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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Bartolo colon fails MLB drug test

Veteran Oakland Athletics pitcher Bartolo Colon failed an MLB drug test and is subject to a 50-game suspension, CBSSports.com has learned.

Colon resurrected his career after a controversial stem-cell treatement. He is 10-9 with a 3.43 ERA for the A’s this year after going 8-10 with a 4.00 ERA with the Yankees last year.

Wow! Well maybe he was counting on his lack of conditioning for him not to get caught?

The Chronicles of Reddick Posted: August 22, 2012 at 01:32 PM | 73 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: oakland

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   1. Joey B.: posting for the kids of northeast Ohio Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:06 PM (#4214856)
Another guy from the Dominican Republic, and of course another guy playing in the heart of the "Labratory". Knock me over with a feather.
   2. A triple short of the cycle Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:09 PM (#4214864)
Damn. The A's got Anderson back yesterday, but they lost Colon today.
Not exactly a surprise though. Colon has been pushing the envelope with respect to medicine.
   3. Walks Clog Up the Bases Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:10 PM (#4214868)
I knew nobody could naturally attain a body like that.
   4. McCoy Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:19 PM (#4214881)
If MLB ever wants to the win the PR war they should start relaxing the drug rules and procedures. Don't they know that people don't actually want sports to get clean they merely want to think they are clean.
   5. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:20 PM (#4214883)
and of course another guy playing in the heart of the "Labratory". Knock me over with a feather.

Yes, Bartolo Colon, another product of the Oakland Athletics' vast steroids conspiracy.

Dope.
   6. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:21 PM (#4214884)
Damn. The A's got Anderson back yesterday, but they lost Colon today.

Hope Straily didn't get too comfortable back in Sacto. Come on back, buddy. I guess this also ends the quandary of whether to re-sign fatso or not.
   7. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:24 PM (#4214889)
Bartolo Colon must contain at least 98% of all substances, so it's no surprise that some of them are bad.
   8. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:24 PM (#4214890)
Bartolo Colon must contain at least 98% of all substances, so it's no surprise that some of them are bad.

Ah, I wish I'd made this joke. Cheers to you, sir.
   9. esseff Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:31 PM (#4214902)
Hope Straily didn't get too comfortable back in Sacto. Come on back, buddy.


Since Colon isn't going on the DL, Straily may be stuck with Sacto for 10 days. Unless they can trump up an injury to another player.
   10. Swedish Chef Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:33 PM (#4214906)
Suspended guys go off the roster.
   11. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:36 PM (#4214909)
Since Colon isn't going on the DL, Straily may be stuck with Sacto for 10 days. Unless they can trump up an injury to another player.

I guess Blackley gets a start, then, which is fine with me. AJ Griffin is coming back soon, too. Colon has been good, but the A's will be fine without him. Man, if Colon was doping ANYONE can be doping. We've reached Invasion of the Body Snatchers level of paranoia.
   12. JE (Jason) Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:39 PM (#4214916)
With Milwaukee giving Wolf his walking papers today, is there any chance that he reunites with Kottaras?
   13. Amit Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:40 PM (#4214918)
Looks like Tyson Ross will get to start in Colon's spot, until Straily and Griffin can come back.
   14. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:41 PM (#4214921)
Looks like Tyson Ross will get to start in Colon's spot, until Straily and Griffin can come back.

Oof. That's the least appealing option. Stupid Colon. What this town needs is a Colonoscopy!
   15. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:42 PM (#4214923)
With Milwaukee giving Wolf his walking papers today, is there any chance that he reunites with Kottaras?

I'm not a doctor, but none. No chance. Nada.
   16. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:43 PM (#4214924)
I guess it was more than just stem cells that he was getting injected with in the Dominican.

