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Friday, October 14, 2011

Adam Dunn: Not easy being a one percenter

I hear the OccupyChi people are now forming an OccupyJackass group.

“It’s tougher than people think, being a one percenter,” Adam Dunn told us this morning. “For starters, you gotta figure out what to do with all that dough, which is stressful.”

The White Sox designated hitter is a bona fide one percenter, and we’re not talking about his batting average. Dunn made $14 million this season, and his contract guarantees him three more years at that rate. “But that’s not net, it’s whachacallit,” he said. “By the time you pay your taxes and your agent, you’re lucky if you walk home with eight mil.”

The Occupy Chicago and Occupy Wall Street protests have condemned the wealthiest one percent of Americans, and have called for reforms that would more equitably distribute the nation’s wealth. Dunn said he’d seen some TV coverage of the protests, but hadn’t followed them closely. A native of Texas, he said he opposed repeal of the Bush tax cuts out of loyalty to fellow Texan Bush. Regarding forgiving student loan debt, he said, “Sure, I’d forgive ‘em. I didn’t even know they’d done nothin’ wrong.” He wanted to consult with his agent before venturing an opinion on eliminating corporate personhood. As for the proposed Buffet rule, Dunn said he wasn’t familiar with the proposal but generally favored buffets.

Repoz Posted: October 14, 2011 at 08:25 PM | 36 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: amateur, white sox

Reader Comments and Retorts

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Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. smileyy Posted: October 14, 2011 at 09:01 PM (#3963669)
“But that’s not net, it’s whachacallit,” he said. “By the time you pay your taxes and your agent, you’re lucky if you walk home with eight mil.”


Never a more sympathy eliciting statement have I heard.
   2. Matt Clement of Alexandria Posted: October 14, 2011 at 09:08 PM (#3963682)
That's the joke, right?
   3. Johnny Sycophant-Laden Fora Posted: October 14, 2011 at 09:09 PM (#3963683)
what's scary is that between here and the original article only one poster seems to realize the interview wasn't real...
edit make that 2
   4. Los Angeles El Hombre of Anaheim Posted: October 14, 2011 at 09:21 PM (#3963696)
Well played, Repoz. Well played.

/KevinButler
   5.   Posted: October 14, 2011 at 09:21 PM (#3963697)
I thought it was real too. Adam's a funny guy...I could see him saying those things.
   6. The Kentucky Gentleman, Mark Edward Posted: October 14, 2011 at 09:22 PM (#3963698)
Yeah this was the Reader's attempt at being funny. The Reader's not too bad for a free paper- it's got Savage Love, and I trust their restaurant/movie/music recommendations. Their politics/local news sections leave a lot to be desired. Ben Joravsky wants to be Mike Royko, but he doesn't have the humor or insight. And while it seemed like Royko genuinely loved Chicago, I don't get that from Joravsky. And I don't want to hear about TIF's in each and every article.
   7. Vida Blew Over the Legal Limit Posted: October 14, 2011 at 10:31 PM (#3963754)
I thought it was real too. Adam's a funny guy...I could see him saying those things.

My first thought as well.
   8. Athletic Supporter can feel the slow rot Posted: October 14, 2011 at 10:37 PM (#3963759)
Wow, if you're going to make something up to try to be funny, at least make it obvious that you're making it up. Or be funny. Either way.
   9. The Long Arm of Rudy Law Posted: October 14, 2011 at 10:39 PM (#3963761)
I thought it was too obvious they were making it up. Either way, making it funny should be the priority.
   10. valuearbitrageur Posted: October 14, 2011 at 10:41 PM (#3963764)
I guess it depends on deductions but

$14
- medicare/ss tax
- 13.8M
- 10% agent commission
= 12.4M
- 5% illinois income tax rate
= 11.8M
- 35% federal rate
= 7.7M

I guess most athletes aren't paying 10% commissions anymore, so in reality he wouldn't need much in the way of deductions to net close to $9M.

And if he wasn't actually working for his paycheck, if he was a layabout trust fund dilettante like Theresa Heinz Kerry, his $3M in federal tax would only be something like $1.3M, and like her pay no self employment tax (i.e. social security/medicare).
   11. Matt Clement of Alexandria Posted: October 14, 2011 at 11:12 PM (#3963781)
Yeah, I thought at first this was an actual joke by Dunn. If he's actually said those things, they'd be reasonably funny. As a fictional piece, it lacks bite.
   12. Bob Evans Posted: October 15, 2011 at 12:06 AM (#3963824)
Either way, making it funny should be the priority.

