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    • Friday, March 01, 2013

    The Ultimate Fictional Baseball Team

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    posted on March 01, 2013 at 03:12 PM by eddieot to baseball movies  |  77 comment(s)

    What happens when you assemble the best fictional baseball players and coaches from movie history? This team.

    Reader Comments and Retorts

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    Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

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    1. Gamingboy posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:20 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    It lacks Pablo Sanchez, and is thus invalid.
    2. Hello Rusty Kuntz, Goodbye Rusty Cars posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:20 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    It's limited to movies because the debate about whether Mr. Ed and Herman Munster are fictional continues.
    3. JJ1986 posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:22 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Are Ray Mitchell and Lou Collins well known movie characters? I can't place them.
    4. jmurph posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:39 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    I know he played basketball not baseball, but I'm still going Teen Wolf 1(1).
    5. Good cripple hitter posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:47 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    I'd have taken one of Eddie O'Brien, Dennis Ryan, or Nat Goldberg. They were the Tinker to Evers to Chance of their day, and at the very least one of them would've been a good addition to the bench.
    6. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:48 PM #  hit 1 | hit 0


    It's limited to movies because the debate about whether Mr. Ed and Herman Munster are fictional continues.


    If you extend it to tv its:

    P Bugs Bunny
    C Bugs Bunny
    1B Bugs Bunny
    2B Bugs Bunny
    3B Bugs Bunny
    SS Bugs Bunny
    LF Bugs Bunny
    CF Bugs Bunny
    RF Bugs Bunny
    7. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:49 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0


    Are Ray Mitchell and Lou Collins well known movie characters? I can't place them.


    Collins was Tim Busfield in "Little Big League."

    EDIT: Mitchell was in "Angels in the Outfield."

    Also Sam "Mayday" Malone was not in the movies.

    Also Jack Elliot of "Mr. Baseball" should be on the bench at least. And Stan Ross had nearly 3000 hits, he should probably be at 1B. Or at least Haywood.
    8. vortex of dissipation posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:51 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    No Joe Hardy?
    9. Chokeland Bill posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:53 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    How is Clu Haywood only on the bench?
    10. Good cripple hitter posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:56 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    If you extend it to tv its:

    P Bugs Bunny
    C Bugs Bunny
    1B Bugs Bunny
    2B Bugs Bunny
    3B Bugs Bunny
    SS Bugs Bunny
    LF Bugs Bunny
    CF Bugs Bunny
    RF Bugs Bunny


    Fittingly, it's almost the six year anniversary of the posting of Bugs Bunny, greatest banned player ever. According to the intro, it was the first blog entry ever to make into the Best American Sportswriting annual, and it certainly deserved the honour.
    11. cardsfanboy  posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:58 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Are Ray Mitchell and Lou Collins well known movie characters? I can't place them


    Lou Collins was from Little Big League, played by Timothy Busfield, he's the one who hooked up with the kids mom. Griffey stole his homerun in the final game.

    Ray Mitchell comes from Angels in the Outfield,(Never saw that movie)
    12. cardsfanboy  posted on March 01, 2013 at 04:59 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Has there ever been a Casey at bat movie? I mean wouldn't he be on par with Roy Hobbs for best player.(non-Bugs Bunny division)

    If you extend it to tv its:

    P Bugs Bunny
    C Bugs Bunny
    1B Bugs Bunny
    2B Bugs Bunny
    3B Bugs Bunny
    SS Bugs Bunny
    LF Bugs Bunny
    CF Bugs Bunny
    RF Bugs Bunny


    Weren't those shorts, and therefore technically movies?
    13. Don't want the truth; just wanna see some dingers posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:04 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    What about the Whammer?
    14. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:11 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    If we're extending it past film, then what about The Kid Who Only Hit Homers?

    Henry Skrimshander could be at shortstop too, or at least Aparacio Rodriguez.
    15. Select Storage Device -- Baseball Historian posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:15 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    How is Clu Haywood only on the bench?


    Or Kelly Leak for that matter. He can cover the entire outfield!

    I'd yank Cerrano.
    16. Gamingboy posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:16 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Also, aren't we forgetting Snoopy? I mean, he was in a race with Hank Aaron to try and get past Ruth's record....
    17. Select Storage Device -- Baseball Historian posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:18 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    How is Clu Haywood only on the bench?


    Or Kelly Leak for that matter. He can cover the entire outfield!