I find it interesting that the two most recent guys caught were both significant comeback players (well, breakout player in Cabrera's case) in 2011 before making further strides this year.
   17. Random Transaction Generator Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:47 PM (#4214932)
I'm pretty sure I know who the accusatory media are going to start looking at VERY closely....
   18. AROM Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:54 PM (#4214942)
This was unintentional on Colon's part. He didn't know about the testosterone when he ate Melky Cabrera.
   19. JE (Jason) Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:55 PM (#4214945)
I'm pretty sure I know who the accusatory media are going to start looking at VERY closely....

Hmmm, who else is enjoying a bounceback season in his late 30s?
   20. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:58 PM (#4214950)
Hmmm, who else is enjoying a bounceback season in his late 30s?

Don't look at me. I've become consistently more pathetic as God and nature intended.
   21. A big pile of nonsense (gef the talking mongoose) Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:58 PM (#4214951)
I'm not a doctor,


Oh, crap. Since when? Now you tell me.

Is it too late to cancel my surgery?
   22. Misirlou's been working for the drug squad Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:59 PM (#4214952)
Hmmm, who else is enjoying a bounceback season in his late 30s?


Please let it be Soriano.
   23. Ray (RDP) Posted: August 22, 2012 at 02:59 PM (#4214954)
Drug testing. Yay.
   24. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:02 PM (#4214960)
Is it too late to cancel my surgery?

Don't worry gef, I'm a pro at these human centipede procedures. Never fear.
   25. ursus arctos Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:02 PM (#4214961)
Yes, Bartolo Colon, another product of the Oakland Athletics' vast steroids conspiracy.


Hey man, which MLB stadium was the cover shot for a Conte-era Tower of Power LP?

It all adds up.
   26. Dangerous Dean Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:02 PM (#4214962)
Anyone got pics of Colon when he was a teenager? I wonder because his head has always seemed to me to be unusually huge. That is important because roids and HGH cause the growth plates to continue to grow, thus leading to a larger head. cough...like Barry Bonds...cough.

That aside, I am not at all surprised that Colon tested positive.
   27. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:05 PM (#4214966)
Hey man, which MLB stadium was the cover shot for a Conte-era Tower of Power LP?

It still blows my mind he was in Tower of Power.
   28. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:08 PM (#4214970)
Hmmm, who else is enjoying a bounceback season in his late 30s?


Not in his 30s, but Frenchy's bounceback last year looks suspicious now, no? And who was his teammate? MELKY CABRERA!
   29. Joyful Calculus Instructor Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:08 PM (#4214972)
Hmmm, who else is enjoying a bounceback season in his late 30s?


Jeter, Chavez, Ibanez, and since putting on pinstripes, Ichiro. There's something funny going on in New York.

[Note: I don't actually think the Yankees are using steroids.]
   30. salajander Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:11 PM (#4214978)
All signs point to A-ROID amirite
   31. Random Transaction Generator Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:14 PM (#4214985)
Anyone got pics of Colon when he was a teenager? I wonder because his head has always seemed to me to be unusually huge.

Compared to the rest of his body, Colon's head is like a grape resting on top of a watermelon.
   32. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:16 PM (#4214991)
Compared to the rest of his body, Colon's head is like a grape resting on top of a watermelon.

What's Spanish for "A nipple on Dolly Parton's ###?"
   33. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:18 PM (#4214997)
"El Kabong."
   34. JE (Jason) Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:19 PM (#4214999)
Don't look at me. I've become consistently more pathetic as God and nature intended.

You lie. I know of few blokes in their late 30s who don't think twice about walking from Chelsea to the Upper East Side.
   35. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:23 PM (#4215006)
You lie. I know of few blokes in their late 30s who don't think twice about walking from Chelsea to the Upper East Side.

Ah, but in my younger days I would have made that walk with a naked woman on my back.
   36. SG Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:45 PM (#4215032)
Anyone got pics of Colon when he was a teenager? I wonder because his head has always seemed to me to be unusually huge.


