We have an early leader for “least plausible excuse of 2013.”

Miami Marlins pitcher Alex Sanabia says he didn’t know it was illegal to spit on the ball, the way he did Monday against the Philadelphia Phillies.

Alex Sanabia is on the Marlins. The odds are at least decent that you’ve never heard of Alex Sanabia before. What’s he all about? Let’s see ... leads the league in losses ... kind of a control pitcher in the minors ... 24 years old ... drafted in the 32nd round, just a round after William Mays ... but pretty nondescript, mostly.

...Spitter. He’s the spit guy. The guy with the spit. Yeah, I remember him. Ol’ Spitface with the spit coming out of his face. Good spitter, that guy. Loves to spit. ...

Odds of being attacked by a shark marlin: 1 in 11.5 million.

Pierre’s clout came leading off the bottom of the first for the Miami Marlins against the Cincinnati Reds.

Pierre’s homer was his first since June 23. He whooped when the ball went over the fence down the right-field line.

“I don’t know how to react to those things, so it’s just a spur-of-the-moment deal,” Pierre told reporters of his homer reaction. “That’s about the only time you’ll see me smiling on the baseball field.”

...

The higher deck seats will be off limits starting with the Marlins next home games series which starts Tuesday. That will reduce the attendance capacity by about 10,000 . . . The team may consider closing the upper bowl for remaining weeknight games this season, but has yet to determine if it will do so. Fewer than 500 people own season tickets in the upper bowl, and those fans are being moved — with no additional charge — to seats in the lower bowl for all Monday-through-Thursday games.

Maury adds…“And when I’m talking “plunge” I’m not talking Loria’s neckline.”

As of today, the decline would be 31 percent below what the club ended with last season. But, they are currently averaging 18,864. As of May 5 of last season, they were averaging 30,681, down 11,817 from the previous year, or a decline of 39 percent.

So, it’s very possible the Marlins could end worse than the Rays. It’s early, and anything could happen, but odds are good the Marlins aren’t going to get any ...

Be cool Honey Buns!

The plunder of 600 stolen bases was laid out around Juan Pierre’s locker late Thursday night.

The lineup card from the Miami Marlins’ 7-2 loss to the Phillies was displayed with the uprooted base where Pierre attained the milestone.

The head-scratcher was the pyramid of Hawaiian Punch cans surrounded by Honey Buns. That was the result of the Marlins posing the question to Pierre’s wife Liz: What do you get a man who has stolen 600 bases?

“I love Honey Buns and Hawaiian ...

The Marlins eventually won, 4-3.

Here you had what ought to have been a taut, exciting affair, but the alarming thinness of both rosters meant, really, that neither team was up for it.

It started back in the sixth inning. Matt Harvey, the Mets’ ace, entered the inning having thrown 99 pitches. Harvey did not locate his fastball with his usual precision, but thanks to a slider that more than made up for it, he had his team ahead, 2-1. Typically, a young pitcher who’d struggled through five ...

In other news, I am monitoring Kate Upton. Up in a tree. With binoculars.

When the Marlins traded Jose Reyes and Josh Johnson to Toronto last November, Mets officials began asking one another questions that remain in their minds today: Can we get Giancarlo Stanton?  Would we trade Zack Wheeler to do it?

According to three team sources, the Mets then spent time at the winter meetings debating whether to make Wheeler available in a variety of trades, including for Arizona’s Justin Upton and ...

Of course, baseball at its intimate best, with the stripped-down Marlins puttering along at 1-7, simply does not appeal to everyone. There’s always something to do at the ballpark, though. Stargazing through the open roof on a comfortable April night, now there’s a romantic notion for you. And for the kids, there’s the latest variation on “Where’s Waldo,” that kooky search for a favorite character in the crowd.

We call it “Find Jeffrey Loria,” and in 2013 it’s apparently not ...

Flesh Tantrum!

One fan identified himself as Dan Barton, 25, of Fort Lauderdale. He wore a shirt that read: “Marlins baseball – helping other teams get better since 1998” – a reference to the franchise’s first roster purge.

Barton and four or five of his friends showed up on the main concourse above the first base line in the second inning and were approached by two reporters, from The Palm Beach Post and South Florida Sun-Sentinel.

They posed for photos and talked about their ...

Placido Polanco batted 4th today for the Marlins.

This isn’t an April Fools Day post.

Okay, so maybe it’s not Tim Johnson doing the Frug with Ann-Margret in Danang…but Mike Redmond is in need of a tracer.

For Redmond, a former Marlin catcher, that means Miami is at the bottom of a well of opportunity.

“We have guys with a lot to prove,” he said while the Marlins held a workout to prepare for Monday’s 1:05 p.m. game against the Washington Nationals. “Nobody gives us a chance. So, we can’t lose.”

It’s the only attitude he can take, and it comes to him naturally. ...

Kevin Slowey? Donovan Solano? John Maine? Alex Sanabia? I’ve never heard of half these guys, and the ones I have heard of are way past their primes!

The Miami Marlins knew their young pitching staff would be a work in progress this season. But no one expected major changes a day before the season opener.

The Marlins this morning announced that 20-year-old super-prospect Jose Fernandez, a right-hander, will be on the opening day roster because of shoulder injuries to starters Nathan Eovaldi ...

Could you please pass the Stanton…and pitch to Polanco.

