BBTF.org/m/angels : California Restaurant Honors Pujols’ Arrival With Monstrous ‘Machine Burger’

Monday, May 20, 2013

Posnanski: Albert Pujols doesn’t matter anymore

(nbcsports.msnbc.com)

posted 18 hours ago by Repoz to angels, sabermetrics | 55 comment(s)

Wonder if Paul Anka can pen another hit after this nosedive…

But the thing that was most striking about Pujols is that he was always exactly as good as he had been the year before. He never had a bad year. He never had anything RESEMBLING a bad year. They called him “The Machine.” If you take the WORST statistical totals he had those first 10 years – that is, the lowest batting average he had over those 10 years, the fewest home runs he hit, etc.—you STILL come up with this season:

.312 ...

Reader Comments and Retorts

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1. Jolly Old St. Nick Done Jumped The Ship

posted on December 14, 2011 at 12:05 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Candid portrait of the OC Sports Grill owner.

2. Gamingboy posted on December 14, 2011 at 12:06 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Pujols ain't eating it. Wilson ain't eating it. If only Bartolo Colon were still around and in mid-aught form.

3. Matt Clement of Alexandria posted on December 14, 2011 at 12:10 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

I hate it when you can't fit a burger in your mouth. What, exactly, am I supposed to do with this thing? Rub it on my chin and hope I can ingest it by osmosis?

4. base ball chick posted on December 14, 2011 at 12:25 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

it LOOKS disgusting. you can't even eat it as a sandwich

and andy, i should have known better than to click on that link

5. Autobahn posted on December 14, 2011 at 12:28 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

If you want to appear somewhat civilized you could go at the excess meat spilling over the bun with a knife and fork, reducing it to a more manageable size.

But seeing as someone ordering a novelty burger probably won't worry too much about appearances, you're best off just picking it up and slowly eating away at the burger trying not to spill too much on disgusted family/fellow restaurant customers.

6. McCoy Wilfong for Money posted on December 14, 2011 at 12:31 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Most of the "extreme" burgers are meant to be shared with other people.

7. Walt Davis posted on December 14, 2011 at 12:54 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Is that white goop the "savon" sauce? Or just half a jar of mayo?

Should you want to tackle such a beastie, scrap the fixin's off to the side (who wants pulled pork and cabbage on their burger anyway ... and crispy onion straws? no thanks). Then you can eat it like a burger ... with a side of pulled pork and cabbage, onion straws, onion rings, a cup of savon sauce, and a toothpick.

I'm assuming you started with a plate full of nachos with beans, chili, sour cream, guac, salsa, and half a rack of ribs on top (the Valenzuela VeinBuster they call it). Then for dessert, the Moo Vaughn -- 6 pints of ice cream between 4 split bananas, topped with a pint of hot fudge, two cups of whip cream, chocolate covered peanuts, 2 Mars bars all served in an apple pie bowl with half a rack of ribs on top.

8. Morty Causa posted on December 14, 2011 at 12:58 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

We need some more secret sauce. Put this mayonnaise in the sun.

9. Tim Wallach was my Hero posted on December 14, 2011 at 01:11 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

That guy isn't a "chef", right? He wasn't trained in the same schools Quebec and French chefs go to, I believe...

Ok, I'll come out. I'm really glad I don't live in the US. This disgusts me, you have no idea how. Don't misunderstand me: I like a good burger like anyone else. And home fries are delightful when done alright. We also have our share of crappy food up here too. But after having traveled in many places, I would not trade "my" grocery stores and my restaurants for anything in the world.

10. FancyPantsHandle glistening with foreign substance posted on December 14, 2011 at 01:18 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Most of the "extreme" burgers are meant to be shared with other people.

I don't mind meals that are designed to be shared. But how the hell do you share a Burger?!? The entire point of a Burger is to pick it up, with your hands, and then bite into it...

11. SouthSideRyan posted on December 14, 2011 at 01:22 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Obligatory

12. just plain joe posted on December 14, 2011 at 01:24 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Do they call 911 when you order that monstrosity or do they wait until someone actually tries to eat it?

13. Misirlou is bad, he's nationwide posted on December 14, 2011 at 01:41 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Then for dessert, the Moo Vaughn -- 6 pints of ice cream between 4 split bananas, topped with a pint of hot fudge, two cups of whip cream, chocolate covered peanuts, 2 Mars bars all served in an apple pie bowl with half a rack of ribs on top.

Skip the bananas, they're just empty vitamins.

14. asinwreck posted on December 14, 2011 at 02:11 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

My aorta hurts just looking at that thing.

15. cardsfanboy

posted on December 14, 2011 at 02:46 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

My aorta hurts just looking at that thing

Yep, I love the Royal Robin at Red Robin, and I call it the heart attack burger, and all it is, is a hamburger, bacon and an egg sandwich. I couldn't imagine what one of these monstrosities would do to ones body.