This is supposedly Bartolo Colon in 1997 or so.. Not a teenager but I'm still not buying it.

edit: And I'm not buying this one either.
   37. Repoz Posted: August 22, 2012 at 03:53 PM (#4215039)
FB'd by Will Carroll..."Question I'm getting from people inside MLB is not "Did Melky cheat?" but "Did Melky snitch?"
   38. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: August 22, 2012 at 04:12 PM (#4215065)
Damn, he looks exactly like Dave Justice in that first picture. For a second I thought they might have printed the wrong picture, but I don't think Justice was on the Indians yet in 1997.
   39. Random Transaction Generator Posted: August 22, 2012 at 04:14 PM (#4215067)
FB'd by Will Carroll..."Question I'm getting from people inside MLB is not "Did Melky cheat?" but "Did Melky snitch?"

"...and is that enough for Bud Selig to lift the ban on Pete Rose."
   40. bigglou115 Posted: August 22, 2012 at 04:15 PM (#4215070)
FB'd by Will Carroll..."Question I'm getting from people inside MLB is not "Did Melky cheat?" but "Did Melky snitch?"


People still ask Will Carroll questions?
   41. Squash Posted: August 22, 2012 at 04:15 PM (#4215072)
BFBC, we hardly knew you.
   42. SG Posted: August 22, 2012 at 04:19 PM (#4215076)
Snitches get stitches, so we'll know if Melky snitched in due time.

Not sure why it matters. It's not like he pissed in Colon's urine sample.
   43. Lujack Posted: August 22, 2012 at 04:40 PM (#4215106)
Colon blow
   44. Tschingsch Posted: August 22, 2012 at 04:54 PM (#4215134)
Colon on PEDs, huh? I didn't realize they made Performance Enhancing Donuts...
   45. Dale Sams Posted: August 22, 2012 at 05:03 PM (#4215152)
Hmmm, who else is enjoying a bounceback season in his late 30s?


I'm in my late 40's and I had a bounceback hour this afternoon...and it was totally due to banned substances.
   46. Bourbon Samurai in Asia Posted: August 22, 2012 at 05:08 PM (#4215161)
Performance Enhancing Donuts


Now THERE is a product idea. Powdered creatine flavor!
   47. TerpNats Posted: August 22, 2012 at 05:30 PM (#4215188)
Colon on PEDs, huh? I didn't realize they made Performance Enhancing Donuts...
Somewhere, John Belushi is smiling.
   48. Misirlou's been working for the drug squad Posted: August 22, 2012 at 05:37 PM (#4215193)
Somewhere, John Belushi is smiling.


TerpsNats beat me to it.

Here it is.

   49. Misirlou's been working for the drug squad Posted: August 22, 2012 at 05:39 PM (#4215196)
Colon blow


Got that one too.
   50. The Chronicles of Reddick Posted: August 22, 2012 at 06:29 PM (#4215235)
Well I guess the stationary was not the only cycle that Colon avoided this year.
   51. stealfirstbase Posted: August 22, 2012 at 06:38 PM (#4215242)
That's another bay area ballplayer.
   52. asinwreck Posted: August 22, 2012 at 08:21 PM (#4215287)
Nougat is a banned substance?

Huh.
   53. Jose Canusee Posted: August 22, 2012 at 09:26 PM (#4215317)
"Bartolo Colon must contain at least 98% of all substances, so it's no surprise that some of them are bad."

"This was unintentional on Colon's part. He didn't know about the testosterone when he ate Melky Cabrera."

"Colon on PEDs, huh? I didn't realize they made Performance Enhancing Donuts..."

Where were all you guys during this game?
"Both pitchers are bringing the cheese today"
"They're matching up donuts on the scoreboard"
"DH or not, these guys can really help themselves at the plate"

With apologies to The Onion, that was one tired mound.
   54. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 22, 2012 at 09:33 PM (#4215320)
That's another bay area ballplayer.

