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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Baseball Legend Tommy Lasorda to Help Bring Edible Health-Strips to Market

“Tommy Lasorda will become synonymous with Trust, Quality and Value” Yup, that’s the first thing I think of.

Furthermore, with baseball legend Tommy Lasorda “pitching” the unique new product line, the company is aiming for the bleachers with the introduction of their first three products, X-Energy, Apple-A-Day and Alcohol Defender.

“Health Essist’s cutting edge product line of specifically designed edible strips is a perfect fit for the Cinsay ‘streamlining’ technology, which is revolutionizing the way eCommerce is done,” said Fox. “As more and more consumers are exposed to compelling video via the Cinsay player and the ease with which they can purchase products from the partnered sites, Tommy Lasorda’s ability to escalate the Health Essist products as its spokesperson will grow exponentially. We are certain that together, Cinsay, Health Essist and Tommy Lasorda will become synonymous with Trust, Quality and Value. This winning combination will be hard to beat, and one the consumer will be able to identify with immediately.”

Added Lasorda, “Cinsay and Health Essist make a winning team that’s hard to beat. I am very excited about our prospects and working together creating a world class team that with which nobody can compare.”

Repoz Posted: March 23, 2011 at 01:13 PM | 32 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
Tags: business, dodgers, media

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1. Der Komminsk-sar Posted: March 23, 2011 at 01:48 PM (#3776361)

That excerpt is tremendous.

2. Repoz

Posted: March 23, 2011 at 01:51 PM (#3776365)

Countdown to new Alcohol Defender handle...

3. Shooty is in the Trust Tree

Posted: March 23, 2011 at 01:51 PM (#3776366)

Is the excerpt even in English. I mean, I recognize a few words but I have no idea what they're talking about.

And hey Tommy, #### you!

4. Jack Keefe Posted: March 23, 2011 at 01:55 PM (#3776367)

Edible strips hey that reminds me of a girl I know at a Bazillion Waxing Salon in Tampon St Pete but I do not think the story is safe for work Al.

5. Shooty is in the Trust Tree

Posted: March 23, 2011 at 01:55 PM (#3776369)

Seriously, what do edible strips have to do with video, ecommerce and streamlining technology? What is a ####### edible strip? I'm not eating anything a dog wouldn't eat.

6. salvomania Posted: March 23, 2011 at 02:23 PM (#3776384)

I, too, read that excerpt and have no idea what any of it means.

An "edible strip"? Is that like food?

Instead of buying a packaged Apple-A-Day edible strip, why not just eat an apple?

7. Der Komminsk-sar Posted: March 23, 2011 at 02:31 PM (#3776389)

We have Triaminic edible strips at my house. They're a fairly expensive cough syrup delivery vehicle, but handy for certain situations w/ our wee ones.

(Small papery strip you place on the tongue or in the cheek, dissolves in a few seconds)

8. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: March 23, 2011 at 02:34 PM (#3776393)

What is a ####### edible strip? I'm not eating anything a dog wouldn't eat.

But these are delicious enough for ten dogs.

9. Pat Rapper's Delight Posted: March 23, 2011 at 02:40 PM (#3776394)

Instead of buying a packaged Apple-A-Day edible strip, why not just eat an apple?

Mere apples don't expose the consumer to compelling video via the Cinsay player and the ease with which they can purchase products from the partnered sites.

10. The District Attorney Posted: March 23, 2011 at 02:43 PM (#3776397)

"I am very excited about our prospects and working together creating a world class team that with which nobody can compare.”

Holy calzones, I didn't realize Tommy Lasorda's grammar was so immaculate!

I suspect this comment may not be a verbatim quote. That is nonsense up with which I will not put.

11. Gazizza, my Dilznoofuses! Posted: March 23, 2011 at 02:46 PM (#3776402)

I'm not eating anything a dog wouldn't eat.

There's a lot of stuff a dog would eat that I wouldn't. I love dogs, but they can be disgusting creatures when it comes to their eating habits.

12. Shooty is in the Trust Tree

Posted: March 23, 2011 at 02:48 PM (#3776406)

There's a lot of stuff a dog would eat that I wouldn't. I love dogs, but they can be disgusting creatures when it comes to their eating habits.

That's kinda my point...

13. Hello Rusty Kuntz, Goodbye Rusty Cars Posted: March 23, 2011 at 02:56 PM (#3776414)

My dog doesn't eat vegetables. I don't like to, but I power through it.

Tommy Lasorda's edible health strips brought "Lasorda jerky" to my mind. That's an image I will never be able to power through.

14. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: March 23, 2011 at 02:58 PM (#3776415)

Holy calzones, I didn't realize Tommy Lasorda's grammar was so immaculate!
I suspect this comment may not be a verbatim quote.

Whilst punching out holes on my printed All-Star ballots, I always wondered whether Johnny Bench truly ever spoke the words "After making sure that your tabs have been properly removed and disposed of, remember to deposit your ballot into one of the handy boxes that are located near each entrance to this stadium." [*] Because if not, the little picture of Johnny Bench with the word balloon and the quotation marks was a goddamned stinking liar.

*[Wording approximate after all these years.]

15. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: March 23, 2011 at 02:59 PM (#3776419)

Tommy Lasorda's edible health strips brought "Lasorda jerky" to my mind. That's an image I will never be able to power through.

What if I told you it comes out Dodger blue?

