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Sunday, August 07, 2011

Batboy: Jeter’s ‘rituals,’ ‘high-maintenance’ A-Rod and more Yankees secrets

I don’t have time to wade through these excerpts. On Sunday…Brother Claude Ely must come first!!

A-Rod irritated the other players because he was so high-maintenance. He required his personal assistant to position his toothbrush on a certain part of the sink, specifically the edge near the right-hand cold water tap, leaning with bristles up over the basin. The first time he ordered me to do this, I couldn’t believe my ears when he said, “And put some toothpaste on it.”

Probably the strangest thing we had to do for A-Rod was lay his clothes out on the table so he could get dressed. You had to lay out these items in a predetermined order: socks at the head of the table, followed by undershorts, undershirt, shirt, pants, and then shoes. I had to carry his clothes from his locker to the trainer’s room, where he liked to get dressed away from the prying eyes of the media.

A-Rod was different in another, childish way that made players laugh behind his back. When you watch games at home you sometimes see players come into the dugout after they hit a home run. If you’ve ever wondered what they’re saying, it’s usually things like “Way to go!” or “Good job!” Not A-Rod. After he hits a home run, he comes into the dugout and brags about it. Usually he’s speaking Spanish to one of the other Latino players, and if he hit a home run he wouldn’t shut up. “Wow, did you see I hit a home run?” he’d say. “That pitcher threw me a ball right over the plate and I smashed it over the fence. Did you ever see anything like that before?”

 

Repoz Posted: August 07, 2011 at 08:48 PM | 102 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: books, history, yankees

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   1. A big pile of nonsense (gef the talking mongoose) Posted: August 07, 2011 at 09:11 PM (#3894795)
Dear A-Rod --

Please set yourself on fire.

Sincerely --

Me
   2. ray james Posted: August 07, 2011 at 09:23 PM (#3894799)
The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur. How F'd-up do you have to be to not only fantasize about yourself as a centaur, but have that fantasy crystallized as an image for everyone to see?
   3. Drew (Primakov, Gungho Iguanas) Posted: August 07, 2011 at 09:26 PM (#3894801)
You guys are missing the most important part: the batboy's name is LUIS CASTILLO.
   4. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: August 07, 2011 at 09:26 PM (#3894802)
I doubt if Luis Castillo will ever find a job in baseball again after spilling this kind of dirt, but it's still a highly entertaining article in the best tabloid tradition. Here's but one of many great anecdotes from what should be a big selling book:

Matsui: Rally ho!

It was before Game 7 of the 2004 American League Championship Series, a game that we would lose. The series was tied 3-3 at that point, and it was particularly disheartening since we had won the first three games. Unknown to us, Boston's comeback was not to be stopped.

At any rate, at the end of the meeting it was traditional for Joe Torre to ask Jorge Posada what we were going to do. He would reply, "Grind it!" This time -- I guess to make Hideki Matsui feel more part of the team -- Torre turned to him at the end of the meeting.

"What are we going to do?"

Hideki paused for just a second before replying.

"Kick ass. Pop champagne. And get some ho's."
   5. Howie Menckel Posted: August 07, 2011 at 09:35 PM (#3894804)
I was most shocked by this line from the book about Jeter:

"His preference was for women who had a nice smile and personality."
   6. Greg Maddux School of Reflexive Profanity Posted: August 07, 2011 at 09:41 PM (#3894806)
“Wow, did you see I hit a home run?” he’d say. “That pitcher threw me a ball right over the plate and I smashed it over the fence. Did you ever see anything like that before?”

One of the hallmarks of stories made up by stupid people is a wild lack of verisimilitude.
   7. ray james Posted: August 07, 2011 at 09:44 PM (#3894808)
One of the hallmarks of stories made up by stupid people is a wild lack of verisimilitude.


That's what I thought too when I read that. But I think stupid is a little harsh. He's still a little on the youngish side and I'm sure he had to clean them up some so the quotes he manufactures come off a little stilted.
   8. GGC don't think it can get longer than a novella Posted: August 07, 2011 at 09:48 PM (#3894809)

One of the hallmarks of stories made up by stupid people is a wild lack of verisimilitude.


Is the batboys real name Tom Batiuk?
   9. Misirlou's been working for the drug squad Posted: August 07, 2011 at 09:48 PM (#3894811)
"His preference was for women who had a nice smile and personality."


How about eyebrows?
   10. AROM Posted: August 07, 2011 at 09:54 PM (#3894815)
"Probably the strangest thing we had to do for A-Rod was lay his clothes out on the table so he could get dressed. You had to lay out these items in a predetermined order: socks at the head of the table, followed by undershorts, undershirt, shirt, pants, and then shoes. I had to carry his clothes from his locker to the trainer’s room, where he liked to get dressed away from the prying eyes of the media."

Where are you supposed to lay the clothes that go on the horse section?
   11. Something Other Posted: August 07, 2011 at 09:55 PM (#3894816)
“And put some toothpaste on it.”
Okay, I'm not trying to end the thread, and I'm sure I'll catch hell if this gets past the nanny, but #### it: What a complete ####### ###### he is.

Where the hell is Sparky Lyle when you need him? The Yankees should hire him as a "special assistant" or dig him up if he's passed on. Sparky would take one look at this and take a dump on Roddy's special toothbrush. As well he should.

edit: "How about eyebrows?" What did I miss--was Jeter dating overplucked women?
   12. Into the Void Posted: August 07, 2011 at 10:01 PM (#3894818)
How're you doin', biatches?
   13. A big pile of nonsense (gef the talking mongoose) Posted: August 07, 2011 at 10:16 PM (#3894822)
One of the hallmarks of stories made up by stupid people is a wild lack of verisimilitude.


