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Friday, March 23, 2012

Bobby Jenks was arrested for DUI and hit-and-run at 4am this morning

Here’s his charging report. There aren’t any big details yet.

Sorry, I don’t have a video of a fat guy crashing his car.

Red Sox reliever Bobby Jenks was arrested in Ft. Myers at 3:43 AM this morning. The charges: DUI, property damage and hit-and-run, suggesting that he crashed his car and tried to take off.  Here’s his charging report. There aren’t any big details yet.

The District Attorney Posted: March 23, 2012 at 11:09 AM | 53 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: bobby jenks, red sox

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   1. Tim Wallach was my Hero Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:04 PM (#4087496)
This is what happens when you allow players to drink in the clubhouse. Oh, wait...
   2. Drew (Primakov, Gungho Iguanas) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:04 PM (#4087499)
I guess Terry Francona really WAS the problem in that clubhouse.

EDIT: O'Doul's to TW.
   3. The Yankee Clapper Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:10 PM (#4087516)
KFC run?
   4. Boxkutter Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:10 PM (#4087517)
Now you all know where to send your personal hatemail.
   5. Don Geovany Soto (chris h.) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:11 PM (#4087519)
Time to pop some popcorn.
   6. The Long Arm of Rudy Law Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:14 PM (#4087526)
Joba Chamberlain dislocated his ankle while jumping on a trampoline with his son

Bobby Jenks was arrested for DUI and hit-and-run at 4am this morning


It's "Our Fat Pitcher Can Out-Stupid Yours" day. Somewhere, David Wells is going to prove he can still keep up with the kids.
   7. David Nieporent (now, with children) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:16 PM (#4087528)
Great. Waiting for the lynch mob to show up and tell us how drunk drivers are worse than Hitler.
   8. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:19 PM (#4087535)
The charges: DUI, property damage and hit-and-run

Not really hit and run. Leaving the scene of an accident with property damage isn't nearly as severe.
   9. Drew (Primakov, Gungho Iguanas) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:23 PM (#4087544)
Over/under on how many of Jenks/Lackey/Crawford will be just plain released?
   10. Fanshawe Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:26 PM (#4087548)
I blame Joe Girardi.
   11. zack Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:39 PM (#4087555)
Great. Waiting for the lynch mob to show up and tell us how drunk drivers are worse than Hitler.


I thought driving alone was driving with Hitler, anyway. So the real question is, did he have a passenger?
   12. Matt Clement of Alexandria Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:40 PM (#4087556)
Over/under on how many of Jenks/Lackey/ Crawford will be just plain released?
One.
   13. Drew (Primakov, Gungho Iguanas) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:40 PM (#4087557)
Great. Waiting for the lynch mob to show up and tell us how drunk drivers are worse than Hitler.


And 80% of them will be Saints fans.
   14. Dale Sams Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:42 PM (#4087558)
Over/under on how many of Jenks/Lackey/ Crawford will be just plain released?
One.


One. Lackey will end up being decent, Crawford will be traded along with 50 million for a bucket of baseballs.
   15. Drew (Primakov, Gungho Iguanas) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 12:52 PM (#4087566)
I have no faith that Lackey will be anything other that a fat complainer.
   16. Jose Can Still Seabiscuit Posted: March 23, 2012 at 01:19 PM (#4087590)
Over/under on how many of Jenks/Lackey/ Crawford will be just plain released?


Jenks won't be released. He's got one year left and he's on the 60 day DL, probably for the year so there is no real purpose to it. Lackey will have two years left on his deal after this year so I think he has a shot to suck enough upon his return to get himself released. I think Crawford will at worst be good enough to suffer through, the Sox are on the hook for the money there and I think he is likely to bounce back. His contract length makes it a possibility though.

Lackey 50%
Crawford 15%
Jenks 3%
   17. jacksone (AKA It's OK...) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 01:20 PM (#4087592)
I have no faith that Lackey will be anything other that a fat complainer.


Yeah but he will be a CHEAP fat complainer when he is pitching for the minimum.
   18. Fancy Pants Handles lap changes with class Posted: March 23, 2012 at 01:24 PM (#4087596)
Sorry, I don’t have a video of a fat guy crashing his car.


