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Friday, August 15, 2014

Brisbee: Is Buck Farmer the best baseball adult movie name in recent history?

Max St. Pierre gets extra credit from me because I feel like it could be a female star’s name as well.

Buck Farmer made his major league debut for the Tigers on Wednesday. This means it’s time to plow through the best adult-film names in baseball over the past 25 years, separate the wheat from the chaff, and see where Farmer ranks…

10. Paul Swingle (1993)
9. Jumbo Diaz (2014)
8. Jeff Manship (2013-14)
7. Max St. Pierre (2010)
6. Scott Service (1992-2004)
5. Jeff Bronkey (1993-94)
4. Buck Farmer (2014)
3. Rich Harden (2003-11)
2. Butch Huskey (1993-2000)
1. Randy Ready (1983-95)

 

The District Attorney Posted: August 15, 2014 at 01:14 PM | 64 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: buck farmer, grant brisbee, movies, tigers

Reader Comments and Retorts

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   1. valuearbitrageur Posted: August 15, 2014 at 01:36 PM (#4771858)
Didi Gregorius, she is so hot...
   2. Good cripple hitter Posted: August 15, 2014 at 01:41 PM (#4771865)
How the #### is Randy Johnson not on the ####### list?
   3. Random Transaction Generator Posted: August 15, 2014 at 01:42 PM (#4771866)
How in the world does Randy Johnson not make it into the top 10 for adult-film names?

Edit: A tasty beverage for my fellow Canadian.
   4. kthejoker Posted: August 15, 2014 at 01:49 PM (#4771874)
John Buck
Hunter Pence
Rocky Cherry






   5. Swedish Chef Posted: August 15, 2014 at 01:51 PM (#4771877)
Lance Broadway
   6. DanO Posted: August 15, 2014 at 01:53 PM (#4771878)
Chad Fox
   7. The kids disappeared, now Der-K has too much candy Posted: August 15, 2014 at 01:54 PM (#4771882)
Also Lance Johnson.

Doesn't make sense, exactly, but L.J. Hoes can't be forgotten in this context.


EDIT: 2/3 - Each first name may only appear once. Randy Ready > Randy Johnson, for him. (Think I agree.)

EDIT to the EDIT: Do I owe TDA a reverse Coke?
   8. Swedish Chef Posted: August 15, 2014 at 01:54 PM (#4771883)
And I know he isn't and never was a baseball player, but Dick Pound belongs on any such list.
   9. Swedish Chef Posted: August 15, 2014 at 01:56 PM (#4771884)
For the edgier stuff there's Urban Shocker.
   10. The District Attorney Posted: August 15, 2014 at 01:56 PM (#4771885)
It seems from TFA that Randy Johnson was in direct competition with Randy Randy and lost out.
   11. bobm Posted: August 15, 2014 at 02:03 PM (#4771890)
   12. dbrazeal18 Posted: August 15, 2014 at 02:07 PM (#4771895)
I guess Pete LaCock played too long ago to make this list, but he still deserves a mention.
   13. Buck Coats Posted: August 15, 2014 at 02:09 PM (#4771897)
aw, I'm standing right here!
   14. esseff Posted: August 15, 2014 at 02:13 PM (#4771900)
Buster Posey
   15. Crispix reaches boiling point with lackluster play Posted: August 15, 2014 at 02:17 PM (#4771906)
Didi Gregorius, she is so hot...

But the best baseball name for a female adult movie star is either Kelly Paris or Angel Salome.
   16. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: August 15, 2014 at 02:21 PM (#4771911)
This game featured both (the other) Randy Johnson and Randy Bush in the starting lineup. The all-porn team would have a good manager/coaching staff - Bobby Cox, Dick Pole and Dick Such come (huhhuh) to mind immediately.
   17. Yoenis Cespedes, Baseball Savant Posted: August 15, 2014 at 02:23 PM (#4771912)
Vance Lovelace
   18. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: August 15, 2014 at 02:25 PM (#4771913)
Kaz Tadano
   19. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: August 15, 2014 at 02:32 PM (#4771916)
But the best baseball name for a female adult movie star is either Kelly Paris or Angel Salome.


Angel Pagan is right up there as well.
   20. Lance Reddick! Lance him! Posted: August 15, 2014 at 02:37 PM (#4771918)
Johnny Dickshot, forever and always.
   21. jacksone (AKA It's OK...) Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:05 PM (#4771930)
EDIT: 2/3 - Each first name may only appear once. Randy Ready > Randy Johnson, for him. (Think I agree.)