You're right: A-Rod definitely doesn't strike me as a genius, though I don't think he's anywhere nearly as slack-jawed, slope-browed an idiot as, say, Jonathan "French for 'Knuckle-dragger'" Papelbon.
   14. AJMcCringleberry Posted: August 07, 2011 at 10:17 PM (#3894823)
Sounds like ARod is OCD. And it sounds like the batboy was making some pretty good money, he should've toothpasted up every player's toothbrush before they entered the clubhouse.
   15. A big pile of nonsense (gef the talking mongoose) Posted: August 07, 2011 at 10:18 PM (#3894824)
edit: "How about eyebrows?" What did I miss


Let's just say that he & Tony Womack were realllllllly close.
   16. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: August 07, 2011 at 10:31 PM (#3894827)
I'm not sure I'm seeing the detestable insanity in A-Rod wanting the bristles of his toothbrush kept clear of the sink's surface, or in having his clothes laid out in the order he puts them on. Especially if he's paying and tipping people to do so. This isn't Icy Hot on the nutsack territory.
   17. The Id of SugarBear Blanks Posted: August 07, 2011 at 10:32 PM (#3894828)
Usually he’s speaking Spanish to one of the other Latino players, and if he hit a home run he wouldn’t shut up. “Wow, did you see I hit a home run?” he’d say. “That pitcher threw me a ball right over the plate and I smashed it over the fence. Did you ever see anything like that before?”

Wow, did you see how I purse slapped Schilling when he got in my way, and the ball came out of his glove!! When Skip says go hard into every base, that's just what he means! Did you see that!?!?
   18. Dale Sams Posted: August 07, 2011 at 10:38 PM (#3894830)
I'm sure I'll catch hell if this gets past the nanny


Odd. No one's ever said anything to me. I don't intentionally try to dodge it, but i have a good idea about some words that might slip through.

how I purse slapped Schilling


Arroyo.
   19. The Id of SugarBear Blanks Posted: August 07, 2011 at 10:42 PM (#3894831)
Arroyo.

Not to A-Rod. He doesn't mingle with the help.
   20. Darren Posted: August 07, 2011 at 10:55 PM (#3894834)
Hey, did you guys see that? I yelled "mine" and that guy believed it! He dropped the ball and that helped our team! Hey, that way they didn't get an out and we were able to score more runs! He sure seemed mad, but who cares, right? Hey, I sure hope that this doesn't turn into a big media storm, but I doubt that would happen! Hey!
   21. Darren Posted: August 07, 2011 at 11:00 PM (#3894836)
OMG, you guys. Did you see me eating that pop corn? I opened my mouth and Cameron Diaz put it in there and then I chewed it up. Well, next thing I know it's in my stomach. And hey, check it out, I feel fuller now than I was before that happened! Woah, did you guys realize that the zippers on these uniforms go up AND down!
   22. tshipman Posted: August 07, 2011 at 11:09 PM (#3894840)
I'm not sure I'm seeing the detestable insanity in A-Rod wanting the bristles of his toothbrush kept clear of the sink's surface, or in having his clothes laid out in the order he puts them on. Especially if he's paying and tipping people to do so. This isn't Icy Hot on the nutsack territory.


If A-Rod paid this kid to do these things, I don't see the problem either. If he stiffed the kid, or paid the same amount as everyone else, it's kinda dickish, but if he pays extra for extra service . . . what in the world is wrong with that?
   23. Avoid running at all times.-S. Paige Posted: August 07, 2011 at 11:09 PM (#3894841)
The joke works better in Spanish.
   24. TVerik, the gum-snappin' hairdresser Posted: August 07, 2011 at 11:12 PM (#3894844)
I've gotta say, this feels like a hit piece. I would not be surprised at all if multiple players around the league are this flavor of particular with the clubbies, and when my wife gets me to watch anything on VH1, celebrities do far more degrading and silly things to their assistants.

People who make otherworldly amounts of money are just different from the rest of us. That's just how it is. What's the number; 30% of CEOs would be diagnosed as sociopaths? To some extent, you need to be a bit crazy in order to rise to the top of an entertainment profession like baseball.

I won't argue that Rod appears to be really, really strange. But Ivan Rodriguez famously has a statue of himself on his property.
   25. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: August 07, 2011 at 11:12 PM (#3894845)
That's kind of a dick move, to complain about A-Rod's tipping. I mean, it's not like there's a manual for this ####. Once he figured out how much the other guys were paying, he started more than pulling his weight, so it's not like he was being cheap for the sake of being cheap. He probably just didn't know any better.
   26. Lassus Posted: August 07, 2011 at 11:13 PM (#3894846)
I believe exactly zero things this person says.
   27. asdf1234 Posted: August 07, 2011 at 11:18 PM (#3894847)
This isn't Icy Hot on the nutsack territory.


Baseball has been sorely lacking in star lunacy since the retirement of Clemens. Our writers are just doing the best they can with what they've got, and what they've got is a magnificently talented, socially inept nerd.
   28. Benji Gil Gamesh Rises Posted: August 07, 2011 at 11:29 PM (#3894851)
Based on the fawning over Jeter I've read thus far, I think "Luis Castillo" is actually Tm McCarver.
   29. A big pile of nonsense (gef the talking mongoose) Posted: August 07, 2011 at 11:30 PM (#3894854)
What's the number; 30% of CEOs would be diagnosed as sociopaths?


I assume that's a typo for 100%.
   30. Matt Clement of Alexandria Posted: August 07, 2011 at 11:39 PM (#3894856)
I buy the toothbrush and clothes stories. They fit reasonably well with the midnight suit and the centaur painting.

