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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Shea Hillenbrand’s Son Attacked by Lemur

They don’t look all that dangerous, but a few weeks ago a pet lemur went on the attack sending the son of a former major leaguer to the hospital. Former Diamondbacks player Shea Hillenbrand’s son was attacked and we are now hearing the 911 call from that attack. FOX 10’s Troy Hayden reports.

Crashburn Alley Posted: April 16, 2008 at 11:52 AM | 44 comment(s)
Related News: General, Arizona

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1. Fly Has Risen, Like a Phoenix from Arizona Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:07 PM (#2746709)

Wow. Awesome. That's an amazing headline.

2. Wheelhouse Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:09 PM (#2746713)

Well, that's no ordinary lemur! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! Look, that lemur's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer! He'll do you up a treat, mate.

3. Miguel Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:10 PM (#2746718)

What I really want out of this story is an answer to my question: What the hell is Shea Hillenbrand doing with pet lemurs?

4. Johnny Clash Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:11 PM (#2746721)

There is no such thing as a "pet" lemur, or there shouldn't be. They're not domesticated animals. SET THE LEMURS FREE.

5. Fly Has Risen, Like a Phoenix from Arizona Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:12 PM (#2746722)

What I really want out of this story is an answer to my question: What the hell is Shea Hillenbrand doing with pet lemurs?

He was going to open a petting zoo. I'm so glad that I'm not kidding.

6. Fly Has Risen, Like a Phoenix from Arizona Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:13 PM (#2746726)

Hillenbrand took his son out for a walk and a good samaritan phoned it in.

Shea Hillenbrand has never walked in his life, and you know it.

7. Le Comble du Bob Dernier Cri Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:27 PM (#2746749)

Oh, for the love of mike, as if I didn't have enough to be neurotic about every time I leave my house: marauding lemurs.

8. Shredder Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:28 PM (#2746750)

He was going to open a petting zoo.

Note to self: Lemurs apparently don't like to be petted. When opening a petting zoo, leave Lemurs out.

9. SoSH U at work Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:33 PM (#2746758)

Note to self: Lemurs apparently don't like to be petted. When opening a petting zoo, leave Lemurs out.

On the flip side, if you call your venture Shredder's Petting Zoo, I'd have to think that your patrons would almost be expecting that kind of treatment.

10. Dr Love Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:34 PM (#2746767)

He shouldn't have called the lemur a faggot.

EDIT: Kevin beat me to it. Faggot.

11. Shooty Is A One Man Legion Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:37 PM (#2746772)

This thread is such crap. If the lemur had had the good sense to attack Shea, this could have been the greatest thread in Primer history. It's not quite as much fun to make fun of his kid being hospitalized.

12. Guapo Posted: April 16, 2008 at 04:42 PM (#2746781)

This after Shea was challenged to a fight by John GIBBONS.

I knew that all primates hate Hillenbrand, but this is getting ridiculous.

13. Barry`s_Lazy_Boy Posted: April 16, 2008 at 05:02 PM (#2746805)

It's unfortunate that Shea being a supreme idiot in addition to an ####### results in his child being attacked, and not himself.

14. Barry`s_Lazy_Boy Posted: April 16, 2008 at 05:03 PM (#2746806)

Guado, shouldn't Primates be capitalized? You were thisclose to nailing it.

15. Crispix Attacks Posted: April 16, 2008 at 05:04 PM (#2746809)

How will this affect his Hall of Fame chances?

16. jwb Posted: April 16, 2008 at 05:08 PM (#2746819)

Doesn't Hillenbrand have a ranch with dozens of exotic animals? He should know better than to bring one into his home.

Shea Hillenbrand should have

a) his children
b) his lemurs
c) all of his primates

taken away.

17. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: April 16, 2008 at 05:08 PM (#2746820)

I feel bad for the kid. As if it weren't bad enough to be the son of Shea Hillenbrand, now he gets mauled by wild animals, too?

18. Softball-Playing Human Refuses to Be Walked Posted: April 16, 2008 at 05:15 PM (#2746825)

Are lemur attacks even legal?

19. Dr Love Posted: April 16, 2008 at 05:16 PM (#2746827)

How will this affect his Hall of Fame chances?

It might help them. Randy Johnson killed a bird.. I'm not sure how much weight HOF voters give to equaling the man vs animal struggle, but this helped even things out a little in baseball.