Randy Johnson is way better - especially when you consider his nickname is 'The Big Unit'. I mean, come on, Randy 'The Big Unit' Johnson wins hands down.

ETA
Man, how disappointing would it be if he had a tiny dick?
   22. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:08 PM (#4771932)
For eclectic tastes, there's Assdribble Cabrera.
   23. Dan Lee is some pumkins Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:12 PM (#4771938)
Blake Wood
Travis Buck
Jerad Head
   24. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:15 PM (#4771941)
How has Doug Fister not been mentioned?

Nate Adcock
Mike Sweeney
John Cummings

Still waiting for Brooks Pounder to make the big leagues.
   25. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:16 PM (#4771943)
But the best baseball name for a female adult movie star is either Kelly Paris or Angel Salome.


Worst: Rusty Kuntz
   26. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:17 PM (#4771944)
Paul Assenmacher
Chien Ming Wang
Tug Hulett

Minor leaguer: Rowdy Hardy
   27. McCoy Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:19 PM (#4771948)
Roy oswalt. Think about it.
   28. DJS and the Infinite Sadness Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:35 PM (#4771962)
Chase Headley
Scott Sizemore
Blake Wood
Robbie Ray (no double entendre, it just sounds like a porn name)
Lance Lynn (same reason)
Shae Simmons
Jesus Sucre (some kind of Latin Lovers 9 compilation or something)
Jeff Manship
Brandon Cumpton (only for the Two Girls, One Cumpton video)

   29. DJS and the Infinite Sadness Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:39 PM (#4771965)
D'oh, he had Manship.
   30. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:40 PM (#4771967)
Rob Manfred
   31. Cargo Cultist Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:45 PM (#4771969)
Grady Sizemore
Ben Sheets
Boof Bonser
Brian Bocock
B.J. Upton
Wily Mo Pena
Nick Swisher
   32. TJ Posted: August 15, 2014 at 03:56 PM (#4771984)
He might fall barely short of the cutoff mark, but Rollie Fingers should get some notice...

Best Female porn name- Angel Pagan...
   33. The Good Face Posted: August 15, 2014 at 04:06 PM (#4771992)
How did it take 30 posts to get to Boof Bonser?!?
   34. Tulo's Fishy Mullet (mrams) Posted: August 15, 2014 at 04:17 PM (#4771999)
Orval Overall, given the fetish for oral and the ability to hyphenate.
   35. Bruce Markusen Posted: August 15, 2014 at 04:20 PM (#4772002)
A few of my favorites, though some go back more than 25 years:

Mack "Shooty" Babitt
Roman Colon
Drungo Hazewood
Wonderful Monds
Dick Pole
   36. What did Billy Ripken have against ElRoy Face? Posted: August 15, 2014 at 04:22 PM (#4772004)
How has Doug Fister not been mentioned?


Especially as he was traded for Charlie Furbush.
   37. Randy Jones Posted: August 15, 2014 at 04:25 PM (#4772009)
A few of my favorites, though some go back more than 25 years:

Mack "Shooty" Babitt
Roman Colon
Drungo Hazewood
Wonderful Monds
Dick Pole

That's Wonderful Terrific Monds III.
   38. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: August 15, 2014 at 05:12 PM (#4772038)
Kosuke Fukudome
Orel Hershiser
Rubby de la Rosa

Best Female porn name- Angel Pagan...


Candy Sierra
Babe Ruth

A few of my favorites, though some go back more than 25 years:


Lee Lacy
Candy Cummings
Cannonball Titcomb
Mel Harder
Jumbo Harting
Charlie Biggs
Dick Cox
Tony Suck

   39. asinwreck Posted: August 15, 2014 at 05:19 PM (#4772045)
Billy Ripken.
   40. The District Attorney Posted: August 15, 2014 at 05:23 PM (#4772050)
I think it's interesting to consider, not just the "sexual reference" names, but the ones that "sound like porn names" even without any double-entendre element. From TFA:
John Wetteland is vaguely dirty if you squint, but Josh Towers might make for an even stronger name. Todd van Poppel has only a hint of a verb in there, but it's probably a better adult-film name than Wetteland. There's nothing sinful at all about the name Jack Morris, but it's one of the best. It's a good, strong adult movie name. Not every name has to be dirty.

Though it helps.

Also, you're thinking of the mustache with Morris...