There you go.
   19. Fancy Pants Handles lap changes with class Posted: March 23, 2012 at 01:25 PM (#4087598)
And I laughed when I saw the headline. Then I remembered he was on the Red Sox...
   20. Never Give an Inge (Dave) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 01:36 PM (#4087609)

Jenks won't be released. He's got one year left and he's on the 60 day DL, probably for the year so there is no real purpose to it.

Other than getting the accident-scene-fleeing drunk driver off of your roster.
   21. The Clarence Thomas of BBTF (scott) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 01:44 PM (#4087617)
Yeah, this is a lot different than a hit and run. Still not good at all, but way better than possibly seriously injuring someone.
   22. The elusive Robert Denby Posted: March 23, 2012 at 01:55 PM (#4087631)
Kids, taken away, yadda yadda...
   23. zenbitz Posted: March 23, 2012 at 01:57 PM (#4087634)
Great. Waiting for the lynch mob to show up and tell us how drunk drivers are worse than Hitler.


Worse that Hitler _was_ or worse than he is _now_?
   24. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 03:08 PM (#4087690)
Worse that Hitler _was_ or worse than he is _now_?

Meh, Hitler's over-rated anyway. Really short peak; only 5.5 years of terrorizing the world. Now Stalin and Mao, those were inner circle HoF dictators. 25+ years, with peaks every bit as horrendous as Hitler.
   25. Swedish Chef Posted: March 23, 2012 at 03:54 PM (#4087743)
Now Stalin and Mao, those were inner circle HoF dictators. 25+ years, with peaks every bit as horrendous as Hitler.

Bah, they just stayed in provinces and never faced the pressure of performing in New York. No HoF for them.
   26. madvillain Posted: March 23, 2012 at 04:13 PM (#4087755)
As a White Sox fan, it's sad to see Jenks has fallen back into his old ways. He notoriously set his arm on fire while ####-faced back in his minor league days. It was Kenny Williams and the Sox that gave him an opportunity and Bobby made the most of it. We'll never forget his contributions to the WS winning team in '05.

I hope he gets the help he needs, baseball comes second.
   27. Don Geovany Soto (chris h.) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 04:36 PM (#4087777)
Now Stalin and Mao, those were inner circle HoF dictators. 25+ years, with peaks every bit as horrendous as Hitler.

Bah, they just stayed in provinces and never faced the pressure of performing in New York. No HoF for them.

You know, I hate it when people bring this argument up. People keep insisting that performing in NY is some kind of incredible feat. But Stalin competed for a long-ass time, on a world stage, and out-does Hitler both in terms of longevity and in terms of slaughter.

That's without even discussing Hitler's poor end-of-career situation.
   28. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 04:39 PM (#4087779)
That's without even discussing Hitler's poor end-of-career situation.

Didn't even finish the '45 season.

I mean, we rag on Dick Allen and Blyleven for leaving their teams, but committing suicide during crunch time? What a quitter.
   29. Random Transaction Generator Posted: March 23, 2012 at 04:42 PM (#4087783)
Now Stalin and Mao, those were inner circle HoF dictators. 25+ years, with peaks every bit as horrendous as Hitler.

Bah, they just stayed in provinces and never faced the pressure of performing in New York. No HoF for them.


Does time-line adjustments bring down a legend like Genghis Khan?
He ruled for 21 years, he has the genocide numbers to match any of the modern dictators, and he performed over a large area.

   30. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 04:49 PM (#4087790)
Pol Pot never matched his rookie season, and he didn't have a long enough peak, but he was gangbusters there for a while
   31. just plain joe Posted: March 23, 2012 at 04:58 PM (#4087800)
Pol Pot never matched his rookie season, and he didn't have a long enough peak, but he was gangbusters there for a while


The league made an adjustment to him and Pol Pot wasn't able to keep up.
   32. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:08 PM (#4087811)
The league made an adjustment to him and Pol Pot wasn't able to keep up.

