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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

You can be Stomper the Elephant

Yes, it is true. You can be the mascot of the A’s.

Requirements:

• Due to costume restrictions, candidate must be at least 5 feet 7 inches and no more than 6 feet 2 inches and weighs between 165 lbs and 225 lbs
• Punctuality is mandatory and availability to work nights, weekends and holidays
• Must have own, reliable transportation
• Must be highly energetic and fit

Gamingboy Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:48 PM | 43 comment(s)
Related News: General, Oakland

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1. Player X Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:09 PM (#2951483)

I'll say it - must work for peanuts.

2. Backlasher Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:13 PM (#2951488)

Shooty, I enjoyed your posting. Good luck with the new gig.

3. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:15 PM (#2951492)

I'll say it - must work for peanuts.

Nice!

The way the Street is going, I may need this job. I'll have to gain about 10 pounds, though.

EDIT: Do I owe BL a coke or something? This seems a gray area. I'll let you lawyers decide.

4. robinred

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:17 PM (#2951494)

• Responsible for researching, creating and/or purchasing props and costumes for the mascot.

This is one problem with taking this job. The other is that once the new Stomper gets established, Beane will trade him for a college kid who might be a good mascot when the new stadium opens.

5. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:24 PM (#2951510)

The ones I've seen at the zoo look kind of brownish-gray rather than just gray, Shooty, so there's that to consider when you put your costume together.

kevin, I believe the brown on elephants is mud. Speaking of elephants, I get to go to a place that has an elephant bring you bagels in the morning next month. Yay for me!

6. Gamingboy Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:30 PM (#2951517)

How the hell did I miss the "I'll work for peanuts" gag?

7. robinred

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:34 PM (#2951519)

How the hell did I miss the "I'll work for peanuts" gag?

Wasn't it Sherlock Holmes who always talked about how we overlook the obvious?

8. Dayton Moore is a Big Fat Idiot (AG#1F) Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:37 PM (#2951524)

Must be highly energetic and fit

That eliminates half the A's roster, doesn't it?

9. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:39 PM (#2951526)

That eliminates half the A's roster, doesn't it?

Naw, they got a lot of energetic and fit guys these days. It's energetic and hit guys they're lacking.

10. Backlasher Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:41 PM (#2951531)

Wasn't it Sherlock Holmes who always talked about how we overlook the obvious?

I thought that was the people responding to DIPS.

kevin, I believe the brown on elephants is mud.

I know you don't like Emil, but isn't that a little harsh.

he other is that once the new Stomper gets established, Beane will trade him for a college kid who might be a good mascot when the new stadium opens.

But Stomper doesn't have to walk far because the whole stadium is tarped over.

Besides Beane could trade stomper for the Watersmeet Nimrods mascot and people would say he stole the trade.

11. Gamingboy Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:50 PM (#2951544)

I think it may have been Sherlock Holmes who said it.

To avoid that, I will go with the second most obvious thing to do: I wouldn't want this job, people might kill me for my Ivory.

12. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:53 PM (#2951551)

To avoid that, I will go with the second most obvious thing to do: I wouldn't want this job, people might kill me for my Ivory.

True, but think of what it would do for your memory.

13. Eugene Freedman

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:54 PM (#2951553)

5'7" and 225lbs. That's not exactly fit, but it meets the minimum height, maximum weight requirements.

14. Lassus Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:54 PM (#2951554)

I'm not sure how well Stomper is going to go over in Glasgow.

15. Gamingboy Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:56 PM (#2951556)

True, but think of what it would do for your memory.

I never forget what comes first: My own hide.

16. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:56 PM (#2951558)

I'm not sure how well Stomper is going to go over in Glasgow.

Good point. Are elephants Catholic or Protestant?

17. Lassus Posted: September 23, 2008 at 02:58 PM (#2951563)

Are you mistaking the Scots for the Irish?

You're going to need much thicker, more protective costume and perhaps an entire herd of actual angry elephants now. Big ones.

18. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 03:02 PM (#2951565)

You're going to need much thicker, more protective costume and perhaps an entire herd of actual angry elephants now. Big ones.

So you're saying I should bring along the Washington Nationals collection of first basemen as protection?

19. Superunknown Gary Geiger Counter Posted: September 23, 2008 at 03:08 PM (#2951569)

The way the Street is going, I may need this job.

A buddy of mine has a part-time gig at a cigar shop, but he's moving. I may take that over.

Is Shooty the #1 A's fan here? Maybe Danny or marmaducherer (sp) want the job.

20. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 03:14 PM (#2951573)

Is Shooty the #1 A's fan here? Maybe Danny or marmaducherer (sp) want the job.

I would never claim #1 fan status. Actually, I like the A's fans on this site. No one is too overly fanboyish and none of the A's fans drop a load in their pants when things go awry. It's a good mix of partisanship and reality. It's probably why I hang out here and not a team blog site. Plus I like following the Giants and baseball in general and not just the A's in particular.

