Barra: Is R.A. Dickey Juicing His Balls?

Barra: Clearing the Basis for Axillary Scoreboard Hair.

A knuckleball on steroids…hmmm. Think about it. Has any player in recent baseball memory had such a spectacular season after the age of 35 as R.A. Dickey? Only one that I can think of: Barry Bonds.

Now, consider this. If R.A. Dickey was a fastball pitcher—or even a cut-fastball pitcher—and was suddenly, after years of struggling, having a 12-1 season and leading the league in strikeouts at age 37, wouldn’t the logical conclusion be that he was on some kind of performance enhancing drug? That really is what everyone would be thinking, right? But no PEDs known to man can help a pitcher who throws a pitch that is at least 10 mph slower than the average major league fastball. Unless, unless…there is some new kind of PED you can take to slow your pitches down. Or, suppose…suppose someone had actually found a way to inject the PEDs into the baseball itself!

That way the pitcher could never get caught? Who bothers to test baseballs for drug use?

...Think about the words that are being associated with this pitch - “a faster knuckleball,” “power knuckleball” - you associate those adjectives with PEDs, right? And the terms Dickey himself used about his pitch - angry knuckleball. Could that be a byproduct of ‘Roid rage? When someone in baseball does something that has never been done before, it’s always a little suspicious. When I look at R.A. Dickey, he doesn’t seem like someone who’s on performance enchaining drugs, but what if he’s found a way to juice his baseballs - if he’s got some kind of needle on his belt buckle or something, it would explain an awful lot that up to now has been inexplicable.