Thursday, January 19, 2012
SBNation: Bois: The Bob Famine
(www.sbnation.com)
posted on January 19, 2012 at 04:22 AM by Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines to angels, baseball geeks, online
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85 comment(s)
In baseball, the name “Bob” has gone from extremely common to a marginal curiosity and nexus of confusion.
There was one active MLB Bob last year, Bobby Abreu, whose given name is “Bob” but goes by “Bobby”. In 2010 there were two - Abreu, and Bob Howry, whose given name is “Bobby” but goes by “Bob”. In 2009 we also had Bob McCrory.
In the future, will “Bob” be as unheard-of for baseball players as “Dick”? Can Bob Stumpo restore glory to this appellation? ...Read More...
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1 2 3 >Heh.
She stuck to her choice; she's a keeper.
Get over yourself. Maybe there are reasons he hasn't proposed yet that they don't want to air in a newspaper article.
I would say that if you're a guy and your girlfriend keeps pushing you to propose, it's kind of a no-win situation: if you do, she thinks you only did it because she was harassing you. Most women want to be surprised with a romantic proposal; this isn't really compatible with repeatedly nagging your boyfriend about it.
After four years together? And she's 28? Yeah, he doesn't want to get married.
Which is fine. He has every right to never want to get married. He should just be honest to her, b/c she wants to, and he's wasting her time.
Most women want to be surprised with a romantic proposal
Romantic yeah, but it should never be a surprise. Like the lawyers say about trials; never ask a question that you don't already know the answer.
If you both don't want to, that's fine. If you both never want to get married, bully for you.
But if she keeps asking and you keep putting her off (like this case) it's a problem.
I'm not talking about getting married, or not. I'm talking about being honest about one's intentions.
Another failed St. Louis hit and run.
"From you, okay?! I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU!"
I was thinking it was white kids who grew up in the 50's. or even before, the self proclaimed greatest generation.....
The 40's and 50's are Baby Boomers, the point of "the greatest generation" crap* was to put down the boomers (which of course is a pretty noble endeavor) by comparing them with their predecessors.
*) As Sweden never fought in WWII and had a pretty mild depression, that generation is mostly known here for making really, really bad comedies. Such is life.
I dunno man. I'm 25 and if I do get married it won't be until I'm 32 or 33 because I want to 1. pay off grad school and 2. perhaps be at a certain place in my teaching career. Now, if she's straight up asking him to marry her and he's begging her off, that's one thing, but he may well have his reasons for wanting to wait. And from this vantage point we don't know enough - at all - to say whether he's being a jerk or not. I certainly wouldn't say they need to break up.
My mom got married at 35. She wanted to be at a certain place first.
We can say definitively, however, that this young woman enjoys a lot of attention.
Waiting is hardly the worst idea in the world.
Which is fine. He has every right to never want to get married. He should just be honest to her, b/c she wants to, and he's wasting her time.
This is extremely presumptuous, and you have no basis to make such a statement. Not everyone is like you.
Look at her sign. Look at her face. She's happy with the situation. Don't be a down, man.
IF and i know people lie - IF she has asked him about them getting married more than once over the past year and he refuses to discuss it or changes the subject, then fact is that he doesn't want to marry her
if he DID he should be discussing what he thinks about marriage/kids/when to get married.
there is nothing wrong with waiting to get married if that is what you both want AND you talk it out.
it is stupid to force/blackmail a man (or woman) into marriage - that does not work out real too good. but on the other hand, us females can't (easily) have kids into our 50s and 60s like youse males can and we need to know how the man we want to have as a lifetime partner feels about it
it is horsepoopoo to refuse to discuss it when you don't want to marry her, you KNOW she wants to get married, you refuse to be honest with her because you can't see buying the cow when you getting the milk for free, as harveys puts it
O tempora! O mores!
And my wife was born in Valparaiso.
Really.
She's not bringing up lifelong commitment. She's bringing up marriage.
Sure, you shouldn't propose if you're not confident of the answer. But that doesn't mean you can't surprise her. My wife was completely oblivious the night I proposed (to the point where she was making fun of me for keeping the programs from the symphony and a business card from the restaurant we went to that evening).
Sure, if you know you *don't* want to get married, you need to be honest with the girl. But what if you want to get married, but you think you still have issues (personally or in the relationship) that you need to work through first? Sometimes that can be difficult to discuss or interpreted as changing the topic.
Based on my own experience -- women sometimes bring up the topic of marriage when they're angry at you about something else. I would change the subject when it came up in that context -- there's no upside to discussing it when she's already mad at you.
Sounds like you were doing it right, all right.
Perfect weather, sun starting to go down, hey, the sailboats at the dock over there sure look nice and peaceful and.... WHOA, A GAZEBO OUT OF NOWHERE.
And, ACTION!
Never look a gift gazebo in the mouth.
So she decided to make up this sign. Why? To make herself feel better? In hopes that it would attract attention to the situation and shame him into proposing or something? All in all, very weird.
I don't think is fair as a blanket statement.
There are obvious exceptions—started dating at 15 and now they're only 19, or they have careers on opposite sides of the country, etc.—but for 95 couples out of 100, I'm quite confident it's true. If you're in your late 20s and you've been in a serious relationship for four years and you're still not sure if he or she is The One, they're not The One (or they are The One, but you've got serious issues that renders it moot).
