Matsui: Rally ho!

It was before Game 7 of the 2004 American League Championship Series, a game that we would lose. The series was tied 3-3 at that point, and it was particularly disheartening since we had won the first three games. Unknown to us, Boston's comeback was not to be stopped.

At any rate, at the end of the meeting it was traditional for Joe Torre to ask Jorge Posada what we were going to do. He would reply, "Grind it!" This time -- I guess to make Hideki Matsui feel more part of the team -- Torre turned to him at the end of the meeting.

"What are we going to do?"

Hideki paused for just a second before replying.

"Kick ass. Pop champagne. And get some ho's."

One of the hallmarks of stories made up by stupid people is a wild lack of verisimilitude.

One of the hallmarks of stories made up by stupid people is a wild lack of verisimilitude.

"His preference was for women who had a nice smile and personality."

“And put some toothpaste on it.”

One of the hallmarks of stories made up by stupid people is a wild lack of verisimilitude.

edit: "How about eyebrows?" What did I miss

I'm sure I'll catch hell if this gets past the nanny

how I purse slapped Schilling

I'm not sure I'm seeing the detestable insanity in A-Rod wanting the bristles of his toothbrush kept clear of the sink's surface, or in having his clothes laid out in the order he puts them on. Especially if he's paying and tipping people to do so. This isn't Icy Hot on the nutsack territory.

This isn't Icy Hot on the nutsack territory.

What's the number; 30% of CEOs would be diagnosed as sociopaths?

I had to chuckle at how he aped the captain. For example, Jeter and some of the other guys were terrific tippers. Roger Clemens gave me $3,000 at the end of the year. Posada gave me $7,000. A-Rod might come in with $1,400. Sure, it's still a sizable amount, but when he found out that other players were tipping higher, he had to imitate them, and he bumped his tips up. In fact, he had to make sure he was the best tipper in the league. He even tipped me $100 a week to make sure there was a creatine shake waiting for him after each home game.

Sure, it's still a sizable amount, but when he found out that other players were tipping higher, he had to imitate them, and he bumped his tips up. In fact, he had to make sure he was the best tipper in the league.

After checking out the scene at a club, he would tell his personal trainer which girl he liked. He would ask the trainer to go up to the woman and tell her that Derek Jeter wanted to talk with her. Then he would leave the bar first and wait for her.

One cool evening we were in Boston and I saw him coming out of the Whiskey Park Bar, near the Public Garden. I happened to be wearing a suit because it was a swank watering hole and I was going to meet a couple of other players, including Bernie Williams. A-Rod was on his way out, with two blondes on his arms. When he saw me, his eyes lit up and he said, "Wow, look a you! I never saw you in a suit." As he passed he reached into the breast pocket of my jacket, and I thought he was rearranging my pocket square. "Have a good night," he said, breezing by with his lovebirds

...[W]hen I got to the bar I happened to look down into my breast pocket and was surprised to find two hundred-dollar bills.

The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur. How F'd-up do you have to be to not only fantasize about yourself as a centaur, but have that fantasy crystallized as an image for everyone to see?

A-Rod was on his way out, with two blondes on his arms. When he saw me, his eyes lit up and he said, "Wow, look a you! I never saw you in a suit." As he passed he [A-Rod] reached into the breast pocket of my jacket, and I thought he was rearranging my pocket square. "Have a good night," he said, breezing by with his lovebirds.
. . .
At any rate, when I got to the bar I happened to look down into my breast pocket and was surprised to find two hundred-dollar bills.

"How about eyebrows?" What did I miss--was Jeter dating overplucked women?

After checking out the scene at a club, he would tell his personal trainer which girl he liked. He would ask the trainer to go up to the woman and tell her that Derek Jeter wanted to talk with her. Then he would leave the bar first and wait for her.

I would not be surprised at all if multiple players around the league are this flavor of particular with the clubbies, and when my wife gets me to watch anything on VH1, celebrities do far more degrading and silly things to their assistants.

That's kind of a dick move, to complain about A-Rod's tipping. I mean, it's not like there's a manual for this ####. Once he figured out how much the other guys were paying, he started more than pulling his weight, so it's not like he was being cheap for the sake of being cheap. He probably just didn't know any better.

One day, for instance, Bill Clinton walked into the clubhouse with four Secret Service agents. This was after he had been out of office a few months, but everyone still acted as if he was the commander in chief. Players were saying, "Hello, Sir," and being polite as hell with him until Jeter -- in full uniform, on the way out to the game -- paused just long enough to say: "Hey, Mr. President, you staying out of trouble?"

Not sure I believe that Clemens knows what a tip is.

A-Rod appears to have been nothing but nice to him, and this Castillo guy turns around and trashes him. What a scumbag.

Of course, Castillo apparently kept the money and yet we're reading this now

I'm not sure how to separate the fact from the fiction, but who cares? It's entertaining and basically harmless gossip, since there's not a single thing in there that isn't a variant of something we've already heard from plenty of other sources. And it's not as if anything in there is going to alter anyone's opinion of any named player, unless it's some 8 year old whose first non-hagiographic exposure to his heroes happens to be today's New York Post.

This was no earlier than A-Rod's 11th year as a major leaguer, so I can't accept that excuse. I do agree that if he acknowledged and fixed the problem, he at least did the right thing eventually -- spinning that against him isn't fair. (Of course, that's easy for me to say when I'm not the guy who feels like he was shortchanged thousands of dollars.)

From what I hear, $1,200 is the same as $3,000 in a real state because Texas doesn't have state income tax.