I think we're going to look back in 30 years and realize that one of the world's great eccentrics was the biggest superstar in the game for a decade, and no one truly appreciated it at the time.
   31. Darren Posted: August 07, 2011 at 11:46 PM (#3894859)
I had to chuckle at how he aped the captain. For example, Jeter and some of the other guys were terrific tippers. Roger Clemens gave me $3,000 at the end of the year. Posada gave me $7,000. A-Rod might come in with $1,400. Sure, it's still a sizable amount, but when he found out that other players were tipping higher, he had to imitate them, and he bumped his tips up. In fact, he had to make sure he was the best tipper in the league. He even tipped me $100 a week to make sure there was a creatine shake waiting for him after each home game.


...and I took these tips to mean, "Someday, please share the personal details of my life with the world."
   32. mex4173 Posted: August 08, 2011 at 12:08 AM (#3894864)
Sure, it's still a sizable amount, but when he found out that other players were tipping higher, he had to imitate them, and he bumped his tips up. In fact, he had to make sure he was the best tipper in the league.


Almost as if he was the highest payed player in the league.
   33. AROM Posted: August 08, 2011 at 12:11 AM (#3894866)
“That pitcher threw me a ball right over the plate and I smashed it over the fence. Did you ever see anything like that before?”

I can see this reaction from somebody who's never hit a homerun anywhere before, suddenly having his mind switched into A-Rod's body with all the A-Rod skills intact. It would be quite the amazing feeling. After the 630th time or so, I think it would feel a bit more routine.

Reading quotes like that make me strongly question the accuracy of the source.
   34. Brian Posted: August 08, 2011 at 12:13 AM (#3894869)
ARod may be strange but this guy is a douche.
   35. Joe Bivens, Minor Genius Posted: August 08, 2011 at 12:19 AM (#3894874)
Wow. ARod got his tipping in line with others, and he still gets crushed. That's awesome. This guy is a gem.

Not sure I believe that Clemens knows what a tip is. He had a bad rep while a young player in Boston. He once tipped a guy I knew 10 cents on a 19.90 cent cab ride.
   36.   Posted: August 08, 2011 at 12:41 AM (#3894889)
That was fun, even though it's probably all BS.

After checking out the scene at a club, he would tell his personal trainer which girl he liked. He would ask the trainer to go up to the woman and tell her that Derek Jeter wanted to talk with her. Then he would leave the bar first and wait for her.


LOL, that's pretty awesome.


One cool evening we were in Boston and I saw him coming out of the Whiskey Park Bar, near the Public Garden. I happened to be wearing a suit because it was a swank watering hole and I was going to meet a couple of other players, including Bernie Williams. A-Rod was on his way out, with two blondes on his arms. When he saw me, his eyes lit up and he said, "Wow, look a you! I never saw you in a suit." As he passed he reached into the breast pocket of my jacket, and I thought he was rearranging my pocket square. "Have a good night," he said, breezing by with his lovebirds

...[W]hen I got to the bar I happened to look down into my breast pocket and was surprised to find two hundred-dollar bills.



Yeah, light yourself on fire! What a #########!
   37. cardsfanboy Posted: August 08, 2011 at 12:41 AM (#3894890)
The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur. How F'd-up do you have to be to not only fantasize about yourself as a centaur, but have that fantasy crystallized as an image for everyone to see?


If that is F'd-up, I don't want to be not F'd-up.
   38. tshipman Posted: August 08, 2011 at 12:50 AM (#3894896)
This Luis Castillo guy is an #######.

A-Rod was on his way out, with two blondes on his arms. When he saw me, his eyes lit up and he said, "Wow, look a you! I never saw you in a suit." As he passed he [A-Rod] reached into the breast pocket of my jacket, and I thought he was rearranging my pocket square. "Have a good night," he said, breezing by with his lovebirds.
. . .
At any rate, when I got to the bar I happened to look down into my breast pocket and was surprised to find two hundred-dollar bills.


A-Rod appears to have been nothing but nice to him, and this Castillo guy turns around and trashes him. What a scumbag.

Edit: coke to Shock.
   39. The District Attorney Posted: August 08, 2011 at 12:54 AM (#3894902)
"How about eyebrows?" What did I miss--was Jeter dating overplucked women?
Well...
After checking out the scene at a club, he would tell his personal trainer which girl he liked. He would ask the trainer to go up to the woman and tell her that Derek Jeter wanted to talk with her. Then he would leave the bar first and wait for her.
I dunno, does that sound like it's really based on their smile and personality? (FWIW, Sons of Sam Horn has an alleged Jeter-encounter tale that corroborates this M.O.)

I would not be surprised at all if multiple players around the league are this flavor of particular with the clubbies, and when my wife gets me to watch anything on VH1, celebrities do far more degrading and silly things to their assistants.
Yeah, I tend to suspect that all that stuff is not the slightest bit unusual. (And that the batboy is 100% aware of that, but also knows that the story people want to buy is Jeter = noble knight and A-Rod = prima donna.)

(BTW, can't wait until "Torre was playing the horses during games" becomes as big a story as "A-Rod plays poker." That's gonna happen, right?)

That's kind of a dick move, to complain about A-Rod's tipping. I mean, it's not like there's a manual for this ####. Once he figured out how much the other guys were paying, he started more than pulling his weight, so it's not like he was being cheap for the sake of being cheap. He probably just didn't know any better.
This was no earlier than A-Rod's 11th year as a major leaguer, so I can't accept that excuse. I do agree that if he acknowledged and fixed the problem, he at least did the right thing eventually -- spinning that against him isn't fair. (Of course, that's easy for me to say when I'm not the guy who feels like he was shortchanged thousands of dollars.)

