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Monday, November 02, 2009

The Oracle’s Amazing Time Machine: The Future of Bill Plaschke’s Column

5. Jolly Old St. Nick (now, with Screen Name history) Posted: November 02, 2009 at 07:34 AM (#3374366) None of the above. The L.A. Times just has a realistic assessment of the attention span of the average West Coast reader. By next year their stories are likely to be exclusively in cartoon format.

Dan Szymborski Posted: November 02, 2009 at 10:58 AM | 59 comment(s)
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1. He's Bought a Bat Like Prince Fielder Posted: November 02, 2009 at 10:30 AM (#3374531)

That's one ugly Dodger Dog. A good rule of thumb is to not eat olive-colored hot dog buns.

2. Tripon Posted: November 02, 2009 at 11:32 AM (#3374600)

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

3. He's Bought a Bat Like Prince Fielder Posted: November 02, 2009 at 12:14 PM (#3374630)

That's pretty much a 2009 Plaschke column.

4. Teal & Black Posted: November 02, 2009 at 03:47 PM (#3374883)

I would read this newspaper.

5. The Joe Mauer Power Hour (kj) Posted: November 02, 2009 at 03:52 PM (#3374886)

I did not expect DePodesta to be hanging from the ceiling. hahahahahaha

6. Ryan Jones Posted: November 02, 2009 at 04:00 PM (#3374894)

I would read this newspaper.

If you get the Toronto Sun, then you have read this newspaper.

7. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: November 02, 2009 at 04:03 PM (#3374900)

Whatever happened to that Korean cartoonist who was doing those awesome team previews? Or even the old cartoons?

8. Edmundo is Super Average Man

Posted: November 02, 2009 at 04:11 PM (#3374903)

Whatever happened to that Korean cartoonist who was doing those awesome team previews? Or even the old cartoons?
Three animation highlights of BBTF: that guy, Batgirl's Legovision and Dan's rare but exquisite cartooning.

9. snapper Posted: November 02, 2009 at 04:13 PM (#3374909)

:-)

10. Joshua Gibsons Ruth (Voxter) Posted: November 02, 2009 at 04:15 PM (#3374911)

If you get the Toronto Sun, then you have read this newspaper.

This seems like a good opportunity to link to this.

11. Gaelan Posted: November 02, 2009 at 04:18 PM (#3374915)

This seems like a good opportunity to link to this.

That is the hardest I've laughed looking at a computer screen in a long time.

12. jwb Posted: November 02, 2009 at 07:46 PM (#3375132)

Choi Hoon!

13. Tripon Posted: November 03, 2009 at 11:38 PM (#3376957)

Bill Plaschke hates ownership.

14. Dan Evensen Posted: November 04, 2009 at 11:41 AM (#3377353)

Ich verstehe nicht was "Auf ihrem weg zum Horizont" bedeuten soll. Am Sonsten ist es sehr lustig.

I loled.

15. Latnam's first name is Bob Lemon's middle name. Posted: November 04, 2009 at 02:07 PM (#3377592)

So morbid...

16. Ryan Jones Posted: November 04, 2009 at 02:10 PM (#3377602)

This seems like a good opportunity to link to this.

That is an annoyingly accurate summary of the nature of the Toronto Sun.

17. Dewitty_Pun Posted: November 04, 2009 at 06:05 PM (#3377977)

We get it Dan. You hate the Dodgers. This post is just childish though.

18. Tripon Posted: November 04, 2009 at 06:16 PM (#3377995)

Why would Dan hate the Dodgers? Besides this post is awesome.

19. Dan Szymborski

Posted: November 04, 2009 at 06:36 PM (#3378004)

We get it Dan. You hate the Dodgers. This post is just childish though.

It's commentary on Bill Plaschke, not the Dodgers.

20. Adam M

Posted: November 04, 2009 at 07:24 PM (#3378034)

Three animation highlights of BBTF: that guy, Batgirl's Legovision and Dan's rare but exquisite cartooning.

Don't forget Jeff K's dinosaur illustration.

What ever happened to Batgirl? Legovision was great.

21. jwb Posted: November 04, 2009 at 07:37 PM (#3378049)

What ever happened to Batgirl? Legovision was great.

Bat Girl (Anne Ursu) is an author who recently became a mom. Writing, book touring, blogging, mommying, something had to go. I guess she likes the kid.

22. Jeff K. Posted: November 04, 2009 at 08:17 PM (#3378109)

We're far enough removed from it that I can say in all honesty, I never really got the love for Batgirl.

Don't forget Jeff K's dinosaur illustration.

Nah. Nowhere near the Korean guy or the intermittent insane graphics of the Mad Szymborski.

You know, now that I think about it, I might have lost that file. I uploaded it to the University webspace, and in all the foofraw around my exit, I didn't think to grab stuff before my access was cut. The only other place I would have uploaded it was Geocities, and it gone. I'll have to look around.