Plus, level of competition. Cambodia has at best AA/AAA dictating talent level compared to Russia and China. I mean, Russia and China have been producing genocidal maniacs for milennia.

But his rate stats were out of this world. Has the best POTPS ever (Percentage Of Total Population Slaughtered).

Does time-line adjustments bring down a legend like Genghis Khan?
He ruled for 21 years, he has the genocide numbers to match any of the modern dictators, and he performed over a large area.


I think the stats are pretty unreliable. Sure, he claims he slaughtered millions of people, but we don't have the box scores.
   33. Swedish Chef Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:08 PM (#4087812)
He ruled for 21 years, he has the genocide numbers to match any of the modern dictators, and he performed over a large area.

One of my favorite genetic facts is that Genghis has 16 million direct male-line descendants*, 8% of the male population in former Mongol lands. So he didn't just kill people, he did his part to replace them. Of course, a lot of credit has to go to the work rate of his descendants too.

*) That is, they carry his Y-chromosome, only transferred from father to son. Which is what makes the number so impressive.
   34. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:16 PM (#4087820)
One of my favorite genetic facts is that Genghis has 16 million direct male-line descendants*, 8% of the male population in former Mongol lands

he's a piker compared to Adam
   35. bfan Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:19 PM (#4087826)
Didn't even finish the '45 season.

Are you sure he didn't finish it in the Buenos Aires League, and go on to have a lengthy career there?
   36. bfan Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:19 PM (#4087827)
Didn't even finish the '45 season.
Didn't even finish the '45 season.
   37. zonk Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:28 PM (#4087834)
Gotta go with Genghis...

I mean, give Genghis Kahn semi-modern equipment? Fuhgeddaboudit.

Would Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il be the Dictator HoF's only father/son inductees?
   38. Pasta-diving Jeter (jmac66) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:30 PM (#4087837)
Would Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il be the Dictator HoF's only father/son inductees?

no
   39. zonk Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:34 PM (#4087840)
Would Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il be the Dictator HoF's only father/son inductees?


no


Ayup... and they'd have the best nicknames in the HoF to boot.
   40. Slivers of Maranville descends into chaos (SdeB) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:38 PM (#4087847)

One of my favorite genetic facts is that Genghis has 16 million direct male-line descendants*,


That has nothing to do with Genghis, but is simply a product of the fact that as you go back into the past, the number of ancestors you has increases, while the human population decreases. As a result, once you go far enough back, everybody's family tree overlaps. So if you pick a random person alive in A.D. 1 (as a guesstimate), either everyone on Earth will be a direct descendent of theirs, or nobody will be.

Genghis isn't quite that far back, but I think you could pick a random bodyguard of his and find just as many descendants alive today (or no descendants). In fact we don't know that the Y-chromosome group descends from Genghis, that's just a modern supposition.
   41. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:40 PM (#4087850)

Would Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il be the Dictator HoF's only father/son inductees?


I don't think the Duvaliers are even HoVBad, much less Hall of (in)Fame(y).

Genghis and Kublai Khan go in as father/grandson.

How about the Czars, there must have been back-to-back butchers there somewhere?
   42. Morty Causa Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:41 PM (#4087852)
Genghis Khan. Now there's a leader who knew his priorities:

"The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies, to chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth, to see their near and dear bathed in tears, to ride their horses and sleep on the white bellies of their wives and daughters."
   43. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:41 PM (#4087855)
Ayup... and they'd have the best nicknames in the HoF to boot.

Better than Vlad "the Impaler"?
   44. Swedish Chef Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:46 PM (#4087858)
That has nothing to do with Genghis, but is simply a product of the fact that as you go back into the past, the number of ancestors you has increases, while the human population decreases. As a result, once you go far enough back, everybody's family tree overlaps. So if you pick a random person alive in A.D. 1, either everyone on Earth will be a direct descendent of theirs, or nobody will be.

The impressive part of it is that 16 million males have his Y-chromosome, which isn't mixed up like that. Basically everybody around is a relative of Genghis. But for those 16 million, Genghis is their father's father's father's .... etc ... father*. And to do that you have to get around**. There are some other nexuses of horniness around, mostly guys with huge harems and high stamina.

