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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

AP: Garciaparra Rescues Two Women in Boston

Not past a diving Garciaparra?

Former Red Sox shortstop Nomar Garciaparra rescued two women who had fallen into Boston Harbor late last week, his uncle and a witness told the Boston Herald.

Garciaparra, traded to the Chicago Cubs on July 31, 2004, was with his uncle in his Charlestown condominium at about 10 p.m. Friday when they heard a scream and a splash, said the uncle, Victor Garciaparra.

As soon as the All-Star shortstop and two-time American League batting champ ran out the door to help the woman, her friend also fell in, hitting her head on the pier, said Victor Garciaparra, who oversees his nephew’s business and charitable ventures.

Thanks to ess eff

Repoz Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:42 AM | 661 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
Tags: red sox

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301. Cabbage Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:07 PM (#1679419)

If Howard Johnson was there, he would have given them quality accommodations and a filling, homestyle, meal at an affordable price.

302. Scoriano Flitcraft Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:07 PM (#1679423)

If Nomar had been here, he would have left.

303. Boots Day Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:07 PM (#1679424)

If Chris Berman were there, he would have taken five minutes to come up Two Women Might "The Night They Drove Old Dixie" Drown.

304. Tom Cervo, backup catcher Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:08 PM (#1679425)

If Bengie Molina had been there, he'd still be swimming back to shore.

305. DCA Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:09 PM (#1679429)

I nominate #45,62,79,112, or 217

(I personally lean towards 79)

I think I went from laughing to crying with #86, so it has to be on the list. 217 is good, but nothing special. My vote is for 62.

306. Hendry's Wad of Cash (UCCF) Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:09 PM (#1679430)

If Jim Abbott had been there, one of the women would have been royally ####.

307. Tom Cervo, backup catcher Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:10 PM (#1679431)

If Ozzie Guillen had been there, he would have mocked them for choking.

308. bunyon Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:10 PM (#1679432)

If Drew Henson had been there he'd have tried to save them for awhile and then decided he'd rather save people from the Charles River instead.

If Denny Neagle had been there he'd have paid them each $30 to save them.

If Ernie Banks had been there, well, you figure it out.

Damn you! I thought of this at lunch and thought I'd post it in time.

If Joseph McCarthy had been there he'd have said he had proof that there were 57 card-carrying communists drowning in the harbor.

309. Hendry's Wad of Cash (UCCF) Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:10 PM (#1679434)

I liked 79 as well, but there are too many to choose from.

310. Obi One Kenobi Nil

Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:11 PM (#1679436)

If Roger Cedeno had been there he would have reached them vire the Gulf of Mexico.

311. Boots Day Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:11 PM (#1679437)

If Dennis Eckersley were there, he'd have Rick Honeycutt save the first one, then he'd jump in and grab all the glory by getting the last one.

312. Tom Cervo, backup catcher Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:11 PM (#1679439)

If Karim Garcia had been there, Pedro would know who he is.

313. Boots Day Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:12 PM (#1679443)

If Chuck Finley were there, one of the women would have beaten him up.

314. Hendry's Wad of Cash (UCCF) Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:12 PM (#1679444)

If Derrek Lee had been there, Neifi Perez and Corey Patterson would have run into the water ahead of him and beaten the women to death.

315. Schilling's Sprained Ankiel Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:12 PM (#1679445)

If Fred Merkle had been there, the women would have slapped him when he got too close.
DB

316. Cabbage Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:14 PM (#1679447)

If Cthulhu had been there, he would have consumed their earthly bodies and exiled their souls into the Great Sorroful Void.

317. Uncle Willy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:14 PM (#1679448)

Don Mattingly arrived right after the first woman was saved and left just before the next woman was saved.

318. Boots Day Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:16 PM (#1679452)

If Luis Polonia were there, he would have thought they were too old to be worth saving.

319. blue Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:17 PM (#1679455)

If Alfonso Soriano had been there, he would have jumped over them.

320. Hendry's Wad of Cash (UCCF) Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:17 PM (#1679456)

If Vince Naimioli had been there, he'd have yelled at those ####### to get the #### out of his private harbor.