21. Jose Canusee Posted: September 23, 2008 at 03:27 PM (#2951587)

Me A's fan 2. Although I waited until last month to finally read Moneyball. Wonder if Ziegler fits the Chad Bradford profile in the book, although with his frequent appearances online even prior to hitting the bigs I imagine he is a greatly different personality.
But real elephants rip down trees rather than eat nuts, so Gamingboy has nothing to be ashamed of.

22. Johnny Clash Posted: September 23, 2008 at 03:48 PM (#2951611)

Shooty, I enjoyed your posting. Good luck with the new gig.

Shooty, you're not leaving, are you?

Me A's fan 2. Although I waited until last month to finally read Moneyball.

I guess this is where I confess that I still have not read Moneyball.

Actually, I like the A's fans on this site. No one is too overly fanboyish

Hey what about ME?!

23. Harmon "Thread Killer" Microbrew Posted: September 23, 2008 at 03:50 PM (#2951615)

kevin, I believe the brown on elephants is mud.

Not that elephant wearing the George Brett uniform...that's something else.

24. Lassus Posted: September 23, 2008 at 04:00 PM (#2951622)

Shooty, you're not leaving, are you?

I believe this was a joke based on the fact that Shooty wouldn't be able to post properly wearing his new Stomper uniform.

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25. phredbird

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 04:00 PM (#2951624)

isn't he a white elephant?

btw, the story of how the A's adopted the white elephant is an interesting one. anybody remember?

26. ess eff Posted: September 23, 2008 at 04:03 PM (#2951628)

5'7" and 225lbs. That's not exactly fit, but it meets the minimum height, maximum weight requirements.

Well, if it doesn't work out for Pablo Sandoval in San Francisco . . .

27. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 04:08 PM (#2951633)

btw, the story of how the A's adopted the white elephant is an interesting one. anybody remember?

I do!

Ehhh. Haven't read any of Danny's War and Peace-length explorations of the relationship between Billy Beane and proof that God exists huh, Shooty?

Now kevin, you don't get to throw slings at any perceived fanboys. I'm calling a timeout for you.

Shooty, you're not leaving, are you?

Naw. That breeze you felt was BL making with the funnies.

28. Johnny Clash Posted: September 23, 2008 at 04:09 PM (#2951634)

I believe this was a joke based on the fact that Shooty wouldn't be able to post properly wearing his new Stomper uniform.

Yes I can see it now... thank you Lassus.

Good one, Backlasher!

29. Backlasher Posted: September 23, 2008 at 04:17 PM (#2951642)

What the #### is all that #### Lassus posted in #26?

Decoded it says, "Drink More Ovaltine"

30. Player X Posted: September 23, 2008 at 04:21 PM (#2951644)

5'7" and 225lbs. That's not exactly fit, but it meets the minimum height, maximum weight requirements.

Well, if it doesn't work out for Pablo Sandoval in San Francisco . . .

Matt Stairs will probably be looking for work next season...

31. phredbird

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 04:23 PM (#2951647)

geez, shooty, i was giving you a chance to show off your fandom. nevermind! just nevermind!

32. Shooty Did Not Kill McGurk

Posted: September 23, 2008 at 04:31 PM (#2951653)

geez, shooty, i was giving you a chance to show off your fandom. nevermind! just nevermind!

I don't want to steal your glory. Also, I don't want to type that much or find a link. I leave it to you! I'm more a supervisor than a worker.

33. Poster Nutbag Posted: September 23, 2008 at 05:31 PM (#2951721)

I would never claim #1 fan status. Actually, I like the A's fans on this site. No one is too overly fanboyish and none of the A's fans drop a load in their pants when things go awry. It's a good mix of partisanship and reality. It's probably why I hang out here and not a team blog site. Plus I like following the Giants and baseball in general and not just the A's in particular.

I gotta agree there Shooty, especially about the team blogs. I won't name any specifically, but one I used to frequent for years went downhill fast and is really just too much hassle for not enough substance these days (aside from the OUTSTANDING interviews). That said, I too love coming here instead as a broad range of baseball topics get discussed daily.

34. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: September 23, 2008 at 09:26 PM (#2952335)

"Besides Beane could trade stomper for the Watersmeet Nimrods mascot and people would say he stole the trade."

If you liked BL's link, you may also enjoy this epic Deadspin thread, continued here and here.

35. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: September 23, 2008 at 09:44 PM (#2952367)

The third link is somewhat NSFW, by the way. No actual genitalia, but there is a photo of a mascot shaped like an enormous dong.

36. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: September 23, 2008 at 09:48 PM (#2952376)

This link is pretty fun, too.

37. gef the talking mongoose Posted: September 23, 2008 at 09:57 PM (#2952401)

Just for the record, I feel no particular shame at having earned my BA from a school whose mascot is the Muleriders.

No particular pride, either.

38. Zach Posted: September 23, 2008 at 10:58 PM (#2952490)

Harvey Mudd has Wally Wart.

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