Pretty good, Jim. I saw it this way:

Mirabelli: Doctor, doctor, I make outs when do this [Mirabelli demonstrates poor swing].
Doctor: Then don't do this [doctor mimics Mirabelli's swing].

More naked cuts in front of a mirror and chicken parm is all Dougie's ever needed. He will give you a dead leg and take your cash if you argue this.

RDF, Doc Memory.

I figured it more like this...

MIRABELLI: I am in a terrible slump
ELIZA: How long have you been in a terrible slump?
MIRABELLI: I don't know, maybe June, maybe since 2004. Hard to say.
ELIZA: Why do you not know perhaps june perhaps since 2004 hard to say?
MIRABELLI: Probably because I'm hitting .202
ELIZA: Do any other reasons not come to mind?
MIRABELLI: I don't know, when I try to make it not come to mind, it comes to mind
ELIZA: Why do you not know what you try to make it not come to mind it comes to mind?
MIRABELLI: Huh?
ELIZA: Please go on.
MIRABELLI: My swing is all messed up.
ELIZA: Why do you say your swing is all messed up?
MIRABELLI: I can't buy a hit
ELIZA: Have you tried?

So this 3rd string catcher walks into a sports agent's office in a posh part of LA.
The catcher says to the agent, "I'm looking for a sports agent to represent me for the upcoming season"
The agent takes one look at the slightly overweight visitor and asks, "and what sport, may I inquire, do you play"
The catcher looks at the agent, slighlty offended that the agent doesn't recognize him..."Baseball, I am a third string catcher"
"Sorry, I don't have much use for representing 3rd string catchers, they don't make much dough and I don't get much commission", says the agent
"I understand, but I am not your typical 3rd string catcher, if you could spare me a minute, I think I can demonstrate to you why it would be worthwhile for you to represent me in my contract negotiations", responded the catcher
"Fine, show me what you got, but make it quick...I only have a few minutes", states the agent...

The backup catcher opens his travel bag and pulls out two baseball bats, one painted red and one painted green. He takes a tin of pine-tar out of one of the side-compartments of his sporting bag. He then takes two small chewing tobacco tins out of his rear pocket and inserts the entire contents in his mouth. As he is working up a sloppy lather with the chaw in his mouth he proceeds to remove all of his clothes. He then opens a third compartment of his duffle bag and out walks a small monkey and a jar of peanut butter. The catcher removes a little portion of peanut butter and swabs it on a stick. He puts the stick under the monkeys nose to give him a "hankering" for the tasty peanut butter. The catcher than smears large gobs of the peanut butter all over his ass and then unleashes the monkey. The monkey runs over to him and begins lapping the peanut butter straight from his gaping $$%%#. He then begins #### the monkey and #### is spraying all over the room. The excitement forces him to swallow half of the chaw remaining in his mouth giving him a bad case of #### #### so the next thing you know #### is flying everywhere. As the monkey continues to #### his #####, the catcher takes a catchers mask and takes a #### right in it. He then begins eating the #### and balances two #### right on top of the green baseball bat#### He lubricates the remaining bat with his own #### and sits his ### right on top of it, causing him to nearly #### all of the #### out of his ####. At this point, the catcher, the monkey and the equptment are sliding across the agents office covered in ####, ####, blood, ####, ####, #####, #####, ####, #%$%##$, #### ##### ##### and peanut butter. It is an absolute mess. The catcher then removes a whistle from his ###, and places the small metalic device, now covered in his own #### and #### directly in his mouth and blows it twice. With this, the monkey jumps out from the catcher's ### and both the monkey and the catcher proceed to make "jazz hands" minstrel show style while shouting "tah-dah!".

The sports agent, totally taken aback, sits silently in his armchair with his jaw dropped in shock.
"THat was quite an act you put on for a 3rd string catcher....What do you call yourself?", asked the agent.
"The third string catcher arose proudly and declared...Why, Doug Mirabbeli!"

This may be the funniest short (at least so far) thread I've read on BTF in a long time.

I'll unfunny up this thread by linking this, as I feel obliged to do when a story about Doug Mirabelli appears.

Thanks, mcgriffy, I'd never seen that. I'm wiping away the tears. Inexplicably funny.

holy ####