E.g.,

As for the proposed Buffet rule, Dunn said he wasn’t familiar with the proposal but generally favored buffets.

See, this joke works only if the two words are pronounced the same. Unless the implication is he likes getting smacked upside the head. Perhaps it's too damned subtle for me.
   13. Dan The Mediocre Posted: October 15, 2011 at 01:06 AM (#3963930)
As for the proposed Buffet rule, Dunn said he wasn’t familiar with the proposal but generally favored buffets.

See, this joke works only if the two words are pronounced the same. Unless the implication is he likes getting smacked upside the head. Perhaps it's too damned subtle for me.


It works much better as a Jimmy Buffet reference.
   14. Der-K and the statistical werewolves. Posted: October 15, 2011 at 01:47 AM (#3964015)
When I said the headline, my brain first misprocessed it as Dunn being a five percenter, but I'm pretty sure he eats pork.
   15. GGC don't think it can get longer than a novella Posted: October 15, 2011 at 03:16 AM (#3964159)
I thought the one percenters were biker outlaws. But I have yet to see Occupy Sturgis catch on.
   16. DanG Posted: October 15, 2011 at 03:32 AM (#3964169)
I took it as referring to Dunn being among the worst 1% of MLB players.
   17. tshipman Posted: October 15, 2011 at 03:32 AM (#3964170)
So why have the fake interview be by Adam Dunn? That's what I don't get. I also thought it was real comments by Dunn (and pretty funny).
   18. tfbg9 Posted: October 15, 2011 at 03:41 AM (#3964175)
edit-GGC beat me to the punch
   19. Something Other Posted: October 15, 2011 at 03:58 AM (#3964180)
= 11.8M
- 35% federal rate
It's not possible to have an accountant so bad that she'd have you pay 35% on 11.8M.
   20. Buzzkill Posted: October 15, 2011 at 04:32 AM (#3964188)
.159 / .292 / .277 / .569 56
   21. valuearbitrageur Posted: October 15, 2011 at 04:35 AM (#3964190)
It's not possible to have an accountant so bad that she'd have you pay 35% on 11.8M.


Which is of course what I said. Hint: deductions. I'll spell it out next time if you need help.

But unless you are also a trust fund dilettante, it's impossible to have enough deductions to reduce your rate to anywhere near Theresa Heinz Kerry levels.
   22. tshipman Posted: October 15, 2011 at 04:58 AM (#3964197)
But unless you are also a trust fund dilettante, it's impossible to have enough deductions to reduce your rate to anywhere near Theresa Heinz Kerry levels.


Doesn't this get tiresome for you? I mean, with Nieporent, there's at least a sense of humor. Whatever.
   23. JoeC Posted: October 15, 2011 at 05:57 AM (#3964200)
As for the proposed Buffet rule, Dunn said he wasn’t familiar with the proposal but generally favored buffets.

See, this joke works only if the two words are pronounced the same. Unless the implication is he likes getting smacked upside the head. Perhaps it's too damned subtle for me.


I bet Felix Pie jokes drive you crazy too. I have BTF to thank for teaching me that some people primarily process words as sounds and think these jokes completely fall flat. I wonder what percentage of the population reads that way rather than primarily visually?
   24. Tuque Posted: October 15, 2011 at 06:12 AM (#3964202)
I have BTF to thank for teaching me that some people primarily process words as sounds

This indirectly made me realize something: How did I ever learn how to pronounce Nieporent's name?
   25. Something Other Posted: October 15, 2011 at 06:36 AM (#3964204)
It's not possible to have an accountant so bad that she'd have you pay 35% on 11.8M.



Which is of course what I said. Hint: deductions. I'll spell it out next time if you need help.
Well, you'd better do something, as your table and sentence structure are barely comprehensible. You seem to be alluding to a gigantic deduction of an agent's fee. Perhaps if you wrote in your native language?

Even the most charitable reading suggests you think a competent accountant would be able to knock down the federal rate by only a few points. You don't actually handle other people's money for them, do you?
   26. valuearbitrageur Posted: October 15, 2011 at 08:02 AM (#3964211)
Even the most charitable reading suggests you think a competent accountant would be able to knock down the federal rate by only a few points. You don't actually handle other people's money for them, do you?


Yes, but I don't do your work for you. Why don't you show how Adam can get his federal tax rate down to, oh, say, even 15%? Not Theresa Heinz Kerry levels, but close.

Doesn't this get tiresome for you? I mean, with Nieporent, there's at least a sense of humor. Whatever.


Not at all. I always think it's hilarious that Theresa Heinz Kerry and her boy toy campaigned for higher specific income taxes on the "rich" that they were shielded from having to pay, and that they have continued to evade taxes so successfully while pontificating so hypocritically.

