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John Smoltz Newsbeat

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

VICE: Baseball Erotica #1: John Smoltz and Tom Glavine

Um, NSFW.

Smoltz remained silent and tried to to stand up straighter. Even his eyes were correctly positioned, looking dully ahead with the plasticine sheen of bad taxidermy. In front of him sat a cork board lined with weather-wilted photocopies of He Who Should Not Be Named, augmented by sharpie to include fecal beards and Pollockian body fluid-based decorations. ####### Maddux.

Smoltz lost track of how many times they repeated this dance. All he knew was that he had to keep getting up. Until one time, he faltered.

As Glavine berated him like a drill sergeant, he forced him down onto hands and knees and hastily cut away his clothing. Smoltz listened to the sound of the scissors as they swam across his outfit, bisecting it for His pleasure, and was grateful for the splinters now, as they gave him something else to think about besides the throbbing marks made by a talented paddler. As Glavine cursed and spat on the floor, Smoltz’s zip-tie bindings cut his skin, listlessly biting at his wrists the way a butter knife saws on a ripe tomato.

RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: July 30, 2014 at 11:49 AM | 12 comment(s)
  Beats: braves, erotica, john smoltz, tom glavine, vice

Saturday, May 03, 2014

BtBS: Does the strike zone shrink in later innings?

John Smoltz suggested last week that the strike zone shrinks in the late innings. Is he right? [.

I never trust anything I see on Twitter (or the Internet, for that matter) without checking out the bona fides of the party involved, and after a rigorous vetting process, determined the tweeter involved could be trusted—indeed, they appear to be a stunningly bright group of men and women at the forefront of sabermetric research, but I digress. It poses a legitimate question, and the data exists to check the veracity of the statement.

Before showing the data, it’s important to draw an important distinction. When John Smoltz shaves, he loses more baseball knowledge than I’ll ever possess in my lifetime. In testing questions like this, my purpose isn’t to demean someone or show off my vast knowledge as much as check if the facts line up with the statement. There will never be an instance when my opinion should be given greater weight that John Smoltz’s.

bobm Posted: May 03, 2014 at 09:19 PM | 9 comment(s)
  Beats: john smoltz, strike zone

 

 

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