23. Steve Balboni's Personal Trainer Posted: November 04, 2009 at 08:57 PM (#3378234)

That Toronto Sun link in #10 is unbelievably funny - who got fired for that front page layout?

24. Dock Ellis on Acid

Posted: November 04, 2009 at 09:01 PM (#3378251)

We get it Dan. You hate the Dodgers. This post is just childish though.

It's commentary on Bill Plaschke, not the Dodgers.

I always find it slightly sad when someone has to defend and explain their art.

25. Ryan Jones Posted: November 04, 2009 at 09:04 PM (#3378263)

That Toronto Sun link in #10 is unbelievably funny - who got fired for that front page layout?

If you know the Toronto Sun, then you'd realize that the more likely outcome of that front page was someone getting promoted.

26. AJM Posted: November 04, 2009 at 09:15 PM (#3378332)

Awesome.

27. Jeff K. Posted: November 04, 2009 at 09:23 PM (#3378375)

Ah! For some reason it ended up on my 8 GB USB drive.

28. Gold Star for Robothal Posted: November 04, 2009 at 11:16 PM (#3378861)

Depo's hanging from the ceiling of his mom's basement? Genius.

29. Best Dressed Chicken in Town Posted: November 05, 2009 at 12:04 AM (#3379076)

I always find it slightly sad when someone has to defend and explain their art.

Gagne has a long history of not understanding anything.

30. The George Sherrill Selection Posted: November 05, 2009 at 12:24 AM (#3379150)

Hey, my old moniker (Paul DepoProvera) made it!

31. cardsfanboy

Posted: November 05, 2009 at 12:08 PM (#3379650)

Gagne has a long history of not understanding anything.

dewitty pun is Gagne, I wondered what happened to that guy.

32. Superunknown Gary Geiger Counter Posted: November 05, 2009 at 12:22 PM (#3379675)

So you have time for this, but not the Iwamura or Teahen deals, Dan?

33. Dan Szymborski

Posted: November 05, 2009 at 02:49 PM (#3379913)

So you have time for this, but not the Iwamura or Teahen deals, Dan?

Point taken.

On Monday, November 2nd, I should have taken more time to analyze events that occurred on Tuesday, November 3rd and Thursday, November 5th.

34. Ryan Jones Posted: November 05, 2009 at 02:53 PM (#3379919)

If your prediction system was so great, then you would have had those trade write-ups prepared in advance.

35. Tripon Posted: November 05, 2009 at 02:54 PM (#3379922)

Nobody could predict what the Pirates and Royals do. Nobody.

Edit: BTW, Dayton Moore just signed Kyle Fransworth to a 5 year/$40 million deal.

36. gef the talking mongoose Posted: November 05, 2009 at 03:07 PM (#3379936)

dewitty pun is Gagne, I wondered what happened to that guy.

Same here. I was hoping that a bit of age would make him less ... cement-headedly obtuse.

Oh, well. Maybe next decade.

37. An Athletic in Soxland Posted: November 05, 2009 at 03:31 PM (#3379969)

I don't think he's obtuse. He could be, I suppose, but nothing of his that I've read suggests that he is. He's just very, very literal. Anything with parody or satire will go over his head.

38. Superunknown Gary Geiger Counter Posted: November 05, 2009 at 03:43 PM (#3379985)

On Monday, November 2nd, I should have taken more time to analyze events that occurred on Tuesday, November 3rd and Thursday, November 5th.

You are an Oracle ;). Anyways, I don't see what mocking Plaschke accomplishes. AFAICT, there's only one fan of his here. (Bibigon? baudib? Something that starts with a b.) I happened to enjoy the Dick Williams book, but even I, who am probably more lenient with his type, don't think that makes up for his Larry King one sentence paragraphs or his Dewitty pundintry on ATH.

39. Superunknown Gary Geiger Counter Posted: November 05, 2009 at 04:18 PM (#3380045)

I mean mocking Simers at least has the possibility of producing a thread were Vlad and Shredder argue with each other. This, you're just invading Repoz and Tripon's turf.

40. gef the talking mongoose Posted: November 05, 2009 at 04:23 PM (#3380048)

I don't think he's obtuse. He could be, I suppose, but nothing of his that I've read suggests that he is. He's just very, very literal. Anything with parody or satire will go over his head.

To me, that pretty much is obtuseness ... but it's not the dictionary definition, of course, so I stand corrected.

It is odd, though. Can Asperger's apply to the written (in addition to the spoken) word, as in (from WebMD)

unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech. Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally

?

(Not intentionally questioning someone's psychological status, btw. I freely own up to several supposed aspects of Asperger's myself -- general social discomfort ... "preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about" ... "unusual interest in certain topics" ... "talk[s] a lot, usually about a favorite subject." I assume that's generally true of many, if not most, here.)

