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Hilarious.

They were talking about that on the Guardian's podcast earlier in the week. I'm glad to finally see it because it really is as disturbing as they were describing.

Speaking of spectacular attacking play, how about this hit from Juan Arango for Gladbach?

That was spectacular, but the Van Basten volley is still to me the gold standard.

Say what you will about MLS, but this was a pretty nice goal, too.

Something I did not know.

L'Equipe is streaming matches from le National (3d tier).

Metz - Paris FC about to start.

It's incredibly frustrating how difficult it is to get useful stats. I feel like football stats / fantasy football stats are pretty much trapped in 1987 right now, where the best we've got is the USA weekly league stat updates.

It's maybe like 1980 or something. No splits, not even like the rudimentary ones from the Abstracts.

Maybe the stats exist somewhere, but I find it hard even to find how many goals come from free kicks or corner kicks.

May I ask where did you purchase your stats from, and is there much assembly required?

Very interesting post. Thanks for posting it.

It's maybe like 1980 or something. No splits, not even like the rudimentary ones from the Abstracts.

Maybe the stats exist somewhere, but I find it hard even to find how many goals come from free kicks or corner kicks.

May I ask where did you purchase your stats from, and is there much assembly required?

Very interesting post. Thanks for posting it.

I am currently getting my data from Fantasy Scout. They are basically selling a subset of Opta's stats for a yearly subscription of $20. Considering Opta wants $6,000 (I asked) that's a pretty good deal. Unfortunately, you don't get as many data points as you'd like.

There is an absolute ton of assembly required. Luckily I have a development background. No idea how someone could manage hard core analysis by hand.

West Ham just completely dominated Chelsea in the second half. I didn't see the first half, but the second half goals were well deserved.

Great job by Meatloaf at half-time.

What a fun game.

They were completely dominated in the first half. Chelsea should have put it out of reach in the first 30 minutes. Jeskalainen had a great save on Mata.

I feel for Rafa but its a bit like Bobby Valentine, there is no benefit to keeping him around.

They should just sack Rafa now. It's not like they can lose any reputation by yet another firing. And it would be cheaper than their usual firings!

What's particularly weird about Rafa and Chelsea is his refusal to play Hazard-Oscar-Mata behind the striker. Their best run of form in the league came with all three starting (took 12 points out of 15 from STK, ars, NOR, tot, MUN), and today Rafa wouldn't even attempt going to three #10s with a draw at 70 minutes. Instead he pulled Hazard for Oscar.

I've heard people say that Chelsea's first 11 are getting tired, and they need to rotate more. Which is fair, especially with a must-win Champions League game Tues, but still doesn't explain the subs today.

May I ask where did you purchase your stats from, and is there much assembly required?

I am getting them from Fantasy Football Scout. What I did took very little assembly - you can make custom tables with the subset of Opta stats they make available, and then I just copied the tables into Excel and did some very simple stuff with their statistical package. It looks like FFS does publish a wider array of stats, but they're not all available in the table-making utility - a lot of them are only published with the individual game summaries. (Is that what you've done to get your stats, Grover, spidering the data off the site?) To do better analysis - like what Grover and co are doing at Shots on Target - would require both a better data set and more skills than I have.

Oh crap. Bale's hamstring again.

What's particularly weird about Rafa and Chelsea is his refusal to play Hazard-Oscar-Mata behind the striker. Their best run of form in the league came with all three starting (took 12 points out of 15 from STK, ars, NOR, tot, MUN), and today Rafa wouldn't even attempt going to three #10s with a draw at 70 minutes. Instead he pulled Hazard for Oscar.

Ugh. That 2nd half was just woeful. As you said, the Hazard substitution made absolutely no sense unless you just wanted to do something different than RDM. These season is turning into a dumpster fire. My one fault with RDM was his lack of rotation when the season was going good, but now you have to stop the bleeding. Not trying our best lineup was just dumb.

