Ichiro eats nothing but our impure thoughts.

I have an acquaintance who delivers stuff for an international shipping organization and happens to have Suzuki's house on their route. I'll see if I can find out what he's received, and maybe Moore can make another lame column out of it.

A real writer could have done a nice piece with this angle, too. Pity.

He lives on fresh air & sunshine. Everyone knows that.

Rickey sounds way more interesting

A real writer could have done a nice piece with this angle, too. Pity.

Nobody would ever mistake Moore for a real writer.

FINALLY, IT'S HERE, the promotion we've all been waiting for -- Ichiro Hydroplane Night.

What a combination, Ichiro Suzuki and hydros -- I just don't get that at all, but his name sells and attracts, and that's what matters.

Geez, this guy is from Seattle, and he doesn't understand the role that hydroplanes hold in Seattle's sports pantheon? In the 1950s and 1960s, hydros were Seattle's main pro sport - the only thing that rivalled them in the public conciousness was University of Washington football. Seattle didn't have a major-league pro team until the Supersonics in 1967. Before that time, every kid in Seattle wanted to grow up to be Bill Muncey. And while it's not that way now, there is certainly a lingering effect on how seriously Seattleites take their hydros...

His teammates respect Ichiro and speak highly of him. They've seen him do many things and marvel at his preparation, his dedication, but still they wonder: Does he ever eat?

Ben Broussard has never seen him eat, aside from one time when Ichiro was at his locker having "some kind of something he was munching on."

"If we knew what he was eating, a lot of us would try to eat it because it's working for him," Broussard said.

Batista thinks he saw Ichiro bring some "Japanese stuff" on the plane once but also said: "I've never seen him eat. Nobody has."

Perhaps the most common human interest story circulated about Ichiro during his rookie season was his habit of eating rice balls made by his wife before each game, and his sharing them with his teammates (from a 2001 P-I story):

[Bret] Boone, who loves Japanese food, has a special affinity for rice balls made by Ichiro's wife.

"She made some for me in spring training and later I just joked, 'Hey, whatever happened to those things?'"

A rice ball appeared in Boone's locker the next day, and there has been a constant supply since. Center fielder Mike Cameron is in on the action as well.

"The first time Booney ate one of those things, I think he hit like two home runs," Cameron said. "I said, 'You got any more of those?'"

He's a ROBOT!

See if we can get him to punch somebody to prove otherwise.

See if we can get him to punch somebody to prove otherwise.

If he's a robot, he's an advanced one capable of understanding the zeroth law. I'm sure he'd punch somebody for the betterment of humanity.