321. Uncle Willy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:17 PM (#1679457)

Jeremy Giambi would have run into the water instead of diving.

322. Repoz

Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:19 PM (#1679461)

If Don Mossi had been there, things would have gotten ugly.

323. My guest will be Jermaine Allensworth Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:19 PM (#1679462)

If Hawk Harrelson were there, he'd talk about the time Carl Yazstremski saved a women from drowning in the pool at the Kansas City Hilton during a road trip in 1968.

324. Schilling's Sprained Ankiel Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:19 PM (#1679463)

Oh man 317 is hilaripus! It's like a perfectly thrown changeup.
DB

325. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:20 PM (#1679464)

Darin Erstad would have dived, but would have needed rescuing after his knee brace hit the water and flipped him upside down.

326. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:21 PM (#1679469)

If Ernie Banks had been there, well, you figure it out.

Damn you! I thought of this at lunch and thought I'd post it in time.

Muwuhahahahahahahahahahahah!

If Fred Merkle had been there, the women would have slapped him when he got too close.
DB

That has to go on the list.

327. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:22 PM (#1679470)

If Bernie Williams has been there, he would have let them bounce once before saving them.

328. Boots Day Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:22 PM (#1679472)

Darin Erstad would have dived, but would have needed rescuing after his knee brace hit the water and flipped him upside down.

Baseball Prospectus would have opined that Erstad's contract was crippling the rescue operation.

329. Kirby Kyle Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:22 PM (#1679474)

Nice job on 316.

330. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:23 PM (#1679476)

If Johnny Damon had been there, Renteria would have to come all the way out into the water to take the relay.

331. PepTech Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:23 PM (#1679477)

If Woody Woodward were there, he'd have sent Derek Lowe and Jason Varitek right in. No charge.

------------------------------
If John Brittain had been there, he'd be too busy claiming the record for the highest percentage of messages from one person into a thread... :-)

332. Schilling's Sprained Ankiel Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:23 PM (#1679478)

I'm voting for 112.
DB

333. bunyon Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:24 PM (#1679480)

If Kirby Puckett had been there he'd have been hailed a hero until we found out he pushed them in.

334. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:26 PM (#1679482)

If Steve Lyons were there, he'd act like a friggin' moron.

335. Joshemy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:28 PM (#1679485)

If Braden Looper were there, he would not have been able to get the women out if they were lefties.

336. Bowling Baseball Fan Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:29 PM (#1679488)

If Steve Lyons were there, he'd pull his pants off AFTER getting them back in to shore.

337. Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:29 PM (#1679489)

If Johnny Damon had been there, the women would have died happy.

338. The Rafael Bournigal fan club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:29 PM (#1679491)

If Tim McCarver had been there, it would have been ruled a suicide.

339. Bowling Baseball Fan Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:30 PM (#1679492)

If Meatwad were there, Carl would still be complaining about the smell of beef stew in his harbor.

340. Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:31 PM (#1679497)

If Ed Wade had been there, he would have waited for David Bell to die trying to save the women, and then told Placido Polanco to go get him some coffee.

341. bunyon Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:32 PM (#1679498)

If Barry Bonds had been there Kevin would say the rescue was a fraud.

342. CFBF Hates Hyphens Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:33 PM (#1679501)

"Julius Caesar"

'drowning women est delende'"

That would be Cato the Elder, #####.

343. WillYoung Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:33 PM (#1679503)

If Bill Simmons was there, he would have mentioned how much it reminded him of Splash before lighting himself on fire.

344. Bowling Baseball Fan Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:34 PM (#1679504)

If Hawk Harrelson were there, he'd walk up to the end of the pier. Look in. And say, "She Gone!"

345. PepTech Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:35 PM (#1679508)

If George Steinbrenner were there, he'd have thrown in bales of cash and assumed their salvation complete.

346. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:35 PM (#1679509)

"Julius Caesar"

'drowning women est delende'"

That would be Cato the Elder, ####.

all them eye-talians look alike

347. bunyon Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:37 PM (#1679513)

Hang on, Tom Mees had a pool but neither he nor his daughter knew how to swim? Where was Nomar?

