The Ugly Baseball Card Blog: Bobby Knoop…size matters

At the end of Knoop’s career I remember him stiffly going 1- 62 or so during a three game set vs the Yanks and for a second there, just for a mere bagnato second…I thought he might be the worst player I’d ever seen. Of course, Brian Ostrosser made his debut the next season…and that changed everything.

Comments: Facts: Patient is Major League baseball player. Came in to office today (8/5/70) complaining of declining batting average, reduced power. Feels inadequate at the plate.
History: Player started career with California Angels, finishing 24th, then 18th in MVP voting in his second and third seasons. Those years were highlighted by a .269 average in 1965, followed by 17 homers and 11 triples in 1966. Last year, patient batted just .229 with only 5 home runs. Gold Glove fielding remains unaffected.

Diagnosis: In this physician’s opinion, patient is suffering from TBS, also known as Tiny Bat Syndrome. Patient appears to be using a Little League bat, or possibly a novelty giveaway bat, during actual Major League games. Tiny bat leaves patient unable to reach any pitches thrown over outside part of the plate. On the rare occasion when player did make contact, bat shattered and splinters blinded opposing catcher Ray Fosse.

Recommendations: Drink plenty of fluids. Get plenty of rest. Take ibuprofin for any pain or fever. Do not operate heavy machinery. Borrow regulation Major League baseball bat from teammate Bill Melton (3B) or Carlos May (OF). Physician does not recommend borrowing bat from Gail Hopkins (1B). May substitute. No refills.