And it's always fun to tweak the "raise taxes on the rich" crowd by pointing out how complicated the issue they always try to over-simplify and demagogue about actually is, and the inconvenient fact that so many rich pay such huge amounts of taxes at substantial rates while other rich barely pay at all. They don't want to admit the real problem with the tax code is the unfairness that cuts across taxpayers at the same income levels.

The working rich should be occupying Theresa Heinz Kerry's yacht and camping out in the yards of trust funders everywhere until they start contributing their fair share.
   27. Ron J Posted: October 15, 2011 at 08:46 AM (#3964213)
#3 While this is a joke, I seem to recall a young Pete Incaviglia being spectacularly wrong when he was asked what he though a typical working wage was in the US.
   28. Something Other Posted: October 15, 2011 at 09:53 AM (#3964214)
Hey VA--I'm sorry I started things up. There was no reason for it.
   29. valuearbitrageur Posted: October 15, 2011 at 10:12 AM (#3964217)
Hey VA--I'm sorry I started things up. There was no reason for it.


I knew you would try something under-handed like that. Since I was the one who started trolling the thread, it would actually be my responsibility to apologize.

Which I hereby do, since your unexpected graciousness has rendered me defenseless and destroyed my remaining self-rightous anger.
   30. Joe Bivens, Minor Genius Posted: October 15, 2011 at 10:49 AM (#3964218)
Get a room, you two.
   31. Bob Evans Posted: October 15, 2011 at 12:53 PM (#3964245)
I have BTF to thank for teaching me that some people primarily process words as sounds and think these jokes completely fall flat. I wonder what percentage of the population reads that way rather than primarily visually?

I'm gonna go with 95% (or whatever percent of the world is not deaf). You hear the words when you read them.

Also, the article didn't use enough words with a "K". Cracker! Pickle! Keokuk! Now that's funny.

I seem to recall a young Pete Incaviglia being spectacularly wrong when he was asked what he though a typical working wage was in the US.

Sure...he's one of the Martha's Vineyard Incaviglias.
   32. GGC don't think it can get longer than a novella Posted: October 15, 2011 at 12:54 PM (#3964246)
I have BTF to thank for teaching me that some people primarily process words as sounds


Maybe Dunn likes blows to the body ;).

There are plenty of words that I read which rarely come up in conversation, so I process them as strings of letters (and I enjoy visual puns), but I think I make up pronunciations for them in my head. I experience problems when it comes to strings of numbers longer than four or five. There are no consonant or vowel numbers. This makes numbers hard for me to process; especially if they are abstract like phone numbers, CUSIPs or account numbers and do not correspond to a quantity of something or a rate. Social security numbers aren't as much of a problem, because dashes divide them into manageable chunks.

I just had an epiphany about this recently, because I was making errors like this at work. I haven't completely figured out what causes this. It could have been an old head injury from a car accident I was in 21 years ago. It could be from a learning disability that I was able to overcome and recent stress has triggered it. Regardless, it makes data entry difficult and I work for a small firm, so I wind up having to do a lot of it.
   33. Swedish Chef Posted: October 15, 2011 at 01:10 PM (#3964250)
Social security numbers aren't as much of a problem, because dashes divide them into manageable chunks.

You don't really need visual cues to chunk. If I come across some account number, say 100928376223, I see it as 100-928-376-223*, and that is easy enough to remember for a little while.

*) that is: ninehundredtwentyeight and not nine-two-eight. It makes a difference.
   34. GGC don't think it can get longer than a novella Posted: October 15, 2011 at 01:28 PM (#3964253)
I think that is how most people do it, Swedish Chef. But I find it extremely difficult. On the brighter side, I have excellent long term memory and really good pattern recognition skills. I'm not sure if there is an interrelation between my strengths and weaknesses, but I'm looking into it. I don't necessarily think it is something like dyslexia. I make quite a few typos, but I believe that is because I am left handed, not because I do not know how to spell.
   35. GGC don't think it can get longer than a novella Posted: October 15, 2011 at 04:41 PM (#3964318)
The other problem I have is with repeating numbers. I'll often read the sequence 183368 as 18368. One coping mechanism I have found is when a number has a low factor 014049 is just 2007x7.
   36. Buzzkill Posted: October 16, 2011 at 03:14 AM (#3964974)
Hey VA - your desperately pathetic comments on this thread are a new low in my BTF experience. What a Bozo. No, actually that's an insult to clowns. Do yourself a favor and head over to RedState.com and post some opinions on Adam Dunn.

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