Re: $200 in the pocket story: I think what we're supposed to take away from it is that A-Rod was bribing Castillo to keep quiet about his trysts. Of course, Castillo apparently kept the money, and yet we're reading this now. And of course, when Jeter acts sleazy, it's not really sleazy because he's interested in the girls for their personalities, and like Jane Lynch in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, he's "very discreet". Ehh, it's all baloney.

Posts #20 and #21 were good.

One day, for instance, Bill Clinton walked into the clubhouse with four Secret Service agents. This was after he had been out of office a few months, but everyone still acted as if he was the commander in chief. Players were saying, "Hello, Sir," and being polite as hell with him until Jeter -- in full uniform, on the way out to the game -- paused just long enough to say: "Hey, Mr. President, you staying out of trouble?"
That is a good one -- probably even better than Yogi Berra's "Hello, Pope." The Steinbrenner stories were amusing also, very Seinfeld. (It's truly amazing how, behind closed doors, everyone is... exactly the way their public stereotype would suggest!) Still, it's hard for me to believe anyone would buy an entire book of this.
   40. Jolly Old St. Nick Is A Jolly Old St. Crip Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:02 AM (#3894910)
I believe exactly zero things this person says.

I'm not sure how to separate the fact from the fiction, but who cares? It's entertaining and basically harmless gossip, since there's not a single thing in there that isn't a variant of something we've already heard from plenty of other sources. And it's not as if anything in there is going to alter anyone's opinion of any named player, unless it's some 8 year old whose first non-hagiographic exposure to his heroes happens to be today's New York Post.
   41. A big pile of nonsense (gef the talking mongoose) Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:04 AM (#3894916)
Not sure I believe that Clemens knows what a tip is.


It's pretty evident that Clemens doesn't know what most things are. He seems at least as stupid as Papelbon, assuming that's possible. Those cretins probably paid the clubhouse guys to remind them to breathe.
   42. cardsfanboy Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:09 AM (#3894925)
A-Rod appears to have been nothing but nice to him, and this Castillo guy turns around and trashes him. What a scumbag.


I have to agree, it's funny he goes all out to make Arod appear to be a bad guy, but seems to be fawning over Jeter who he basically claims is a complete and utter man whore. (I mean he says that Jeter liked personality but then makes no mentions of Jeter talking to the girls, and instead using a middle man to bag the girls)
   43.   Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:09 AM (#3894927)
Of course, Castillo apparently kept the money and yet we're reading this now


Hey, Luis Castillo really dropped the ball on that one..ah ah ah.
   44. BWV 1129 Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:18 AM (#3894939)
Bivens' mom knows what a tip is.
   45. cardsfanboy Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:24 AM (#3894944)
I'm not sure how to separate the fact from the fiction, but who cares? It's entertaining and basically harmless gossip, since there's not a single thing in there that isn't a variant of something we've already heard from plenty of other sources. And it's not as if anything in there is going to alter anyone's opinion of any named player, unless it's some 8 year old whose first non-hagiographic exposure to his heroes happens to be today's New York Post.


I have to agree, it does seem entertaining, it's clear this person has a particular viewpoint that seems intent on lionizing Jeter and denigrating Arod, but so what. I still don't get the Jeter as a man-whore actions are examples of him as a good person, or even an admirable person, but the wording from the article makes it seem like this is what the guy(squeege) thought of him.
   46. AROM Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:28 AM (#3894950)
"It's pretty evident that Clemens doesn't know what most things are. He seems at least as stupid as Papelbon, assuming that's possible. Those cretins probably paid the clubhouse guys to remind them to breathe."

Yeah, Clemens seems like quite the idiot. Which amazes me that he was able to pitch so long and so well after his stuff went from otherworldly to merely good. The fastball in his later years was seldom better than 91-93.
   47. tshipman Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:34 AM (#3894957)
This was no earlier than A-Rod's 11th year as a major leaguer, so I can't accept that excuse. I do agree that if he acknowledged and fixed the problem, he at least did the right thing eventually -- spinning that against him isn't fair. (Of course, that's easy for me to say when I'm not the guy who feels like he was shortchanged thousands of dollars.)


I don't know, but isn't it possible that A-Rod was the highest tipper on the Rangers at $1200? If $1200 had always been enough to take care of your guys up until you got to NYC, that seems to me to be realistic.

Let me repeat that if I were handed a ####### $1,200 tip, I wouldn't bad mouth a guy. Money should buy that at least.
   48. robinred Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:43 AM (#3894968)
Has Tony Bruno weighed in on this yet?
   49. TVerik, the gum-snappin' hairdresser Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:07 AM (#3894990)
From what I hear, $1,200 is the same as $3,000 in a real state because Texas doesn't have state income tax.
   50. Into the Void Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:18 AM (#3894995)
From what I hear, $1,200 is the same as $3,000 in a real state because Texas doesn't have state income tax.


That's why you have to use TIL (tipping independent location).
   51.   Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:20 AM (#3894998)
"The guy gave me a $1,200 tip, and then, when he found out others were tipping higher, tipped even more than they did! What a jackass!"
   52. Howie Menckel Posted: August 08, 2011 at 03:08 AM (#3895090)
I did once spend a couple of minutes talking 'business' with Clemens, and I did not sense that there was much depth there.

Then again, the same can be said for my only slightly more extensive encounters with Jeter.

I do have reason to believe they could run circles around A-Rod, however.