41. Best Dressed Chicken in Town Posted: November 05, 2009 at 04:30 PM (#3380053)

Hmm, and this would explain why he takes the Bible literally.

42. Superunknown Gary Geiger Counter Posted: November 05, 2009 at 04:43 PM (#3380064)

What if your preoccupation is Asperger's itself?

43. gef the talking mongoose Posted: November 05, 2009 at 04:44 PM (#3380065)

Depends -- can you comprehend the humor in jokes about Asperger's?

44. Al Kaline Trio Posted: November 05, 2009 at 04:53 PM (#3380077)

Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally

Sounds like the child in question might be Australian.

45. Dan Szymborski

Posted: November 05, 2009 at 04:55 PM (#3380081)

Anyways, I don't see what mocking Plaschke accomplishes.

Entertainment.

46. gef the talking mongoose Posted: November 05, 2009 at 05:21 PM (#3380115)

Sounds like the child in question might be Australian.

This must be a joke, but I don't understand it.

The fact that I have Asperger's is now even more obvious than before.

47. An Athletic in Soxland Posted: November 05, 2009 at 06:50 PM (#3380208)

It is odd, though. Can Asperger's apply to the written (in addition to the spoken) word...?"

Definitely. When I was a teenager, I was as bad as Dewitty in taking pretty much every statement, spoken or written, at face value. I still dislike metaphorical speech, and hate hyperbole like it killed my family and ran over my cat. (No, that's not an exaggeration.) So I always like to draw a clear line between being dumb and being overly literal.

48. gef the talking mongoose Posted: November 05, 2009 at 06:54 PM (#3380214)

Huh. Very interesting.

49. Swedish Chef Posted: November 05, 2009 at 07:07 PM (#3380234)

Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally

That's it. Now I know what's wrong. The Internet has Aspbergers.

50. Jeff K. Posted: November 05, 2009 at 07:33 PM (#3380272)

So I always like to draw a clear line between being dumb and being overly literal.

Why would you draw a clear line? That's not going to help much at all.

</Total #######>

51. An Athletic in Soxland Posted: November 05, 2009 at 07:41 PM (#3380285)

Ah, ####. I've gone native.

Right after I posted #47 I said to myself, "Self, you are overly literal, but that doesn't mean you're not dumb, Mr. Forgets to Pay the Heating Bill in November."

52. gef the talking mongoose Posted: November 06, 2009 at 09:26 AM (#3380582)

It could mean, however, that before very long you'll be cold.

53. Cris E Posted: November 06, 2009 at 12:27 PM (#3380821)

I still dislike metaphorical speech, and hate hyperbole like it killed my family and ran over my cat. (No, that's not an exaggeration.)

Does this speak to your feelings on hyperbole or cats?

54. An Athletic in Soxland Posted: November 06, 2009 at 02:40 PM (#3381179)

Both. That sentence was originally just going to mention my cat. But I assumed people wouldn't believe that hurting a pet was enough to send me into a murderous rage, so I added the "killed my family" part.

55. Dewitty_Pun Posted: November 07, 2009 at 01:27 PM (#3381924)

It's commentary on Bill Plaschke, not the Dodgers

Ok, but it's not like you've ever parodied any Oriole beat writers. If you're going to make some primitively drawn cartoons with middle school humor at least be equal opportunity.

56. Dewitty_Pun Posted: November 07, 2009 at 01:38 PM (#3381931)

Hmm, and this would explain why he takes the Bible literally.

If you think that I'm a six day creationist, then you are mistaken.

57. Dan Szymborski

Posted: November 07, 2009 at 01:38 PM (#3381933)

Schmuck isn't notoriously awful. Other Dodger fans got the joke - in fact, you're the only one who didn't.

I certainly have mocked the Orioles before.

58. cardsfanboy

Posted: November 07, 2009 at 01:42 PM (#3381937)

hate hyperbole like it --- ran over my cat. (No, that's not an exaggeration.)

I understand that feeling. not about hyperbole, but when I was a kid had a dream that a red truck ran over my dog, and hated the color red for about 20 years(imagine being a cardinal fan and not owning a red shirt...finally got a job where I had to wear red and got over it, and now red is the most numerous of my shirt colors) but man the hatred I had for the color red was off the charts for no real reason. Don't know why I didn't hate trucks (I've never liked them, but don't have hatred for them..now suvs and mini-vans on the other hand, my hatred knows no bounds, it's like to own one you have to forget everything you ever knew about driving)

59. baseball chick (now, with NEW blog) Posted: November 07, 2009 at 10:12 PM (#3382149)

laughing

i LUUUUVVVVV your cartoons - you have a wicked sensa yuma

and yeh, plaschke himself IS a cartoon

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Monday, November 02, 2009

The Oracle’s Amazing Time Machine: The Future of Bill Plaschke’s Column

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