    I'd yank Cerrano.
    18. Alan Sepinwall posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:19 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Where are Mr. Baseball and Mr. 3000? If you're allowing Major League villains, how on earth is Jake Taylor starting over Jack Parkman? (Or, for that matter, if you're allowing League of the Their Own players, how is Jake starting over Dottie Hinson?) Henry Rowengartner, if healthy, is at a minimum the number two starter, ahead of Nuke. And much as I love Willie Mays Hays, they've got the wrong Wesley Snipes character starting.
    19. AROM posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:23 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    I see Willie Mays Hayes as more of a Vince Coleman than Rickey Henderson. He wasn't even drafted, just showed up and won a race. No indication in that movie that he was an elite level hitter.

    Either Willie or Cerrano should sit the bench so Bobby Rayburn can play. They are useful but flawed players - Rayburn is supposed to be a Bonds-like power/speed superstar. Though he and Willie do look suspiciously alike.
    20. Don't want the truth; just wanna see some dingers posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:24 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Though he and Willie do look suspiciously alike.


    racist :)

    21. SG posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:24 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Rowengartner should be in the bullpen. The dude had one pitch.
    22. puck posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:27 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    None of Bingo Long's Traveling All-Stars made it?
    23. AROM posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:28 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Jake Taylor starting over Jack Parkman


    I could see Mike Scioscia making that call.

    I'm not sure what position Haywood plays. He sure looked like a 1B/DH. Make this an AL team and he's got a spot.
    24. Moeball posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:30 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    What about the Whammer?


    Actually, with all the really bad Babe Ruth movies that have been made (from William Bendix to John Goodman), I thought Joe Don Baker actually captured the essence of the Babe's personality pretty well when he was the Whammer...oh, and that guy who played Babe Ruth in Pride of the Yankees was the worst.

    Hey, I saw a movie with a fictional Joe Jackson - does he count? I know he must have been Fictional Joe Jackson instead of Real Joe Jackson because he batted right handed...
    25. AROM posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:32 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Ricky Vaughn and Happy Felsch.

    Cerrano and Max "Hammer" Dubois...

    I don't think these guys have ever been seen at the same time either.

    And Billy Chapel never faced Crash Davis.
    26. zonk posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:33 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    I see Willie Mays Hayes as more of a Vince Coleman than Rickey Henderson. He wasn't even drafted, just showed up and won a race. No indication in that movie that he was an elite level hitter.

    Either Willie or Cerrano should sit the bench so Bobby Rayburn can play. They are useful but flawed players - Rayburn is supposed to be a Bonds-like power/speed superstar. Though he and Willie do look suspiciously alike.


    Right... plus - Cerrano, from what I learned in the movie, basically struck out all season until his one HR in the playoffs. At least Hayes had that wall of batting gloves which presumably proved he HAD gotten on base occasionally stole a few bags. Nothing in the movie indicates that Cerrano was anything besides 0 for 650 with 650 K's.
    27. you got a STEAGLES? you're gonna need a STEAGLES. posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:37 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    And much as I love Willie Mays Hays, they've got the wrong Wesley Snipes character starting.
    now we all wear his number.
    28. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:39 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Ricky Vaughn and Happy Felsch.

    Cerrano and Max "Hammer" Dubois...

    I don't think these guys have ever been seen at the same time either.

    And Billy Chapel never faced Crash Davis.


    Tony Micelli and Mel Clark
    29. Hello Rusty Kuntz, Goodbye Rusty Cars posted on March 01, 2013 at 05:48 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Right... plus - Cerrano, from what I learned in the movie, basically struck out all season until his one HR in the playoffs. At least Hayes had that wall of batting gloves which presumably proved he HAD gotten on base occasionally stole a few bags. Nothing in the movie indicates that Cerrano was anything besides 0 for 650 with 650 K's.


    "Don't tell me what he hit -- tell me when he hit it."

    -Fictional announcer Hawk Harrelson
    30. Ron J2 posted on March 01, 2013 at 06:01 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    #16 Awesome power from a shortstop.
    31. tfbg9 posted on March 01, 2013 at 06:11 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Peppermint Patty could play a little ball as well.
    32. Misirlou is bad, he's nationwide posted on March 01, 2013 at 06:36 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Henry Wiggen needs to be in the rotation.
    33. Misirlou is bad, he's nationwide posted on March 01, 2013 at 06:58 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    You could probably put together an all fictional team of guys not on the ultimate fictional team which would blow the latter away. Start with Leon Carter, Bingo Long, Esquire Joe Calloway, Joe Hardy, and since the ultimate team has one TV guy, take Buck Bokai.