348. My guest will be Jermaine Allensworth Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:38 PM (#1679516)

If Hawk Harrelson were there, he would've reached from the pier and yelled "Stretch! Stretch!" Then when they died, he would stew silently while Darrin Jackson stumbles relaying the incident to the cops.

349. Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:38 PM (#1679518)

I like 265 and 334, myself.

If Zach Greinke was there, nothing he could possibly do would make Baseball Prospectus believe that he can't swim.

350. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:39 PM (#1679520)

If Mike Andrews had been there and failed, Charlie Finley would have placed him on the DL.

351. bunyon Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:39 PM (#1679521)

If Dusty Baker had been there, they would have died and he'd have blamed Steve Stone and Chip Carey.

352. bunyon Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:40 PM (#1679524)

If Charlie Finley had been there he'd have painted women orange the following spring.

353. Joshemy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:40 PM (#1679526)

If Art Howe were there, he would have watched the women drown but been proud of the fact that they had battled.

354. Obi One Kenobi Nil

Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:40 PM (#1679527)

Reggie Jackson would save them because it's october, then George Steinbrenner would hire a private investigator to prove he pushed them in.

355. Mellow Yellow Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:40 PM (#1679528)

If Pete Rose had been there, he would have denied ever being there, only to reveal years later in a tell-all book along with an ESPN movie that he actually was there and was betting on who's going to drown first.

356. bunyon Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:41 PM (#1679529)

If Bob Gibson had been there he would have kept them from falling in by throwing fastballs between them and the water; because the water's edge belongs to him.

357. Schilling's Sprained Ankiel Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:42 PM (#1679532)

If George Steinbrenner were there, the women would have drowned, but at least he would have apologized and called then the "Greatest drowning women in the world."
dB

358. bunyon Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:42 PM (#1679533)

If I had been there I would have gotten more work done than I have today.

359. Joe Bivens, Minor Genius Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:43 PM (#1679534)

I mention Carl Panzram in post 67 and no one gave a virtual flinch. Hmm. No more trolling for me.

360. WillYoung Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:44 PM (#1679536)

If Hunter Wendlestadt was there, he would have just wanted showtime.

361. PepTech Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:44 PM (#1679538)

If Bob Brenly were there, the women would have saved themselves even though he doesn't know how to swim and didn't know they were in trouble.

362. Boots Day Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:45 PM (#1679541)

If Dallas Green had been there, he would have told the women to stop being such pansies and gut it out.

363. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:45 PM (#1679542)

I mention Carl Panzram in post 67 and no one gave a virtual flinch. Hmm. No more trolling for me.

see, now if you had said "Ed Gein", you mighta gotten some play

364. Dread Pirate Dave Roberts Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:47 PM (#1679546)

If Erig Gregg were there, Rick Ankiel rescuing a beluga whale in the Bering Strait would be considered saving the women.

365. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:47 PM (#1679547)

If Satchel Paige had been there, he would have said "You can look back - it's just me gaining on you."

366. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:48 PM (#1679549)

#365 is double-level good

367. Liver of blaspheming 'zop Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:48 PM (#1679550)

If Vince Coleman were there, he would have gotten caught in the line of the life preserver.

368. Kirby Kyle Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:50 PM (#1679552)

Cool Papa Bell would have gotten them out before they could get wet.

369. sheenie Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:51 PM (#1679555)

Jacque Jones would have been there but he would have missed the cut-off man trying to get them back to shore

370. CraigK Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:51 PM (#1679556)

If Luis Polonia had been there, he would have stood by the shore and groped their daughters.

If Jose Oquendo was there, he could have saved them jumping in from 9 different places.

If Dwight Gooden was there, he would have traded them in for cocaine.

If Don Mossi was there, he would have scared the river into changing course.

371. Boots Day Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:53 PM (#1679560)

If Kent Hrbek were there, he would have pulled the two women off of their life preserver.

372. Boots Day Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:54 PM (#1679563)

Sure, Whitey Herzog would listen if two drowning women called.

373. WillYoung Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:54 PM (#1679564)

If the Texas Rangers would have been there, Buck Showalter would have pulled them back to shore after letting them swim out halfway.

374. WillYoung Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:54 PM (#1679565)

If Luis Rivas was there, Gleeman would have held his head underwater.

