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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Big League Stew: Ranking the sexiest GMs in baseball 1-30

The comments that new Oakland Athletics shortstop Hiroyuki Nakajima made about GM Billy Beane, that he “is extremely sexy and cool,” got me thinking. When it comes to sex appeal, Beane gets a lot of the attention among the general managers in Major League Baseball, not only because Brad Pitt played him in a movie, but also because Nakajima — even if he was joking — was on to something.

Therefore, without further ado (and ignoring any of the a-don’t), The Stew has ranked all 30 major-league GMs based on how sexy they are. Begin the slideshow!

1. Kevin Towers, Arizona Diamondbacks

And we have an upset already! If they ever make a movie about Kevin Towers, then Russell Crowe would be a good place to start as far as casting, though Hollywood makeup artists would find it hard to equal Towers’ remarkably consistent golf course tan. He’s handsome, but seemingly approachable — he’ll have a beer with you. And, if fanboys are fighting over you on Wikipedia, you have innate sex appeal.

Tripon Posted: December 19, 2012 at 03:01 PM | 50 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
Tags: business, history, sabermetrics

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1. Hello Rusty Kuntz, Goodbye Rusty Cars Posted: December 19, 2012 at 06:37 PM (#4328966)

Michael Hill general manages fairly well for a redshirt junior basketball player at Cincinnati Christian University.

2. Fernigal McGunnigle has become a merry hat Posted: December 19, 2012 at 06:46 PM (#4328971)

Wow, GMs on the whole are a lot less homely than I expected.

3. esseff Posted: December 19, 2012 at 06:46 PM (#4328972)

Yay, not a slideshow. But Yahoo bosses furious.

Also, Alderson doesn't even look like the same person as late '80s A's Sandy Alderson.

4. Eric P. Posted: December 19, 2012 at 06:56 PM (#4328980)

Man, poor Ruben Amaro Jr. The one possible GM list he deserves to be near the top of and he's shunted down into the late teens for some reason.

5. The elusive Robert Denby Posted: December 19, 2012 at 07:14 PM (#4328996)

Well, at least Dayton Moore is top five amongst GMs in something.

6. asinwreck Posted: December 19, 2012 at 07:17 PM (#4328997)

Can we do this historically? Where does Gord Ash rank?

7. Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines Posted: December 19, 2012 at 07:24 PM (#4328999)

Mozeliak looks like a cartoon dad.

Dombrowski looks like a cross between John Kerry and Arsene Wenger.

Dipoto looks like Chris "Froot Loops" Russo. Interesting to see the rare ex-player whose weight has not ballooned in the 12 years since retirement.

The commentary is great and seems to suggest that the list is actually in random order.

8. JJ1986 Posted: December 19, 2012 at 07:39 PM (#4329003)

I only knew what about half of these guys looked like. O'Dowd has been around for 15 years and I don't think I'd seen a picture of him.

9. bobm Posted: December 19, 2012 at 07:41 PM (#4329004)

20. Jack Zduriencik, Seattle Mariners

I eagerly await the Fangraphs article refuting this ranking.

10. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: December 19, 2012 at 07:43 PM (#4329006)

Yum yum, I could easily spend a fortnight running barefoot through this studmuffin's eyebrows.

11. Crispix Attacks 2: Swag Airlines Posted: December 19, 2012 at 07:44 PM (#4329007)

Oh, you kid!

12. esseff Posted: December 19, 2012 at 07:51 PM (#4329010)

Yum yum, I could easily spend a fortnight running barefoot through this studmuffin's eyebrows.

He just didn't age well

EDIT: Just to be clear, photos in #10 and #12 are same guy at different ages.

13. Jack Carter, calling Beleaguered Castle Posted: December 19, 2012 at 08:28 PM (#4329025)

Wow, GMs on the whole are a lot less homely than I expected.

Looks can take you very far. CEOs tend to be tall. The only thing a lot of Senators and Congressmen have going for them is they look like Hollywood Senators and Congressmen.

