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Monday, July 14, 2008

Press of Atlantic City: Sikahema KOs Canseco in 1st round

Dead weight (n): an oppressive encumbrance; a heavy motionless weight

Former Philadelphia Eagle and current sportscaster Vai Sikahema knocked out the controversial former baseball star Jose Canseco in the first round of a celebrity boxing match at Bernie Robbins Stadium.

The 5-foot-9 Sikahema, 45, swarmed all over the 6-4 Canseco, 44, as soon as the opening bell sounded. He knocked Canseco down twice before the fight was stopped. The small crowd stood and roared the entire fight.

“When you step inside the square circle,” Sikahema said, “don’t ever think that your size is going to matter because in Philadelphia, we will chop you down.”

...

“The only thing that surprised me was that it didn’t end in the first 30 seconds,” Sikahema said.

S. Ransom Posted: July 14, 2008 at 10:04 PM | 30 comment(s) | Login to Bookmark
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1. jwb Posted: July 14, 2008 at 10:21 PM (#2856346)

Twenty one seconds you won't get back. Only the "highlights."

2. Kyle S Posted: July 14, 2008 at 10:38 PM (#2856366)

Awesome. No other words for it.

3. pthomas Posted: July 14, 2008 at 10:51 PM (#2856377)

Which one was the celebrity?

4. Vaux, A.B.D. Posted: July 15, 2008 at 12:45 AM (#2856484)

This actually happened?

5. robinred

Posted: July 15, 2008 at 12:59 AM (#2856495)

It's petty as hell, but I liked this.

6. RJ in TO Posted: July 15, 2008 at 01:10 AM (#2856507)

It's petty as hell, but I liked this.

You should read what Canseco's lawyer was saying: I'd be happy to double Vai's take - whatever he's getting - if he does.

7. OCF Posted: July 15, 2008 at 01:14 AM (#2856510)

The article Ryan Jones linked to also quotes the promoter as hoping to set up a match between Canseco and Mark McGwire. And the chances of McGwire agreeing to that - having any reason to agree to that - are what? Yeah, suuure.

8. RJ in TO Posted: July 15, 2008 at 01:35 AM (#2856525)

And the chances of McGwire agreeing to that - having any reason to agree to that - are what?

Maybe McGwire would like the chance to beat the crap out of Canseco? It seems like almost everyone else wants to.

9. Rich Rifkin I Posted: July 15, 2008 at 02:57 AM (#2856619)

I'd like to see Canseco fight Danny Bonaduce. Jose's about 1 foot taller and 90 pounds heavier, but I would bet on the older midget redhead.

10. The Kids Are Enright (1k5v3L)

Posted: July 15, 2008 at 03:33 AM (#2856669)

Reached at Yankee stadium, A-rod said he had no intention of boxing Sikahema because that would mess up his uppercut swing.
He was vaguely intrigued by the prospect of having the muscular Sikahema wear a blonde wig and work the pole for him in private.

11. Matt Clement of Alexandria Posted: July 15, 2008 at 03:42 AM (#2856679)

Holy ####! That's Vai Sikahema!

12. tl; dr (Voxter)

Posted: July 15, 2008 at 05:38 AM (#2856732)

I'd like to see Canseco fight Danny Bonaduce.

Since we're on the subject, I'd like to see McGwire fight Bonaduce. It'd be like watching Mike Meyers fight Mini Me.

13. Tuque

Posted: July 15, 2008 at 05:40 AM (#2856733)

I'm kind of surprised to see a reporter on the "don't snitch!" bandwagon.

Jose: You was my brother, Ozzie. You shoulda looked out for me. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn'ta had to take them steroids for the short-end money --

Ozzie: I had some bets down for you, you saw some money --

Jose: You don't understand! I coulda had class! I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it.

Featuring Bud Selig as Johnny Friendly, and Stephen A. Smith as the little kid who throws the dead bird and yells "a pigeon for a pigeon!"

