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Friday, May 16, 2008

Portfolio: Lidz: Jason Giambi: Bronx Cheer

The G-string...uh, no thanks.

Off the field, Giambi is a freewheeling character with a smile as wide as the gap in left center at Yankee Stadium. He loves strip joints, cites Letters to Penthouse as his favorite work of literature, and lives by the motto “Party like a rock star, hammer like a porn star, rake like an all-star.”

“I’m a year older than Mickey Mantle was in his final game,” he says. “My teammates used to call me the Modern-day Mick because I could play all day and party all night. Now I’m more of a family guy. I drive an Escalade to the ballpark.”

...When this season ends, the Yanks could pick up Giambi’s 2009 option for $22 million. Or they could pay him $5 million to go away. Though Giambi would happily take a pay cut to stay in New York—"Money doesn’t drive me,” he says—the team will likely give him a buyout and invest in younger, less limited talent. No doubt he’ll sign on with another franchise, quite possibly the A’s.

Giambi doesn’t plan to hang up his cleats just yet, but he’s not exactly ruing the day he does. “After A-Rod retires, he wants to be a real estate mogul, the next Donald Trump,” Giambi says. “I could care less. As long as I can have a fast boat and a margarita machine and can light my hair on fire, I’ll be just fine.”

Repoz Posted: May 16, 2008 at 12:38 AM | 22 comment(s)
  Related News: GeneralNY Yankees

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   1. spike  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 06:43 AM (#2782935)
What the hell does "hammer like a porn star" mean? And if this sort of (weak) allusion to sex passes the sensibility test, couldn't you just say "make love like a porn star? And am i the only person that sees a small logical disconnect between "He loves strip joints, cites Letters to Penthouse as his favorite work of literature, and lives by the motto “Party like a rock star, hammer like a porn star, rake like an all-star” and "'Now I’m more of a family guy'"?

Man this is just a terribly written fluff(er) piece.
   2. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 07:08 AM (#2782940)
Oooooh, an Escalade! How suburban of you Jason.
   3. OCD SS  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 07:38 AM (#2782953)
Rake like an All-star.


.181/.341/.438 from 1B.
   4. depletion  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 08:16 AM (#2782980)
"Money doesn’t drive me,”


I'm sure this resonates with all the little people a few dollars short of a $145M contract.
   5. gef the talking mongoose  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 08:26 AM (#2782990)
long as I can have a fast boat and a margarita machine and can light my hair on fire,


What's stopping you, you 'roiding piece of crap?
   6. Whaddaya think of that, John Moore?  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 08:29 AM (#2782995)
He may still be fine on the first point, but if he did steroids, he may be down to a tack hammer. And he's raking now like an ex-star.
   7. Cooperstown Schtick  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 08:52 AM (#2783023)
and lives by the motto “Party like a rock star, hammer like a porn star, rake like an all-star.”

The guy is hitting .333... in life.
   8. tfbg9  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 10:22 AM (#2783113)
The deepest, darkest secret harbored by the New York Yankees first baseman is that whenever he is in a prolonged hitting funk, he wears a gold lamé, tiger-stripe thong under his uniform. "I only put it on when I'm desperate to get out of a big slump," he confides.



I wonder if he gets them the same place I get mine...
   9. Edmundo is Super Average Man  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 10:25 AM (#2783116)
I wonder if he gets them the same place I get mine...
Siegfried and Roy's trash can?
   10. Hang down your head, Tom Foley  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 10:36 AM (#2783130)
Get traded for Dick Tidrow like a Brusstar.
   11. Belfry Bob  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 11:15 AM (#2783193)
“I could care less. As long as I can have a fast boat and a margarita machine and can light my hair on fire, I’ll be just fine.”

Words to live by.

don't try this at home, kids!
   12. Weekly Journalist_  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 11:45 AM (#2783235)
That OBP and SLG are pretty impressive for a guy hitting .180. Do you really think that batting average is sustainable?
   13. Cooperstown Schtick  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 11:45 AM (#2783238)
Listen, Jimmy, Jeremy, whatever your name is. When you start hitting .300 in the show, then you can set your hair on fire and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you start hitting .300, however, it means you are a slob. A greasy flaming slob.
   14. Charter Member of the Jesus Melendez Fanclub  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 12:31 PM (#2783280)
Why would he want to light his hair on fire? What pleasure would that bring him?
   15. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 12:48 PM (#2783297)
Why would he want to light his hair on fire? What pleasure would that bring him?

I just assumed this was slang for self-abuse while your brother watched.

Ewwwwwwww!
   16. The Good Face  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 01:11 PM (#2783322)
as I can ... light my hair on fire, I’ll be just fine


That explains why he apparently styles his 'do with motor oil. I've never seen a greasier, sweatier looking ballplayer.
   17. Walt Davis  Posted: May 16, 2008 at 05:31 PM (#2783633)
.181/.341/.438 from 1B.

Laugh all you want, but with the AL doing their best 1972 impression, that's a 116 OPS+. Still not all-star, but not shabby.

OK, it's not as bad as 1972 (239/306/343) but c'mon, you guys are barely out-OPSing Juan Pierre.

Yes, OPS is now a verb.
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