Look, they're ballplayers, and not a lot - if anything - more.
   53. Lassus Posted: August 08, 2011 at 03:25 AM (#3895106)
And it's not as if anything in there is going to alter anyone's opinion of any named player

I think you give too many people too much credit for being set in their opinions.
   54. PreservedFish Posted: August 08, 2011 at 03:38 AM (#3895116)
The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur.


Agreed.
   55. The Ghost's Tryin' to Reason with Hurricane Season Posted: August 08, 2011 at 04:16 AM (#3895198)
Squeegee probably spent all the money he earned from his Yankees job and needs the income. Even if he's not broke, the idea of making some money off of hid experiences is appealing. It been years since they tipped him, anyway.

OTOH, maybe it is typical for these guys to get and keep other cush jobs with the Yanks or other connections established in those days. That would motivate them to keep quiet.
   56. Something Other Posted: August 08, 2011 at 04:17 AM (#3895200)
I'm not sure I'm seeing the detestable insanity in A-Rod wanting the bristles of his toothbrush kept clear of the sink's surface, or in having his clothes laid out in the order he puts them on. Especially if he's paying and tipping people to do so. This isn't Icy Hot on the nutsack territory.
Of course it is. If you're paying another human being to set up your precious toothbrush, you deserve some sort of crass, Sparky-Lyle devised vengeance. It's not what people are for. We need to evolve past the point where we have mens' room attendants.

People who make otherworldly amounts of money are just different from the rest of us. That's just how it is.
Sure, and when they do stupid #### they should be called out and embarrassed for it. God. We need a couple of Brits in this thread. Their disprespect for wealth and ostentation is at times awe-inspiring.

I won't argue that Rod appears to be really, really strange. But Ivan Rodriguez famously has a statue of himself on his property.
And if I lived nearby I'd gather a raiding party and paint it appropriately.

I have to agree, it's funny he goes all out to make Arod appear to be a bad guy, but seems to be fawning over Jeter who he basically claims is a complete and utter man whore. (I mean he says that Jeter liked personality but then makes no mentions of Jeter talking to the girls, and instead using a middle man to bag the girls)
On my first reading of this I took it to mean Alex would have his trainer tell girls Jeter was interested in them, then Alex would go wait outside for them.

That version was definitely funnier.
   57. cardsfanboy Posted: August 08, 2011 at 04:37 AM (#3895236)
On my first reading of this I took it to mean Alex would have his trainer tell girls Jeter was interested in them, then Alex would go wait outside for them.

That version was definitely funnier.


On my first reading I was the same way(I read a quote from one of the comments on here, it wasn't until I read the article that I figured out it was Jeter who was sending his trainer to pick up chicks)
   58. valuearbitrageur Posted: August 08, 2011 at 04:41 AM (#3895242)
Of course it is. If you're paying another human being to set up your precious toothbrush, you deserve some sort of crass, Sparky-Lyle devised vengeance. It's not what people are for. We need to evolve past the point where we have mens' room attendants.


We have evolved to the point where mens rooms attendants should all be unemployed? I'm sure they'll appreciate it. I'm guessing maids and valets are next in the unemployment line.

Personally I'm such a neanderthal I enjoy being handed stuff by a mens room attendant, to the point of tipping them.

I have to agree, it's funny he goes all out to make Arod appear to be a bad guy, but seems to be fawning over Jeter who he basically claims is a complete and utter man whore. (I mean he says that Jeter liked personality but then makes no mentions of Jeter talking to the girls, and instead using a middle man to bag the girls)


Jeter is well know for having 3rd parties arrange his booty calls in extremely impersonal ways. Howard Stern has told a story he heard from some (obviously super hot) girl about how she'll get the call, go up to his condo, perform the act, then Derek will have her escorted out and driven home. It sounds as if he treats regular dates as impersonally as prostitutes, but the most surprising part is none ever seem complain about it.

In A-Rod's case, when he's shown himself to be a little loony, it's hard to know what stories to believe. He's an easy guy to make up stories about, because there is already more than enough evidence that they are likely to be true.
   59. The District Attorney Posted: August 08, 2011 at 04:53 AM (#3895247)
Howard Stern has told a story he heard from some (obviously super hot with a super personality) girl
fixed

(And yup, the SoSH story was the same.)
   60. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: August 08, 2011 at 05:42 AM (#3895257)
Sure, and when they do stupid #### they should be called out and embarrassed for it. God. We need a couple of Brits in this thread. Their disprespect for wealth and ostentation is at times awe-inspiring.
You do realize they have royalty, don't you?
   61. KingKaufman Posted: August 08, 2011 at 05:51 AM (#3895258)
That is a good one -- probably even better than Yogi Berra's "Hello, Pope


Hot as hell, ain't it prez?

Yeah, Clemens seems like quite the idiot. Which amazes me that he was able to pitch so long and so well after his stuff went from otherworldly to merely good. The fastball in his later years was seldom better than 91-93.


There are different kinds of intelligence.

(edited to fix bad cut-paste)
   62. Mom makes botox doctors furious Posted: August 08, 2011 at 05:55 AM (#3895259)
"There's no question in my mind that Jeter's easygoing personality traits -- the way he joked, teased and bonded with players -- were something extra, almost in contrast to the aggressive fielding that fans had come to expect."

; )
   63. Greg K Posted: August 08, 2011 at 06:51 AM (#3895269)
The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur.

Take it easy. You guys are making me feel like I'm strange for having commissioned a portrait of myself as a 19th century baseball playing fox. The best part is it's the first hit if you do a google image search of my name! At least I've got cfb on my side.
   64. Zac Schmitt Posted: August 08, 2011 at 06:53 AM (#3895270)
Maybe it's just me, but I couldn't help imagining Luis Castillo as young Henry Hill. "It was when I first met Derek Jeter. He couldn't have been more than 24 or 25 at the time, but he was already a legend."
   65. Infinite Joost (Voxter) Posted: August 08, 2011 at 07:00 AM (#3895271)
You do realize they have royalty, don't you?