14. tl; dr (Voxter)

Posted: July 15, 2008 at 06:06 AM (#2856740)

And Mike Piazza as Eva Marie Sainte?

</first and last Piazza-is-gay joke>

15. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: July 15, 2008 at 01:46 PM (#2856906)

Vai Sikahema Vai Sikahema Vai Sikahema

What a great name, I love hearing it, and I typed it above, not cut and paste B.S. thank you very much.

I kind of like Canseco, I can't help myself, but how awesome that the dwarf Sikahema beat the snot out of him. Jose's a lover, not a fighter, apparently.

16. Don't want the truth; just wanna see some dingers Posted: July 15, 2008 at 01:50 PM (#2856914)

A Tecmo Super Bowl god--man, those Phoenix Cardinals were bad, but they had some great names:

Vai Sikahema
Tim(m) Rosenbach
Garth Jax
Tom Tupa
Freddy Joe Nunn
Al Del Greco

geez, I spent too many hours playing that game.

17. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: July 15, 2008 at 01:56 PM (#2856924)

"And the chances of McGwire agreeing to that - having any reason to agree to that - are what?"

$500k to the children's charity of his choice?

18. JPWF13

Posted: July 15, 2008 at 01:57 PM (#2856927)

but how awesome that the dwarf Sikahema

5'9" 205 pounds is dwarf?????

19. Moneyball can't buy you love (Joey B.) Posted: July 15, 2008 at 02:01 PM (#2856932)

This is the new best Jose Canseco story ever, even better than the ball bouncing off his head and over the wall.

20. bbc is prejudice bout men Posted: July 15, 2008 at 02:04 PM (#2856936)

guess it ain't the size of the dog in the fight

i think laila ali would kick shtt outta canseco. he was beyond lame

21. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: July 15, 2008 at 02:13 PM (#2856944)

"how awesome that the dwarf Sikahema beat the snot out of him."

If you like a dramatic mismatch between the appearance of the participants and the result of the fight, you'd probably enjoy this one. Pre-fight, Alex E looks like he can't wait for it to end, so he can get back to that six-pack of MGD he has waiting in the locker room...

Also pretty funny: Emmanuel Yarborough.

22. Don't want the truth; just wanna see some dingers Posted: July 15, 2008 at 02:14 PM (#2856946)

Jose's a lover, not a fighter, apparently.

he's not much of a lover, either:

"Jessica claimed she didn't have an orgasm with Jose during their first two years of sex. She wrote, "If he noticed, he didn't care." So, she began faking orgasms, "but I can't honestly say he noticed that either.""

23. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: July 15, 2008 at 03:08 PM (#2857021)

5'9" 205 pounds is dwarf?????

5'9" vs. 6'4" counts as "dwarf" in my book. And I doubt Canseco is giving up any weight.

24. Chrysler Town & Country Slaughter (Walewander) Posted: July 15, 2008 at 04:43 PM (#2857139)

Right, cause there's certainly no way that a 5'9 guy who made the NFL ever would have used steroids to help his physique.

25. Moneyball can't buy you love (Joey B.) Posted: July 15, 2008 at 05:18 PM (#2857202)

2 years from now, it will be Bonds who Sikahema is kicking the crap out of. All those steroids Rosebowl floats are the same: pussies.

You know, considering the can of worms Canseco opened up with his books, there's probably a list of guys a mile long who would like to beat the crap out of him these days. There's huge money making possibilities here for a clever entrepreneur.

26. billyshears Posted: July 15, 2008 at 05:30 PM (#2857217)

I didn't RTFA, but apparently Vai Sikahema is a former golden gloves boxer.

27. Chrysler Town & Country Slaughter (Walewander) Posted: July 15, 2008 at 05:41 PM (#2857237)

So is Avon Barksdale. There's a guy I'd like to see take on Jose.

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Press of Atlantic City: Sikahema KOs Canseco in 1st round

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