EVERYBODY INTO THE TIM POOL!
The numbers are staggering. Jose Reyes, $106 million. Mark Buehrle, $58 million. Heath Bell, $27 million. A reported $10 million for manager Ozzie Guillen, who according to rough sabermetric consensus is worth, at most, an extra three wins a season. Oh, and don’t forget a $200 million offer to Albert Pujols, the prize pony of this year’s free agent class.
To say that the notoriously parsimonious Miami Marlins—what if Scrooge McDuck owned a baseball team, and also fancied teal?—are suddenly throwing around greenbacks like drunken sailors isn’t just clichéd; it’s an insult to Joseph Hazelwood. And also a bad analogy. Because frankly, the Marlins aren’t spending like intoxicated swabbies with a few hours of shore leave. They’re spending like perfectly sober investment bankers.
The former uses their money.
The latter uses yours.
And that’s why it’s time to Occupy the Marlins.
...It’s time. Time to demand accountability and respect. Time for the public to be treated as a partner, as opposed to goodie-stuffed piñata. Time for hustling, greedy, parasitic sports owners to stop embodying the funny but telling statement once uttered by former baseball owner Bill Veeck: We play “The Star Spangled Banner” before every game—you want us to pay taxes, too?
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