Runelvys Hernandez tests positive for PEDs

Bah! The real Elvis had Codeine - Morphine - Quaaludes - Valium - Diazepam - Placidyl - Amytal - Nembutal - Carbrital - Demerol - Sinutab - Elavil - Avental and smooth Valmid hurtling toward his twisted colon.

Runelvys Hernandez, who made four starts for the Astros this year and most recently pitched for Triple-A Round Rock, was suspended for 50 games after testing positive for an amphetamine, the Commissioner’s Office announced on Saturday.

Amphetamines are considered a performance-enhancing substance and are in violation of the Minor League Drug Prevention and Treatment Program.

The suspension of Hernandez will be effective at the start of next season.

“We strongly believe in the Commissioner’s drug-testing program, and we are disappointed in the choice that Runelvys made,” Astros general manager Ed Wade said. “Major League Baseball and the 30 clubs have taken great strides toward eliminating the use of performance-enhancing substances in baseball, and we are fully supportive of all measures to ensure a clean game.”