I, for one, am tired of all these people like Chris Truby and Marge Schott leaving their money to zoos.

Pete, it's only funny when Matt Rauseo does it.

Who the #### gets Pete Rose to talk to ####### kids? I don't care if they're a bunch of little shits, you shouldn't have that ####### ####### giving them any god damn advice.

I am in complete agreement with Dr Love

The last line in the article positively resounds in my head with Kent Brockman's voice.

Well, I hope the kids at least got some solid betting advice from him.

Wow, that's got to be one of the few times in Peter Bronson's career where the subject of his piece is actually a bigger ######### than he is.

Every year, Pete Rose seems like more and more of an #######.

Daddy, why was Pete Rose showering with Joe DiMaggio?

Anyone care to imagine Pete when he's Feller's age?

I can't wait to see who they invite to the football camp - Michael Vick and Pacman Jones?

It's finally happened Pete, you've lost your mind...

LaaLaa DaaDeeLaaHaaLaa...

Actually, inviting Pete Rose to a camp that the U.S. Army is hosting to recruit 7 year-olds seems extremely appropriate to me...

DL from MN,

That was hilarious in #11.

Hopefully your commute today didn't totally suck balls after the whole bridge thing.

Actually, inviting Pete Rose to a camp that the U.S. Army is hosting to recruit 7 year-olds seems extremely appropriate to me...

Man, you hate the country.

:)

Sorry, I lost two 17 year-olds this year to recruiters who convinced them to drop out of school to join the National Guard because "it's strictly a domestic body--there is zero chance you will be sent overseas".

I love my country, I just hate the people in charge. Especially Ted Kennedy, WTF is wrong with that guy?

Actually, if I had time, I would re-write this article--it should practically write itself--Ted Kennedy addressing a group of 7-14 year old campers

Anyone care to imagine Pete when he's Feller's age?

What are the odds on Rose making it to Feller's age?

#15 - JC

No, no...think of it as the Army's version of Scared Straight.

Luckily my commute doesn't come near that bridge. It's going to be difficult to get to a Twins game though.

I can't wait to see who they invite to the football camp - Michael Vick and Pacman Jones?

Jason Whitlock's a possibility. He got "gigantic turd" printed in the Star this morning. Adjusted for context, that's fairly impressively profane.

I am with Dr. Love on this one. What did the Army expect of Pete Rose? Why would you be presenting him in front of camp kids? It makes no sense. The person who thought this would be a good idea should spend a weekend scrubbing garbage cans or whatever punishment Sgt. Hulka's big toe can think of.

- John Winger

I think you all should cut Pete some slack. We all have a different filter when we're drunk.

Anyone care to imagine Pete when he's Feller's age?

Wearing cement shoes at the bottom of some body of water due to unpaid gambling debts to the mob?

Just for the record, Pete Rose was a loser every year from 1985 to 1988.

Maybe Pete had a bet with someone on the number of times he could swear without getting tossed out of there on his ass...

"His comment that he was (bleeped) off that Marge didn’t leave him any money in her will and that she left it all to the zoo."

I had not heard this. Is it just me, or is it really funny that she left her money to a bunch of monkeys after some of the racial remarks that she made?

So what does it remind you more of: Gary Cole's Career Day speech at the beginning of Talladega Nights, or LT's "Which leads me to my next point: don't smoke cracl" in The Waterboy?

Has anyone here ever been subjected to a really awkward speech like this one? The guy who came to give us our yearly sexual harrassment / discrimination course was pretty painful - made a lot of subtle "I won't touch men" homophobic jokes, etc.

One of my soccer coaches blasted us with a *ton* of consecutive F bombs once, but we were 15 or 16, so it was more funny than anything.

there are still people, esp. from cincinnati, that just think pete got a bum rap; they rationalize him into respectability -- 'he only ever bet to win' -- that sort of thing.
maybe some higher up is from cincinnati and felt like a real scrappy guy like pete could do some good ... and didn't care what 'the media' had to say about rose. that's the thing that bothers me the most about him. he somehow manages to find the fools who swallow his line, and gets a gig, and keeps hanging around.

"Which leads me to my next point: don't smoke cracl" in The Waterboy?

Smoke cracl, pop!

Marge left a large chunk to the zoo, but also pretty big bucks to Children's Hospital, her alma mater and a few other schools.

Has anyone here ever been subjected to a really awkward speech like this one?

Isn't wasn't awkward except for the fact that we all had to fight from laughing, but after losing to some DI pitching prospect who pitched for our rival (4-1 I think), my high school baseball coach began his speech with "How did it feel to have your bats shoved up your asses..."

I don't remember much after that because I was biting my lip so hard to not burst out laughing.

This is my bat.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My bat is my best friend.
It is my life.
I must master it as I must master my life.
My bat, without me, is useless.
Without my bat, I am useless.
I must swing my bat true.
I must hit straighter than my opponent,
who is trying to beat me.
I must beat him before he beats me.
I will.

