Pioneer Press/Powers: Sorry, Joe, no one will hit .400 again

The Splendid Splinter is splendidly splintered.

There were reports several years ago of Ted Williams’ frozen head rolling off a table, or something, at a cryonics lab in Arizona. So the chances of Williams, the greatest hitter who ever lived, someday being reanimated shattered when his head hit the floor and cracked like a cheap Christmas tree ornament.

Furthermore, now that his creepy son, John Henry, also is dead, Ted’s DNA no longer is for sale. That DNA would have been an infinitely better investment for the small-market Twins than, say, Tony Batista. But now it’s a moot point.

No matter, even if Williams were brought back by scientists and infused with youth, he could not hit .400 in this day and age. The last man to reach that mark — .406 in 1941 — he simply couldn’t do it in today’s game.

Guaranteed he’d hit 1,000 home runs in the smaller ballparks and without the interruptions of military service. Plus, he wouldn’t have to worry about the knockdown pitch or playing in the outfield. Williams was born to be a designated hitter.

But .400? No, because no one will ever hit .400 again. Not Joe Mauer. Not Albert Pujols. Nobody.