Sign #53 that the marriage isn't going to work. When you bet your girlfriend that she can't go a whole week without alcohol and then use asking her to marry you as a way to win the bet.
Sign #64 that a woman is reading way too much into the relationship. When she tells you how many kids you'll have and when you'll have them and you haven't even had sex with her yet and the relationship is less then a month old.
Sign #23 that the marriage isn't going to work. When you lose your engagement ring on the beach at 3 in the morning while out with a guy that isn't the guy who gave you the ring.
it is horsepoopoo to refuse to discuss it when you don't want to marry her, you KNOW she wants to get married, you refuse to be honest with her because you can't see buying the cow when you getting the milk for free, as harveys puts it
Sure, if you know you *don't* want to get married, you need to be honest with the girl. But what if you want to get married, but you think you still have issues (personally or in the relationship) that you need to work through first? Sometimes that can be difficult to discuss or interpreted as changing the topic.
- then you need to bring up the topic your own self out of the blue. at a time she is not already mad at you about something. if you can't talk honestly with a girl you want to marry, best to get a different girl. working through stuff is hard, yes, but as you ought to know, STAYING married is hard work - at least, staying married reasonably happily.
Based on my own experience -- women sometimes bring up the topic of marriage when they're angry at you about something else. I would change the subject when it came up in that context -- there's no upside to discussing it when she's already mad at you.
- agree 1000%
PreservedFish Posted: November 06, 2011 at 10:12 PM (#3987660)
Any woman who has been with a guy for four years and has to pester him about marriage—or, worse, whose entreaties are met with a quick change of subject—should start packing her bags, pronto.
I don't think is fair as a blanket statement.
- oh yes, YES, it is
if she wants a husband and kids - or even a husband and not a boyfriend, it's been FOUR years. she gonna be waitin until the end of time if she wants HIM because he don't want her.this is not like him sitting down and talking to her about why he wants/needs to wait to get married or even give her a time frame. he doesn't want to get married - at least not to HER.
i watched one of my brothers do this with HIS gf of almost 4 years - she INSISTED on getting married, he didn't want to, but he gave in. would he be honest and just say - no, and goodbye, it's been good while it lasted but i want to stay single for the rest of my life. nooooo. better to lie and cheat.
she caught him cheating not even 2 months later and went and got a divorce. i tried to warn her, but she thought she could change him.
it's one of the most unfortunate things about being a female - makes us have a stupid idea bout how some stupid man is gonna want to change for us because he loves us. sort of like that faust story one of youse guys told me about. i don't know WHERE that stupid poopoo thinking comes from but can't none of us never learn from other grrrls mistakes. we always think we are gonna be the ONE exception to the rule.
We only need to say one thing.
She's hot. She likes baseball. She's awesome.
/thread
Come on, this is BBTF. See "sunk cost."
Some weird absolute advice going on here. So if you love somebody enough that you wish to make a lifetime committment to them but they are not at that point yet you should dump them pronto? I guess you didn't really love them afterall.
- if you are a 28 year old woman, you have had a monogamous relation with a man for FOUR years, you have told him more than a few times that you want to get married and HE REFUSES TO DISCUSS IT, yes, it is time to admit you love a guy who doesn't love you. sometimes, you fall hopelessly in love with someone who just doesn't feel the same way about you. he likes you, he likes having sex with you, partying with you, but he just doesn't love you enough to want to marry you. by the time you figure this out, you're getting old and it is gonna be harder to find a guy. and to have kids too if you want them. and to deal with all the anger you gonna have when you realized how many years you spent in denial
Ha ha. That's probably true.
Why are we debating marriage? This isn't "E."
We only need to say one thing.
She's hot. She likes baseball. She's awesome.
- you got more sense than boyfriend does, that's fer gol-durned sure...
and by the way, i also would prefer WS tickets to an engagement RING - living without the ring is one thing but living without the MAN is something different. we are not all kim kardashians who just want the party and the presents and the pretty dress and all the attention but treat the husband like the wrapping paper to be tossed at the end of all the fun
We don't know enough about these people and their conversations to offer them advice. At all.
This entire argument is ridiculous and it's been going on for, like, ten hours.
It's very possible he wants to get married in a few years (nothing wrong with getting married at 31, 32). We just don't know.
However, I think that describes a rather small percentage. Communication problems generally come from both parties; it's far more likely that neither the girl nor the guy have clearly communicated their hopes for the relationship.
I know plenty of people who have dated for four-plus years without getting engaged, eventually did, and wound up being happy in their marriages (well, so far). And I have been on the other end, as well; after four-plus years, I couldn't get my girlfriend to commit to marriage, and it wound up ultimately ending the relationship.
But relationships and love are way too complicated to make blanket statements or claim that things are true "95 times out of 100". I hate giving relationship advice for that reason.
I agree that it's probably usually the case.
My Facebook feed is basically full of 28-30 year olds getting married. Many of them met in college, so, they dated for 6+ years before tying the knot. This is extremely regular practice, at least with well-educated liberal coastal types.
But I suppose the key here is the girl "pestering." If one partner is always bringing the issue up, and it's always a battle, then you're probably right that it's usually not going to work out.
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