[This list] hoses the guys who have the clean-yet-dirty je ne sais quoi we're looking for, like Bronswell Patrick and Rusty Richards.
It's hard to define, and yet I know exactly what he's talking about. What is the pattern? I'm not quite sure. I guess it's usually (one-syllable, simple name that has been around for centuries and thus sounds "stereotypically masculine") + (multisyllabic, non-"ethnic" last name that is neither outlandish nor super-common, often sounds like it could be a verb but isn't, often ends in "s"). But that is neither an elegant nor an all-encompassing definition. A fascinating problem...
   41. michaelplank has knowledgeable eyes Posted: August 15, 2014 at 06:34 PM (#4772102)
Jeff Reardon
Rick Honeycutt
Bob Horner
John Rocker
Wally Joyner...no, Wally Backman
   42. RMc is a fine piece of cheese Posted: August 15, 2014 at 06:47 PM (#4772107)
No love for Jack Glasscock?
   43. michaelplank has knowledgeable eyes Posted: August 15, 2014 at 06:56 PM (#4772111)
Peter Rose
   44. michaelplank has knowledgeable eyes Posted: August 15, 2014 at 07:08 PM (#4772124)
Brandon Wood
   45. vortex of dissipation Posted: August 15, 2014 at 10:11 PM (#4772224)
If we're going back a hundred years...

Candy LaChance
   46. DKDC Posted: August 15, 2014 at 11:00 PM (#4772245)
No mention of Albert Pujols?
   47. The Anthony Kennedy of BBTF (Scott) Posted: August 15, 2014 at 11:07 PM (#4772246)
No love for Jack Glasscock?


Oddly enough he preferred to work with latex...
   48. Lindor Truffles Posted: August 16, 2014 at 01:19 AM (#4772274)
Sicnarf Loopstok
   49. RickG Posted: August 16, 2014 at 08:04 AM (#4772295)
Worst baseball adult movie name ever:

Stubby Clapp.
   50. David Manel Posted: August 16, 2014 at 01:15 PM (#4772418)
Dick Bliss
http://www.baseball-reference.com/minors/player.cgi?id=bliss-001dic
   51. Rennie's Tenet Posted: August 16, 2014 at 01:57 PM (#4772431)
Dick Sharon
   52. Swoboda is freedom Posted: August 16, 2014 at 02:16 PM (#4772435)
Peter Rose

Peter Rose Jr. for the pedophiles.
   53. Misirlou was a Buddhist prodigy Posted: August 16, 2014 at 02:22 PM (#4772436)
Ron Mexico
   54. 'zop sympathizes with the wrong ####### people Posted: August 16, 2014 at 03:35 PM (#4772458)
Tug McGraw
   55. Misirlou was a Buddhist prodigy Posted: August 16, 2014 at 03:45 PM (#4772465)
But the best baseball name for a female adult movie star is either Kelly Paris or Angel Salome.


This guy

   56. Sonic Youk Posted: August 16, 2014 at 04:50 PM (#4772482)
Rock Shoulders
   57. The District Attorney Posted: August 16, 2014 at 04:56 PM (#4772484)
Rock Shoulders
More of a wrestler name, I think.
   58. Howie Menckel Posted: August 16, 2014 at 04:58 PM (#4772486)
Quintin McCracken
Orel Hershiser
Boob Fowler (wait...)
Boob McNair (modern-sounding)

Peter Daley
Peter Hoy (Spanish porn star)
Peter Fox
Peter Gray (with one arm!)
Peter Hill
Peter Kilduff
Peter LaForest (better name in 1980s)
Peter Layden
Peter LePine
Peter Loos
Peter McBride

Gary Peters
Rusty Peters
   59. stanmvp48 Posted: August 16, 2014 at 05:43 PM (#4772503)
J.J. Putz
   60. DanG Posted: August 16, 2014 at 09:56 PM (#4772614)
If we're going back a hundred years...
Go back 140 years: Dickey Pearce
   61. Spahn Insane Posted: August 17, 2014 at 12:49 AM (#4772689)
Hasn't reached the majors yet, but the Cubs may one day offer Pierce Johnson, for all the Prince Albert fetishists out there....
   62. DanG Posted: August 17, 2014 at 03:03 AM (#4772706)
The Madam: Lady Baldwin
The Pimp: Larvell "Sugar Bear" Blanks
The Girl: Kiki Cuyler
The Guy: John Knox
The Cop: Ray Blades
   63. Rafael Bellylard: Built like a Panda. Posted: August 17, 2014 at 03:24 AM (#4772707)
We were so close to a winner, if we could have just figured out a way to get Steve Sax's family to have adopted Orel Hershiser.
   64. bobm Posted: August 17, 2014 at 10:33 AM (#4772749)

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