My bat and myself know that what counts in baseball,
is not the foul balls,
the length of our fly outs,
nor the contact we make.
We know it is the hits that count.
We will hit.

My bat is human, even as I, because it is my career.
Thus, I will learn it as a brother.
I will learn its length,
its weight,
its grain,
its color,
its handle and its barrel.
I will ever guard it against
the ravages of weather and damage.
I will keep my bat tarred and ready,
even as I am eye-blacked and ready.
We will become part of each other.
We will.

Before Abner Doubleday I swear this creed.
My bat and myself are the defenders of my team.
We are the masters of our opponents.
We are the saviors of my season.
So be it, until there is no opponent,
but playoffs.

His comment that he was (bleeped) off that Marge didn’t leave him any money in her will and that she left it all to the zoo.

What exactly was Pete's relationship with Marge that he feels excluded from her will? I'm having some ugly thoughts right now..

Is it just me, or is it really funny that she left her money to a bunch of monkeys after some of the racial remarks that she made?

It's just you, you sick ####.

Peter Bronson is an absolute *($#. I'm not sure if you really want your lead editor on the opinion page (which he was before switching to being a local columnist) to admit that he can't pass the 5th grade proficiency test.

So what does it remind you more of: Gary Cole's Career Day speech at the beginning of Talladega Nights, or LT's "Which leads me to my next point: don't smoke cracl" in The Waterboy?

More like the crackhead career day speech on the Chappelle Show..."Drugs is all around you kids. Look at that magic marker cap. What the hell you think that is, some kind of crayon? Take it off and sniff it and get high."

What exactly was Pete's relationship with Marge that he feels excluded from her will? I'm having some ugly thoughts right now..

AAAAHHHHHH! Must....cleanse....brain......

Jason Whitlock's a possibility. He got "gigantic turd" printed in the Star this morning. Adjusted for context, that's fairly impressively profane.

Whitlock prints a giant turd in the Star every morning. I am unimpressed.

What exactly was Pete's relationship with Marge that he feels excluded from her will? I'm having some ugly thoughts right now..

Ugly, perhaps... but from a karmic perspective, it certainly make sense.

“It was a complete embarrassment,” said Staff Sgt. Steven Tischer, commander of the Colerain-Highland Ridge U.S. Army Recruiting Station that sponsored the baseball camp for 7- to 14-year-olds..."He told them winning is everything and if you get second place you’re just losers.”

It's the Army. In combat, if you get second place, you are a loser. Big time.

"What exactly was Pete's relationship with Marge that he feels excluded from her will? I'm having some ugly thoughts right now.."

Do the Hustle!

It's the Army. In combat, if you get second place, you are a loser. Big time.

What about the cliche about close only counting in horseshoes and hand grenades?

What exactly was Pete's relationship with Marge that he feels excluded from her will? I'm having some ugly thoughts right now..

I'm sure he went into second base headfirst.

Even for Pete Rose, I hope he didn't spike the ball as he left first base.

Even for Pete Rose, I hope he didn't spike the ball as he left first base.

Damn. I should have known enough not to eat lunch while reading this thread...

I love my country, I just hate the people in charge. Especially Ted Kennedy, WTF is wrong with that guy?

Ted Kennedy is in charge of the country? Did I miss something?

This is my bat.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My bat is my best friend.
It is my life...

Brilliant. On the DVD of Random Harvest, there's ten minute short made in 1942 called Marines in the Making, that ends with a Marine reciting "My Rifle". It's less corny than it appears written on paper, given the circumstances of the time.

I'm sure he went into second base headfirst.

Head first into second
Head first into third
I tell you now chillun
Lemme give you the word
I'm the mack daddy gamer
Got Marge in the posse
Head first into home
Just like I did Fosse

"Ted Kennedy is in charge of the country? Did I miss something?"

Naw, he only runs it on alternate Tuesdays. The rest of the week, it's a committee made up of Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky, and Annie Sprinkle.

Ted Kennedy is in charge of the country? Did I miss something?

No, but he is one of the many people in charge that I hate.

His work on NCLB was pretty horrific.

The rest of the week, it's a committee made up of Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky, and Annie Sprinkle.

If only...

It's less corny than it appears written on paper, given the circumstances of the time.

If you liked that, then you'll love "The DI" with Jack Webb in the title role as a tough-as-nails marine drill sargent.

This is hysterical. I learned all kinds of bad words as a 7 & 8 year old reading "Charlie Hustle" Petes diary of the '74 season. I probably read that book 20 times. Might be mis-remembering, but pretty sure there's a good beaver shooting entry in it. Pete does tell of a night he went out to a fancy dinner with an urbane Joe Morgan who admonished the Hit King for his premature attempt to pour the wine sitting on the table. "Let it breathe, Pete! You gotta let it breathe!"

"His comment that he was (bleeped) off that Marge didn’t leave him any money in her will and that she left it all to the zoo."
I had not heard this. Is it just me, or is it really funny that she left her money to a bunch of monkeys after some of the racial remarks that she made?

She wanted to take care of her million dollar tiggers.

Why do people hate Whitlock?