You do realize that this manages the trick of being both profoundly condescending and ludicrously simple-minded, right?
   66. A big pile of nonsense (gef the talking mongoose) Posted: August 08, 2011 at 07:09 AM (#3895272)
Personally I'm such a neanderthal I enjoy being handed stuff by a mens room attendant, to the point of tipping them.


Couldn't swear to it, but I don't believe I've ever been in an establishment that employed such an unfortunate individual. Unlike (apparently) some here, I'm not much for hoity-toity garbage ... though maybe that's just sour grapes over not traveling in socioeconomic circles where having someone do everything short of wiping my ass for me is really an option. Lucky, lucky ValueArbitrageur.
   67. Dog on the sidewalk Posted: August 08, 2011 at 08:24 AM (#3895274)
All these people here thinking they're better than other people because they think these other people think they're better than everyone else is entertaining. Accordingly, I think I'm better than gef and something other, because I don't think I'm better than Alex Rodriguez.
   68. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: August 08, 2011 at 08:37 AM (#3895276)
You do realize that this manages the trick of being both profoundly condescending and ludicrously simple-minded, right?
Is that a yes or a no?
   69. TVerik, the gum-snappin' hairdresser Posted: August 08, 2011 at 11:34 AM (#3895283)
You do realize that this manages the trick of being both profoundly condescending and ludicrously simple-minded, right?


It's the BBTF daily double!
   70. TVerik, the gum-snappin' hairdresser Posted: August 08, 2011 at 11:44 AM (#3895284)
After checking out the scene at a club, he would tell his personal trainer which girl he liked. He would ask the trainer to go up to the woman and tell her that Derek Jeter wanted to talk with her. Then he would leave the bar first and wait for her.


As bizarre as this sounds to you and me, isn't there a significant legal difference? If the encounter goes badly, this way she'll have a lot of trouble asserting "coersion" if she came of her own free will with the involvement of a third party.

I admit that my gut reaction is that the "bad woman uses sexual wiles to trap athlete with feet of clay" story smacks of misogeny, but how much could it hurt to nip it in the bud?
   71. Jeff R., P***y Mainlander Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:16 PM (#3895303)
One day, for instance, Bill Clinton walked into the clubhouse with four Secret Service agents. This was after he had been out of office a few months, but everyone still acted as if he was the commander in chief. Players were saying, "Hello, Sir," and being polite as hell with him until Jeter -- in full uniform, on the way out to the game -- paused just long enough to say: "Hey, Mr. President, you staying out of trouble?"


What's funny is that if the roles were reversed, Jeter would be lauded for being professional and respectful, and A-Rod would get blasted for being so casually inappropriate with the President.

Also, "but everyone still acted as if he was the commander in chief." Um, isn't that how you're supposed to treat former Presidents?
   72. BFFB Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:36 PM (#3895308)
Sure, and when they do stupid #### they should be called out and embarrassed for it. God. We need a couple of Brits in this thread. Their disprespect for wealth and ostentation is at times awe-inspiring.


I'll do my best! With any sportsman it's a good default position to assume they are all just overgrown man-children with deep pockets and as a result have the spending habits of the kid from the film "Blank Cheque" combined with the self-awareness, emotional and behavioral maturity of a toaster oven.

Also if someone is wealthy enough and have the personality to desire they can afford to surround themselves with people whose only function is to blow smoke up their arses twenty-four hours a day which can lead to a very warped world view and unwarranted self-regard for their own often very limited abilities.

[quoteCouldn't swear to it, but I don't believe I've ever been in an establishment that employed such an unfortunate individual. Unlike (apparently) some here, I'm not much for hoity-toity garbage ... though maybe that's just sour grapes over not traveling in socioeconomic circles where having someone do everything short of wiping my ass for me is really an option. Lucky, lucky ValueArbitrageur.

You get these shitgibbons in a lot of London clubs and I don't think anyone likes them. Their main function appears to be to con money out of you; first when you walk into the club and get charged a "premium" entry fee and then a second time when you want to take a piss and some arseweasel in a tuxedo is spraying liquid soap at you like an overexcited male porn star and then demanding a tip.
   73. AROM Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:37 PM (#3895309)
There are different kinds of intelligence.


Very true. Joe Morgan as a player seemed like an absolute genius. Then he went into the booth and put that idea to rest. Lenny Dykstra had great baseball IQ. Not so much off the field.

I doubt if Luis Castillo will ever find a job in baseball again after spilling this kind of dirt, but it's still a highly entertaining article in the best tabloid tradition.


After slugging .267 as a defensive liability for the 2010 Mets, I don't think he was going to get another job anyway.

The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur.


This should be his HOF plaque. Bill James has written that over time the memories of a player will fade but the statistics remain unchanged. I don't want my great-grandchildren to go to Cooperstown and only see that he was a hitter who had 3000+ hits, 700+ homers, and 2000+ RBI. I want them to see the full experience of weirdness that was A-Rod's career. And the Centaur will go a long way in getting the point across.
   74. TVerik, the gum-snappin' hairdresser Posted: August 08, 2011 at 01:58 PM (#3895314)
What if there's a perfectly reasonable explanation, like a GF got it and he hated it silently, but hung it on his bedroom wall so she could see that he didn't hate it?
   75. The Clarence Thomas of BBTF (scott) Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:00 PM (#3895315)
You guys are making me feel like I'm strange for having commissioned a portrait of myself as a 19th century baseball playing fox.