The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur.

I'm not sure I'm seeing the detestable insanity in A-Rod wanting the bristles of his toothbrush kept clear of the sink's surface, or in having his clothes laid out in the order he puts them on. Especially if he's paying and tipping people to do so. This isn't Icy Hot on the nutsack territory.

People who make otherworldly amounts of money are just different from the rest of us. That's just how it is.

I won't argue that Rod appears to be really, really strange. But Ivan Rodriguez famously has a statue of himself on his property.

I have to agree, it's funny he goes all out to make Arod appear to be a bad guy, but seems to be fawning over Jeter who he basically claims is a complete and utter man whore. (I mean he says that Jeter liked personality but then makes no mentions of Jeter talking to the girls, and instead using a middle man to bag the girls)

On my first reading of this I took it to mean Alex would have his trainer tell girls Jeter was interested in them, then Alex would go wait outside for them.

That version was definitely funnier.

Of course it is. If you're paying another human being to set up your precious toothbrush, you deserve some sort of crass, Sparky-Lyle devised vengeance. It's not what people are for. We need to evolve past the point where we have mens' room attendants.

I have to agree, it's funny he goes all out to make Arod appear to be a bad guy, but seems to be fawning over Jeter who he basically claims is a complete and utter man whore. (I mean he says that Jeter liked personality but then makes no mentions of Jeter talking to the girls, and instead using a middle man to bag the girls)

Howard Stern has told a story he heard from some (obviously super hot with a super personality) girl

Sure, and when they do stupid #### they should be called out and embarrassed for it. God. We need a couple of Brits in this thread. Their disprespect for wealth and ostentation is at times awe-inspiring.

That is a good one -- probably even better than Yogi Berra's "Hello, Pope

Yeah, Clemens seems like quite the idiot. Which amazes me that he was able to pitch so long and so well after his stuff went from otherworldly to merely good. The fastball in his later years was seldom better than 91-93.

The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur.

You do realize they have royalty, don't you?

Personally I'm such a neanderthal I enjoy being handed stuff by a mens room attendant, to the point of tipping them.

You do realize that this manages the trick of being both profoundly condescending and ludicrously simple-minded, right?

You do realize that this manages the trick of being both profoundly condescending and ludicrously simple-minded, right?

After checking out the scene at a club, he would tell his personal trainer which girl he liked. He would ask the trainer to go up to the woman and tell her that Derek Jeter wanted to talk with her. Then he would leave the bar first and wait for her.

One day, for instance, Bill Clinton walked into the clubhouse with four Secret Service agents. This was after he had been out of office a few months, but everyone still acted as if he was the commander in chief. Players were saying, "Hello, Sir," and being polite as hell with him until Jeter -- in full uniform, on the way out to the game -- paused just long enough to say: "Hey, Mr. President, you staying out of trouble?"

Sure, and when they do stupid #### they should be called out and embarrassed for it. God. We need a couple of Brits in this thread. Their disprespect for wealth and ostentation is at times awe-inspiring.

There are different kinds of intelligence.

I doubt if Luis Castillo will ever find a job in baseball again after spilling this kind of dirt, but it's still a highly entertaining article in the best tabloid tradition.

The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur.

You guys are making me feel like I'm strange for having commissioned a portrait of myself as a 19th century baseball playing fox.

And the Centaur will go a long way in getting the point across.

Also, the more A-rod gets slagged the more I'm curiously growing to like him. He's such an odd, odd fellow.

You do realize they have royalty, don't you?

The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur.

Yes, and we massively disrespect both their wealth and their ostenteity . . .

Didn't George HW Bush essentially lose a few points prior to the 1992 election because he was clearly unfamiliar with the everyday supermarket scanner?

. . . unless one of them happens to be getting married.

The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur.

We have evolved to the point where mens rooms attendants should all be unemployed? I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

Personally I'm such a neanderthal I enjoy being handed stuff by a mens room attendant, to the point of tipping them.

Nothing creepier than some guy in a men's room doing anything for you, except perhaps freeing up the stall door if it's stuck.

When I was in Chennai (gosh, 18 years ago this month and it was still Madras), our hotel had this kid of maybe 15 "operating" the elevator about 16 hours a day. Operating meant he would push the button for the floor for you. And of course, we had to tip. I started walking up the 4 flights because I was so uncomfortable and it was against an ingrained sense of being self-sufficient.

Oh, aren't you grand! So, when they wipe your ass for you, what do you give them? Seriously, you think that someone should spend the bulk of eight hours a day in a small room full of toilets, smelling piss and ####, so clucks like you don't have to pull your own towels from a dispenser?

Oh, aren't you grand! So, when they wipe your ass for you, what do you give them? Seriously, you think that someone should spend the bulk of eight hours a day in a small room full of toilets, smelling piss and ####, so clucks like you don't have to pull your own towels from a dispenser? When nanny's not around to powder your bottom, I take it you burst into tears?

IIRC, Nobel physicist Richard Feynman commissioned a full-length nude portrait of himself.

IIRC, Nobel physicist Richard Feynman commissioned a full-length nude portrait of himself.



Seriously?

We have evolved to the point where mens rooms attendants should all be unemployed? I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

Right, because those are the only options. Let us know when you graduate from either-or thinking.

Oh, aren't you grand! So, when they wipe your ass for you, what do you give them? Seriously, you think that someone should spend the bulk of eight hours a day in a small room full of toilets, smelling piss and ####, so clucks like you don't have to pull your own towels from a dispenser?