    34. Good cripple hitter posted on March 01, 2013 at 07:05 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    If there's going to be one TV guy, the alien version of Josh Gibson who appeared in one episode of the X-Files should be in the running.

    Edit: Josh Exley was his name.
    35. Dale Sams posted on March 01, 2013 at 07:07 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    #34...not the robot from Twilight Zone pre-heart?
    36. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) posted on March 01, 2013 at 07:17 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    agree with #35
    37. AndrewJ posted on March 01, 2013 at 08:25 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Henry Wiggen needs to be in the rotation.

    Indeed. According to It Looked Like For Ever, he retired in the early 1970s with 247 career wins.
    38. The Clarence Thomas of BBTF (scott) posted on March 01, 2013 at 08:40 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Yeah, I'm sorry. Other than Steve Nebraska and Roy Hobbes, there isn't anything THAT legendary about this team. And I have no idea how Clu Heyward is on the bench. The man won the triple crown! And it's not like Cerrano's defense is anything to write home about.
    39. BDC  posted on March 01, 2013 at 08:44 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    As noted, this is very much the movie version. Hobbs makes the literary lineup, as does Wiggen; and then I think you have to go (among others) with the protagonist of Sometimes You See It Coming, Sidd Finch, the monster from Brittle Innings, the pitcher from The Man with Two Arms, the DP combination from The Dreyfus Affair, and Jack Keefe, already. If you can use juveniles, yes, the kid who batted 1.000, Roy Tucker, and the like.
    40. The Yankee Clapper posted on March 01, 2013 at 09:08 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    No Joe Hardy?

    Joe Hardy was clearly a better player than most of those bums listed. He took the Washington Senators to the Pennant in the midst of the Greatest Yankee Dynasty ever. The Senators.

    Maybe the team is based on career value? Joe was the ultimate peak value player.
    41. David Nieporent (now, with children) posted on March 01, 2013 at 09:27 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Homer Simpson. (Well, he's a good platoon player.)
    42. spike posted on March 01, 2013 at 09:37 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    No Ned Brainard or King Kelly?
    43. Fred Lynn Nolan Ryan Sweeney Agonistes posted on March 01, 2013 at 09:58 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Do the twins from Stuck on You count as one roster spot, or two?
    44. Downtown Bookie  posted on March 01, 2013 at 10:24 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    I'd have taken one of Eddie O'Brien, Dennis Ryan, or Nat Goldberg. They were the Tinker to Evers to Chance of their day, and at the very least one of them would've been a good addition to the bench.


    O'Brien to Ryan to Goldberg

    DB
    45. Morty Causa posted on March 01, 2013 at 10:52 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    What, no Joe E. Brown as Elmer or Alibi Ike, Gary Cooper as Gehrig, Ray Milland as Prof Vernon K. Simpson, Ronald Reagan as Pete Alexander, Dan Dailey as Diz, Michael Moriarty as Henry Wiggen, or James Stewart as Slim Conway?

    46. The Clarence Thomas of BBTF (scott) posted on March 01, 2013 at 10:55 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Here's a ranking of the best fictional players at each position. Some ######## whinging about the state of baseball these days by the author, and a lot of crossover, but it identifies a few more potential players.

    Also, Stan Ross from Mr. 3000 would definitely have a strong argument to be a starter for this team in his prime. Even knocking off 1 WAR from Lou Brock that's still easily an all-star caliber player.
    47. Misirlou is bad, he's nationwide posted on March 01, 2013 at 11:00 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0


    Here's a ranking of the best fictional players at each position.


    Sorry, but I didn't get past catcher. Crash Davis was a fine movie character, but a career minor leaguer as the #1 catcher with not even a bench spot for the fictionalized Josh Gibson (Leon Carter)? Pass
    48. Misirlou is bad, he's nationwide posted on March 01, 2013 at 11:04 PM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Oh, ans the Jimmy Stewart mention above reminded me of another: Dutch Holland, thirdbaseman and B-36 pilot.
    49. Gamingboy posted on March 02, 2013 at 12:06 AM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    Also, are not forgetting that Mario has played baseball on at least two occasions?
    50. jobu posted on March 02, 2013 at 12:07 AM #  hit 0 | hit 0

    None of Bingo Long's Traveling All-Stars made it?

    This is a frickin' joke.

    "Angels' Right Fielder" clearly belongs on here. And what about Angels pitcher (and BBTF poster) Dave Spiwak?

    You've gotta have Eddie Harris as a swing man.

    Surely, Jim Barton (Bouton) can make the pitching staff.

    As noted previously, The Whammer is an obvious miss.

    And right-handed-hitting Joe Jackson.


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