20. Tom Nawrocki Posted: April 16, 2008 at 05:20 PM (#2746831)

Guado, shouldn't Primates be capitalized? You were thisclose to nailing it.

It's a judgment call, but I think it's funnier lowercased.

21. Toby Posted: April 16, 2008 at 05:22 PM (#2746836)

"[I'm] wondering always. Because this is the elite level, because this is for all the peanut butter in the world."
--Shea Hillenbrand, Red Sox infielder, after his debut, about the lemurs in his future.

22. Halofan Posted: April 16, 2008 at 05:40 PM (#2746852)

Steve Finley's kin better seer clear of the platypus den...

23. Rowland Office Supplies Posted: April 16, 2008 at 05:54 PM (#2746875)

How will this affect his Hall of Fame chances?

The voters are very forgiving. After all, Zoboomafoo still got in even after killing the Kraft brothers.

24. Robert S. Posted: April 16, 2008 at 07:00 PM (#2746937)

I feel bad for the kid. As if it weren't bad enough to be the son of Shea Hillenbrand, now he gets mauled by wild animals, too?

And thanks to his slow-ass Hillenbrand genes, he has no hope against the animals.

25. Prostetnic Vogon Steve Jeltz (Dan Lee) Posted: April 16, 2008 at 07:22 PM (#2746960)

Yes, it's the splendiforous Lemur! Friend to all mankind!

26. Dewey, Local Boy and Hero Posted: April 16, 2008 at 07:27 PM (#2746972)

Ah, a MST3K reference. Good times.

27. Misirlou hasn't payed the phone bill in 300 years Posted: April 16, 2008 at 07:33 PM (#2746989)

It might help them. Randy Johnson killed a bird..

So did Dave Winfield.

28. IronChef Chris Wok Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:08 PM (#2747070)

I've had a rough week baseball/internet wise. This is the greatest thing ever.

29. IronChef Chris Wok Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:17 PM (#2747090)

Seriously, I wonder if the Angel's Rally Monkey was the mastermind behind this hideous yet hilarious attack.

30. The Grich Who Stole Christmas Posted: April 16, 2008 at 08:58 PM (#2747228)

Is it wrong to hope that someone out there puts this clip on YouTube with Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey" playing over it?

The Shea Hillenbrand Petting Zoo sounds like a good day out though, seriously.

31. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: April 16, 2008 at 09:11 PM (#2747293)

How will this affect his Hall of Fame chances?

The lemur's? It quintuples his chances, easily.

32. Gromit Posted: April 17, 2008 at 09:58 AM (#2747827)

Let me guess. The kid watched Zooboomafu(sp?), saw the cute lemur puppet, and cries "I want one!" so Dad goes and gets him one.

33. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: April 17, 2008 at 12:32 PM (#2748008)

I nominate the lemur to replace the gorilla on the BTF logo.

34. Worrierking Posted: April 17, 2008 at 04:01 PM (#2748266)

Lemur Time!

35. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: April 17, 2008 at 04:23 PM (#2748296)

"I nominate the lemur to replace the gorilla on the BTF logo."

I thought it was a chimp?

36. Charter Member of the Jesus Melendez Fanclub Posted: April 17, 2008 at 04:29 PM (#2748311)

I thought it was a mound of dogshit. I guess if you squint you can see its simian features. Huh.

37. Guapo Posted: April 17, 2008 at 04:51 PM (#2748350)

Paging Dr. Rorschach. Dr. Rorschach, please report to the Hillenbrand-Attacked-By-Lemur Thread.

38. Le Comble du Bob Dernier Cri Posted: April 17, 2008 at 05:13 PM (#2748369)

And I think I speak for us all when I say God protect Todd Hollandsworth's children against attack by pygmy marmosets.

39. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: April 17, 2008 at 05:20 PM (#2748373)

Not for me, you don't.

40. shoewizard Posted: April 17, 2008 at 05:22 PM (#2748375)

I just want to say that I resent any thread about Shea Hillenbrand being in the Arizona section, even if he does live in this state. Also, I heard from the EMT that the Lemur was just getting revenge on Shea for being called a Faggot.

41. Swoboda is freedom Posted: April 17, 2008 at 05:27 PM (#2748380)

This ship is sinking.

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Shea Hillenbrand’s Son Attacked by Lemur

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