So. Jealous. I'm going to have to have one done of me being a baseball playing Hydra batting against Hercules (total PED user).

Also, the more A-rod gets slagged the more I'm curiously growing to like him. He's such an odd, odd fellow.
   76. Edmundo got dem ol' Kozma blues again mama Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:06 PM (#3895322)
And the Centaur will go a long way in getting the point across.

Also, the more A-rod gets slagged the more I'm curiously growing to like him. He's such an odd, odd fellow.


He's the 21st Centaury Schizoid Man
   77. Ben Broussard Ramjet Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:24 PM (#3895331)
You do realize they have royalty, don't you?


Yes, and we massively disrespect both their wealth and their ostenteity . . . ostentaciousness . . . I'll get back to you.

My favourite story about wealthy out-of-touchness is also toothpaste-related. It's the aristocrat who, having lived his whole life with butlers and footservants, went to stay with his daughter's family for a weekend. He was found at the top of the stairs his first morning, asking what was wrong with his toothpaste - it wasn't foaming. He hadn't realised that it didn't come pre-foamed; his servants had always done it for him. (How, I'm not sure.)

But 'new money' is disrespected at least as much as 'old money', so A-Rod would get plenty of grief. Hypocritically, we also like to attack those who don't know how to enjoy new-found wealth, like the lottery winners who go back to work the next week, or Wayne Rooney sleeping with less than world-class prostitutes.

It's just a nation sustained by snark, more or less.
   78. The Yankee Clapper Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:25 PM (#3895332)
The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur.

You guys are making me feel like I'm strange for having commissioned a portrait of myself as a 19th century baseball playing fox.

Since BBTF posters are always willing to give the benefit of the doubt, I doubt anyone found that to be at all odd. Most folks probably just assumed that a more realistic portrait would too closely resemble Don Mossi.
   79. pikepredator Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:41 PM (#3895339)
Long-time lurker here . . . nice work all, this thread is A+ material. I sent it to a few friends to hook them on BTF.

Even as a red sox fan, I 2nd #75. I've got a few truly peculiar friends. Sometimes they honestly don't realize they're doing something odd until they are called on it. If they also got crap for having pretty girls feed them popcorn, well, that's just not right.
   80. TVerik, the gum-snappin' hairdresser Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:44 PM (#3895340)
Didn't George HW Bush essentially lose a few points prior to the 1992 election because he was clearly unfamiliar with the everyday supermarket scanner?
   81. tshipman Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:46 PM (#3895342)
Yes, and we massively disrespect both their wealth and their ostenteity . . .


. . . unless one of them happens to be getting married.
   82. Hack Wilson Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:50 PM (#3895345)
Didn't George HW Bush essentially lose a few points prior to the 1992 election because he was clearly unfamiliar with the everyday supermarket scanner?


Actually he won the eletion because he was a Scanner.
   83. Ben Broussard Ramjet Posted: August 08, 2011 at 02:53 PM (#3895346)
. . . unless one of them happens to be getting married.


Well, actually, some of us tried to remain consistent even then, but the media coverage didn't really reflect that. Still, cheers for the Bank Holiday, toffs! I liked the line from Dara O'Briain: "The wedding date of William and Kate happens to be the anniversary of the wedding of Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun. So at least Harry will know what to wear."

Shame it cost us a billion; we could really have used that. (Estimated financial boost from the wedding: £650m. Estimated cost of additional bank holiday: £1.6bn. Awesome.)
   84. jacksone (AKA It's OK...) Posted: August 08, 2011 at 03:02 PM (#3895350)
So, ARod is a dick for tipping more than anyone else and Torre is not for checking on the results of a horse race DURING a game? I just don't get it...

I am in full agreement with #75. ARod sounds like a douche and probably not someone I would choose as a friend, but damn he gets criticized a lot.
   85. You Know Nothing JT Snow (YR) Posted: August 08, 2011 at 03:15 PM (#3895358)
The weirdest thing about A-Rod, and there are many, is that painting he had done of himself as a centaur.


IIRC, Nobel physicist Richard Feynman commissioned a full-length nude portrait of himself. At least Rodriguez's portrait leaves whether he was gelded to the imagination.
   86. A big pile of nonsense (gef the talking mongoose) Posted: August 08, 2011 at 04:21 PM (#3895410)
Just out of curiosity, how many of you -- in addition, obviously, to ValueArbitrageur -- are having your manservants type up your posts in this thread?
   87. Edmundo got dem ol' Kozma blues again mama Posted: August 08, 2011 at 04:28 PM (#3895417)
Nothing creepier than some guy in a men's room doing anything for you, except perhaps freeing up the stall door if it's stuck.

When I was in Chennai (gosh, 18 years ago this month and it was still Madras), our hotel had this kid of maybe 15 "operating" the elevator about 16 hours a day. Operating meant he would push the button for the floor for you. And of course, we had to tip. I started walking up the 4 flights because I was so uncomfortable and it was against an ingrained sense of being self-sufficient.
   88. Something Other Posted: August 09, 2011 at 03:30 AM (#3896051)
We have evolved to the point where mens rooms attendants should all be unemployed? I'm sure they'll appreciate it.
Right, because those are the only options. Let us know when you graduate from either-or thinking.

Personally I'm such a neanderthal I enjoy being handed stuff by a mens room attendant, to the point of tipping them.
Oh, aren't you grand! So, when they wipe your ass for you, what do you give them? Seriously, you think that someone should spend the bulk of eight hours a day in a small room full of toilets, smelling piss and ####, so clucks like you don't have to pull your own towels from a dispenser? When nanny's not around to powder your bottom, I take it you burst into tears?

