I have a DNA card with Oscar Gamble's hair. Got it when I bought a corkscrew.

Man, these Onion articles have gone from being funny to just plain weird.

Imagine going back in time to 1790 and trying to explain this to Washington.

Kind of makes you wonder what they'll be doing with our hair in 200 years...

So Topps took a chance on some dumb little kid buying a pack and throwing away the boring old guy card, thus forever losing one of the finite number of George Washington's hair?

I'm not all that excited by the prospect of having a piece of someone's hair, but given that, for some wacky reason, we *do* have pieces of George Washington's hair, I think we shouldn't just casually throw them to the winds. This seems very irresponsible.

(or are little kids priced out of the baseball card market nowadays?)

This was in one of the ridiculous, even more overpriced sets, so I doubt any kids were buying it. But yes, very irresponsible.

Brian Sabean has given the hair a 2008 spring training invite.

How is it irresponsible? It's just hair.

Perhaps you believe George Washington's hair (and toenail clippings) should be venerated as relics in a cathedral?

No, it's just historically valuable, that's all.

George Washington ain't Abe Froman, just like the Constitution isn't The Onion. You wouldn't cut up the Constitution and sell it in a baseball card pack would you?

You wouldn't cut up the Constitution and sell it in a baseball card pack would you?

Alberto Gonzalez, Dick Cheney, and the Gang already took care of Part One for you. Selling it off now is the easy part.

I know there have been issues in the past with purportedly "game-used" items on baseball cards that really weren't used in a game, but this is legit. Julio Franco was there when the hair was cut and has subsequently authenticated the provenance of this rare item.

How is it irresponsible? It's just hair.

Perhaps you believe George Washington's hair (and toenail clippings) should be venerated as relics in a cathedral?

Please. I already said that I personally am not terribly excited by having someone's hair. What part of that led you to believe that I think it should be venerated as a relic?

But the fact is that it is interesting enough that people have conserved it for over two hundred years now. And once it is thrown away, it is thrown away forever, with effectively zero chance of recovery. It can't be un-thrown away.

Given those facts, yes, I think it is very irresponsible of Topps to decide, "Hey, let's destroy it to make a little cash in a cheesy baseball card promo!"

But yah, keep attacking strawmen.

We're not considering the possibility that Washington was a packrat of his own hair. Maybe he had the barber keep every clipping. There could be barrels of this stuff in the attic at Mount Vernon. This isn't wooden teeth we're talking here.

You wouldn't cut up the Constitution and sell it in a baseball card pack would you?

Alberto Gonzalez, Dick Cheney, and the Gang already took care of Part One for you. Selling it off now is the easy part.

That's right, Sam, the Constitution's been shredded. And for daring to dissent, the Bushitler goons will be forced to toss you into Gitmo. Right now. Here they come!

Guys? Hello?

You mean there are no goons that toss dissenters into Gitmo? We still have the constitutional right to bi.tch and moan? Really? B-but...but Cheney...

OK, never mind.

You're right, RMC! Sam's sarcastic comment hasn't landed him in the gulag, thus proving that we have all the freedom in the world!

George Washington is coming! Run while you still can.

That's right, Sam, the Constitution's been shredded. And for daring to dissent, the Bushitler goons will be forced to toss you into Gitmo. Right now. Here they come!

Guys? Hello?

You mean there are no goons that toss dissenters into Gitmo? We still have the constitutional right to bi.tch and moan? Really? B-but...but Cheney...

OK, never mind.

Jose Padilla, citizen of the United States of America, was held prisoner for almost four years without any charges being placed against him, was explicitly denied the right of habeas corpus, was denied access to a lawyer for the first two years, and was left almost constantly without human contact, chained in a small cell with no windows, no clock, no bedding, and a light bulb that never was shut off.

The President of the United States of America argued that he should be held in this manner indefinitely.

But, as you say, OK, never mind. Go back to pretending that this Administration that you're supporting is not fundamentally and abhorrently unamerican, and go back to pretending that you're a patriot for doing so.

I'm outraged that the hair was not donated to Boots so he could pee on it...

We still have the constitutional right to bi.tch and moan?

And lord knows this is the only important thing.

For those who are really into collecting memorabilia....

I'm sure this will eventually pass if it hasn't already.

Best Regards

John

poop.
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poop.

%!@$#@!#

Hey, lets see if Topps wants to make the first scratch and sniff cards with Abe Lincoln's sack hair.

I quit that business because I thought it was getting rediculous 5 years ago. I see it hasn't gotten any better.