Have to say that West Ham is near the top of my list for the next time I get to London. I'd probably have to buy a West Ham jersey and wear it just to get out of there alive, but the crowd was fantastic during that match.

Other than the Bale injury, fantastic day for Spurs.

United is down 3-2 25 minutes in. Can't deal with crosses. Once the other teams figure out that United doesn't have Mystique and Aura United is going to lose a lot more matches.

Quick, guess the Man U - Reading score after 30 minutes without looking.

Edit: nevermind.

This is an awful game. The inability of both sides to defend at all is actually painful. Switching to Bayern-Dortmund.

I was only half-awake when I checked the Hammers score and I genuinely could not understand it.

Damn, Roman Weidenfeller stood on his ####### head to preserve that tie for Dortmund. 3 absolutely amazing saves in the last 15 minutes of the game.

Why didn't this Dortmund team show up against Dusseldorf at home on Tuesday?

I was only half-awake when I checked the Hammers score and I genuinely could not understand it.

And the man most responsible for that score: Carlton Cole.

And the man most responsible for that score: Carlton Cole.

It was particularly confusing because I was reading the (perpetually awful) "Lawro's Picks" section on BBC, so it look like this

West Ham 3-1 Chelsea
West Ham 1-2 Chelsea

It just seemed so crazy that West Ham had won 3-1, I thought he must have picked them to win 3-1, which was even more insane. It was only after I looked and realized that only the actual scores were bolded--while the predictions were not--that I realized what happened.

Is United going to make a point of winning the league while falling behind in every single ####### game or what? I don't know what the hell Sir Alex sold in his deal with the devil, if it was only his soul it was a bargain. My guess is that Alex hung on to his soul, it's probably so black that Satan doesn't dare touch it, and instead got all the luck in the world in exchange for the talent of a succession of midfielders starting with Juan Sebastian Veron.

Donovan with a dreadful miss 12 minutes in. That's Conradian frankly.

Thoughts on Fulham-Tottenham from the Spurs perspective...

Positves: Extremely solid defensively (and a clean sheet). Really good game from Dempsey, possibly his best over the full 90 so far. Encouraging performance from Sigurdsson (how nice to have someone who gets his head up in that position in the box). Naughton quietly effective in relief of Walker (not as much attacking threat, but very tidy defensively).

Negatives: Game had 0-0 written all over it until Schwarzer somehow let Sandro's shot get past him. That forced Fulham to come out a bit, which played right into Spurs' hands of course. I remain concerned about Tottenham's ability (or lack thereof) to play through an organized team defending with eight or nine behind the ball. Not enough touches for Lennon. Little width from fullbacks (understandable with Walker and Benny not playing, though).

If it had been Man United playing instead of Spurs, this would be getting praised up and down as a typical "professional performance" from a championship-caliber team. Rarely trouble defensively, controlled the tempo, created just enough chances to win and finished them ruthlessly when they came. Plus a smidge of luck.

Man, do I wish we'd signed Berba. Dude is a ####### wizard.

Ridiculous decision to disallow what would have been LA's second goal.

Lando tucks away a spot kick to take the lead.

I hate the way refs call ticky tack fouls in the box against the attacking team but let defenders get away with murder. I get letting them play and not giving unnecessary PKs but let the attackers bang a big too.

Robbie Keane was pretty excellent today.

I'm pretty surprised they didn't let Becks take the last PK, up 2-1 in that spot.

I'm pretty surprised they didn't let Becks take the last PK, up 2-1 in that spot.

I had the same thought at the time. Looking back I think it makes some sense. Donovan is an important figure to US soccer and MLS in his own right. Also, it might be considered "showing up" Houston to effectively say "the goal doesn't matter, we are already celebrating" in a one goal game and I think that matters more in soccer than it would in other sports.

I had the same thought at the time. Looking back I think it makes some sense. Donovan is an important figure to US soccer and MLS in his own right.