375. Johnny Tuttle Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:54 PM (#1679566)

If Tony Fernandez had been there, he would have saved them with a sturdy boat quickly constructed with old milk cartons.

376. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:55 PM (#1679567)

Since Garry Maddox was covering one-third of the Earth, he couldn't be there.

377. CraigK Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:55 PM (#1679568)

If Wil Cordero was there, he would have saved them and beat them up with a phone.

378. jmac_66 Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:55 PM (#1679569)

I nominate #62 and 365 as a matched set

379. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:56 PM (#1679571)

If Ed Wade had been there, he would have traded the two drowning women for a middle reliever.

380. Johnny Tuttle Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:56 PM (#1679572)

If Domasco Garcia had been there, he would have literally given the shirt off his back to warm them up afterwards....

381. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:57 PM (#1679576)

If I had been there, I would have stood around on the pier making smart-aleck remarks instead of doing what I should have been doing.

382. Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:57 PM (#1679577)

265, 334, and 369 are all gold.

383. Johnny Tuttle Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:58 PM (#1679580)

If Dave Winfield had been there, the women would have been saved, but only at the cost of a nearby seagull....

384. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:58 PM (#1679581)

If Ty Cobb were there, he would have only been able to save one of them. Of course, he would be 108 years old now.

385. Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:59 PM (#1679587)

If Leonard Jeffries was there, he would have pointed out that white women are more likely to drown in Boston Harbor because they are naturally ice people.

386. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 06:59 PM (#1679590)

Gotta love that 385.

If a hitter could save them 30% of the time, he'd be an All-Star.

387. bunyon Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:00 PM (#1679593)

If Abner Doubleday and Alexander Cartwright had been there we'd still be arguing about who saved them.

388. John (You Can Call Me Grandma) Murphy Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:01 PM (#1679596)

If Seymour Siwoff had been there, he would have rescued the women, but kept that information to himself.

389. rb's team is hopeful for the new year! Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:03 PM (#1679599)

If felipe alou had been there, his head would have exploded, as the cream of wheat in his brain became engorged with water.

390. Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:03 PM (#1679600)

If Don Baylor was there he would have ordered one of the women to sacrifice herself so the other one could move 5% closer to the shore.

391. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:05 PM (#1679605)

If Manny Ramirez had been there he would have saved them, but only because David Ortiz was behind him giving protection.

392. John Lowenstein Apathy Club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:06 PM (#1679608)

If Dave Littlefield had been there, he'd have shuffled the deckchairs around on the pier.

393. Alex_Lewis Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:09 PM (#1679611)

Lemming time!

If Cool Papa Bell had been there, he'd have dove in so fast tha' dem ladies woulda hit 'em on his backside before hittin' da water.

If Satchel Paige had been there, he'da just gone and waved back them other folks and then saved the two women in nine pitches.

If Bill Terry had been there, he'd rescue those women but only if he was promised a five thousand dollar raise for next year.

That's enough for now, though there are just so many options.

But...

"In Soveit Russia, you don't dive into water to save women... Water dives into you!"

394. Slinger Francisco Barrios (Dr. Memory) Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:10 PM (#1679612)

If Jose Valentin had been there, he would have thrown them clear over the pier back into the water.

395. The Bones McCoy of THT Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:10 PM (#1679613)

I thought Repoz's and Kirby Kyle's were both hilarious but #112 was pretty much perfect.

Best Regards

John

396. Alex_Lewis Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:10 PM (#1679614)

Of course, this is Boston we're talking about, so my first two examples are just silly.

397. alio intuito Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:12 PM (#1679617)

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Head explodes now.

398. CraigK Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:12 PM (#1679618)

If Chris Dial was there, he would have saved one but let the other drown because she was a Cardinals fan.

399. Eraser-X is emphatically dominating teh site!!! Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:13 PM (#1679620)

324 is obscure enough to be gold!

400. The Rafael Bournigal fan club Posted: October 12, 2005 at 07:19 PM (#1679627)

(Page 5 of 4 pages 1 2 3 4)

If page 5 had actually been there, these numbers would have no interest to me.

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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

AP: Garciaparra Rescues Two Women in Boston

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