*) To hammer in the point, no "mother" in there.
**) And a couple of generations of your descendants too.
   45. PreservedFish Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:57 PM (#4087866)
Genghis isn't quite that far back, but I think you could pick a random bodyguard of his and find just as many descendants alive today (or no descendants).


So are genealogists promoting this awesome factoid even though they know it's totally unremarkable? My impression was, when reading about this, that it's highly unusual to be able to trace so many people to the same to one starting point 1,000 years ago.
   46. Eddo Posted: March 23, 2012 at 05:57 PM (#4087867)
I am so glad I clicked into this thread, despite not really wanting to discuss DUIs.
   47. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: March 23, 2012 at 06:04 PM (#4087870)
The impressive part of it is that 16 million males have his Y-chromosome, which isn't mixed up like that. Basically everybody around is a relative of Genghis. But for those 16 million, Genghis is their father's father's father's .... etc ... father*. And to do that you have to get around**. There are some other nexuses of horniness around, mostly guys with huge harems and high stamina.

*) To hammer in the point, no "mother" in there.
**) And a couple of generations of your descendants too.


You know these "facts" and "science" are really breaking up the flow of dictator snark.
   48. The District Attorney Posted: March 23, 2012 at 06:16 PM (#4087874)
More details.
when Deputy Sutphin asked Jenks why he was driving all over the road, Jenks told the officer that he "took too many muscle relaxers."...

When Deputy Sutphin asked Jenks if he had taken anything else other than the muscle relaxers, he told the officer that he "was going to be honest with you, I was just leaving Babes because I hit a car. I just had to get out of there."

Babe's is a night club in Fort Myers. A bouncer at the club told officers that a Mercedes Benz SUV drove into the parking lot and struck a parked truck around 11:45 PM. The bouncer... told officers he tried to get Jenks out of the car, offering to call him a cab. Jenks, according to the bouncer, drove into another car before driving off.
   49. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: March 23, 2012 at 06:47 PM (#4087893)
I think the stats are pretty unreliable. Sure, he claims he slaughtered millions of people, but we don't have the box scores.

Tamerlane could soak the steppes in blood, subjugate the Persians, restore the Mongol Empire, and be back in bed underneath the covers before the lights went out.
   50. Crispix reaches boiling point with lackluster play Posted: March 23, 2012 at 08:06 PM (#4087919)
The impressive part of it is that 16 million males have his Y-chromosome, which isn't mixed up like that. Basically everybody around is a relative of Genghis. But for those 16 million, Genghis is their father's father's father's .... etc ... father*. And to do that you have to get around**. There are some other nexuses of horniness around, mostly guys with huge harems and high stamina.

I don't think this is so much a matter of having harems as going around conquering villages, murdering everyone and resettling them with your own clan members. And raping all the women.
   51. Jose Can Still Seabiscuit Posted: March 23, 2012 at 08:06 PM (#4087920)
Oh my God, a player DOES go to Babe's!

I have gone to the last 12-13 Spring Trainings in Ft. Myers and until this year I would drive by Babes going to/from the ballpark. If you were going to call a Hollywood prop department and say "find me a place that looks like the scuzziest strip bar possible" they would scour the country until they found Babes. My family has long wondered if the players ever made their way in there and...yup.
   52. Dog on the sidewalk Posted: March 23, 2012 at 08:12 PM (#4087923)
Genghis isn't quite that far back, but I think you could pick a random bodyguard of his and find just as many descendants alive today (or no descendants).

If the number for Genghis is 8% of the male Mongolian population, and that number is about what you'd expect for anyone from his generation, wouldn't that mean there were only 12 or so men living in Mongolia by the time Genghis was done? If that's true, then his genocide skills are criminally underrated by the traditional media.
   53. Ron J Posted: March 23, 2012 at 08:21 PM (#4087928)
#49 I don't think anybody who lived within traveling distance of him ever called the guy "Tamerlane".

I mean calling a short-tempered sociopath who happens to be a military genius and has a large army, "Timmy the Gimp" doesn't sound wise to me. I mean, he may not be offended but why take the chance?

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