You're beyond human aid.

Nothing creepier than some guy in a men's room doing anything for you, except perhaps freeing up the stall door if it's stuck.

When I was in Chennai (gosh, 18 years ago this month and it was still Madras), our hotel had this kid of maybe 15 "operating" the elevator about 16 hours a day. Operating meant he would push the button for the floor for you. And of course, we had to tip. I started walking up the 4 flights because I was so uncomfortable and it was against an ingrained sense of being self-sufficient.
Makes sense to me.
   89. You Know Nothing JT Snow (YR) Posted: August 09, 2011 at 03:35 AM (#3896057)
Oh, aren't you grand! So, when they wipe your ass for you, what do you give them? Seriously, you think that someone should spend the bulk of eight hours a day in a small room full of toilets, smelling piss and ####, so clucks like you don't have to pull your own towels from a dispenser?


Beats working at a big hog farm.
   90. Howie Menckel Posted: August 09, 2011 at 04:27 AM (#3896069)
"IIRC, Nobel physicist Richard Feynman commissioned a full-length nude portrait of himself."

wow, take me back to 1985.

this book really opened my eyes to the idea that a person could be both serious and ... a character. Sort of the Babe Ruth of physicists, love the Carneval stories, a true bon vivant:

http://www.amazon.com/Surely-Feynman-Adventures-Curious-Character/dp/0393316041
   91. Banta Posted: August 09, 2011 at 05:09 AM (#3896076)
People will stop having to be bathroom attendants once we get adequate robots. Then, in 100 years, people can have the same argument about artificial quality of work life with some other something other on blernsballthinkfactory.org.

And to conclude this post, I am required to note that all of this has happened before.
   92. valuearbitrageur Posted: August 09, 2011 at 05:25 AM (#3896079)
Oh, aren't you grand! So, when they wipe your ass for you, what do you give them? Seriously, you think that someone should spend the bulk of eight hours a day in a small room full of toilets, smelling piss and ####, so clucks like you don't have to pull your own towels from a dispenser? When nanny's not around to powder your bottom, I take it you burst into tears?


They'll wipe my arse for me?!? Good god man, I must not have been tipping enough!

I've gone to public restrooms with attendants at nice hotels, night clubs, and even mid level strip clubs, places that might even allow you in. Typically the attendant is an older man, sometimes handicapped, often African American. They'll have a tray of mints, cologne, gum, as well as hand towels to offer. Besides overtipping them, I also degrade them by making small talk because a man of my status is not always comfortable with men of theirs.

But now that you made me realize the error of my ways, I'm flummoxed by what I should do next time I walk into a public restroom and find a man with a tray of sundries. Should I

a) Turn around and relieve my raging bladder in shrubbery or a decanter of some sort?

b) ask young lady in the champagne room if she was ever lucky enough to be a recipient of a royal shower from a better?

c) Organise a boycott of these infernal places among the landed gentry, and demand these trolls be replaced by proper public bidets?

d) barge into the toilet and accost the swarthy Negro, and demand he quit his layabout ways and drag his crippled limb out of the establishment to find a proper job!?
   93. Avoid running at all times.-S. Paige Posted: August 09, 2011 at 05:56 AM (#3896083)
It's at this point that I'd like to point out absolutely barbaric it is that we don't have bidets in America.
   94. Morty Causa Posted: August 09, 2011 at 06:36 AM (#3896090)
We call 'em water fountains, don't we?
   95. robinred Posted: August 09, 2011 at 06:51 AM (#3896092)
IIRC, Nobel physicist Richard Feynman commissioned a full-length nude portrait of himself.


Seriously?
   96. The District Attorney Posted: August 09, 2011 at 07:02 AM (#3896093)
I have no idea what the hell happened to this thread. I think it might be great. Still deciding.
   97. asdf1234 Posted: August 09, 2011 at 07:04 AM (#3896095)
IIRC, Nobel physicist Richard Feynman commissioned a full-length nude portrait of himself.



Seriously?


Feynman had a love for strip clubs and spent more time there than he did his office (as per one of his books), but I've never heard this. Google doesn't turn up any results either, so the skeptic in me doubts it while the prurient wants to know more.
   98. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: August 09, 2011 at 07:26 AM (#3896101)
We have evolved to the point where mens rooms attendants should all be unemployed? I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

Right, because those are the only options. Let us know when you graduate from either-or thinking.
You know some intermediate position between employed and unemployed?
Oh, aren't you grand! So, when they wipe your ass for you, what do you give them? Seriously, you think that someone should spend the bulk of eight hours a day in a small room full of toilets, smelling piss and ####, so clucks like you don't have to pull your own towels from a dispenser?
I would think it should be up to them, wouldn't you?
   99. Dog on the sidewalk Posted: August 09, 2011 at 07:57 AM (#3896105)
@92, the correct answer is:

e) Inform the bathroom attendant that his work is degrading, for the purpose of encouraging him to do something else with his life, such as restarting his medical practice. Then let him know that you won't be giving him a tip, because it would only be insulting to him. Feel free to partake in the breath mints, though.

I should also point out that many bathroom attendants are held against their will, relying on leftover mints and candy for sustenance. They don't even get to keep their tips, though they have no use for money, as they are not allowed to leave their bathroom, under penalty of catapult. As much as I appreciate not having to touch the sink handle, I do not approve of this practice.
   100. The Clarence Thomas of BBTF (scott) Posted: August 09, 2011 at 12:07 PM (#3896127)
Wait, there are people here who don't declaim all of their comments via a servant hired especially for that purpose? I think I'm hanging around the shadier parts of the internet. Won't the polo club find that delightful!
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