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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Brisbee: The five creepiest mascots and the nature of pants

Smitty, your take?

Here’s an official list of five mascots you don’t want standing over your bed as you sleep. Let’s see if they’re wearing pants.

5. Sluggerrr (Royals)
4. Rangers Captain (Rangers)
3. Billy the Marlin (Marlins)
2. Baxter the Bobcat (Diamondbacks)
1. Mr. Redlegs (Reds)

Conclusion: A lack of pants for a mascot is not what makes the mascot creepy or horrifying. There are other factors. Clark is probably going to be lame, just like 90 to 95 percent of all mascots. But his bear bottom, pun absolutely intended, does not make him automatically creepy.

Clark’s sad, worried eyes make you uncomfortable, sure. But that’s probably not because he’s not wearing pants.

The District Attorney Posted: January 14, 2014 at 02:19 PM | 36 comment(s) Login to Bookmark
  Tags: cubs, diamondbacks, marlins, mascots, pants, rangers, reds, royals

Reader Comments and Retorts

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Statements posted here are those of our readers and do not represent the BaseballThinkFactory. Names are provided by the poster and are not verified. We ask that posters follow our submission policy. Please report any inappropriate comments.

   1. Jose Can Still Seabiscuit Posted: January 14, 2014 at 02:30 PM (#4638757)
I just want to say I like mascots. They are cute, fun and kids love them.
   2. Tom Nawrocki Posted: January 14, 2014 at 02:37 PM (#4638765)
I expect everything from the Diamondbacks organization to be unprofessional, but Baxter the Bobcat is disturbing even by their standards.
   3. snapper (history's 42nd greatest monster) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 02:40 PM (#4638769)
Mr. Redlegs is awesome!
   4. A big pile of nonsense (gef the talking mongoose) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 02:41 PM (#4638772)
Smitty*, please report to the thread.
   5. RoyalsRetro (AG#1F) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 02:43 PM (#4638777)
I expect everything from the Diamondbacks organization to be unprofessional, but Baxter the Bobcat is disturbing even by their standards.


Isn't he from Donnie Darko?
   6. tfbg9 Posted: January 14, 2014 at 02:43 PM (#4638778)
never mind
   7. You Know Nothing JT Snow (YR) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 02:45 PM (#4638782)
Which one "wears" a frock?


The Padre? What's his name? Friar Schmuck?

I reject all manner of forced pants-wearing and support all forms of pantslessness in baseball.
   8. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: January 14, 2014 at 02:47 PM (#4638784)
Which one "wears" a frock?

Youppi has fallen on hard times, and now has to pay the electric bill by making frat boys happy. Don't judge, until you've walked 1.60934 kilometers in his comically large shoes.
   9. tfbg9 Posted: January 14, 2014 at 02:51 PM (#4638790)
The Phille Phanatic's "mouth" always freaked me out a little.
   10. Sweatpants Posted: January 14, 2014 at 03:03 PM (#4638801)
I got into baseball when Bobby Valentine was the Mets' manager, so I assumed that they'd intentionally made Mr. Met look like him, like they wanted to have a walking baseball man version of Bobby V. as their mascot. I wasn't a fan, but it turns out that Mr. Met looked like that even before Valentine got there.
   11. Smitty* Posted: January 14, 2014 at 03:04 PM (#4638805)
The nature of pants is hatred....

Oh, and don't you hate pants?
   12. Kurt Posted: January 14, 2014 at 03:16 PM (#4638811)
Creepiest mascot - the McKinley High Viking.
   13. CFBF Is A Golden Spider Duck Posted: January 14, 2014 at 03:24 PM (#4638816)
When I was in college, we had a secondary mascot we brought out for basketball and volleyball games: Ollie Gator. He was a big balloon alligator, and he would lurch around the court in some grim simulacrum of normal locomotion. His big trick was repeatedly slamming his over-inflated head on the floor.

That thing creeped me the hell out.
   14. Good cripple hitter Posted: January 14, 2014 at 03:37 PM (#4638832)
Any thread about creepy mascots is incomplete without a link to DMZ's encounter with the Mariner Moose:


everyone hates the Moose. The Moose could have gone out on the field before the game and, with props and charts, provided a provable grand unification theory, and we'd have gone after him with advanced theoretical arguments about the ultimately unknowable nature of the universe and his unfitness to be a member of same.

[best part clipped]

We were all horrified, except for Dave, who turned a salmon pink and batted ineffectually at the Moose while protesting incoherently. The rest of us laughed, but in the awful laugh of the terrified, as we screamed 'No!' 'Stop!'. Then the Moose passed on to the aisle, leaving Dave shocked, the rest of us scared and unable to get a full sentence out, and an entire section of baffled, vaguely offended fans around us.


   15. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 03:59 PM (#4638851)
Here’s an official list of five mascots you don’t want standing over your bed as you sleep.


If I can only pick one, it's this guy.
   16. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:02 PM (#4638856)
Also, the Cubs' old mascot is ####### horrifying.
   17. tfbg9 Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:11 PM (#4638870)
Creepiest mascot - the McKinley High Viking.


He's creepy because he looks like Christopher Walken. Freaks and Geeks was awesome.
   18. Tim Wallach was my Hero Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:11 PM (#4638871)
Youppi has fallen on hard times, and now has to pay the electric bill by making frat boys happy. Don't judge, until you've walked 1.60934 kilometers in his comically large shoes.

Here's what Youppi! is up to these days. Most kids probably don't even know he was the Expo mascot before moving on to the NHL... I'm guessing it's the only mascot who was employed by two different teams in two different leagues for two different sports.

[Edit to add that I really like this piece of trivia (I remember that game very well too!):
Youppi! was the first mascot to be thrown out of a Major League Baseball game: On August 23, 1989, in the 11th inning, while atop the visitors' dugout, Youppi! took a running leap, landing hard and noisily on its roof, and then snuck into a front row seat. Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda complained to the umpires and Youppi! was ejected, though he later returned, confined to the home team's dugout roof, as Montreal eventually lost 1-0 in 22 innings.
   19. tfbg9 Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:12 PM (#4638873)
16-haha. Yes. My goodness.
   20. Athletic Supporter can feel the slow rot Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:20 PM (#4638882)
Obligatory from the NBA:
Pierre the Pelican
The Raptor
   21. The District Attorney Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:25 PM (#4638889)
I would, however, have been fine having pantsless 1986 Marla Collins standing over my bed as I slept.

Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda complained to the umpires and Youppi! was ejected, though he later returned, confined to the home team's dugout roof
We could have quite a semantic battle over whether that is an "ejection"...
   22. BDC Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:40 PM (#4638900)
Lot of mascot stories this week! The Nationals have a new mascot, too.
   23. Canker Soriano Posted: January 14, 2014 at 04:42 PM (#4638902)
No love (or hatred) in this thread for Crazy Crab?

Imaging waking up with that thing standing over your bed.
   24. Gonfalon Bubble Posted: January 14, 2014 at 05:07 PM (#4638937)
Oh, I think we've all woken up with crabs at least once.
   25. Bourbon Samurai in Asia Posted: January 14, 2014 at 06:13 PM (#4638991)
The Nats "real" mascot is sort of pointless now given how much he's been usurped by the racing Presidents.
   26. A triple short of the cycle Posted: January 14, 2014 at 07:03 PM (#4639035)
   27. alilisd Posted: January 14, 2014 at 07:13 PM (#4639041)
The Padre? What's his name?


The Swinging Friar is how he is referred to; he doesn't have a name as far as I know. In many Padres logos he's depicted swinging a bat.
   28. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Griffin (Vlad) Posted: January 14, 2014 at 07:29 PM (#4639048)
The Swinging Friar is how he is referred to; he doesn't have a name as far as I know. In many Padres logos he's depicted swinging a bat.


And in the rest, he's dropping a comically oversized set of keys into a salad bowl.
   29. OsunaSakata Posted: January 14, 2014 at 07:38 PM (#4639059)
It hasn't been mentioned yet that the Orioles bird is the only MLB mascot that is naked, except for his cap. The rest all wear uniforms. This early version was similarly attired.

The creepiest mascots were from the 2012 London Olympics.
   30. The Tarp That Ate Vince Coleman Posted: January 15, 2014 at 12:24 AM (#4639203)
YR (see No. 7) has been outed as Steve Lyons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTOAI5CHC34
   31. God Posted: January 15, 2014 at 04:04 AM (#4639254)
Billy the Marlin is creepy because he looks like Bernie Fine.

Also, "The Swingin' Friar" is an absolutely intentional double entendre, right? He was created in the 1970s...
   32. The Clarence Thomas of BBTF (scott) Posted: January 15, 2014 at 06:21 AM (#4639260)
Mr. Redlegs is high octane nightmare fuel. Wow. Those eyes.
   33. My name is Votto, and I love to get blotto Posted: January 15, 2014 at 09:32 AM (#4639299)
Obligatory from the NBA:
...
The Raptor


That's.....disturbing.
   34. Pops Freshenmeyer Posted: January 15, 2014 at 09:42 AM (#4639303)
The raptor did give us this gem (NAA).

Also, 22 totally got me.
   35. Edmundo got dem ol' Kozma blues again mama Posted: January 15, 2014 at 10:14 AM (#4639323)
Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda complained to the umpires and Youppi! was ejected, though he later returned

Lasorda hated the Phanatic, probably because the Phanatic would push out his belly to mimic Fat Tommy.

Or Lasorda is too full of himself.
   36. Crispix reaches boiling point with lackluster play Posted: January 15, 2014 at 11:05 AM (#4639369)
He's too full of something, all right.

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