16. Mattbert posted on December 14, 2011 at 03:14 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

BREAKING: Banned substance behind Ryan Braun's failed PED test revealed!

17. Morty Causa posted on December 14, 2011 at 03:14 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

The Good Morning Burger from The Simpsons.

18. MattAtBat posted on December 14, 2011 at 03:18 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

That burger looks pretty tasty. Expensive but worth it in the short-term. Six years down the road, when you miss a bunch of work to get angioplasty, you'll probably regret paying so much for that burger.

19. AJM posted on December 14, 2011 at 03:45 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

The Carnegie Deli came up with the Mo-Licious when Mo Vaughn came to town. It looks bite sized next to his head.

20. Howie Menckel posted on December 14, 2011 at 03:49 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

like tossing chum off a deep-sea fishing boat, but this tweet just happened

JonHeymanCBS 9:38pm via Web

once and for all, i dont want to hear that all 10-year deals are busts. how was derek jeter's $189M for 10 yrs? #bargain

21. PreservedFish posted on December 14, 2011 at 03:50 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Ok, I'll come out. I'm really glad I don't live in the US. This disgusts me, you have no idea how.

A lot of Americans would find poutine disgusting.

(I think it's delicious)

But after having traveled in many places, I would not trade "my" grocery stores and my restaurants for anything in the world.

So you like the food you grew up with? Good for you!

22. AJM posted on December 14, 2011 at 03:59 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

i dont want to hear that all 10-year deals are busts. how was derek jeter's $189M for 10 yrs?

Second best among current Yankee players.

23. Rough Carrigan

posted on December 14, 2011 at 04:21 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Derek Jeter wasn't 34 when he signed his 10 year deal.

24. Sleepy supports unauthorized rambling posted on December 14, 2011 at 04:34 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Pujols ain't eating it. Wilson ain't eating it. If only Bartolo Colon were still around and in mid-aught form.

Good thing the Angels didn't sign Prince Fielder.

25. Cris E posted on December 14, 2011 at 05:05 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

The burger place near my house has a Buy Ten Burgers And Get A Free Burger and T-shirt punch card thing. (I have four shirts so far, but I'm prouder of my sub-200 cholesterol level than anything else.) The thing is, the burgers are immense and full of stuff ranging from cheese and bacon to, um, short ribs and whatnot. Anyway, my buddy, not a paragon of healthful living, attempted to explain to his wife how he needed to do this. "A shirt?" she replied, "What's the widow get?"

26. Andere Richtingen

posted on December 14, 2011 at 06:05 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Ok, I'll come out. I'm really glad I don't live in the US. This disgusts me, you have no idea how.

Pot. Kettle. Black.

27. Sam M. posted on December 14, 2011 at 06:23 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

That burger is among the most disgusting things I've ever seen -- and I love me some junk food. But the single thing about it that turns me off the most (of course, the worst thing about it is its collective and awesome grossness) is the avocado. I really, really hate avocado. So much so that one of the highlights of my Con Law class each year is when we cover Florida Lime & Avocado Growers, Inc. v. California Dep't of Agriculture, a case ostensibly about conflict pre-emption but actually in the case book only so I can spend about 15 minutes railing about how much I hate avocados. The students then tell me how crazy I am, and extol the virtues of guacamole, and we all have a good time.

28. UCCF posted on December 14, 2011 at 09:33 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

If you dropped the tomatoes, avocado, and cabbage, I'd take a run at it. A hamburger with cheese, pulled pork, and onion rings. Sold.

29. Sleepy supports unauthorized rambling posted on December 14, 2011 at 09:39 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

If you dropped the tomatoes, avocado, and cabbage, I'd take a run at it. A hamburger with cheese, pulled pork, and onion rings. Sold.

This is true. Proper burgers do not have healthy things on them.

On the other hand, mushrooms are essential. Good burgers should have something to represent the mold food group, the larger, the better.

30. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) posted on December 14, 2011 at 04:35 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

onion rings

No, crispy onion straws. Onion rings are delicious, and crispy onion straws taste like Satan's deep-fried pubes.

31. Ron J posted on December 14, 2011 at 04:46 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

#3 A Zits strip dealt with this a few years back. You just unhinge your jaw and slide it in. (Incidentally, there are videos on youtube that purport to show this in action.)

32. Ron J posted on December 14, 2011 at 04:50 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

#21 There are parts of Quebec (Rimouski IIRC) where they add mayo to their poutine.

33. Karl from NY posted on December 14, 2011 at 06:49 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

A lot of Americans would find poutine disgusting.

(I think it's delicious)

These aren't mutually exclusive. I find it both disgusting and delicious.

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Monday, May 20, 2013

Posnanski: Albert Pujols doesn’t matter anymore

Reader Comments and Retorts

Angels Think Factory