Annie Sprinkle was HOT!

I love my country, I just hate the people in charge. Especially Ted Kennedy, WTF is wrong with that guy?

Of all the numbnuts you could have chosen, you pick bloated, useless, Ted F. Kennedy?

Hating Ted Kennedy is about the most useless thing possible.

But I love Eraser-X anyway.

No, seriously, why would Pete Rose have seen Joe Dimaggio showering?

In the steam room of the exclusive 35-Game Hitting Streak men's club.

But this is why the club had to ban Pete Rose and his cellphone.

I'm getting awfully copulating tired of this excrement. If that penis-vacuumer can't stop all the diety-cursed swearing, he can kiss my gluteus maximus! Jesus of Nazareth, what a stupid Oedipal vulva!

Urinate on this!

If Joe Morgan were urbane, he would have gone to a restaurant where the server would pour the wine into a proper glass where it would aerate. It certainly isn't going to do so in a bottle.

Post 61:

Actually, if one wishes they can have the wine decanted using, of course, a decanter. It's a piece of glass typically wide at the bottom and narrow at the top. Decanting wine is specific to red wines. The lighter wines, say a rioja, typically don't require decanting. But if you are drinking a Chauteneuf de Pape or California Zinfandel you would likely employ a decanter.

It depends on the preferences of the primary wine drinker at the table and his or her knowledge with the wine in question. Decanting encourages oxygenation and some wines suffer from this process. A very old wine has a very limited shelf life coming out of the bottle (less than 15 minutes in some cases) so decanting would be counterproductive.

She wanted to take care of her million dollar tiggers.

Tigga.

Cookie Monster get in trouble for this all the time. ####### kids not know how to keep mouths shut after hear tirade over payscale. Seriously, why Kermit get more than Cookie Monster? He barely on show. Name recognition? He hack.

I guess I just focus more on Ted Kennedy because as a Democrat, I held some faith that he wouldn't be a major part of the dismantling of the American public educational system.

I expect that from the worst president of the last century or so and his pals, but not from Ted.

Cookie, Cookie, Cookie:

If you stopped stealing everyone's dessert cookie at the company commissary the execs might react differently. Just too many anonymous complaints to HR.

That and Kermit is a schmoozer. Everybody loves the little green gay.... I mean guy. Works the room like nobody else.

I'm sure he went into second base headfirst.

Ok does anyone know what this means? I just finished with Arrested development season 3 dvds, and they mention it on the commentary but no answer is given.

The last time I was in a nice restaurant, I bought a $36 bottle of wine, which ended up having a twist-off bottle cap on it. The wine wasn't bad, but, jeez, a bottle cap! I felt like Kermit the Frog.

Boots:

It's acceptable to have a screw cap as it has been proven that the screw cap provides a more consistent and sturdy seal than cork. Many Austrialian wineries now employ the screw cap. You can expect to see more in the next few years.

Harvey: This was an Australian shiraz, from 2004, so you're right about that. But it's going to take a long time for me to see a screw cap as anything other than low-class. It's like drinking a bottle of Tab.

Boots:

Hogue Cellars completed a 30-month study comparing natural and synthetic cork closures with the Stelvin screw caps, their findings suggest significant benefits in utilizing screw caps over either natural or synthetic cork. Screw caps ensure a taint-free wine that offers consistent aging, maintained flavor and freshness with optimum quality control.

Screw caps will be high class in the not-too-distant future. Ever pay $100 (or more) for a wine that is corked? Corked wine tastes like dirty socks. Screw caps eliminate that risk and many high end producers are actively headed that way because they know that consumers are more willing to pay up when they can be certain of the quality.

Trader:

Two years ago I had an Arietta Cab that had gone bad in the bottle. And that's just one of number of instances. So I welcome our new ScrewTop Overlords.

(Did I write that correctly? I have seen that type phrase several times and it seemed appropriate)

I seem to remember the late, lamented Liz Renay vouching for the monolithicality of Joe D...

The last time I was in a nice restaurant, I bought a $36 bottle of wine, which ended up having a twist-off bottle cap on it. The wine wasn't bad, but, jeez, a bottle cap! I felt like Kermit the Frog.

IMO Steve Martin's finest performance. So, did you smell the bottlecap?

Corked wine tastes like dirty socks.

i don't know much about wine, but oxidized beer is described as tasting like cardboard. is that what you're talking about?

the way my uncle ensures a good seal on beers and meads that he plans on cellaring is by using a regular crown cap and then dipping the neck of the bottle in wax. of course, this is probably not efficient on a large scale.

My wine snob friends are looking forward to the day when we get past screwcaps and go straight to boxes, which *really* keep wines in good shape.

(Did I write that correctly? I have seen that type phrase several times and it seemed appropriate)

Close enough. The basic format is "I, for one, welcome our new <word or phrase> overlords."

It's from the Simpsons originally. Kent Brockman (the reporter) sees the image of an ant blown up onto the screen by his head and comes up with this gem:

"Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over -- 'conquered' if you will -- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves."