BBTF.org/m/braves : SB Nation: Andruw Jones Arrested on Xmas Day for Battery

Thursday, May 09, 2013

ESPN: Simon: Andrelton Simmons makes all the plays

(espn.go.com)

posted 1 week ago by spike to atlanta, braves, defense | 5 comment(s)

Entering Wednesday, Simmons had played 680 innings in his major league career and the Baseball Info Solutions (BIS) numbers have him with 30 defensive runs saved. He had 19 in 426 innings last season and already has a major-league best 11 in 254 innings in 2013.

For a little perspective, that’s an incredible number for what amounts to less than half a season’s worth of play. No shortstop has had 30 defensive runs saved in a full season since Troy Tulowitzki had 31 in 2007.

Simmons has been ...

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1. Tripon posted on December 25, 2012 at 02:10 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

He was battering a Turkey.

2. NattyBoh posted on December 25, 2012 at 02:12 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

When I first saw the headline I thought it was truncated and that he was stealing batteries for toys on Christmas day. Coming soon to an Atlantic League team near you.

3. KT's Pot Arb posted on December 25, 2012 at 02:28 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

Looks like he found the thread that said he didn't hit enough for the HOF. Unfortunately, he's still a free swinger.

Thanks for allowing me to warm you up. Your next comic is very well known nationally, having appeared in theses threads many times, please give a big round of applause for....

4. The District Attorney posted on December 25, 2012 at 02:39 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

Coming soon to an Atlantic League team near you.

Nope, Japan.

5. FancyPantsHandle glistening with foreign substance posted on December 25, 2012 at 02:40 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

All his gifts must have come with a sticker saying "batteries not included".

6. akrasian posted on December 25, 2012 at 02:41 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

On a more serious note - will this affect his contract in Japan? I'd suspect there was some sort of clause in it, not to mention his ability to get a work visa while possibly awaiting trial.

7. NattyBoh posted on December 25, 2012 at 03:25 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

On a more serious note - will this affect his contract in Japan? I'd suspect there was some sort of clause in it, not to mention his ability to get a work visa while possibly awaiting trial.

That's what I was thinking. If he's playing for Somerset (or Bridgeport or Long Island) maybe he can move back into his old apartment from his pinstripe days. Or he could attract the Newark Bear's 601st and 602nd fans.

8. DA Baracus is gritty and hits with RISP posted on December 25, 2012 at 03:25 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

Nothing good happens in Gwinnett County after... well, any time really.

9. Los Angeles El Hombre of Anaheim

posted on December 25, 2012 at 03:48 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

How does this affect his HoF chances?

10. Magnum RA posted on December 25, 2012 at 03:51 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day

11. Jim (jimmuscomp) posted on December 25, 2012 at 03:55 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

He was battering a Turkey.

No. Buttering a turkey.

12. Jim Wisinski

posted on December 25, 2012 at 03:57 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

If he had played for the Phillies I would have assumed he was just throwing batteries at Santa

13. beer on a stick posted on December 25, 2012 at 04:13 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

It wasn't battery. He was trying to dip her in batter. Big misunderstanding, that's all.

14. Bhaakon posted on December 25, 2012 at 05:04 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

Wait, his middle name is "Rodolf B"?

15. Karl from NY posted on December 25, 2012 at 07:29 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

If he's playing for Somerset (or Bridgeport or Long Island) maybe he can move back into his old apartment from his pinstripe days. Or he could attract the Newark Bear's 601st and 602nd fans.

The Newark Bears left the Atlantic League a few years back. They're now in the Canadian American Association, along with the Nashua and Atlantic City teams who made the same move from the Atlantic League.

16. bond1 posted on December 25, 2012 at 10:34 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

I'm guessing she didn't want to go to Japan.

17. J.R. Wolf posted on December 25, 2012 at 11:05 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

Well, at least he hit SOMETHING for once.

18. RMc don't hate anyone Asian posted on December 26, 2012 at 06:31 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Charged with battery and put in a dry cell? I'm shocked.

19. Ray (RDP)

posted on December 26, 2012 at 12:31 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

People are joking about spousal battery? Odd.

20. The Id of SugarBear Blanks

posted on December 26, 2012 at 02:41 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

People are joking about spousal battery? Odd.

As noted in threads devoted to topics like tasering people for running on the field, athletes are an orders of magnitude bigger threat to civilians than civilians are to athletes. You're seeing a subset of that abject fanboyism in action here.

21. Bitter Mouse is a genre addict posted on December 26, 2012 at 03:27 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

Guys, gallows humor and such is as old as humanity. It does not mean people condone the behavior or take it lightly. Humor is (at least partly) for terrible situations. It is OK to laugh at things and make fun, and it has nothign to do with fanboyism or anything else. Sheesh.

22. The Id of SugarBear Blanks

posted on December 26, 2012 at 03:45 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

Gallows humor pertains more to situations where the humorous himself faces danger. It doesn't encompass making fun of the endangered and violated, particularly from a distance.

Nor is it the right term to apply to the pose of put upon faux-weariness at the world.

23. Howie Menckel posted on December 26, 2012 at 03:46 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

[tough crowd]

24. ecwcat posted on December 26, 2012 at 04:16 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

Hey Harvey's Wallbangers, is Andruw still going to the Hall of Fame now?

25. Athletic Supporter gangnam style posted on December 26, 2012 at 05:41 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

The details on this simultaneously don't sound good and are hilarious.

26. RMc don't hate anyone Asian posted on December 27, 2012 at 06:47 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

People are joking about spousal battery? Odd.

You're right. I should've wrote, "Sparks flew, and Andruw gets zapped, charged with battery and put in a dry cell. I'm shocked."

I got nuthin'.

Is Andruw still going to the Hall of Fame?

Certainly not. A true Hall of Famer waits until after he's inducted to pull stuff like this...

27. Bitter Mouse is a genre addict posted on December 27, 2012 at 10:01 AM # hit 0 | hit 0

Well I hope the guardians of proper humor let us all know when and what it is OK to make fun of.

28. RMc don't hate anyone Asian posted on December 27, 2012 at 12:00 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

In my career as a wisenheimer, people invariably ask me: "Is everything a joke to you?"

My reply is always the same: "Only the things you care about the most."

29. Olaf posted on December 27, 2012 at 12:04 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

Sugar Bear needs a little more sugar in his diet. And, Ray, well, everyone knows he needs a continuous glucose drip. These responses are all pretty tame stuff, actually. The details confirm what some people have been saying about Andruw for years--that something inside him caused him to fall short of what so many predicted for him. We should all hope that he gets some help to ensure that the next headline we read regarding this story isn't a good bit more tragic in nature.

30. JJ1986 posted on December 27, 2012 at 12:08 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

the next headline we read regarding this story isn't a good bit more tragic in nature.

Like "Andruw Jones signs with the Marlins"?

31. Jose Can Still Seabiscuit posted on December 27, 2012 at 12:35 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

Like "Andruw Jones signs with the Marlins"?

Now you're just crossing the line.

32. The District Attorney posted on December 29, 2012 at 01:20 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

The Japanese team says they'll still take him.

33. Gonfalon Bubble posted on December 29, 2012 at 01:59 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

Andruw has lost face. Now if he can only lose some ass.

34. The District Attorney posted on January 02, 2013 at 04:59 PM # hit 0 | hit 0

His wife is filing for divorce.

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Thursday, May 09, 2013

ESPN: Simon: Andrelton Simmons makes all the plays

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Braves Think Factory