14. the Hugh Jorgan returns Posted: December 19, 2012 at 09:09 PM (#4329041)

Well, at least Dayton Moore is top five amongst GMs in something.

Hey, Dayton has that investment banker look down pat.

And though ranked low, I like Sabean's professor/scientist look, I think that works for him. He's a bit of a mad professor anyway, but you can't argue with the results.....

15. Yeaarrgghhhh Posted: December 19, 2012 at 09:19 PM (#4329048)

That is absolutely ridiculous. Any list that doesn't have Duquette in the last spot is fatally flawed.

16. flournoy Posted: December 19, 2012 at 09:20 PM (#4329049)

Mozeliak looks like a cartoon dad.

Specifically Calvin's dad.

17. Dag Nabbit has the talking pillow Posted: December 19, 2012 at 09:22 PM (#4329051)

Based on that list, it's damn lucky for Jim Hendry that no one ever came up with something like this when he ran the Cubs.

18. Bruce Markusen Posted: December 19, 2012 at 09:50 PM (#4329060)

Brian Cashman ranking as the fourth sexiest general manager may be the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.

19. Avoid running at all times.-S. Paige Posted: December 19, 2012 at 09:58 PM (#4329062)

Jack Zduriencik not ranking as the sixth sexiest general manager is a crime against memes.

20. Transmission Posted: December 19, 2012 at 10:16 PM (#4329068)

I don't get the Cashman ranking. Every time I see a picture of him he looks like he's suffering further from the effects of his Precious. He really ought to dump it in the lake of fire in Mordor.

21. FancyPantsHandle glistening with foreign substance Posted: December 19, 2012 at 10:19 PM (#4329069)

This reminded me of this.

That's all I got.

22. Walks Clog Up the Bases Posted: December 19, 2012 at 10:54 PM (#4329080)

Specifically Calvin's dad.

Outstanding.

This list confirms that my mental image of nearly every GM on this list wasn't remotely close.

23. Walks Clog Up the Bases Posted: December 19, 2012 at 10:57 PM (#4329082)

Also, the expressions on the face of Jocketty, Duquette, and Colletti are perfect for their low standing on this list. Honorable mention to the perplexed Sabean, who looks like he's on the horn trying to get to the bottom of why he's so damn low on the list.

24. CFBF Hates Hyphens Posted: December 19, 2012 at 11:22 PM (#4329092)

It seems like a lot of general managers are this close to being handsome, only to just look a little...off. It's like the uncanny valley of good looks: the closer you come to being handsome without actually being handsome the more off-putting you are.

Dayton Moore's legitimately dreamy, however.

25. depletion Posted: December 19, 2012 at 11:27 PM (#4329096)

As far as the sexist executive in MLB, it's Kim Ng. The only battle is for second place.

26. Pops Freshenmeyer Posted: December 19, 2012 at 11:33 PM (#4329099)

Could Doug Melvin or Mike Rizzo look any more like a Doug Melvin and a Mike Rizzo?

27. For the Turnstiles (andeux) Posted: December 19, 2012 at 11:49 PM (#4329103)

As far as the sexist executive in MLB, it's Kim Ng.

Hot

28. Pops Freshenmeyer Posted: December 19, 2012 at 11:55 PM (#4329106)

Now that I have two beers in me, that Billy Beane pic looks kinda like Ralph Nader.

29. Horror Posted: December 19, 2012 at 11:57 PM (#4329109)

So, from what I understand, he never really said "sexy." The Japanese translation was basically "he's a cool dude," but the translator made it "sexy" for the American audience. Is that true? Where are the Japanese speakers?

30. Horror Posted: December 19, 2012 at 11:59 PM (#4329110)

Also, I didn't realize that the "Mike" in Breaking Bad was meant to be Mike Rizzo.

31. Meatwads stronger now, ready for the house Posted: December 20, 2012 at 12:02 AM (#4329111)

damn you andeux

32. Tripon Posted: December 20, 2012 at 12:03 AM (#4329112)

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FELL FOR IT AGAIN.

33. Meatwads stronger now, ready for the house Posted: December 20, 2012 at 12:08 AM (#4329113)

seems like you have a good chance at being a gm if you have blue eyes...

