryan, please tell me that one of the sexiest women who has ever lived did not feel the need to tamper with her physical features......

I spent most of the day reading about Depression-era art, the economic meltdown, Iceland's implosion, and working on my taxes but this, Nikki Cox messing with her beautiful face and body, THIS was the most depressing thing I read all day.

I spent most of the day reading about Depression-era art, the economic meltdown, Iceland's implosion, and working on my taxes but this, Nikki Cox messing with her beautiful face and body, THIS was the most depressing thing I read all day.

If that's true, then you probably shouldn't look at this.

Is that even legal?

Is that even legal?

What she's done to herself, or what I'm doing to you?

Man, Cox must have taken her firing from the show Las Vegas pretty badly.

She also needs to eat a sandwich or two hundred.

What she's done to herself, or what I'm doing to you?

What she did. You're doing a public service.

In a follow-up, Chass also blamed HGH for Don Mossi's facial abnormalities.

I spent most of the day reading about Depression-era art, the economic meltdown, Iceland's implosion, and working on my taxes but this, Nikki Cox messing with her beautiful face and body, THIS was the most depressing thing I read all day.

See how perfect grotox is? See? Work with me, people!

Anyway, what's the point of releasing this now? A late run of trying to block Pizzia's hall of fame bid?

Jealousy. Which is sad and creepy.

See how perfect grotox is? See? Work with me, people!

Is it better than Icelandosion! though?

Man, Cox must have taken her firing from the show Las Vegas pretty badly.

Now that I think about it, Cox is probably taking her marriage to Jay Mohr pretty badly. I know I did.

You're telling me that Drew would have opted out independently of any Red Sox decision that off season in 2006?

What evidence do we have that it happened another way? That he said he wasn't going to opt out, then he did? By that evidence, who was guilty of tampering when A-Rod opted out of his contract the next year, despite giving assurances beforehand that he wouldn't? Maybe it was Boston, given that Mike Lowell's contract was expiring. But there's no way A-Rod and Boras could have anticipated that.

I guess the interesting question is this: When Scott Boras has arranged for opt-out clauses in a contract, have his clients ever not opted out? And how has that worked out?

ick, why did that sexy Nikki Cox get a Julia Roberts upper lip transplant!?

Wait -- was the notion that MurrayChass.com was a parody site ever disproven?

Seriously on this. Has Chass ever gone on record that it is really his site?

Seriously on this. Has Chass ever gone on record that it is really his site?

Of course, it would be awesome if this really were a spoof site.

Maury...I've seen Murray talking about his non-blog on non-TV (YESNetwork) and he has defended his "site" on his site.

Plus...


MurrayChass.com is for real

So after all the speculation and theorizing about whether MurrayChass.com is a real site written by the real Murray Chass, who used to write for the real New York Times, Sarah finally had the brilliantly simple idea of just calling up the real Murray Chass and seeing what he would say.

Wisely mentioning that she writes for the Boston Metro and glossing over the fact that she also considers herself a blogger (preferring instead to refer to “websites,” which, after all, UmpBump is), Sarah said she had heard some internet chatter that the site was a clever hoax, that she’d been discussing it with some colleagues, and that in the end she figured she’d better go to the horse’s mouth.

Chass was very intrigued as to why people thought the site might be fake and peppered Sarah with questions about that, while not giving away any information. In the end, since Sarah works for a newspaper (”something that’s actually printed on paper,”) and since she actually called him (he did acknowledge receiving “some emails” asking the same question) he said he would confirm that it was really his site.

So in the end, UmpBump’s suspicions turned out to be untrue. But you know what they say in journalism: If your mother says she loves you, check it out.

Sorry. She had some weird lip thing done, and the results have been somewhat unique in nature.

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it!

ick, why did that sexy Nikki Cox get a Julia Roberts upper lip transplant!?

Has anybody ever had a lip transplant in which they looked better after having it? I haven't seen it yet.

"Now that I think about it, Cox is probably taking her marriage to Jay Mohr pretty badly. I know I did."

When (and where) did you marry Jay Mohr?

nikki cox is beautiful????? sexy????

she look like a not so delicious bass/grouper with obviously fake boobs (maybe even joe E brown in drag)

- i sure do gotta say that the one thing i have learned since i started hanging with all 10,000 of yall non-females is that the words "sexy" "beautiful" "attractive" sure do mean different things to different guys

which is a good thing for us females

"sexy" "beautiful" "attractive" sure do mean different things to different guys

which is a good thing for us females

Even a better deal for most men that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What's sad for women is that they are so much more susceptible to trying to look like some kind of ideal and then end up as mannequins. Worse, it's mainly women who perpetrate this crime upon one another.

alex

it IS indeed us females who are obsessed with the whole "ideal" crap. i wish i knew why we suddenly decide that our value as humans depends on what we look like and it is just an awful thing. it is really the absolute worst thing about being female. which is why, by the way, you really CAN'T say to your own grrrls not to worry about what they look like. it is not really possible unfortunately

Yes, women have to pay attention to their looks, but the key is to do it in a positive and self-fulfilling way. It can be done, but you really do have to tune out what 'people' think you should look like.

I appreciate women who are 'different', who are individual in their hair and dress, and while I am attracted to some bodies more than others, I am attracted to a wide range of women of differing shapes and sizes. It's what you do with what you've got that counts. For me.

Of course, teenage girls have it the roughest -- even when they are quite beautiful, they don't generally think so. And they don't have the experience to overcome others' expectations.

"I appreciate women who are 'different', who are individual in their hair and dress, and while I am attracted to some bodies more than others, I am attracted to a wide range of women of differing shapes and sizes."

Not me. I take a set of calipers with me on dates, to make sure that the lady's up to factory spec.

Not me. I take a set of calipers with me on dates, to make sure that the lady's up to factory spec.

Too risky. You could wind up wasting an evening on a date with one that doesn't meet spec. Gotta make sure they're in compliance BEFORE the date.

I am attracted to a wide range of women of differing shapes and sizes

Which is another way of saying, "I don't expect to spend most of my adult life in a monogamous relationship."

Of course, a lot happens in life that we don't expect. 8-)