Is there a point to this? Are you implying that the Bay Area is a magical place that causes ballplayers' testosterone to shoot up when they show up or are you just spouting obvious facts for the benefit of all? If you're implying that the Giants and A's are actively encouraging PED use, I would love to hear your arguments based on the positive tests of two guys who only showed up this year for their respective teams. Also, is there anyway we can get Brandon Belt and Cliff Pennington on the stuff, because that would be fantastic. Thanks in advance.
   55. RB in NYC (Now Semi-Retired from BBTF) Posted: August 22, 2012 at 09:42 PM (#4215325)
Ah, but in my younger days I would have made that walk with a naked woman on my back.
Yarr! That's going to replace the whale in my nightmares
   56. boteman is not here 'til October Posted: August 22, 2012 at 09:59 PM (#4215337)
Hmmm, who else is enjoying a bounceback season in his late 30s?

Bumbles bounce!

Of course, weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. It takes them 50 days to pop back up.
   57. Fred Lynn Nolan Ryan Sweeney Agonistes Posted: August 22, 2012 at 10:03 PM (#4215339)
So, he could still be eligible to pitch in the World Series, right?
*knocks on wood*
   58. Misirlou's been working for the drug squad Posted: August 22, 2012 at 10:13 PM (#4215349)
So, he could still be eligible to pitch in the World Series, right?
*knocks on wood*


At this point, I'm hoping for a Giants/A's WS in which the stars are Melky and Colon.

Actually, I'd rather have the White Sox or Rays than the A's, but they'd be a good third choice.
   59. stealfirstbase Posted: August 22, 2012 at 10:13 PM (#4215350)
Is there a point to this? Are you implying that the Bay Area is a magical place that causes ballplayers' testosterone to shoot up when they show up or are you just spouting obvious facts for the benefit of all?

Don't take offense, it's a pattern. For the Giants you've got Bonds and Melky, for the A's you've got McGwire, Canseco, Giambi, Tejada, and now Colon. I'm probably missing a few players for each team, but that's a lot of steroid history across a long time.

If I had to pick a team most likely for a steroid user to be on, it would be one of these two teams. Them's just the facts. Maybe the Yankees, too, since they've had Giambi, A-ROD, Pettite, Clemens, etc. Those three teams would be my most likely.

Some teams just have more roiders. The end.
   60. Select Storage Device Posted: August 22, 2012 at 10:42 PM (#4215368)
Lol -- that's the sloppiest freakin' pattern.
   61. Fred Lynn Nolan Ryan Sweeney Agonistes Posted: August 22, 2012 at 10:58 PM (#4215377)
for the A's you've got McGwire, Canseco, Giambi, Tejada, and now Colon.

Yeah, that's... um... you know there's kind of a big leap there, right?
   62. McCoy Posted: August 22, 2012 at 11:04 PM (#4215381)
Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, Benito Santiago, Miguel Tejada, Barry Bonds, Marvin Benard, Bobby Estallela, Jason Giambi, Jeremy Giambi, Armando Rios, Randy Velarde, Mark Carreon, Jack Cust, David Justice, Cody McKay, Adam Piatt, FP Santangelo, David Bell, Jose Guillen, Matt Williams, Melky Cabrera, Bartolo Colon, Steve Smyth, Abraham Nunez, Yamid Haad, Matt Kinney, and Guillermo Mota.
   63. cercopithecus aethiops Posted: August 22, 2012 at 11:13 PM (#4215390)
Some teams just have more roiders. The end.


I really doubt it. Just because only one Kirk Radomski fell into George Mitchell's lap doesn't mean that there wasn't (and isn't) a Kirk Radomski in every MLB town. And probably lots of minor league towns too.

What's Manny's Bay area connection? Mike Jacobs'? Ryan Braun's?
   64. stealfirstbase Posted: August 23, 2012 at 12:34 AM (#4215438)
I really doubt it. Just because only one Kirk Radomski fell into George Mitchell's lap doesn't mean that there wasn't (and isn't) a Kirk Radomski in every MLB town. And probably lots of minor league towns too.