34. AJM Posted: December 20, 2012 at 12:11 AM (#4329114)

Judging from these pictures Hoyer and Daniels are 1 and 2.

35. AJM Posted: December 20, 2012 at 12:12 AM (#4329115)

seems like you have a good chance at being a gm if you have blue eyes...

Where do I send my resume?

36. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) Posted: December 20, 2012 at 12:15 AM (#4329117)

As far as the sexist executive in MLB, it's Kim Ng.
Hot

not Maddy

37. FancyPantsHandle glistening with foreign substance Posted: December 20, 2012 at 12:40 AM (#4329130)

As far as the sexist executive in MLB, it's Kim Ng. The only battle is for second place.

That's a really unfortunate 'e' you missed there.

38. SoSH U at work Posted: December 20, 2012 at 12:46 AM (#4329133)

Judging from these pictures Hoyer and Daniels are 1 and 2.

I think the field is battling for second behind Moore. That there's a handsome man.

39. depletion Posted: December 20, 2012 at 12:46 AM (#4329134)

Yeah it was.

40. Der_K Posted: December 20, 2012 at 01:10 AM (#4329146)

I thought it was scouting that was about the good face,

Whatever this article was supposed to be, I'm not sure that it succeeded.

41. Bitter Mouse Posted: December 20, 2012 at 09:10 AM (#4329211)

Cool article, because it is different and I had never seen most of their pictures before. I am not so much with the judgeing how sexy they are, but whatever. And count me in the group that cheers the lack of slideshow. Wow I hate those.

42. Lassus Posted: December 20, 2012 at 09:21 AM (#4329218)

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FELL FOR IT AGAIN.

Shockingly, for once, I didn't.

Also, can't any of our rare and erstwhile females show up to offer some kind of opinion?

43. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: December 20, 2012 at 09:58 AM (#4329243)

It seems like a lot of general managers are this close to being handsome, only to just look a little...off. It's like the uncanny valley of good looks: the closer you come to being handsome without actually being handsome the more off-putting you are.

The author didn't exactly choose the most flattering shots of each GM. Most people look funny when photographed in mid-sentence.

44. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: December 20, 2012 at 10:38 AM (#4329269)

Jack Z. looks like a villain in a Bond movie.

As far as the sexist executive in MLB, it's Kim Ng

I do not find Kim Ng very attractive.

OTOH, here is the Assistant GM of the Gwinnett Braves, Shari Massengill

45. Yeaarrgghhhh Posted: December 20, 2012 at 10:46 AM (#4329274)

Kim Ng is cute.

46. zonk Posted: December 20, 2012 at 10:47 AM (#4329275)

Also, can't any of our rare and erstwhile females show up to offer some kind of opinion?

I don't know - seems like weighing in the 'sexiest 40/50something front office dude' would be akin to wondering why none of the male primates showed up for a ranking on the sexiest ladies in mom's book club... of course, da wimmins do tend to be less shallow, so maybe I'm wrong.

It's beyond me why Towers is #1 -- and Jack Z being anything beyond #30 would seem to indicate the list maker has a thing for bald men with prominent jowls. I think I'd put Hoyer, Cherington, and Huntington in the top three based purely on symetricality.... and Frank Wren does have a lovely smile.

47. The Id of SugarBear Blanks

Posted: December 20, 2012 at 10:59 AM (#4329286)

Daniels looks like Arnold Horshack.

48. Knock on any Iorg Posted: December 20, 2012 at 05:27 PM (#4329585)

I would so do Theo Epstein of about 5-8 years ago.

49. geonose Posted: December 20, 2012 at 05:37 PM (#4329594)

Also, can't any of our rare and erstwhile females show up to offer some kind of opinion?

You guys are doing just find on your own; I can't really argue much with any of the commentary.

50. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: December 20, 2012 at 05:38 PM (#4329595)

I would so do Theo Epstein of about 5-8 years ago.

With or without the gorilla suit?

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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Big League Stew: Ranking the sexiest GMs in baseball 1-30

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