You take any new, obscure baseball evaluation stat and you start with the weight of the guy who invented it, times how many days he’s been wearing the same “Han Solo Shot First” T-shirt, divided by how many times he’s had sex in his life, multiplied by how often his mom cooks his meals add how many days a month he sees the sun times the percentage by which he throws like a girl.

Look at the Red Sox roster as it’s currently constituted: While there’s still a core of blue chip, proven, battle-tested baseball lifers who’d be winners in any era … the Pedroias, Becketts, Lesters, Papelbons and Youkili. And suddenly, a legit All-Star like Jason Bay is body-snatched away and replaced with Mike Cameron with his 70 RBI but his to-die-for Rtzhm (total fielding runs above average at home) numbers.

The geeks will inherit the earth

Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up.

I'll bet Thornton scores infinity in this stat. That's pretty good.

I did look it up, and that's not true.

I did look it up, and that's not true.

The geeks will inherit the earth

I mean, its incredibly stupid to suggest that Cameron, a great defensive CFer who has managed to play fulltime into his age 38 season is somehow a guy who wouldn't have been a good ballplayer in some other era (assuming he were allowed to play), but I don't think its racist.

BTW there's nothing racist about anything he said. Let's stop trying to find racism in everything people say.

Can I still find his reportorial decision that all of his "blue chip, proven, battle-tested baseball lifers who’d be winners in any era" share a common characteristic that the new import doesn't a questionable choice?

I think the most striking thing about his "classification" is how most of the "blue chip, proven, et al" guys are appropriately decorated by Sabermetrics as well.

You didn't?

But then, I made an amazing discovery. Something that the Stat Geek population doesn’t know and never will. Women. And it changed my life forever, in much the same way that Blossom’s life changed in that Very Special Episode where she gets her period, I would never be the same. As I recall, the exact moment for me came when Phoebe Cates climbed out of the pool in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” and took her top off in slow motion to the Cars’ “In Stereo” that did it for me. What Phoebe showed me that day was perfection. I wanted to have them and I was willing to do what it took to get them.

I think the most striking thing about his "classification" is how most of the "blue chip, proven, et al" guys are appropriately decorated by Sabermetrics as well.

Joke or not, I'd like to hear the argument that Alex Gonzalez should not be waiting tables in the Ft. Myers Waffle House.

I for one am frightened that these mouth-breathing, greased stained Gollums might actually be influencing something vital to our national interest. Namely, the 2010 Red Sox.