Then how come some teams have had more users publicly exposed than others? If PED use was uniformly spread you would expect something approaching a uniform distribution of positive tests and paper trails.

Steroid users don't spring from the earth like daisies. Pettite learns from Clemens, Melky learns from A-ROD, Sheffield (also a yankee) learns from Bonds. You could probably draw a node-edge diagram map for the spread of steroid knowledge within organizations, groups of friends, clients of the same facilities, or players with the same agent. Some groups have a lot of users, others none, some intermediate. The reason a lot of steroid users are discovered on the Yankees, Athletics, and Giants (or associated with BALCO) is that those teams have--historically and probably currently--had more steroid users than other teams.

That's a model, and the data fits.
   65. Walt Davis Posted: August 23, 2012 at 01:06 AM (#4215463)
That's not a model and you have no data. Go home.
   66. Ron J Posted: August 23, 2012 at 01:52 AM (#4215486)
To add to #62, we know more about the As than most teams because of Adam Piatt (and earlier Canseco). Not many teams have on the record testimony from a player who was active. (Bigbie being the only other I can think of)
   67. Select Storage Device Posted: August 23, 2012 at 02:10 AM (#4215495)
Steroid users don't spring from the earth like daisies. Pettite learns from Clemens, Melky learns from A-ROD, Sheffield (also a yankee) learns from Bonds. You could probably draw a node-edge diagram map for the spread of steroid knowledge within organizations, groups of friends, clients of the same facilities, or players with the same agent. Some groups have a lot of users, others none, some intermediate. The reason a lot of steroid users are discovered on the Yankees, Athletics, and Giants (or associated with BALCO) is that those teams have--historically and probably currently--had more steroid users than other teams.


All of this of course is entirely compartmentalized among a few key people, which is the exact point you were you we're trying to refute.
   68. Joey B.: posting for the kids of northeast Ohio Posted: August 23, 2012 at 08:15 AM (#4215542)
Not only will I imply it, I will come out and directly say it: the Giants and the A's are organizational and institutional cheaters. The performance enhancing drug culture is clearly still thoroughly embedded in these organizations from top to bottom.

Now the guys at the top of the chain certainly aren't personally giving PEDs to the players or telling them to do drugs, but they are "wink and a nod" enablers to the core. Their attitude is clearly one of "do what you will; we don't care and we don't want to know what you're doing".
   69. Tippecanoe Posted: August 23, 2012 at 08:23 AM (#4215548)
On another site, the title of the article on this news included the phrase "Bartolo Colon's Bust". The visual was enough to prevent me from clicking on the link.

OK, now back to the flame war.
   70. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 23, 2012 at 08:33 AM (#4215552)
Not only will I imply it, I will come out and directly say it: the Giants and the A's are organizational and institutional cheaters.

And I will continue to come out and say you're a dope. Go back to enjoying your zombie Expos.
   71. Joey B.: posting for the kids of northeast Ohio Posted: August 23, 2012 at 10:04 AM (#4215635)
Go back to enjoying your zombie Expos.

Oh snap, the zombie Expos! I'll bet that if the A's had stayed in Kansas City they wouldn't be such a bunch of amoral, cheating druggies.
   72. villageidiom Posted: August 23, 2012 at 10:31 AM (#4215666)
Oh snap, the zombie Expos! I'll bet that if the A's had stayed in Kansas City they wouldn't be such a bunch of amoral, cheating druggies.
Please, oh please, this is our best hope for a Charlie Parker hijack.
   73. Shooty Survived the Shutdown of '14! Posted: August 23, 2012 at 10:35 AM (#4215669)
Oh snap, the zombie Expos! I'll bet that if the A's had stayed in Kansas City they wouldn't be such a bunch of amoral, cheating druggies.

Yeah, there would never be druggies in Kansas City, Professor History.

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