But Keane took the second PK, Donovan took the first. I think your second point might be the good one.

I'm pretty surprised they didn't let Becks take the last PK, up 2-1 in that spot.

Does he normally take PKs these days?

I love Keane, and have ever since the 2002 WC, but my biggest fear is that he'll be leading the Ireland charge for the Euro 2016 campaign...

Positves: Extremely solid defensively (and a clean sheet). Really good game from Dempsey, possibly his best over the full 90 so far.

Yup. I think it's really striking how solid this side is defensively with both Sandro and Dembele in central midfield. Spurs are now 6-0-0 with Dembele starting, they've allowed 0.8 goals per game with Dembele and 2.0 goals per game without him. (The underlying stats aren't quite as stark - 3.3 / 4.3 shots on target with and without Dembele, 10.5 and 11.5 shots in box).

Also agreed on Dempsey. It seemed to me that he really came to life after Bale's injury - suddenly he was everywhere, demanding the ball, leading the team. I really hope Bale is only out for a week or two, because he's easily the best player on the club, but a game or two without him might help Dempsey and Sigurdsson get their seasons going.

I'm back weirdos! Who else is watching this Franchise vs. AFC Wimbledon grudge match?

WIMBLEDON!!!!!!!

Wimbledon fans embarassing themselves, unfortunately. Get back in your seats, fellas.

How badly do you think MK wants to avoid a replay?

Huw Johnson. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

edit: Really, best name in world football? Yes it is.

I just love that the Wimbledon kit sponsor is Football Manager.

Welcome back Shooty!

I do love the FA Cup.

OHHH. You've got to put that away. Dammit.

Thanks Jose!

Ridiculous. Just ridiculous. The evidence against the existence of a benevolent God is just mounting.

Oh what a beautiful little flick. Heartbreaking for Wimbledon.

Huw Johnson flaccid in Milton Keynes.


(sorry)

In honor of Shooty's triumphant return, SANDRO SINGS!

I swear, if Sandro was inspired by this Jeff Tweedy performance then he wins all the awesome.

Evil beats good in the MK game. Damn it.

In honor of Shooty's triumphant return, SANDRO SINGS!

Oof. He's got terrible taste in music!

Catching up on the tables...Chris Hughton's Norwich is higher than Newcastle. That's kind of fun. Spurs are joint third though it would appear the path to that lofty position was tougher than it would appear. Rafa Benitez, eh? It must have been very depressing for Abramovich to realize that was the best guy available. It's like going to a bar and finding out the most interesting beer they have on tap is Bass. Good to see 'Arry back, but I don't know what he's going to do with that team. I do enjoy the coincidence of Harry and Taraabt together again and am enjoying the rumors of a possible reuniting with Darren Bent. Surely QPR can buy David Bentley and the player that hit Harry in the head with a ball during that famous interview, too? PSG are fourth in France. Awesome. West Brom and Swansea are challenging for a Champions League spot, Arsenal and Chelsea are in crisis, Torino is safe, Freiburg is challenging for a Europa spot and Partick Thistle continue to top the table in Scotland Division one. Everything is well set up for a fun month of soccer-ball now that I have time to enjoy it again. I poke fun at Arsenal and Chelsea but I get really weary of all the moaning that happens when these clubs have a rough spell of games. The other clubs want to win, too, and they also employ trained professionals. And finally, to finish my Larry King rambling post, I'm looking forward to finishing the biography of Clough by Jonathan Wilson I picked up in London. That is one giant doorstop of a book. I put it down with Clough just having taken the job at Brighton and am dying to find out how that works out! What would be the equivalent today of Clough getting the sack at Derby and getting hired by Brighton? Roberto Mancini signing on to manage Crawley Town?

FA Cup draw.

Spurs get Coventry City again. West Ham v Man U appears to be the best game along with Swansea and Arsenal, a game Arsene probably doesn't fancy...