The Marlins don’t have a prototypical cleanup hitter to slot behind Giancarlo Stanton. Manager Mike Redmond is considering more of a tidy-up hitter.

Placido Polanco hit fourth behind Stanton in Monday’s 6-3 Grapefruit League loss to the Tigers, a team that during the regular season will have the ultimate three-four duo in Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder.

“It’s one of those things where we’re going to have a lot of different guys ...

“Pooped on Fans’ Feelings” grab it fast or I’m naming my next spychedelic band!

First, the Marlins alienated every taxpayer in Miami with their stadium deal. Then they pissed off every casual fan with a mass offseason firesale. Now, the team is burning bridges with the only true-blue Fish fanatics left—their longtime seasons-ticket holders.

That’s how Jan and Bill Leon are feeling, at least. The couple has paid tens of thousands for front-row season tickets since 1998. But last year, after ...

Abracadrastic! The Incredible Oren Wunderman!

Aside from all the rich material here, I was struck by the word choices and tone taken by Marlins President David Samson in a recent story in The Miami Herald: “I’m not going to say Miami is not a sports town,’’ he said. “Or that there is something wrong with the fans? I would never say that.”

Oh you wouldn’t, would you? I think you just did.

I find this type of language fascinating. A former client once said to me: “I’m not trying to tell you ...

For Figgins, life begins again at 35, if .000/.154/.000 in 14 spring training PAs is “life.”

Until this year, he spent his entire career in the American League.

“In the AL you’re limited,” he says. “They don’t pinch-hit much, and if they do, it’s usually somebody who might hit a homer.”

Figgins never had much power, but in his prime the switch-hitter contributed in many other ways during eight seasons with the Angels.

His production began to decline after he signed a $36 ...

Behold!

Mike Piazza’s got a new autobiography in the bookstores, and I spent a week sort of semi-obsessed with it.  I can’t figure out precisely why this particular ex-ballplayer’s memoir got inside my head. But I have a couple of ideas.

One, the book is exceptionally well-written, which isn’t all that surprising, considering Piazza’s co-author was Lonnie Wheeler, who’s written or co-written a number of fine books over the years… And two, Mike Piazza—and I should be very clear that when I write ...

Maury adds…“Would you like some tripe, monsieur? It’s wafer thin.”

The worst thing about this behavior is that it’s poisoning the market. The Marlins don’t have much history to lean upon. This is still the first generation of baseball for the Marlins. This isn’t the Yankees or Red Sox, or even the Brewers. What Loria and Co. are offering is a sports fan’s version of battered-spouse syndrome. You get a few glimpses of happiness and a lot of abuse. Along the way, he’s saying it will ...

The first comment from “ex season ticket holder” is quite telling…“PURE UNADULTERATED BULLLLSHITTTTT”

LETTER TO OUR FANS

      It’s no secret that last season was not our best—actually it was one of our worst. In large part, our performance on the field stunk and something needed to be done. As a result of some bold moves, many grabbed hold of our tough yet necessary decision only to unleash a vicious cycle of negativity. As the owner of the ballclub, the buck stops with me and I take my ...

Jose Reyes arrived at Blue Jays camp Friday with a bad taste in his mouth.

Reyes said that two days before he was traded from the Marlins to the Blue Jays, Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria assured him he was not going to be traded by the flush-it-down the drain Marlins.

“Two days before the trade, I was having dinner with him in New York,’’ Reyes explained.

At that mid-November dinner, the Marlins owner went so far as to tell Reyes to buy a house in Miami.

“He was talking still about ...

From the all Redmond look alike file…

One of the Miami Marlins’ highly rated prospects was caught off guard Tuesday by a simple question about his manager.

When Local 10’s Aiyana Cristal asked Jose Fernandez about Mike Redmond, Fernandez replied, “Who?”

“Mike Redmond, Coach Redmond?” repeated Cristal.

“Oh, okay. I don’t know his name, I just met him. I just met him a bit ago,” answered Fernandez.

This looks like the line I was once on to see the Yankees! (okay, okay…so it was Jon Tiven’s The Yankees)

The line for single-game tickets outside #Marlins Park, less than 30 min before they go on sale

I was certain every possible joke about baseball attendance in Florida had been exhausted over the past 20 years. Then I saw the tweet by Joe Capozzi of the Palm Beach Post that included the photo above from the Miami Marlins Winter Warm Up event Saturday and realized we haven’t even ...

custom-made matching protest shirts.

Said Cooper: “We love our Marlins. We just hate Loria.”

Cooper said he was hoping to get players to sign the shirt. He said his shirt was a hit with fans, adding “Even the employees liked it.”

Don Chase, a Fort Lauderdale lawyer, wore a Toronto Blue Jays cap — his way of protesting November trade.

“I’m supporting the Marlins North,” Chase said. “We need to trade the owner.”

Gary Cooper (left) and Jorge Hidalgo of ...

Owner Jeffrey Loria, in recent months, has rejected overtures from a half dozen people who expressed interest in buying the Marlins, including one of South Florida’s most famous residents: Former Florida governor Jeb Bush.

According to a source, Bush made a “large offer” to buy the team this offseason, but Loria told him he’s not selling. A second source said Bush had put together a group of wealthy investors, with Venezuelan media mogul Gustavo Cisneros among possibilities mentioned. ...