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Wednesday, June 04, 2014

50 Cent Blames Bad Pitch on ‘Excessive Masturbation’ | Rolling Stone

Where was Dr. Andrews when he needed him?

Jim Furtado Posted: June 04, 2014 at 08:19 PM | 28 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: first pitch

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   1. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: June 04, 2014 at 08:46 PM (#4719278)
But can he roll out of bed in the dead of winter and shoot ropes into center field?
   2. Bhaakon Posted: June 04, 2014 at 09:19 PM (#4719293)
Huh. I wouldn't think $0.50 suffered from a lack of feminine attention.
   3. 6 - 4 - 3 Posted: June 04, 2014 at 09:27 PM (#4719301)
I'd bet $0.50 that he was being facetious.
   4. Bhaakon Posted: June 04, 2014 at 09:48 PM (#4719314)

I'd bet $0.50 that he was being facetious.


I'm pretty sure that's been illegal since the 13th amendment passed.
   5. Tubbs is Bobby Grich when he flys off the handle Posted: June 04, 2014 at 10:02 PM (#4719329)
Perhaps he watched "Wolf of Wall Street" and took what Matthew McConaughey's character said to heart. This disproves Martin Lawrence's theory that "a brother never beats his sh*t."
   6. Der-K: downgraded to lurker Posted: June 04, 2014 at 10:39 PM (#4719355)
For the unfamiliar, this was not his onan-ly reference to self love in an online forum. From two years ago, here's his guide to quitting: Gawker link
   7. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) Posted: June 05, 2014 at 12:11 AM (#4719415)
50 Cent Blames Bad Pitch on ‘Excessive Masturbation’

can't believe I didn't think of this first--covers a multitude
   8. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt! Posted: June 05, 2014 at 07:10 AM (#4719456)
Define 'excessive'.
   9. You Know Nothing JT Snow (YR) Posted: June 05, 2014 at 07:21 AM (#4719459)
I swear I was only using that Vaseline to doctor baseballs.
   10. I Am Merely a Fake Lawyer Posted: June 05, 2014 at 08:49 AM (#4719473)
But he can see, can't he?
   11. You Know Nothing JT Snow (YR) Posted: June 05, 2014 at 08:52 AM (#4719478)
Yeah, if he can still see it wasn't excessive.
   12. bunyon Posted: June 05, 2014 at 09:22 AM (#4719496)
This really puts it all together, doesn't it: increase in American prudishness with regard to brutish sexual behavior of its young men leads to more masturbation leads to more Tommy John. It all fits.
   13. Jose is an Absurd Doubles Machine Posted: June 05, 2014 at 12:16 PM (#4719669)
This makes me wonder if Clay Buchholz' marriage is OK.
   14. Random Transaction Generator Posted: June 05, 2014 at 12:22 PM (#4719675)
So are we going to have to redefine "Steve Blass Disease"?
   15. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: June 05, 2014 at 12:36 PM (#4719682)
On what does he blame his ice-cold music career?
   16. Ron J2 Posted: June 05, 2014 at 12:40 PM (#4719686)
#15 I like the title of the Grantland article on 50. "Got Rich, Still Died"
   17. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: June 05, 2014 at 12:54 PM (#4719696)
Define 'excessive'.


As long as you aren't ejaculating blood, you're probably OK.
   18. Manny Coon Posted: June 05, 2014 at 12:59 PM (#4719701)
All the hair on his palms makes it hard for him to grip the ball.
   19. You Know Nothing JT Snow (YR) Posted: June 05, 2014 at 01:08 PM (#4719704)
Define 'excessive'.

As long as you aren't ejaculating blood, you're probably OK.


Hell, ejaculating blood is nothing. You know you've really overdone it when nothing comes out but air.
   20. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt! Posted: June 05, 2014 at 01:40 PM (#4719734)
Hell, ejaculating blood is nothing. You know you've really overdone it when nothing comes out but air.

Ah, the masculine queef of legend!
   21. The Chronicles of Reddick Posted: June 05, 2014 at 01:50 PM (#4719750)
I take it that isnt tennis elbow that he has.
   22. stanmvp48 Posted: June 05, 2014 at 02:13 PM (#4719771)
Get a grip, fellows.
   23. Edmundo got dem ol' Kozma blues again mama Posted: June 05, 2014 at 02:48 PM (#4719802)
Man, I can't wait for the first bad throw at the BBTF softball game in NYC.
   24. Shooty would run in but these bone spurs hurt! Posted: June 05, 2014 at 02:54 PM (#4719813)
Get a grip, fellows.

A soft, caressing yet masculine grip.
   25. Fernigal McGunnigle Posted: June 05, 2014 at 03:38 PM (#4719848)
I was a pretty good little league pitcher, but washed out in junior high school around age 12 or 13. Based on my experience, 50 Cent's theory might have some merit.
   26. Kurt Posted: June 05, 2014 at 04:10 PM (#4719875)
As long as you aren't ejaculating blood, you're probably OK.


My understanding - you know, from reading books and whatnot - was that if you're ejaculating blood you need to be ejaculating *more*, not less.
   27. The Chronicles of Reddick Posted: June 05, 2014 at 06:53 PM (#4720021)
It also explains why my throwing got worse but I developed a better wrist shot in hockey.
   28. b Posted: June 05, 2014 at 11:06 PM (#4720143)
That this post has been up for over 24 hours without an Option J reference makes me sad.

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