16. Hello Rusty Kuntz, Goodbye Rusty Cars Posted: March 23, 2011 at 03:00 PM (#3776420)

What if I told you it comes out Dodger blue?

I can't imagine it would come out.

17. Fred Lynn Nolan Ryan Sweeney Agonistes Posted: March 23, 2011 at 03:23 PM (#3776434)

Whilst punching out holes on my printed All-Star ballots, I always wondered whether Johnny Bench truly ever spoke the words "After making sure that your tabs have been properly removed and disposed of, remember to deposit your ballot into one of the handy boxes that are located near each entrance to this stadium." [*] Because if not, the little picture of Johnny Bench with the word balloon and the quotation marks was a goddamned stinking liar.

No runs, no drips, no grammatical errors.

18. Jose Canusee Posted: March 23, 2011 at 03:30 PM (#3776441)

I thought Lasorda's idea of edible strips were lasagna noodles, or if he is on a diet, linguine

19. Jose Canusee Posted: March 23, 2011 at 03:31 PM (#3776444)

Or maybe that was Garfield. I get the two mixed up, they must have been separated at birth.

20. Edmundo got dem ol' Kozma blues again mama

Posted: March 23, 2011 at 03:34 PM (#3776447)

An "edible strip"?

I think Chesty Morgan invented that when she tossed her edible panties into the crowd.

21. Hello Rusty Kuntz, Goodbye Rusty Cars Posted: March 23, 2011 at 03:38 PM (#3776450)

I wish 19 and 20 were switched.

22. Don Geovany Soto (chris h.) Posted: March 23, 2011 at 03:40 PM (#3776451)

We have Triaminic edible strips at my house. They're a fairly expensive cough syrup delivery vehicle, but handy for certain situations w/ our wee ones.

(Small papery strip you place on the tongue or in the cheek, dissolves in a few seconds)

Reminds me of an old ELP concert for some reason.

23. Edmundo got dem ol' Kozma blues again mama

Posted: March 23, 2011 at 03:49 PM (#3776458)

Reminds me of an old ELP concert for some reason.

Oh, what a lucky man you were!

24. Gamingboy Posted: March 23, 2011 at 06:17 PM (#3776594)

I got nothing. This is too easy.

25. mr. man Posted: March 23, 2011 at 06:25 PM (#3776599)

Tommy LaSorda is a fat tub of goo.

26. Bob Evans Posted: March 23, 2011 at 06:33 PM (#3776606)

The copy on their Web site for the Alcohol Defender product is a good study in unsupported implications.

27. Good cripple hitter Posted: March 23, 2011 at 06:43 PM (#3776616)

The copy on their Web site for the Alcohol Defender product is a good study in unsupported implications.

I'm not sure which web site you went to, but the one I found was less than convincing. First they couldn't spell tongue properly ("toung"), then the copy couldn't agree on when to take it (package says 45 minutes before you start drinking), the site says after.

I shouldn't complain, though, it's a relief to have a Tommy Lasorda story involving tongues but not the phrase "I used your ‘swirly’ move."

28. Jack Keefe Posted: March 23, 2011 at 06:58 PM (#3776629)

Well let me tell you last night me and A. J. Pierogi used some Alcolhol Defensers but how do you use them Al. It says take two Oedipal Strips per Drinking Session. I said a Drinking Session was the Duration but A.J. said it was after every couple drinks so two 24 Packs later we were out a few more Bucks than we had bargined and my mouth tasted like T Berry Gum and I think my toung was Coated Al. This morning I had a Hang Over anyway so I said the hell with Alcool Defending and just had a hook of Rye like I usaully do and things looked brighter right away and now I am ready to pitch agains the Dogders this PM and we will experiment with more Strips this evening if you know what I mean.

29. Jack Keefe Posted: March 23, 2011 at 07:04 PM (#3776636)

Well Al I am sorry to say that Ozzie Guillen was looking over my Shoulder while I was typing that on my Hand Held Devise and he says I am making fun of two things that are sacred 1 Tommy LaSordid and 2 Temperance. Keefe said Ozzie Guillen you have no idea of the Hell on Earth that is caused by Demon Rum to my shame the Principle Export of my native Vennasylvania. Look at the greef caused by such Topers as Tony LaRussia and Miguel Cabrito in our game and as soon as they are off the Stuff they return unto it like a Dog to his Vomit. And all you can do my busher friend is crack wise on the Inner Net about your drinking games. So now it looks like I will be benched through another Game and it is not my idea of Joy though I can spend the time putting Health Essist Strips on Jake Peevishs Shoulder.

30. Shooty is in the Trust Tree

Posted: March 23, 2011 at 07:05 PM (#3776638)

I'm just impressed Jack spelled Oedipal correctly!

31. WhoWantsTeixeiraDessert Posted: March 23, 2011 at 07:36 PM (#3776669)

For a second there, it seemed to me like the Japanese were getting better at advertising translations, but I know it wouldn't have been Apple-A-Day, more like Tommy LaSortof's unregurgitated powerful pectin replacement therapy sweat!

32. Bob Evans Posted: March 23, 2011 at 11:10 PM (#3776843)

I'm not sure which web site you went to

That's the one. They very subtly imply it will reduce a hangover without coming right out and saying it, kind of like it's illegal or immoral to do that.

I could see them sitting by the cash register at a convenience store and getting some takers based on the subterfuge.

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Baseball Legend Tommy Lasorda to Help Bring Edible Health-Strips to Market

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